The Shotgun Approach
by ClaireShepardHKKY
Summary: In my mind I saw all the tiny chess pieces and tried to predict all their movements, from start to finish, but Yusuke was always the wild card—that one unknown factor that could ruin the entire game. Etternia is a rare demonic species called Elementa. She works as a paramedic in Sarayashiki and finds herself quite tangled up with Yusuke Urameshi, current king of demon world.
1. The Boy Who Would Be King

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 1: The Boy Who Would Be King**

 **A/N: So, I'm back with a new one. This one popped into my head and wouldn't leave after I witnessed something fairly traumatic. An entire new OC was born from the chaos. And I hope everyone will like her just as much as you guys liked Kas.**

 **This is set 8 years after the series ended. The shotgun approach is medical slang for when a medical team doesn't know what is wrong with a patient so they just order every test known to man and hopes one of them tells them something.**

 **Happy reading.**

 **PSA: Drug Abuse TW!**

 **. . .**

 **Spring - 2003**

"Hey, we need some help over here!"

Screams. It was never good when people were screaming. When the call comes in at the dead of night. When my pager goes off way past midnight.

I awake from a slumber that is a little too deep to be natural. And I get up. I get up over and over. Because this is what I do – what I've always wanted to do.

"I'm coming, let me triage this patient first!"

The assessment is important, not something that should be skipped over or skimped on. So I am quick but thorough when I check over the prone man laying smeared across the pavement. He's bloody, covered in road rash and burns. But he's breathing. Which is more than I can say about several of the bodies lying around me.

I worked on every single one. I gave them that chance. But they were all lost causes.

So I moved on until I found one that wasn't.

Male. Demon. A stone eater to be exact (a weird species that weren't prone to violence...but they ate a lot of rocks, hence the name). He'd been tossed across the road after an explosion in a nearby building. It wasn't my job to figure out the cause. I was here for the injured. The dying and the broken. So I concentrated on him.

I checked his vitals. Sluggish pulse. Labored breaths.

I tagged him as urgent but he wouldn't die just yet. There were others that needed me first.

I pushed out a little bit of my power, staunching the bleeding, just in case. It wouldn't help those broken ribs though. But at least I could do something for the pain.

I ran to my team member that had called for aid, stripping off my blood covered gloves and hefting my triage bag over my shoulder.

I shot him a smile, feeling my lip pull up over my chipped front tooth. "Whatta ya got?"

Shou Warner was young – a child compared to many – of half Japanese, half American decent. He was one hundred percent human. And though he was young, he was smart and proficient and _fast_. It was unusual for him to ask for help. Which meant the patient he was currently administering CPR to was probably doomed.

"I can't stop the bleeding Ettie," he said.

The blood loss was the least of the guy's worries. The human beneath Shou's hands was covered in burns from head to toe, most second degree...but many bad enough to hit third.

I fell to my knees beside him, tossing my bag aside. It had nothing in it that would help me now.

I pushed my power through my fingers – _concentrate...concentrate..._

It mixed and melded and morphed into something that was actually useful. I dragged my fingertips down the man's chest, watched as the burns were coated in a thin but sturdy layer of ice and the blood pouring out of him froze solid.

"Okay, work on him slow, get him breathing. I'll hold him in stasis until we can move him."

Shou nodded, eyes wide, shaggy black hair falling into his eyes. "Right."

I was about to get up, to see if any of the other team members needed me. But a second blast, from the building beside the original site of the explosion, sent me on my ass. I fell back with an "oomph" scraping my hands against the pavement.

"Shou, are you alright?!" I screeched over the noise, thankful the buildings had already been evacuated.

Shou was hunched over his patient, protecting the wounded man from any further damage as best he could. "I'm fine!" he screamed, "Go help someone else!"

I didn't ask twice.

But the next patient I came across was the last one I had ever expected to see.

He was trying to drag himself up from the ground, wounded but not gravely. It was enough to be painful, however.

"Hey!" I called to him. He turned, but no recognition lighted his eyes.

"Don't get in the way, you could get hurt," he said, finally managing to clamber to his feet.

Urameshi Yusuke didn't look much different from the last time I'd seen him. He still kept his black hair slicked back, he still wore the same boring old jeans and t-shirt. But since the last demon world tournament his Mazoku markings had appeared...and remained. Whether it was just a manifestation of his power as it grew and grew and grew or just his personal preference, I didn't know. And I would probably never bother to ask.

"Are you working a case?" I asked.

His eyes widened momentarily and then the shock faded. It wasn't uncommon for people to know about his line of work.

"Yeah, something like that. You should get out of here," he said again, turning back to stare at the newest building being razed to the ground.

I took my chance while he was distracted and began to bandage his arm, which was bleeding the worst. He had minor scrapes and bruising on the rest of him, but nothing that would keep him down for long. "Clean those good later, okay?" I said.

He grinned at me, "Always. Thanks Ettie."

The recognition was there now, shining in the chocolate color of his eyes. "You remembered," I said, taping off the bandage.

"I was a little dazed before, but how could I forget that face?" His grin grew, before he batted my gloved hands away and ran off, back into the fray, back to help any survivors, yelling a "Thank you!" as he went.

I smiled to myself, picking up my equipment. I hadn't thought he would remember me.

Before the first demon world tournament, long before the barrier had been taken down by Koenma, I had been an outcast, a heathen, a human sympathizer as many called me. I helped those that fell through worm holes. I saved human slaves. I patched humans and demons up alike.

In the Makai I worked as a healer.

Here, in the Ningenkai, I was a full-time paramedic. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I took a quick glance around, noticed that everyone that needed help had been helped or tagged. The bodies would be taken away in black bags, the families would be informed...but not by me.

I wondered if the others were here with Yusuke. If they were off fighting too. Team Urameshi was legendary after all, even years later, after they had mostly disbanded. There names were still whispered with reverence – but Yusuke's so much more than the others. After all, he was the one who had started the demon world tournament, who had brought about the demon and human unification. He had won the last tournament and that was his first act as King. For demons and humans to live in harmony.

And while it had been a lovely pipe dream...it was just that – a pipe dream. Demons had come to the Ningenkai alright and not all of them caused problems, in fact many didn't. But the ones that did...well, you ended up with situations like this. Which is why King Urameshi spent most of his time here instead of in Tourin where he belonged.

I began to walk away, back towards the entourage of ambulances, their lights flashing brightly in the night. It was time to go home.

I pulled a bottle out of my pocket. Took out a tablet. Swallowed it dry.

What a night.

 **. . .**

Later on – as I was making sure the last of the patients had made it safely to a hospital – I was cornered out by the Emergency Room's loading dock. King Urameshi had followed me all the way here, it seemed.

"What can I do for you Urameshi-sama?"

"Stop with the formalities," he said, "I hate them."

I hummed thoughtfully, casting him a wane smile. I was wearing thin. I marked a few things off on the clipboard I was holding, last minute paperwork that would need to be filed.

"Come out for a drink with us?" he asked. "Ya' know, as like a thank you and all."

I looked up with a raised eyebrow. "At this hour?" It was nearly seven in the morning by then.

He laughed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Don't be such a stiff, come on."

I passed one of the trainees – Amiya, I think. Amiya Momo. I handed her the paperwork, instructing her to give it to Shou before King Urameshi could drag me off. I stumbled along beside him, our height difference making me have to practically jog to keep up.

There was no height stipulation to become a paramedic, as long as you had the upper body strength to move and lift a patient if you needed to. And thank the gods for that, because I was an even five foot and wouldn't be growing anymore.

The King of the Makai wheeled me around the corner of the building, marching me towards a car waiting in the parking lot.

The car itself was nice, a slick black sedan with blacked out windows. I didn't say a word as the king wrenched open one of the doors and shoved me into the backseat. I felt like I was in one of those mob movies, where someone gets kidnapped and then gets a gun pointed at their head.

I half expected it as I shifted awkwardly in my seat. There were two other people in the car. One distinctly human smell...and the other, well, it was an odd mix of demon and human and gave me the creeps.

The driver, the one that smelled odd, turned to smile at me. "You've brought a guest Yusuke." Not quite a question.

I realized belatedly who it was – long bright red hair held in a plait down his back, eyes of a deep green, a cunning aura surrounding him. Youko Kurama. One of the four members of team Urameshi. The fox who had abandoned his demonic heritage and life of thievery to become a human.

Yusuke chuckled, as if sheepish, climbing into the backseat beside me. "Don't you recognize her?"

At that the last occupant inside the car turned around – brown hair styled in a pompadour, brown eyes, plain by all accounts besides his muscular build. I remembered that he bleached his hair in his youth, making it a bright unnatural orange. It seemed he'd stopped that habit. It made me realize how many years it had been since I had seen the entire team together. I think the human component of the team, Kuwabara Kazuma, was present at the last tournament but he hadn't competed. Not like years previously where he'd lost in the prelims.

Kuwabara squinted at me, "The face is kind of familiar..."

"You going blind in your old age?"

"Screw you Urameshi!"

"I've heard you aren't a very good lay, so I think I'll pass."

This sent Kuwabara into frenzy. He pulled off his seat belt, intent on climbing into the back so he could punch the king's lights out.

But Kurama reached around and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, forcing him back into his seat. "Now, now. You'll ruin the leather," he said.

"Oh shut it, you rich bastard."

Kurama's lips twitched, mirth making his eyes shine. "Back to the matter at hand. I'm afraid I do not recognize your friend Yusuke."

The king sighed, "I guess that makes sense considering she tended to mostly me and Hiei."

Hiei.

That name.

That _person_.

I didn't want to think about him. He'd been my most unruly and difficult patient to date, and I had treated some real assholes.

I should be grateful he was not among the members inside the car.

"Wait, treated?" Kuwabara hummed for a second, forefinger and thumb placed on his chin. "Ah! That healer from all the tournaments right?!" He turned to me with a shit eating grin, proud of himself for remembering.

"Yeah," I said. "That's me."

My name is Etternia. But everyone just calls me Ettie.

I'm around the age of sixty-five, but I lost count somewhere in the fifties. The years sometimes just bleed together.

If you hadn't already guessed, I'm a demon. A rare one. They call my species Elementas and I can control all the basic elements – earth, wind, fire, and water.

When I chose to become a healer my parents disowned me. I still don't talk to them. I probably never will, and that's okay. Because I love what I do.

When I came to the Ningenkai the first thing I did was enroll into a human college. After that I learned how to drive (I totaled two cars before I got the hang of it. Humans made it look so easy). And when I was handed my degree I took it and ran – I became a paramedic. And now, after years of hard work, I'm the lead on my team. I'm the one who answers the calls, who is the first on the scene in any kind of disaster.

I still run the medical tent at all the tournaments.

And I've patched up every single member of team Urameshi a time or two.

But even if I hadn't, any demon worth their salt knew their names. Knew what they had done for all three worlds. What they still did.

I held my hand out for him to shake and smiled, "I'm Etternia. But you can call me Ettie!"

The bar the king chose was anything but royal. It was a total dive, but a homey one. It had a nice atmosphere. The décor was simple, the booths and tables worn. The bar had seen many a glass and an elbow. The seats were comfortable and broken in. Someone was up on the tiny stage singing karaoke.

I felt my lips stretch into a grin. This was okay.

When no one was looking I took a tiny bottle out of my pocket and shook out a tablet. I swallowed it dry without a thought.

We sidled up to a booth in the back, half hidden in shadow. There was a man already there, nursing a drink, a sour look on his face.

I almost turned around and left. _Almost._

But my curiosity got the better of me. And I slipped into the booth beside Kuwabara, the king taking up my other side and Kurama sliding in next to none other than Jaganshi Hiei. Mukuro's right hand man.

Some speculated that he was perhaps even her lover, but after all these years there had never been any definitive proof. I would have to limit myself to a single drink or I would end up making a fool of myself and asking him that very question.

Just like the others, he didn't look too much different despite the time that had passed. His hair black as soot still reached towards the ceiling. He wore all black other than the white headband wrapped around his head. And his face might as well have become stuck into a permanent sneer.

But his eyes...well, those were always so much nicer in person. The nicest thing about the man in fact. That red so deep. I could see why some women found him attractive.

"Hey, Hiei! I didn't think you'd show!"

"One more second of this incessant howling and I'm leaving," he growled.

The king rolled his eyes and then turned around in the booth, snapping his fingers at the bartender. "Any way you can get this moron to shut the hell up?" he said, indicating the drunkard up on the stage howling into the microphone.

The bartender shot him a nasty look when he walked by, but did as he was asked. The drunk was hauled out of the bar a moment later and thrown out into the street.

"That wasn't very nice..." I mumbled.

"Don't tell me you liked his vocals...or lack there of," said Kurama, his lips quirked into an odd little grin.

"No, not particularly, but he has just as much right as anyone to be here."

"No one with a voice that can make a person's ears bleed has a right to anything," snapped the fire demon.

I cast my gaze downward, towards the table top, eyes scanning the scribbles and etches persons long past had placed in its once glossy surface.

"Who is this irritating child you've brought along Yusuke? Her whining is no better than the drunk's singing."

"I'm not a child," I said to the table.

My hands were starting to shake, but not from fear. I wasn't nervous. Especially not after the pill. No, I had expected such behavior from him. In all these years he had never changed. I didn't think he had the capacity to.

In the last tournament, held just two years ago, Hiei had come up against Enki's wife Kokou...and he'd lost miserably. This tournament he had taken the loss more personally than the ones before it, because Urameshi Yusuke was slated to be in the finals. The fire demon had wanted a chance to test his strength against him, to prove once and for all who the strongest of the team was.

And while I had known all this, I still had been unsympathetic after I had treated him for blood loss, not to mention sewn up the massive chest wound Kokou had given him. The other demon had given me nothing but snotty remarks, if he spoke at all, and more than half the time he'd been combative. He was down right impossible to treat. It had taken all my willpower not to just walk away. As it was, I had frozen him to the bed so he wouldn't run away. Although, given his heritage, the ice was short lived.

I was certain he would not have forgotten that incident.

I didn't know if I should be glad that he had. Or offended that the bastard didn't remember me.

A drink was placed in front of me despite the fact I hadn't ordered one. I raised an eyebrow at the king and he just grinned. "Try it."

Everyone had been given the same thing, I realized. Other than Hiei, who had a glass of something downright foul smelling. And the way it was colored...black and purple...and gross. I almost thought I might have seen a raw egg in it, just before the fire demon gulped it down in a single shot.

"What are you staring at?" he snapped a moment later, noticing my gaze.

"Hiei, can't you ever just be civil?" Kuwabara bemoaned into his own glass.

"That's Hiei for you, cantankerous even when he's in a good mood," Yusuke laughed.

"It's like taking a grumpy old man and a child with homicidal tendencies rolled into one out for drinks," said Kuwabara.

In which Hiei replied, "Says the ignoramus with shit for brains."

"Why, you –!"

I spent the rest of the morning entranced by this group of men's dynamic – the way they talked as if they were enemies...but not. The way they insulted each other at the drop of a hat, then turned around and started a mundane conversation about their job. It was hard not to laugh.

I was mostly ignored, not that I minded. I sipped my drink...and just watched.

When it came time to leave and the king insisted Kurama gave me a ride home, I shook my head no. My ride was back at the ambulance station and I much preferred that over a stuffy car.

"At least let us give you a ride there," he said, head hanging out the front passenger's window. He'd fought (and beaten) Kuwabara for the seat.

"That's okay," I said, "I'll manage just fine."

He sighed but nodded, "Alright, if you're sure."

"I am."

"Thanks again...for patching me up last night."

"I was just doing my job."

A smile of unknown origin bloomed across his face and it didn't match the words that came out of his mouth, "It might be your job, but that doesn't mean it needs to be thankless."

He waved goodbye, rolling the window back up. I watched them for awhile as Kurama's car drove away, until they turned a corner and I couldn't see them anymore.

I wondered if this would be my last encounter with the king and his entourage...or if this was the start of something much bigger.

I pulled the tiny bottle out again. Shook it once. Not many left. I took one out and swallowed it anyway.

I was about to begin my trek back towards the ambulance station, when a voice from a nearby ally stopped me in my tracks. "What kind of healer is also a drug addict?"

The smile on my face twitched once...twice...and then got stuck somewhere between a grimace and an awkward grin of shame. "I have no idea what you mean," I replied smoothly, walking past the ally.

Hiei was there, leaning against the brick wall of the bar, arms crossed over his chest.

I could feel his glare even when I was several blocks away from the bar. And by then I had managed to control my features. But no amount of fake bravado could hide my utter shame.

Because the fire demon was not an idiot. He was an observant bastard to be sure.

And he certainly wasn't lying.

My name is Etternia. But everyone calls me Ettie.

I'm a full-time paramedic. I love what I do.

I'm what they call an Elementa, a rare species of demon.

And...I also happen to be a drug addict.

Who figured.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: I swear there is an actual plot here. And this entire fic idea came completely out of left field. As usual (because I'm obsessed), this will end up being an OC/Hiei fic. But it'll be a super slow burn. I'm doing my research on the aspect of being a paramedic, because while I have basic medical knowledge, I am not familiar with the EMT/Paramedic field of work (or at least not to the point I'm comfortable writing about it without doing proper research). I really hope everyone will like Etternia. She was born from something tragic, but she herself, is not a total tragedy (although she's a pill head!).**

 **And do not fear! Ticking Timebomb has not been abandoned or put on hold! I just had to get some of this out of my head. The updates for this one will be super slow, lol. At least until TT is finished!**

 **Please tell me what you thought, feedback would be greatly appreciated!**


	2. Hey, Ettie

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 2: Hey, Ettie**

 **A/N: I guess you could say this is a slight AU, but I'm going off canon material that occurred near the end of the series. The portal that Sensui opens never closes and after the demon unification tournament Koenma kind of just lets it be. That's why at the end of the manga the losers of the tournament have to monitor the borders and send back any humans that accidentally fall through the hole.**

 **. . .**

 **Spring – 2003 (2 Weeks Later)**

Watery. The word I would use to describe how things sounded right now. The bustle of the station, the chatter of my crew mates–it was all blurry. I felt like I was underwater.

I'd taken too much this morning.

"Ettie."

"Hey, Ettie..."

"ETTIE!"

I jolted in my seat, wide eyes staring up at Shou. His brow furrowed, worried. "Are you okay? I've been standing here talking to you for a few minutes now."

I smiled at Shou, trying to be reassuring. "Sorry, I didn't sleep well last night." A lie. I had slept like a rock. Just like I always did.

"Want a coffee?" he asked.

I nodded, "Sure, sounds great."

I watched as he walked away and then hung my head, burying my face in my hands. I needed to snap out of it. I didn't want my crew worried about me. Or suspicious. Which could be much worse.

It was a mistake to finish my latest bottle this morning, but I needed something to take the edge off my anxious mind. The past couple of weeks weren't easy. They left me breathless and hurting.

The bomb from two weeks ago was not an isolated event. There had been two more bombings since the one a fortnight ago. And they hurt humans and demons alike. There was no rhyme or reason for it, other than to cause suffering. And at each event I found king Urameshi. The people's lantern of hope.

This last time I kept my distance, because like a guard dog, Jaganshi Hiei had been there too. And the looks he'd given me...

It sent shivers down my spine–and not the good kind.

Who would have guessed Hiei was such a judgmental dick?

Shou returned with the promised coffee. He handed me the paper cup and gave me a once-over. His eyes still shone with suspicion laced worry. He wasn't convinced I was okay. But I ignored it and sipped the coffee. Hoping it would help sober me up some.

The dose I took was strong. Stronger than something a human could handle.

When the barrier dropped nine or ten years ago, demons of all different types came through the hole. They figured the human world was a land of opportunity. And with it they built companies under human guises. It seemed the drug industry was a huge money maker because they produced medications and narcotics useful to both demons and humans.

As a demon, I required something more powerful than your basic painkiller.

And as a paramedic I had ample access to them. Just like when I was a healer. But now my medicines came in a handy little pill form instead of as herbs and poultices I needed to mix myself.

My drug of choice was like the human's equivalent of Hydrocodone. But I took whatever I could get my hands on. Beggars should not be choosers.

Shou took a seat beside me, nursing his own coffee, a question in his eyes I didn't want to answer. So instead I asked, "How did your appointment go this morning?"

He turned away, eyes on the floor. I was one of the few who knew this about him because of all the bullshit questions that were asked on the job application for an EMT or Paramedic. And those prying questions only got worse as more demons joined the working class.

Personally, I felt it wasn't anyone's business. But I had taken a special interest as we'd grown closer. I sometimes felt bad I always lied to him when he was so open with me.

"It went okay," he said, shrugging.

"Just okay?"

He sighed, irritated, but not at me. "They said I wasn't a good candidate. That the testosterone was enough, so why bother with surgery."

Shou dragged a hand through his hair, a sneer on his lips. "I mean, I've only been this way my entire life. But they seem to think I still have no goddamn idea what I want and need."

I patted his back sympathetically. I had a feeling it wouldn't go his way. There was still such a stigma against people like Shou – people who were uncomfortable in their own skin, people who were born into bodies they felt were not their own.

"Hey," I said, making sure to keep my voice soft, "fuck what they think."

He laughed, though it was bitter. "Thanks Ettie. Thank you for accepting me. Hell, many wouldn't have even hired me."

"You're a good paramedic Shou. I don't care what does or doesn't dangle between your legs, my friend."

He snorted into his coffee, shaking his head. "I wish more people were like you, Ettie."

No. No you don't Shou. But before I could toss aside his comment with another attempt at humor, my radio crackled to life. The voice of the dispatcher came over the talkie, " _Codes_ _R-Fourteen, R-Fifteen, downtown Sarayashiki. Immediate medical attention needed. Unknown number of victims. Calling all surrounding stations."_

I held the button on the side of my radio, which remained in its permanent location on my right shoulder while I was in uniform. "Station thirty-two responding. We'll take the call," I answered.

" _Thank you station thirty-two, please proceed."_

"Again?!" Shou snapped, dashing for his locker so he could grab his medical bag.

I did the same, my face grim. Another bombing. This was number four in the past few weeks. What was the goal here? Who was behind this?

I gathered my things, running for the ambulance, pulling the keys out of my pocket. There were four sitting in our station alone and I heard the other three roar to life as well, their rumble rushing through me.

I clambered up into the seat of my own, starting the engine, flicking on the lights and siren. I gave my crew just long enough to settle in the back. Shou took the passenger's seat, all signs of his previous distress gone, the face of a professional taking over.

With me behind the wheel it didn't take long to reach the scene of the explosion. The drug still swam in my system, but I was sober in an instant upon pulling up to this latest massacre.

Shou and I stared out the windshield, twin looks of horror across our faces. Even a seasoned paramedic's stomach would turn at what we saw.

A school.

A school full of demon and human children.

Anger settled inside my chest...and made it its home. I avoided using my youki to fight...but if I were to ever find the monster that could do something so awful...

I would make sure they suffered. Just as these children had suffered. Just as their parents shall suffer.

"Come on," I said, voice normally so soft now a growl.

"Oh god, Ettie...they're just fucking kids..."

Ten minutes in and the trainee Amiya Momo was behind one of the ambulances hurling her guts up. Shou looked like a PTSD victim that had just come home from war. My third best EMT Eric Lawson was shaking like an alcoholic stuck in withdrawal. The rest of the crew wasn't fairing any better. Too many kids...so many little bodies, so many horrific wounds.

I did my best to stay calm, to be the beacon the crew needed so badly, but I had tears streaming down my face. I pursed my lips and tried to suck them back, but they continued to fall, turning the grass beneath me to ice.

I was covered in blood.

I would need to see my dealer tonight.

No way would I sleep without being medicated–heavily.

"Ettie."

His voice brought me no comfort. And I actually exploded, half expecting to be killed on the spot for my insolence. "Can't you catch this bastard?! Isn't it your job?! _King_ Urameshi, don't make me laugh!"

"Ettie," he said again, disappointment lining his tone. But in me or himself, I would never know.

I finished stabilizing the _eight year old_ beneath my bloodied hands and then rounded on him. I intended to chew him out further...but when I realized he was crying too I just fell into his waiting arms, and cried all the harder.

I loved my job. But today...

Today I hated it with a passion.

 **. . .**

Breathe in. Breathe out.

And again.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I was laying spread eagle across my mattress. My fingers bunched in the sheets, over and over, the texture keeping me grounded. My eyes stared at the ceiling as if it were a blank canvas, just waiting to be painted. And oh, how I wanted to paint it. Wanted to see the colors spread across the boring white.

But I stayed in my bed. All there was to do was keep the demons inside me at bay—the horrors that filled me to the brim. They clawed and scratched, fighting to be free. I would not let them. I would never let them.

Numb. That is what I wanted to be. Numb as the ice that sometimes ran in my veins.

I can't take too many, I reminded myself. Too many was bad.

I dragged my sorry carcass out of bed, threw on a jumbled mess of an outfit. I would have grabbed my keys. Thought better of it. I wasn't sober enough to drive.

So I walked the six blocks to the address that was handed to me earlier today. I should care that it was passed midnight. My brain was past the point of proper function, however, so I pounded on the apartment door with little care. It was wrenched open a scant few minutes later.

Urameshi Yusuke looked me over once and said, "You're high as a fucking kite."

So I laughed. And laughed. And laughed. Until the king thought I was going crazy and thus ushered me inside. But not before casting a furtive glance towards his neighbors' doors. Looks like I was going to be a dirty little secret.

He forced me into a seat at his tiny kitchen table and went about brewing coffee, despite the late hour.

"Do you do this to all your friends?"

"We're friends?"

He gave me a duh look, as if I were an idiot. "How long you been usin'?"

The words made it hard to swallow. A user. No...an abuser, that's what I was. But his eyes held no judgment, just curiosity...and a little sympathy.

I wasn't ready to answer so I asked, "Where's your mate?"

He sucked in an awkward breath and pretended to fiddle with the mugs on the counter. I had expected her to be here—the human woman he was purportedly with. But the apartment was small, far too small for two people. It was not fit for a king. Although, I had come to learn that Urameshi Yusuke seemed to be anything other than royalty.

"She...left me a few months ago," he said. He made a valiant effort to hide the hurt, but it was there.

I thought to ask why, the word on the tip of my tongue, but he plunked the mug down in front of me. "Sober up," he said. "Stay here if you want. But no drugs in my house, got it?"

I stared up at him and he stared down at me, his gaze absolute. "I...didn't come here for a lecture."

"And I didn't plan on giving you one. We all have our vices, Ettie. Things that take away the ache at night. But I won't have it here." He slipped into the seat across from me and gave me a poor attempt at a smile. "You've got a good thing goin', why ruin it?"

Ruin it? Ha! I've been doing this shit longer than you've been alive. At least thirty years, I would say. The tolerance I've acquired since then would shock you. As long as I didn't come into work so far gone that I couldn't function, there would be no ruining anything. No family to disappoint, at least none that cared, not many friends. And Yusuke...well, he was the first to know this about me besides my parents.

"I came here to question you about the bombings."

He closed his eyes for a brief moment and then sighed. "I can't tell you anything. I'm as clueless as everyone else."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Just..." he growled, mussing up his hair in frustration. "We're on it okay? Leave it at that."

I laughed, the sound bitter. "Do you know how many bodies I've had to bag and send to the morgue this past month? Do you realize how much blood I've had on my hands?"

"Ettie..."

"Don't 'Ettie' me, _King_ Urameshi. I may be young for a demon...but I am old compared to you. Do you take me for an idiot?"

"No...no! Of course not. But I'm doing my best." His stare implored me, eyes speaking volumes compared to the words. "I'll catch the bastard, I promise."

I took a sip of my coffee and sucked on my teeth. "See, that's your first mistake. You're looking for a single person."

"You think there's more than one?"

I was about to reply, that yes, I was almost certain there was. But the kitchen window was thrown open and I dropped the mug in my hands. The coffee splashed across the table, the handle of the mug breaking off and shooting to the floor. Like a skittish animal I jolted from my seat. I crouched on the floor, preparing for an attack that never came.

"What a pathetic creature..."

Hiei.

What was he doing here? His arrival was my cue to leave.

I stood, trying to regain a bit of dignity. I didn't look at the Jaganshi, keeping my eyes trained on Yusuke. "We can discuss this later. Come by the station tomorrow, I'll be there."

I was about to turn and leave but the cold laugh from the fire demon made me stop in my tracks. He was looking me up and down, as if sizing me up for a fight and then deeming me a waste of time. He turned to Yusuke, "Are you aware you are associating with a drug addict?"

Yusuke released a withering sigh, "Yeah man, I know. And it doesn't matter to me. Wanna know what does? Why the hell you're climbing in my window at this ungodly hour."

Hiei's glare could have melted the polar ice caps. It was clear he was not happy with Yusuke's answer. But he chose to ignore it for now and handed the king a stack of papers. "Information on the territories' current states...and what I was able to garner from Mukuro on our current bounty."

Yusuke's face turned grim, "Is she aware you're playing her?"

Hiei cast me a glance and clammed right up. "I'm not some snitch," I said.

"I can't trust someone who spends ninety percent of their time high."

"Hiei, don't be such a jerk. She's cool, okay? I trust her."

"I don't give a damn," he snapped.

"I just want to help," I said.

"I don't give a damn about that either. Now leave, before I make you."

I frowned, a little hurt. Why was he taking my problem so personal? It's not like I was hurting him any.

Yusuke cast me an apologetic glance and I just shrugged, giving him a little smile. It was okay. I didn't care if Jaganshi Hiei liked me. I did not need his approval or opinion on my life choices.

He was no one to me.

"I'll see you later," I said to Yusuke and he nodded.

Hiei's glare followed me all the way out of the apartment and down the street.

But I would not give him the satisfaction. I would not fear him. So I sent a mental image of me giving him the finger.

I could have sworn I heard a shocked bark of laughter afterwards.

 **. . .**

 **Summer 2003 – June**

Sounds of retching filled my ears, retching and sobbing and choking. The fact it was coming from me made it even worse.

I had just returned from a run.

A GSW to the chest, demon on human violence. The human had been arrested...but the demon victim had needed help.

And well, he'd been a combative bastard. My entire stomach was one giant bruise. I think there was some internal damage, but nothing a good night's rest wouldn't fix.

It was one of the reasons why I was out back of the station, puking over an embankment. The other was because I was reacting badly to my latest batch. A higher dosage meant more chances for side effects. And because I was building up a tolerance again I didn't have a choice other than to deal with it.

Sometime later Shou came to get me.

I was crumpled on the ground, trying to catch my breath. My light blonde hair was plastered to my forehead. The summer heat and bout of heaving had left me a sticky mess.

"Momo said you were out here," he said. "You okay?"

I swallowed, the saliva thick and horrible tasting. "I will be." I held out a hand, "Help me up?"

Shou dragged my sorry ass back inside and to the showers. The station wasn't very big but we had a shower room, a small kitchen, a space for a washer and dryer, and a locker room to store our things. The main area was taken up by the garage.

"Strip," said Shou, holding his hands out for my clothes.

I didn't argue. I was covered in sweat. Though I knew the gross feeling wouldn't go away even after I showered.

Shou left me to my business, taking my clothes away to be washed in the tiny laundry room adjacent to the locker room.

I stopped to look in one of the full length mirrors. Half my stomach was purple and I grimaced at the sight.

The rest of me was the same as it had been for years, besides the hair. I had cut a good portion of it off and it now ended just below my shoulder blades. However, it remained a corn silk blonde, just as it was when I was born.

I was five feet tall with stubby legs, a thin waist, and a chest that was not too big or too small. My skin was tanned, cheeks naturally ruddy. Hazel eyes with a slight slant at the outer corners that made me look like I was always smiling. Thin lips that covered my chipped left front tooth, with a scar just above it through my upper lip. A small mole rested beneath my right eye, on the apple of my cheek. There were only four toes on my left foot. The little toe had been lost to frostbite while I was still learning to use my powers.

The beds of my fingernails were tinted blue from my constant use of ice. My entire right arm, from the back of my hand to my shoulder, was covered in a sleeve of tattoos. There was a tiny stud underneath the center of my bottom lip. I wore heavy black kohl makeup around my eyes, but nothing else.

In all my years I had not changed much about myself.

Perhaps it was time.

I stepped into the spray of the shower, water cold. I washed the sweat off, scrubbing harder than necessary. And then just stood there beneath the stream, palms pressed against the tile wall.

I needed to go see Yusuke today. I had promised I would. But I just wanted to go home and sleep.

The bombings had continued into the summer. More deaths, more injured. So much suffering. I couldn't stand to see it. So I had agreed to help him, to gather information at every scene from the demons that were able. The police never bothered with them, human and demon relations were so strained. And if a demon somehow managed to get into the police force they had to hide who they were in fear of being killed.

This was not what Yusuke had wanted.

And so many people still sat in denial, not wanting to believe that such creatures like me and Yusuke and the others were real. Even though demons had been living among them for nine years now. Demon children were still ostracized. The workforce was a dream to most of the adults. But there were places that were accepting. Not everyone was closed minded. We needed more people like that in the world.

And Yusuke had been the catalyst that would make that change viable—make it real.

"Hey, Ettie!" A voice shouted from the doorway of the shower room. "Someone's here to see you!"

That was odd. Yusuke knew I would be coming to see him later...why would he show up here now?

I finished up quickly and dressed in civilian clothes—a simple t-shirt with an arabesque design on its front and a pair of jean shorts. I slipped sandals on my feet just as I strode back into the garage.

But it wasn't Yusuke who was there waiting for me. And now I was even more confused.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I was louder than I needed to be, my crew members stared at me with raised eyebrows. But I couldn't help the shock.

The tension between Hiei and I had not lessened in the past so many weeks. I had been hanging around Yusuke for a couple of months now and the fire demon disapproved. He made sure to be vocal about it too. And if he wasn't using words, he was glaring at me like I was some kind of parasite.

He strode over to me with fast steps, grabbing my arm and hauling me into the first empty room he could find. When he began to strip off his shirt I held up my hands and backed away. "Whoa, whoa! What are you doing?!"

I realized what the issue was a second later. Once he'd managed to strip the cotton off the grotesque wound that had ripped his sternum open, I sprung into action.

To say I was shocked he had come to me was an understatement, but it wasn't like he didn't know what I did for a living. He'd seen me patch up Kuwabara just the other day, after the boy had bitten off more than he could chew. Fighting with a demon triple his size was his first mistake, doing it while drunk had been the proverbial nail in his coffin.

I assessed the wound, deemed it wasn't life threatening and looked worse than it was. Except I could see what looked like shrapnel stuck in it. His fingers were bloodied, telling me he'd tried take it out and failed—thus why he'd come to me. "Stay here, I'll be right back." I ran off to find some equipment, gloves, antiseptic, a suture kit and forceps.

When I returned Hiei eyed all the things in my arms and nixed half of it. "No stitches, just take the metal out," he said.

"It could get infected," I tried to reason with him but he just shook his head.

"I only came to you because I lacked the tools necessary, do as I ask, or I will leave."

I raised an eyebrow at him, my face turning smug. "Oh? Then go right ahead, Mr. Badass. Leave and have fun walking around with shrapnel poking at your lungs."

He shot me a glare but I ignored it and got to work. He didn't say another word. So I worked in silence, careful to pull each piece out and make it as painful as possible. The metal was plunked into a plastic basin of alcohol after.

When I had plucked out the final piece I asked, "How did this happen?"

"I got too close..." he murmured.

"To what?"

He deigned not to reply and instead pressed a hand to the wound. A second later the smell of burning flesh filled my nose. He finished cauterizing the wound, picked up his shirt, and ran off without so much as a thank you.

I sat in the laundry room, a little stunned and a lot of confused.

Jaganshi Hiei...was the strangest man I'd ever met. There was no denying that.

And there was also no denying the slight satisfaction I felt. I grinned, all previous feelings of sickness fleeing. Jaganshi Hiei came to me for help, ha!

I think I might have felt my ego inflate about tenfold from that fact.

The rest of the day was spent with a permanent smile on my face. A smile that did not fade even when out on a run with the crew. No explosions this week. No death.

And perhaps I had chipped a piece off the icy exterior of Jaganshi Hiei.

It was a good day.

Later that evening, sequestered in my small apartment, I fell asleep to the sounds of classic guitar. The drug swam in my veins, making me feel warm, safe. My safe place. That is where it began and ended. Why I needed it so bad.

Because at the end of the day I was still running from my demons. Just like everyone else.

In the dead of the night my pager began to buzz.

Even through the haze I knew what it meant, what I must do.

And all happiness faded.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: I really hate trying to describe my characters because I find it hard to work it into the story unless it's being seen through someone else's eyes. It sounds so boring xD But I wanted all of you to know how I imagine Ettie in my head. All the tiny details like her missing toe and the tattoos and the piercing. The small scar on her upper lip. She's perfectly imperfect and I love it.**


	3. Bad Habits

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 3: Bad Habits**

 **. . .**

In retrospect, I should have thought this through better. I could really only blame myself. I mean, I wasn't cut out for this sort of thing, was I? But no, I had decided to follow this man for the past week. And I was careless. As the week waned I figured he was just unobservant. Boy, was I wrong!

I sighed wearily. The rope around my wrists was cumbersome, but the insane chatter of the demon dragging me along was worse. I was unable to tell what species he was, in such a humanoid form. I could have sworn he had something to do with the bombings. It was why I bothered following him in the first place.

Come to find out he was just some fanatic that worshiped the bastards behind the entire thing. And he didn't have any real information on them

This entire week was a huge waste of time.

So while he was still running his mouth I took the chance to mix my wind and water powers together. The ice it created traveled up from my hands to my wrists and froze the rope. It took a quick jerk of my arms to break it in half.

I wasn't much of a fighter. Never planned to be either.

That didn't mean I was weak, however.

The idiot turned with surprised eyes and I just smiled...before turning tail and running in the opposite direction.

He gave chase, as expected, so I pivoted on a dime and placed my hands to the ground. With a push of youki and a yell, I conjured a wall of thick and sturdy earth. It cut the guy off and I could hear him screaming on the other side.

"Sorry, I don't have time for this," I said. And then I just walked away. My shift started soon. And I hated being late.

"Neat trick."

I turned with a grin, "You would be surprised how many years it took to learn that."

"Of that I have no doubt," he said, falling into step beside me.

I wasn't all that shocked to see Kurama here. I'd given Yusuke a heads up about what I was doing a few days ago and for some reason he was worried for me. If it wasn't Hiei following me, it was the fox.

"Now that you've seen I don't need an escort, can you please tell Yusuke that he shouldn't waste such valuable resources?"

Kurama chuckled, "I would if I thought he would listen."

"I offered my services. He needs to let me do it my own way."

"He just worries," Kurama said. "Were you able to garner any information from him?" he pointed a thumb over his shoulder, indicating the psycho I had left in the dust.

I shook my head, frowning, "No. He made sure to make it clear he agreed with what the bombers were doing, however."

Kurama smiled sadly, "Yes, I'm sure many sympathize with them in the demon community."

It was a shame, I thought, that so many would side with these monsters. But human and demon relations were so strained...and many demons still believed they had some right to the human world. It was those types that did not care if demon lives were lost along with the humans. Because the ones that lived among the humans and did not want to kill or eat them were abominations. Living in harmony was still far off. If it ever became a reality at all.

"I can't believe I let that idiot get the jump on me..." I said, rubbing the tender spot on my head where he'd hit me with a baseball bat.

"You're lucky it didn't knock you out."

"My powers have many uses, fox. Protection is one of them."

Kurama cast me an appreciative look, his lips quirking thoughtfully. "It seems you are more than meets the eye."

And more than the drug that swam in my veins, I wanted to add. Kurama hadn't commented on it, not like Hiei. But I often caught him casting me disapproving looks when he thought I wouldn't notice. It was this that told me his words held a hidden meaning—that I was useful even though I was an addict.

What Kurama and the rest would come to realize was that I was a high functioning addict. That I had been taking the drugs so long they did not affect me as they might someone else.

And that was nothing to be proud of.

 **. . .**

"You wasted our time following that fool."

Biting my tongue was starting to become difficult. Hiei found some way to insult me at every turn. Nothing I did was right.

I kept telling myself I didn't care.

But the more Hiei hated on me the more I wanted to make him like me. Even if it was a total lost cause.

"I saw him at every location, how was I to know he was just some loon?" I said, shrugging.

"You are just flaunting your idiocy by saying that," he said.

"Okay children, how about we do something more productive? Like, actually figuring out who the hell is blowing half the buildings up in Sarayashiki."

I folded my arms on the table and rested my head in them. We were at Kurama's apartment today because it was larger and he had better snacks. Of course, after the first few times he'd wised up and hidden them all. However, because he was a good host, he had set out tiny cakes, so I couldn't complain much. I plucked one off the plate and popped it into my mouth.

Chocolate.

I hated chocolate.

"You doin' alright, Ettie?"

I raised an eyebrow at Kuwabara, "Yeah, why?"

"Well...you've been in the thick of this whole mess. And, sometimes you seem really out of it."

The entire room fell silent. Who would be the first to spill the beans? My money was on Hiei. But to my utter shock no one said anything. While all the demons in the room were aware of my habit, it seemed Kuwabara was oblivious. It seemed no one told him.

So I sat straight in my chair and looked him right in the eye, "Those times you see me acting like a space cadet, that's because I'm high."

His face went through a series of emotions that made me want to laugh. He went from grinning, to frowning, to shocked...and then it settled on angry.

"What?!"

"I'm a drug addict Kuwabara."

He turned to his friends, looking at each of them in turn. "Did you all know about this?!"

Yusuke stuck a finger in one of his ears, his thumb brushing at his nose. He wouldn't look at the other man. Kurama kept his eyes trained on the cup of tea in his hands. But Hiei...

Hiei just rolled his eyes. "Fool," he said.

"You guys are unbelievable," breathed Kuwabara, "keeping something like this from me. How many times you assholes gonna pull that same shit?!"

"Listen, you would have figured it out eventually..." started Yusuke but Kuwabara sliced an arm through the air.

"Oh yeah?! Like I figured out Hiei was Yukina's brother?!"

The fire demon slammed a fist onto the table at that, his eyes aflame with some deep hidden rage I didn't understand. "It is no one's fault but your own. That was a secret I wished to keep and your stupidity ran so rampant that you couldn't even keep your mouth shut."

"Must we bring this up again? It was years ago." Kurama was eyeing the two men as if afraid they would begin to brawl right on his kitchen table.

"Besides...didn't Yukina already kinda know?" added Yusuke.

They ignored both of them, their voices rising in pitch. "Excuse me! But that was an accident and you know it! How the hell was I supposed to know she'd overhear?"

"You should have been more aware of your surroundings!"

"Not like I have some freaky third eye that can see through walls, unlike someone else we know!"

It was my laughter that had both of them turning to me, double looks of incensed annoyance on their faces. And that was when Kuwabara remembered the issue at hand. "And you, a _drug addict_?! I expected better."

"If I had never told you I would have been called a liar. The others found out on their own, I was doing you a courtesy."

"You're kidding right? A courtesy? Cripes, I wished you'd just kept it to yourself!"

I stood up and dipped my head to the room at large. I bowed, making it over dramatic on purpose. "I can see when I am not wanted."

"Wait! Don't go Ettie! I need your input!"

I turned to Yusuke and cast him a crooked grin. "I don't think you do. Looks like you have it covered."

I made to leave, collecting my bag and walking to the entrance so I could switch out my guest slippers for my trainers. Kuwabara's voice from behind me caused me to stop. "Can't you just, ya know, not do it?"

I slipped my sneakers on and without turning to look at him I said, "If it was that simple...do you think I'd still be doing it?"

I left then, closing the door softly behind me. I wasn't angry. Kuwabara would either come around or he would hate me. That was his decision to make, not mine. I would regret losing his budding friendship, but it was the price I must pay. Not everyone was accepting like Yusuke. Kurama kept what he felt to himself, though I could feel that he disapproved, whether he voiced it or not.

And well, Hiei. We all knew how Hiei felt about it. It disgusted him. And yet, while he took every chance possible to throw jabs at me, he did not show much aversion to me.

I could not blame any of them for the dislike of my habit. Even I hated myself for it.

But I couldn't stop.

I didn't want to.

 **. . .**

"ETTIE!" the scream came too late. I was stupid. So stupid.

Why did I walk out here?

Later in the evening we had gotten a page that a priority one, R-twelve was in progress. Which meant it was a shooting with multiple victims.

We arrived just in time to watch several people get gunned down. The police were all in heavy protective gear, hiding behind their vehicles, taking shots when given the chance.

But all I could see were the bodies, some still breathing, some struggling. It was the sight of a woman dragging herself across pavement, leaving a trail of blood behind her, to try and get to safety that sprung me into action. The shouts of the police and my crew did nothing to stop me. If someone didn't do something all these people were going to die.

I reached the woman in break neck speed, not heeding the fact the gunman was still crouched behind a van across the street. I didn't know if they were demon or human. I didn't care.

"H-help...help...me. Please...h-h-help me." Gurgling breaths, blood at her lips, unfocused pupils. The woman was in shock. She'd been shot in the abdomen.

I rolled her over with gentle hands. I needed to work fast.

I snapped on a pair of gloves and pulled out a portable oxygen mask from my bag and placed it over her face. "It's going to be okay," I said.

As far as I could tell the bullet hadn't exited, which meant it was trapped somewhere inside her. She would need surgery, so all I could do for now was keep her alive until we could arrange transport. I cleaned the hole as best I could and packed the wound with gauze to slow the bleeding. I would use my powers only as a last resort. They did not always react well when used on a human.

I was listening to the woman's heart, stethoscope in one hand, when the gunman jumped out from behind the van. He had an automatic rifle and not even that was the most surprising thing about him. For the man was a demon, skin like leather and eyes as yellow as a cat's. It was unusual for an apparition to use a man made weapon and for a moment I sat stunned. When would this stop? When would peace reign, not just in the human world, but the Makai as well? What if this gave other demons ideas...and they brought these weapons to demon world?

The massacres here were bad enough. I couldn't imagine what an army of demon soldiers with guns would do to the worlds.

It was this moment of hesitation, the barest breath of time, that brought me a step away from death.

The man fired, the sound from the gun deafening. There was a spray of bullets that dropped two police officers and riddled the numerous vehicles with holes. And then there was me...normally so calm under pressure, huddled over my patient like a cowering weakling. My hands pressed to the ground, my youki bursting forth to bring up a barrier of pure stone. It blocked the policeman's view, but it was enough to protect them, to protect everyone. To protect myself.

The sound of that gun...the noise so loud...it brought back unpleasant memories. Ones I spent so much effort running from.

I couldn't let it continue. I needed to do something! Anything...

The wall of stone shattered, crumbling to pieces. And I stared, dumbstruck, at the man standing behind its remains. Even further behind him was Yusuke, the gunman knocked out and thrown over his shoulder.

Hiei cast me a disdainful glance as he walked by and said, "Your powers are lost on something like you."

It struck me hard, like a blow to the gut. Because yes, compared to him, I was weak. He just destroyed my wall with a single punch, using his physical strength alone. Even watching them in the tournaments didn't really prepare me for how strong these men truly were.

For a moment my team of EMTs and paramedics sat in stunned silence. The police were not faring any better. Until Yusuke strode over, a shit eating grin plastered on his face. "We'll take it from here boys," he said. Because demon affairs were his territory.

Not that the cops appreciated his help.

I turned to my team, "Well! Move your asses!"

They sprung into action, grabbing their bags and rushing off to assist the injured. I finished up with the woman beneath my hands, helping load her onto a stretcher and into an ambulance. I didn't wait to watch it drive off, its sirens blaring.

I went to assist one of the downed officers. He was cold towards me, having realized I was a demon, but he accepted my help. He had a broken rib, the bullet having struck him in the chest, but his vest had protected him well. He would be sore and bruised for a couple of weeks, but no serious damage.

I sent him on his way and he left with a mumbled thanks and a sneer. Yusuke found me then.

"You alright?" he asked, eyeing me up and down, looking for invisible wounds.

"I brought the stone up in time," I replied. "I'm fine."

"What kind of demon are you Ettie? I don't think I've ever seen one that uses powers like yours."

"That's obvious, you blind fool," said Hiei snidely, as he appeared beside the king as if out of thin air.

"Maybe to you," Yusuke said, casting Hiei an annoyed look.

"She uses elements, which makes her an Elementa."

Yusuke frowned thoughtfully, "Never heard of 'em."

"You wouldn't. Their genes are weak and pathetic, just as the creature before you. They have mostly died off."

The one element I strayed from, that I tried to keep sealed up because it had the power to hurt me as well as those around me, was _fire_. But now I felt it roar to life, heating my core to near bursting. All of Hiei's ribbing was beginning to add up. His insults hitting closer to home with each new one he came up with.

He sensed that now, saw when my eyes glowed with a holy rage. He watched the inner struggle that kept that fire barely at bay. A smirk spread across his face at the sight. And I felt that anger double – no, triple.

So right in front of him and Yusuke I pulled that tiny glass bottle out of my pocket. I flicked off the cap, attached so I wouldn't lose it by a bit of string, and shook out two pills into my palm. I crushed them in a fist and then used my finger to spread the powder over my gums. It would hit my blood stream much faster that way.

"Screw you, Hiei," I said, voice a rumble. I ran my tongue over my teeth and spat on the ground by his feet.

The glare he shot me could have melted my flesh if I let it.

"Ettie..." Yusuke breathed, staring at me with wide eyes.

"I have patients to tend to," I said, brushing past him.

He grabbed me, his hand tight around my upper arm. I knew what he was going to say. That I wasn't fit. That I should go home. That I was useless. So useless.

Before he could say a word I reached up, placing a hand over his own, and dug deep for that remaining fire the drug was successfully suppressing. A second later he pulled away with a swear, shaking his hand. I took pity on him, taking up that hand I just burned and placing it between both my palms. Ice coated the burn, soothing what was wrought.

"Thank you for your help, King Urameshi."

His gaze turned sad, but he nodded once, curt and controlled. As a king should be.

I didn't bother to say goodbye. I made sure to keep my eyes steady on the ground, watching my feet as I hopped over busted glass and blood pools and car oil.

I loaded myself into the back of an awaiting ambulance, assisting with one of the more critical patients.

The drug steadied me. Kept me calm. Kept those thoughts clawing with desperate hands at bay. It warmed me and took away the pain – the pain that was both real and imaginary.

But I could still work.

And work I did.

Until my hands were bloodied and my clothes were coated in the scent of human and my brain focused in on that one mission. My life's goal. Save them. Save all that I could.

Never let them have taken from them what was once so brutally ripped from me.

 **. . .**

I sat at my kitchen table, a microwave dinner in front me that had long grown cold. I still held a pair of chopsticks in my fingers, the utensils hovering over the food as if I planned to consume some of it.

Except I often forgot to eat.

Tonight would be no different.

Once the trance wore off, the food would go in the trash, my body would fall into bed. The cycle would continue. Just as it did every day.

It was nice...that little break from the monotony. The short time spent with Yusuke and the others.

I shouldn't have been so naive.

Someone like me had no place among normal people.

The sound of someone pounding on my door startled me. I jolted, the chopsticks falling from between my fingers and clattering to the table. At first I thought I imagined it, but when the noise started up again I pushed my chair back and went to see who it was.

I wrenched the door open, little care or worry of who might be behind it. I could feel his energy after all, he did nothing to hide it.

For a second he floundered there, his fist still poised to strike the door again. But he recovered quickly and asked, "Can I come in?"

I nodded, stepping out of Kuwabara Kazuma's way and allowing him to kick off his shoes. He did so, his back stiff and awkward as he shuffled further into my tiny home.

"Uh," he cleared his throat, "nice place you have here."

I snorted. It was a blatant lie. My apartment was small, one room besides the kitchen and bathroom. I slept on a mattress which was thrown on the floor, the sheets half on, half off. The only thing I liked about it was the set of glass sliding doors that led out onto a tiny balcony. Sometimes I liked to step out there, stand on the railing, and pretend I could fly.

"What can I do for you, Kuwabara?"

I guided him to take a seat at my kitchen table, a two chair affair. The kitchen so small the table only just fit. He sat and I poured him a cup of coffee from the old fashioned pot on the stove. He smiled in thanks, clutching the mug between his large palms but not drinking.

He cast a curious gaze around the room, taking in things I wished he wouldn't. The half dead plant on the tiny windowsill, the lack of pictures, the drawings plastered on the walls...

Shit. The drawings.

No one ever came here. I never thought to hide them.

"You draw?" he asked.

I poured myself my own cup, inhaling the steam. "Yes," I answered with no elaboration.

"They're a little...uh...morbid, don't you think?"

I wanted to laugh in his face for how awkward he was being. But I just took a seat across from him and smiled. Yes, they were morbid—disgusting even. I drew things dead and decaying and in scenes of horror. I drew passionate couples in filth and animals rotting in forests. I drew city scapes that were crumbling around dying races. But none of that was Kuwabara's business.

So I asked again, "What can I do for you?"

His eyes shifted away from my strange sketches and settled on me. Resolve blossomed in them. "I came to apologize for the other day."

"Did King Urameshi ask you to do that?"

He shook his head, "No, I came here because I wanted to. I saw him earlier...and he looked, well, sad I guess. Not that he's ever really happy these days."

I didn't want to admit that I was a tiny bit hopeful that I was the reason Yusuke wasn't quite as sad as he was before. I liked Yusuke. Liked his company and his jokes. He didn't like what I did...but he was the only one to accept me even with the drugs.

"He thinks he messed up Ettie and...I think I did too. I don't like...that you do, ya know, but you aren't a bad person as far as I'm concerned. You're a hard worker. You save lives."

I looked down at the table, dragging a nail across the wood and putting a slight gouge in its surface. "You're point?"

"I want to help you, Ettie."

I did laugh this time. Cold and derisive and sarcastic. I pushed away from the table and stood from my chair. "I don't want anyone's help, Kuwabara. I'm not some damsel in distress. The drugs are part of who I am now and you liked me just fine before you knew."

He stood too, much faster than I had, toppling his chair over. "I don't think it needs to be that way! You need to get help, Ettie, please! I want to help you – "

I cut him off with a sharp slice of my arm through the empty space between us. My head was hung, hiding me from his view with my hair. "I don't want or need your help. I'm not some charity case."

I marched away from the table to my front door and threw it open, a pointed hint for him to leave. But true to his nature, he stood firm and flat out refused. "Fine, if that's what you want I can't force you. But I can be there for you when you need me."

He pulled out a piece of paper from his pant's pocket and handed it to me. A number was scrawled across it in sloppy handwriting.

"Anytime, you hear?"

I looked up at him, this six foot man with a heart of gold, and felt my eyes well. Pathetic.

I swallowed hard and nodded, "Sure. Okay."

"Good," he said. "And as for Yusuke. Don't be so quick to think he judges you. He comes from a rough background and I think you two could be really good friends."

"I-I...don't know how to be someone's friend."

"Sure you do. Look at your crew, they care about you because they're your friends. Yusuke, me, Kurama—we are your friends."

I noticed he dodged Hiei's name completely. No surprise. And I shouldn't care. Kurama was also a stretch.

I chose not to contradict him, too incapable of forming coherent responses to his heartfelt words. Friends was a foreign concept to me. I cared about my ambulance crew...but they knew so little about me. I could hardly call them friends.

It was best that I was alone.

"Thank you for stopping by. I have an early day tomorrow, so if you would please leave I would appreciate it."

"Ettie..." I was so sick of hearing my name said with such disappointment.

I held my hands out, a soft breeze floating through the room and out the door. It ruffled the hair around our faces and gave Kuwabara a gentle shove towards the door. "Leave...please."

"I really am sorry, Ettie," he said as he slipped his shoes back on.

"I know," I replied. He had given me much to think about. But I couldn't. Not now.

He paused just as he would have walked out the door. "By the way, Hiei and Yusuke caught one of the bombers tonight."

My jaw dropped and then I surged forward so I could slap him on the arm. "That should have been the first thing you told me!"

He laughed even as I continued to play beat him and he threw up his arms to protect himself. "Owe! I'm sorry – ouch! Stop hitting me!"

I relented, if only to hear the story behind the capture. Kuwabara explained that Hiei was the mastermind behind the entire plan, after catching a tendril of thought from the person in question during the last incident. There was only one – a demon of unknown origin.

"Yusuke took him to the Reikai for trial," Kuwabara said.

"I could have sworn there was more than one..." I murmured.

Kuwabara shrugged, "According to Hiei it was just the one guy."

I turned my nose up at his name, sneering. What I wouldn't do to prove him wrong.

"I'll come by to see Yusuke after my shift tomorrow...if that's okay?" I would like to hear the story first hand. See if Kuwabara had missed any important details.

Kuwabara smiled, "Of course." He ruffled my hair, making me swat at his hands. "Have a good night, Ettie."

The door clicked shut behind him.

I walked to my bed, leaving a trail of clothes behind me.

Yusuke caught the guy, huh?

Why did that thought leave such a bad taste in my mouth then?

 **. . .**

 **A/N: You got to see some more of Ettie's powers this chapter. She isn't a fighter, not really. She knows how to get herself out of a tricky situation though. Please leave me some feedback guys! I know this story isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea, it's on the darker side, but that's just my style! Thanks for reading!**


	4. Fire and Ice

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 4: Fire and Ice**

 **. . .**

 **Summer – near the end of June.**

Rain.

How I loved rain.

But perhaps not as others tended to. Sure, its cold touch, refreshing in its quality, did not displease me. I did not mind the rain itself. But that is not why I loved it.

Today...today I loved the rain because it had just saved countless lives.

Yusuke had been mistaken. Two weeks ago when he informed me of the capture of the bomber, I had insisted that he should continue looking for an accomplice. I might have convinced him if it wasn't for Hiei. Hiei, that little ornery bastard. Yusuke trusted his comrades, that trust so explicit that he fell back on it with instinct alone. He could not refute Hiei's adamant promise that there was only one bomber.

But what Yusuke did not factor in was that Hiei _hated_ me. Hated that I could even remotely be correct in my assumptions.

So when I brought up the fact I was certain this was a two, if not three, person job—Hiei had been even more insistent. His mind reading could not be wrong, after all, that just wasn't possible.

But wrong it was. So very, very wrong.

So when the call came over my scanner for another bombing, I did not have high hopes it was anything but the same. Of course I was right. It was the same MO, a building filled with humans and demons, working in tandem—in harmony. This time the building happened to be a rather large restaurant.

"Come one...Come on..." I mumbled as I compressed the victim's chest again and again.

"He's gone Ettie! We need to get out of here!"

I didn't listen. I kept pushing, harder and harder. Come on, damn you! Breathe!

Around us the building was in flames, the bomb somehow malfunctioned and the blast was weak. But it had been enough to cause a significant amount of damage. The gas lines were still intact as well...for now.

But none of the patrons were able to escape ahead of time. No one noticed the bomb until it was much too late.

Fire trucks worked tirelessly outside...but here I was, inside the building, fire raging around me and Shou—who'd been the only one brave enough to follow me in. This fire did not burn me, I kept a steady wind barrier around us, blocking the flames. My body temperature was also dropped a few degrees as I pushed cooling ice through my veins. Unfortunately for Shou, I couldn't help him unless we were touching and I needed both my hands right now.

I shouted in triumph when the guy drew in a long, gasping breath. "Get him outside, Shou!"

I blew a path through the raging fire, giving Shou a way out. He grabbed the battered man beneath his arms, making sure his oxygen mask stayed in place, and began to haul him towards the entrance.

I waited just long enough to make sure they were clear, before rushing further into the building.

The restaurant had two floors, I was on the lower one, and I helped who I could. I rescued people from under fallen debris, ushered those out who were not in grave health. But so many were still in danger.

A good portion of the roof was gone. And it had begun to rain.

I could not have asked for better luck.

When I added in the firetruck's hoses, their powerful streams of water pouring in to help staunch the flames, I could count my lucky stars.

I would need a good chunk of my youki for this...and I could not guaranty that no one would get caught up in what I planned to do. But it was a calculated risk, one I did not have a choice but to take.

I ran to the second floor, careful of the structural integrity of the building. It could collapse around me at any moment. I just hoped the fire department had done their job and shut off the main gas line. Last thing we needed was another explosion.

At the top, nearest the blown out section of ceiling, I was closer to the rain. Closer to the streams of water from the fire hoses.

I reached my hands into the nearest one...and felt my core burst to life. I mixed wind and water and earth, watched as it created a mud slurry that spread and spread. With the right climate, the right conditions, I could amplify my power tenfold.

It was much more water than mud, but it soaked through the floor, and slowly the flames lessened until they were out completely. I waited for what felt like a long time to make sure they were truly out. Then I was running. Running to help whoever was still breathing. Still fighting.

And with my actions more rescue teams flooded into the building. Shou returned, Eric behind him. And behind them the rest of the crew, the firemen, the police—all of us working in tandem to help these people.

No one cared if they were human or demon. No one had the time to care.

Later on, when I sure the last living victim was loaded into an ambulance, I stood in that torrential downpour of rain. I was soaked to the bone, arms sore, my uniform clung to my unpleasantly and my hair was plastered to my face. Still, I made no move to leave.

I stared at that building and thought of all the senseless lives that were lost. Lost because whoever was doing this was a bigoted piece of shit. It made disgust coil in my stomach.

"It's the same, isn't it?"

I did not need to turn to know Yusuke was standing beside me. He moved as silent as a ghost. His energy always kept under wraps while in the human realm.

"I should have listened to you," he said, anger coating every word. "I'm so stupid."

"No, trusting your friends isn't stupid, Yusuke," I told him, tone soft and understanding.

"Yeah, but you're my friend too. Hiei's opinion shouldn't have been the only one that mattered."

"Don't tell him that," I said. It garnered a small chuckle from Yusuke, but nothing more. And really, did he have a right to feel so guilty...when it was I that wished to prove Hiei wrong? "I...wished for this to happen, just so I could prove him wrong..." I admitted.

"It wasn't your fault, Ettie..."

"I know...but it doesn't make me feel any less guilty."

 **. . .**

I paced around the small apartment, antsy, unsettled. I was here early. And so was he. In fact, he was the one that let me in, much to my chagrin. Of course Hiei had climbed in through the window, his most beloved way of entering Yusuke's home.

The glare I could feel scorching into my back only made me pace harder.

I didn't know why I was called here and the fact Yusuke wasn't even home made me wonder if this wasn't a trap.

"Don't flatter yourself," said Hiei from Yusuke's kitchen counter. He was perched there, a beer in hand that he'd stolen from the refrigerator.

"Stay out of my head," was my only reply. There were too many things there he should not be privy to. Ever.

But his next words made all pacing cease. It took an inexorable amount of control to keep my heart rate calm. "Who are you, really?" he asked.

I turned to pin Hiei with a benign smile, flashing that chipped tooth. The table between us was the only barrier. If I spoke even a single word that caused him any amount of concern I would find myself quite dead.

"I believe you know that already," I said. "I'm Ettie."

"I didn't ask your name, you stupid fool."

"I have no other answer to give."

He rose from his position against the counter, rolling the beer bottle between his fingers. I watched as a drop of condensation slid from its surface to slide down his hand...and evaporate into steam.

"You might have all the others fooled, but I am not so blind. There is more to you than you wish for anyone to know. And that... _irritates_ me."

"I'm sorry my existence is an inconvenience to you." It was a test of patience to keep the sarcasm from my tone.

With slow, deliberate steps, he began to circle the table—ever closer. I backed away, keeping what distance I could even if it was futile. "Tell me," he said, "what is your goal with Yusuke? He has little need for a consort."

My entire face heated, how dare he suggest such a thing! "A consort! How crude!"

He laughed, the sound dark, shiver inducing. "Then what? What could someone like you possibly want with him?"

Someone like me...

It always came back to that...didn't it?

"I have no ulterior motives. I only wish to help with finding those responsible for the bombings."

"I find that hard to believe," he said, still stalking closer, like a predator closing in on prey. "You have come at a time most convenient, trying to worm your way into his bed while he is vulnerable."

I couldn't help the laugh that burst from my lips, "You are quite delusional, aren't you?"

The glare he pinned me with was scathing. He did not take the insult well. "And you are liar. A very good one, but a liar none the less."

A liar and a drug addict. I was batting a thousand.

"I've never done anything to make you hate me, I don't understand why you spend so much energy making sure that I know it. But I am not a liar." Which, I realized, is exactly what a liar _would_ say.

"Then explain to me," he said, voice a mere murmur but still so lethal, "how someone who claims they can't fight managed to become an S class demon?"

The smile I still kept in place fell abruptly. Did he honestly think I was trying to hide something like that? "I was born that way."

He frowned, brows dipping in confusion. "Born an S class? Don't make me laugh."

"I'm not a fighter, so it doesn't really matter, does it?"

"Oh," he breathed, "but it does. Because I don't believe you."

Where was Yusuke? This was beginning to become absurd. Was his intention for me to get interrogated by Hiei? Is this some kind of joke? Or is the fire demon really that determined to figure me out?

I brought my thumb to my mouth, chewing on the nail. A nervous habit I was unable to kick. "I'm just trying to help," I mumbled, hoping he would back off.

But he chose to ignore the words as if I never spoke them. "Where did you come from?"

I realized he was backing me into a corner too late. I found myself wedged into the small space between Yusuke's kitchen counter and the door leading towards his living room. Hiei's free hand curled around the edge of the door, holding it in place and essentially trapping me.

I wasn't scared. Not exactly. Because a thousand different escape plans blossomed in my head. But I chose to stay there, chose to answer his next question with honesty. "I was born in Gandara. My tribe remains there."

"Gandara...interesting. The region that was most outraged by the changes that occurred after the first demon world tournament."

I knew what he was suggesting. And bit back a laugh. "Do you think I'm a _spy_? Hiei...I've been here since the barrier fell. I got special permissions from the prince of Reikai. If I were a spy...don't you think I would have come to Yusuke sooner?"

There was a long pause of silence where he stared me down, looking for the lie. But this time I was truthful, there would be nothing to find. My past was none of his business, but I sure as hell wasn't a spy. After becoming a healer my tribe cast me out, I was no longer welcome there. When the barrier fell I felt it was an opportunity for growth, so I met with the prince and was given an identity so I may continue my education legally.

Being an S class meant I kept a rather human looking figure...most days anyway. So it was simple. I blended in as long as I made sure not to use my powers. And eventually more and more demons came...and it was not as much of an issue. Although most humans are still wary of us at best...and despise us at worst.

Hiei's hand gripped the door's edge a little too tight, the sharp crack of the wood making me flinch. He loosed a cold laugh, "You're right. Someone as spineless as you could never be a spy."

The floor at my feet iced over, creeping across the tile until it covered Hiei's boots (which he was rudely still wearing) and traveled up his shins. His gaze did not change, the cold amusement ever present.

His lips curled into a smirk, "Why don't you show me that fire?"

"Because I'll burn the entire building down if I do," I said, voice raspy from suppressed anger.

Forget making Hiei like me. He was about to become my enemy.

The sound of the front door opening alerted us to Yusuke's arrival, but neither of us moved. So when Yusuke entered the kitchen, Kurama and Kuwabara in tow, he came to a stuttering halt. "What the hell's goin' on here?"

My ice skittered further up Hiei's legs, crackling. He burned it off with a flash of youki and stepped away from the door. He turned to Yusuke, "Nothing," he said, his voice steadily controlled and as stoic as ever.

"Doesn't look like nothin'," piped up Kuwabara.

Kurama was eyeing Hiei with raised eyebrows, clearly exasperated with his friend. But the fire demon didn't say another word. He strode back to the counter, stolen beer still in hand, and leaned against it. "Well," he said, "what happened?"

Yusuke cast me a long look, imploring me to tell him what Hiei refused to. Except—I just smiled and took a seat at the table. I was a demon first and foremost. And Hiei had just issued a challenge I couldn't ignore.

I was no fighter.

But that didn't mean I lacked in ways to _ruin_ someone if I so chose.

I felt heat swirl through my core, into my veins. A bead of sweat slid down the side of my face.

The fire was dangerous. It was all consuming, unrelenting. It would take me and everyone else with it. So I pushed it down deep and deeper still, until it was just an ember burning bright in the center of my being.

I had been broken before.

And I would do anything to make sure it never happened again.

So it was with half an ear I listened to Yusuke's tale of where he'd been that evening. He was late in returning because the prince of the Reikai asked him to interrogate the bomber they'd caught two weeks ago. Kurama had gone with him. But even with their combined efforts the man chose not to say a single word.

"It was weird," Yusuke said, "He just sat there, wouldn't even look at us."

"It was as if he were under some kind of trance," Kurama added. "But it shouldn't be possible in the Reikai, not in warded chains."

"What if someone else was doing it?" asked Kuwabara.

"No, they have barriers in the prison that prevent any type of energy usage."

"Meditation then?" said Hiei.

"If it was, it was unlike any technique I've seen before," said Kurama. "I even attempted the use of a truth serum, but to no avail."

"It was like a corpse sitting up and blinking. It gave me the creeps." Yusuke shivered, as if just remembering it was traumatizing.

It was this that finally broke me out of my reverie, and I turned my full attention to Yusuke. "Are you sure it wasn't?"

"Excuse me?!" Kuwabara screeched.

"What, you think he's a fuckin' zombie, Ettie?"

Kurama shook his head, frowning to himself. "Necromancy. The thought didn't even cross my mind. You might very well be correct, Etternia."

I flinched violently at the use of my full name. Not a single person at the table didn't see it. My hands wrapped around my thighs, squeezing until it hurt. Hearing it said aloud...after all this time...

How did he even know that was my full name? I gave it out to no one.

I swallowed, the saliva thick. "Please, just call me Ettie."

"I...apologize," Kurama spoke slow, as if uncertain, "Ettie it will be then."

Out of the corner of my eye I could see a dark smile curling Hiei's mouth...and I knew, I just _knew_ , that it meant nothing good for me.

Talks continued well into the night—was it possible for Koenma to have missed something so vital? If it was necromancy, what did it have to do with the bombings?

But the second question was answered far easier than the rest when I said, "For the bodies, what else?"

"But wouldn't most of them be mangled beyond repair?" asked Yusuke.

"Missing pieces matters not with necromancy," replied Kurama.

"Gross," said Kuwabara.

They speculated for a while more, until the moon crested high in the sky. I could feel sweat beginning to soak my back, the shakes would come soon after. It never went well if I went too long without them...

Without the drugs.

The first tremor down my arms had me gripping my thighs again, nails piercing through the soft cloth of the shorts I was wearing. Hours. It had been hours. Far too long.

I rose from my seat with as much grace as I could muster. The room fell silent, turning to stare at me as if I had affronted them somehow. "I'm sorry," I spoke, "I have an early day tomorrow and I must go home." A lie. Tomorrow was a day off. A moment's reprieve where I could sit in silence and perhaps push out a few sketches on the balcony.

Yusuke's eyes skipped over me, noticing little nuances no one else ever had before. The tremor that shook my knees just slightly, the sweat coating my brow that wasn't from the early summer heat.

"Let me walk you home," he finally decided, rising as well.

"No, there's no need," I managed to say, trying to flee this situation as quickly and painlessly as possible.

"Urameshi's right, a lady shouldn't walk alone," piped up Kuwabara, making my eyes dip closed briefly in resignation.

I did my utmost best to keep the edge out of my tone, but it spilled over anyway, "I'm capable of walking on my own, thank you for your concern. If you'll excuse me..."

I walked towards the entrance of Yusuke's apartment, slipping my trainers on with deft fingers and collecting the bag I'd left by the door. Yusuke was behind me, however, and didn't plan on letting me leave until I acquiesced.

"I know the signs," he whispered, so the others wouldn't hear, "you won't make it home."

The shaking was getting worse, my stomach twisting unpleasantly and breaths quickening. I needed to go. Now. Yusuke didn't want it in his house and I planned to respect that. But if I didn't take some soon...

Before I could deny his request to walk me once again, he shouted behind him, "I'll be back soon boys, don't get into too much trouble!"

A series of responses reached my ears, jumbled together, but all around accepting.

Yusuke slipped on his own shoes and took my elbow, leading me out the door.

I made it to a spot on the sidewalk lacking a street light before my jittery shaking became too much. I dug in my pockets with frantic hands, searching for the smooth surface of the bottle. But it was Yusuke who found it, dumping my bag with little a care, and picking up the thankfully intact vial. He knocked two pills out, crushed them, used his own fingers to rub the substance across my gums because by then I was too shaky to manage.

It took several long minutes, with me crouched on the ground, just trying to catch my breath, before my skin began to hum and my toes curled with warmth. It flooded my blood, caused me to loose a breathless sigh of relief. It was like being drunk...but so much better. It took away the pain. Took away the thoughts that never stopped clawing their way to the forefront of my mind.

When I looked up at Yusuke I was sure my pupils were blown and glassy. A blush bloomed across my cheeks in spite of it.

He wiped his hands on his jeans and smiled, if a little sadly. "I know the signs," he repeated.

I wonder how and who and why, but I did not ask. I did not pry. It wasn't my place and we did not know each other well enough for such things yet.

He offered me a hand up and I took it, grateful for not only the help...but the fact he was still willing to touch me, considering.

My apartment wasn't far, but far enough that we walked in silence for a time before he asked, "What happened between you and Hiei earlier?"

I was wondering if he would bring that particular incident up. I was sure he was hoping my inhibitions would have dropped enough to spill. I still chose my words with care, "Nothing to dwell on."

"Ettie...if he did something..." the hidden threat was tangible and I knew I would have to nip that in the bud and fast.

"I know you are not Makai born," I said, "but this is a matter that needs to be handled in a demon fashion, do you understand?"

"By fighting?"

"Not necessarily," I said, shaking my head. "But a challenge has been issued and I must answer it."

"A challenge?" he asked, skeptical. "What kind, if not one for a fight?"

I pursed my lips, my next words leaving a sour taste in my mouth. "He suggested I was trying to tempt you into my bed for...rather devious reasons. A personal affront I can't ignore." I didn't bother to tell him that Hiei had also suggested I was a spy, a selfish part of myself not wanting to place doubts in Yusuke's head.

"Well..." he started, "are you?"

I skidded to a halt, Yusuke continuing by me, hands shoved into his pockets. "Excuse me?!"

He turned to look over his shoulder, a wicked grin on his lips, and winked. "What, am I not your type?" he asked.

I didn't really have a type, if I were being honest. I pushed aside the memories that reared their ugly heads at the thought, the drug helping push them down, down, down.

Now was not the time to think on the past.

"Well, I'm certainly not trying to get you into bed!" I called after him.

And without a pause, he replied quite smoothly, "We'll see."

I was left behind, gaping at his back. The drugs swam in my veins—a constant warmth that fought off the chill that had fallen in the air this late in the evening. I didn't know what to say to that.

And it left me wondering if it wasn't Yusuke who held the true goal of tempting someone beneath his sheets.

It was almost sad that I would have to tell him that someone couldn't be me.

Could never, _ever_ , be me.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: I've been reading a lot of present tense fanfiction lately and noticed that at about the half way point in this chapter I skipped over to that on accident xD I believe I fixed it, but feel free to point out if I missed anything!**

 **I'm so happy to see such good responses to this story so far, especially because it's rather controversial in a lot of aspects. But I've always liked writing about darker things. I hope this chapter will not have disappointed.**

 **Also, yes, Ettie is an S class but not of the typical kind. In aspects of raw power she has it in spades, battle experience and physical strength not so much.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	5. Unacceptable

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 5: Unacceptable**

 **. . .**

 **Mid-Summer – July 2003**

Days off were meant to be pleasant things. I would sit on the edge of my balcony, sketch pad in my lap, mug of coffee precariously perched beside me. I would let the drugs muffle the outside world, while I drew mindlessly, my fingers brushing across the pages until they were covered in charcoal and graphite. The sun would rise and bathe me in its light.

I loved this solitude. Needed it, even.

But today none was to be had. And I wasn't sure if I was resentful of this fact or...happy?

"So I told him he could use that stretchy neck of his and hang himself with it," Yusuke ended the story he had spent the past ten minutes regaling me with.

Currently, the king of demon world was sat beside me, legs swinging over the balcony's railing. He clutched a mug of his own coffee and kept casting curious glances to the book in my lap I never got the chance to open. The rising sun flared across his face, bringing his markings into stark contrast with the rest of his honey kissed skin.

I wasn't sure what changed a few weeks ago to make this a habit.

But ever since the night he'd walked me home Yusuke made it a point to stop in here once a week. This time it just happened to coincide with my day off, much to his pleasure. After offering him coffee and taking up my usual spot on my balcony, he'd spent a good hour telling me about his people in Tourin. His advisers, the monks, all sounded like interesting people—though you wouldn't know it by how he spoke of them.

"What's that anyway?" he asked, lifting a finger from his mug to gesture towards the sketch book in my lap.

I was about to tell him that it was nothing, but the earnest look on his face drew the words up short. Instead I found myself saying, "Drawings."

I'd hidden the ones on the walls since that night Kuwabara showed up unannounced. I didn't often share this part of my life with anyone. It was private...just like most things about me were. But something about Yusuke made me wish to loosen my tongue.

"Can I see them?" he asked, a smile creeping its way across his lips.

I chewed on the stud in my bottom lip a moment, contemplating. Maybe it was the fact I was high as kite this early in the morning, or the way his eyes lit up with honest interest, or how the sun cast him in a glow that made my breath catch just a bit—but I handed him that damned book.

I didn't end up regretting the choice.

He held it in tentative fingers, as if afraid it would crumble in his hands. For a long while he flipped through the filled pages, sometimes going back to look over ones he found particularly fascinating—before he continued to the end.

I pretended I wasn't waiting for his reaction, because his face didn't give away much. I sipped my coffee and basked in the early morning sun. It was going to be a scorcher today, I thought, as the orb climbed higher and higher.

Yusuke sucked in a breath, "These..." he paused to find the right words, running soft fingertips across one of the pages, careful not to smudge. And I expected for him to tell me they were grotesque, or gory, or even disgusting.

He said none of those things. "These are amazing, Ettie."

I choked on my coffee, the mug tumbling from my hands to fall several stories to the ground below.

"Oh shit," Yusuke laughed, leaning over to watch its descent—and its inevitable landing. "You're lucky it's still so early and there wasn't anyone down there."

But I didn't care about the mug. And if it had hit anyone I could patch them up anyway. "You think they're good?"

He looked at me funny, mouth curling into an easy smile. "Yeah. More than good." And then he flips through the book again to find a specific piece. "This one is my favorite."

He handed the book back to me and I gazed at the one he'd picked. It was something I'd drawn a few weeks back, after the night Yusuke walked me home. Not even I was sure what it was meant to be, not really. I'd drawn it in a drug haze, fingers working across paper automatically, like it just had to leave my system before I could go to sleep.

It was laden with heavy lines of black, a shape that looked like lovers twined together in a decaying room, the plants having come to conquer the space once more. Like an apocalypse had come to claim the world...and those two were all that remained. But even still, it could be interpreted differently when you turned the page this way or that. A wolf dying alone. The bodies of those left behind. A monument to the dead and gone.

I ripped the page from the book and held it out to Yusuke. "Here, you can have it...if you like."

He didn't hesitate to take the page and I watched with just a little pain as he folded it up and stuffed it into his pocket. I did my best not to cringe and instead smiled at him, my eyes dipping closed.

A second later they snapped open again when he said, "You know, I've never kissed someone with a lip piercing before."

If I still had my coffee I would have been choking on it again. That didn't stop me from sputtering like some kind of idiot. I didn't have much experience in the...well, relationship department, I supposed. So I wasn't sure if Yusuke was just making a random comment...or if he was attempting to hint at something.

I turned away with a blush, pushing ice through my veins to cool my cheeks. "What a pity," I said, though it came out with a crack.

This also wasn't so unusual anymore. His little quips here and there, hints of another nature that made me both uncomfortable, if not a tad excited. I avoided responding to them, usually casting them off with nary a comment and a wave of my hand. Only this time...well, we were in a much more intimate setting weren't we?

"Do you think it would feel weird?" he continues, apparently choosing to push his luck.

"I wouldn't know," I replied, fiddling with the sketch book in my hands. The way he was sitting now, body turned towards me, the sun highlighting him in all the right places—I wanted to draw him. So badly that it was a craving not unlike the one I harbored for the drug in my veins.

I fought off the notion. I would never hear the end of it if I chose to do something so embarrassing.

"You haven't kissed anyone since you got that done?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think this line of questioning is appropriate."

He snorted, raising an eyebrow at me. "What about me screams to you as appropriate?"

I cast him a long look, eyes scanning every inch that was bared to me. The answer on the tip of my tongue was, 'nothing,' but I didn't speak it aloud. He was regal in his own right, perhaps not in the traditional sense. With his slicked back black hair, the mazoku markings staining his skin, that light in his eyes that never went out. He'd always been a force to be reckoned with.

I chose not to answer him and hopped down from my balcony's ledge.

"Where you goin'?" he called after me.

I swept my hair up into a messy bun, using the tie kept around my wrist. I didn't wait for him to follow me because I knew he would.

He met me in the kitchen, where I was pulling things out of the refrigerator to cook some semblance of breakfast. But before I got very far he took over, pulling pots and pans down from the rack hanging on the ceiling.

I chopped vegetables while he cooked, handing him ingredients and just watching as he skillfully used my lacking utensils. For a minute I think I forgot to breathe. This was a new side of him I didn't realize he had. And it was fascinating.

The finished meal was something far grander than I was planning.

We ate in an amicable silence for a while until I said, "I didn't know you could cook."

He answered with rice still between his teeth, "I run a ramen shop during my down time."

I raised an eyebrow, "A ramen shop?"

He grinned a little and swallowed. "Yeah, it's mostly a front for my detective work but I decided not to be half-assed about it."

And suddenly I was laughing, because the thought of the king of demon world standing behind a counter slinging spatulas and boiling noodles was too much. I could imagine him in those little paper hats and the laughter only increased until I was practically in tears.

There was still so much I didn't know about Urameshi Yusuke.

And it was only with a little shock that I realized I wanted to learn everything that I could.

 **. . .**

Things between Hiei and I had gotten petty, I decided one day, as I froze his coffee while his back was turned. But when he turned back around all he did was raise an eyebrow and place a palm around the mug. A second later the coffee was back to steaming.

I felt my ears burn with my annoyance.

He just sneered at me as if I were some kind of peasant.

Kuwabara's gaze darted between the two of us before he sighed and rolled his eyes. He wasn't the only one sick of the petty actions between Hiei and I. Even Kurama expressed his distaste on the situation.

Yusuke, on the other hand, found it hilarious.

So I continued to do it, because not only did it irritate the fire demon, it made the king laugh. It was a win, win.

Today we all met for lunch at a demon run coffee shop in the heart of Sarayashiki. It was a vain hope of mine that Hiei wouldn't show up, but he did, and now here we were.

"How considerate of you to cool my drink, _Etternia_ ," he said without a drop of sincerity.

The shock of hearing my name spoken out loud had also started to wear off. Hiei took every opportunity to speak it since that first night. But the others respected my wishes and continued to call me Ettie. I never offered up an explanation for my dislike of it, though I had apologized to Kurama for reacting the way I had. Days later I recalled that during our first meeting in his car I had, in fact, offered up my full name. But I didn't specify that I preferred to be called one or the other, so that was my own fault.

It, however, did not excuse the fire demon's behavior or use of it after repeatedly telling him not to.

I stirred my own coffee, casting him a dark look and refusing to reply to his baiting. I took a sip and then almost instantly spat it back out.

Salt! There was salt in there instead of sugar!

Hiei's dark laughter had me gaping at him. When the hell had he—how had he even?! I was sitting here the entire time!

He tapped his temple beside the jagan, a smirk rising a single edge of his lips.

Ah. An illusion. I had fallen right into his trap. That rat bastard.

"You two are ridiculous," Kuwabara announced and Kurama hummed his agreement.

But Yusuke was snorting into his drink (an overly sweet concoction that even the barista was wary about making) and Kuwabara's words held no impact. None whatsoever.

I rose from my seat and went to order a new drink. When I sat back down with it, this time I kept it carefully out of Hiei's reach.

"Lets get down to business," said Yusuke, "Koenma has decided to make this a full fledged investigation. He's hired all of us and the amount he's paying is...well, generous for pacifier breath."

"Ettie too?" asked Kuwabara, licking the froth from his latte off his upper lip.

"Uh..." here Yusuke paused, casting me an apologetic look. "Sorry, he...doesn't know about you. But I can give you my share. Not like I need the money."

I waved him off, "I don't want it. I didn't decide to help you for any kind of monetary gain."

Hiei scoffed. I pointedly ignored him.

Kurama picked up where Yusuke left off, "Its been four months since these attacks started. We have ascertained that necromancy may be part of their goals, but so far no walking corpses have made themselves known—besides the one we captured weeks ago."

"And he wasn't dead until _after_ we brought him to the Reikai," added Yusuke.

"Which is concerning," I said.

Kurama hummed his agreement. "I believe the bombings won't stop until the body count is high enough for their end goal."

"Or they've killed us all," Hiei added with a displeased sneer.

"Do you think the man you caught...do you think they wanted that to happen?" I asked.

"I'm certain of it," said Kurama. "He was meant to die once he'd been captured and that triggered a spell that even the wards in the spirit world could not prevent."

That was far more concerning. Those wards were powerful, ancient. So whoever...or whatever, had created the spell knew about them and knew exactly what to do to bypass them.

"What I'm not sure of," said Kurama, "is if the man was meant to spy on _us_ or the workings of the Reikai itself."

"Let us find another and the answer will make itself known," said Hiei. He swallowed down a large gulp of his coffee—black as night and as bitter as he was.

"I suppose that is our only course of action at this point in time," said Kurama, though the thought made him frown in displeasure.

I pulled out a pill from the bottle in my pocket and swallowed it during the moment of silence. I would need it for courage. For what I planned to offer up next. Everyone noticed, but none said a word. Even Hiei, much to my surprise. But they had all averted their gazes. I was a shameful thing, after all.

"Let me hunt the next one," I said. "I have a plan."

Yusuke raised an eyebrow at me, "A plan?"

Hiei scoffed again and it made me grit my teeth, but I continued anyway. Who needed his opinion.

Well...I supposed I would need to rescind that in a moment. "I want Hiei to follow me during my runs. To poke through people's minds. In fact, I want him to play as an EMT."

Yusuke and Kuwabara both released simultaneous barks of laughter. Kurama was staring at me with his lips slightly parted and eyes wide.

And Hiei...well, I think he was the most stunned of all. He froze completely. You could mistake him as a statue quite easily.

But I wasn't finished, "I want him to find where the next bomb is going to be...and I want to get there first and blow it up myself. After coming up with an excuse to clear all the nearby buildings, of course."

Which, in retrospect, would be kind of suspicious. But it was a risk I had no choice but to take.

"What would that accomplish?" asked Kurama, his brows dipping in obvious confusion.

"Because," I said, "they'll be there too, won't they? Someone will show up to plant it. And I want to be there when they do."

"But why blow it up?" asked Kuwabara.

But it was Hiei who answered, "Smart," he said, the first compliment the man had ever given me. "Not only will we have captured one of their own...but they will have no idea that we have if the bomb still goes off. Not at first. Not if it's played right."

"Exactly," I said with a nod.

"I still don't see why Hiei would have to play pretend," said Yusuke. "Why not any of us, if that's the case?"

"Can you read minds, detective?"

"...No."

"Then that is why."

"Why not just have him follow you then, isn't that enough?" Yusuke asked me, ignoring Hiei's snide remark.

"Because," I said, my eyes turning sharp, "I think one of the people behind this is either working in my field...or that they're a cop. If Hiei is close by, working with whoever it is, there's a good chance he'll pick out the tendril of thought much faster than if he was just scouring the crowds."

"What makes you think they're one of you?"

"This is at least a three person job. One to make the bombs, one to plant them, and one to make sure no one shows up to screw it up. And who is always the first to respond?"

"The cops...or an ambulance."

"Bingo," I said. "No one would think twice if a cop or an EMT or even a fireman was at the scene...even if they happened to be there before anyone else."

"Oh god, you sound like Botan," Yusuke bemoaned and I stared at him funny. Who the hell was Botan?

We talked a while more, solidifying the plan and working out any kinks. Hiei, to my utter shock, was receptive to the idea and added in his own tweaks here and there. When things were finalized we all parted ways, agreeing to meet again in a few day's time to check in.

Of course...even the best laid plans held the potential to go awry.

 **. . .**

I cast a critical gaze across his form—up down, up down. It still didn't look right. But I was sure it was the best I could do considering who he was.

"I look ridiculous," he snapped.

"There isn't much I can do about that," I said, hiding a grin behind my hand.

Hiei and I were at the ambulance station. I'd announced him to my crew as a new recruit and they'd been accepting enough, offering claps on the back in encouragement and words of advice—in which Hiei had snarled and sneered. Everyone knew he was a demon, and were fine with it. One of the reasons I respected my crew so much—none of them were prejudiced. They did their jobs well and didn't let personal opinions get in the way.

Now, we were fitting him into a uniform, and I was loathe to admit that it didn't really look that bad—not that I would tell him that. Hiei had come a long way from the short man that fought against Lord Mukuro in the first demon world tournament.

He shuffled, uncomfortable, and glared at anyone who looked at him too long.

I would put him at average height now, about five feet and five inches. Close to Yusuke, but not quite. His hair was trimmed a little shorter than he'd kept it in the past, but not enough to be all that noticeable. And now, with things the way they were, Hiei kept the jagan uncovered and closed when not in use.

I handed him a stethoscope and a duffel bag full of medical supplies. He raised an eyebrow at me. "What use do I have for this nonsense?"

I suppressed the snarky comment I wished to say and instead said, "You shouldn't have to use them, you just need to play the part, okay?"

He let out a long suffering sigh, as if he hadn't agreed to this and I'd forced him into it, and then tossed the duffel to the floor. He wrapped the stethoscope around his neck, mimicking how I wore mine, and then crouched so he could dig through the bag.

"What are you doing?" I asked, leaning over his shoulder to watch him.

"If I am meant to play a roll and play it well, I should be familiar with the tools, yes?"

My brows rose to my hairline and I nodded appreciatively. At least he planned to take this seriously. So I spent the next half an hour showing him the most basic tools in the bag, how to use them for first aid, and then moved on to some of the more complicated items. He picked things up quick, keeping any snide remarks to himself for once.

It was during my demonstration of inserting an IV that a call came over the scanner.

I listened to the codes, explaining them to Hiei as the dispatcher fired them off. A multi-car pileup in an intersection. What a way to throw the fire demon into the thick of it.

"Ready?" I asked and received a glare as my reply. Alright then.

We reached the scene of the accident in record time, Hiei holding onto the inside of the ambulance's door with a white knuckled grip the entire ride.

It was a four way intersection. Businesses and shops lined the streets on either side and four cars were involved in the accident. I walked to the one closest, seeing there was a child in the backseat. He was screaming at the top of his lungs, a bruise already forming on his forehead where he'd smashed into the back of the front seat. But he was no worse for wear.

As for his parents, however, they were both unconscious.

Hiei wrenched the front door open with his bare hands, tearing the metal and kicking away glass falling from the window. I quickly told him not to move them and he nodded, stepping out of my way.

I checked the vitals on the driver, a male in his late thirties. Human. There were lacerations on his face and chest from the broken windshield. But he was breathing. The airbags knocked him out. He was wearing a seat belt, but would probably have severe bruising on his chest. Perhaps a broken rib. And definite whiplash.

I pulled him from the vehicle, stabilized him, and then Hiei helped me load him onto a waiting stretcher. Shou hooked the man up to an oxygen mask and rushed him to the nearest ambulance.

I moved the vacated front seat forward, so I could help the screaming child clamber out of the wrecked vehicle. He hesitated, tears still streaming down his face, but I gave him a reassuring smile and he took my hand.

I hefted him from the car, handing him over to Hiei. The fire demon gave me a bewildered look, obviously not having the first clue what to do with a child. But he continued to hold onto him and the little boy stopped his screaming at any rate, entranced by Hiei's third eye.

I moved onto the mother. She was not as fortunate as the father. She had not worn a seat belt.

The woman was hanging out of the windshield, covered in blood. A quick check of her vitals told me she wasn't breathing. She was covered in large gashes, from head to torso. I turned to Hiei, "Take him to Momo."

"Who?" he growled and I gestured over towards one of the other cars where Momo was assisting Eric.

Hiei at first was reluctant to take orders from me, but when I began to pull the boy's mother from the wreckage so I could preform CPR, he thought better of it. He returned a second later, stepping from thin air.

I managed to get the woman breathing again, caught beneath Hiei's piercing gaze. He watched my every move. It took much to ignore it.

Other ambulance crews came to help us, some of them I knew and some I didn't. As I worked on the mother, Hiei crouched beside me, jagan open and searching.

But it quickly became apparent that I needed help...and everyone's hands were full.

"Can you read minds and assist me at the same time?"

"Assist you?" he hissed. "Do I look like a goddamn medic?"

In fact he did, currently. Despite his aversion, I grabbed his hand anyway, jerking it forward when he attempted to jerk it back. "Just put your finger here." I sealed his hand over a burst artery, staunching the steady flow of blood from the woman's neck.

"Why not use your powers?" he grumbled, clearly irritated with this turn of events.

"I do not trust myself using them on a human," I replied, cleaning and packing wounds, working with quick hands.

"You lack discipline," he said, a sneer to his tone.

"Just shut up and help me," I snapped.

From then on out Hiei did as I asked, cataloging every piece of information he could. He learned what it really meant to save a life that day. That it was not always about who was strongest or who won the most battles. But it was about who had the mettle to fight the hardest, not always in a physical sense.

Some good came of the day at least, in the aftermath, when the parents were taken to the closest hospital, Hiei and I heralding the mother's entrance, staying the death that tried so desperately to claim her. With blood still on our hands, Hiei turned to me as the mother was wheeled away to surgery, and said, "I've found him."

He pointed one bloody finger towards a young recruit tagging along with one of the police's units. They were still milling about asking questions of the EMTs and the other's involved in the accident that had made it out mostly unscathed.

"He doesn't look remarkable," I said, frowning.

"That's the point," Hiei replied. "Do you think he wants to stand out?"

The way he said it was designed to make me feel stupid, but I just pursed my lips. A cold anger snaked beneath my skin.

He was a cop, a fellow member meant to serve and protect. We were sworn to save lives, not take them.

There was no justice to be had here. He was nothing other than a traitor hiding beneath the guise of safety. Of protection.

I would not accept this.

And even as I reached my hand into my pocket, running my thumb over the smooth surface of my bottle, I knew I would do whatever it took to stop this senseless loss of life.

I would never let them take from anyone else...what was once so brutally torn from me.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: Making Hiei an "EMT" had me giggling like a little girl through writing this xD And Ettie has some deep, not-so-hidden trauma if you didn't notice.**

 **So I have been very busy recently. Not much time at all to write. I'm very late with Ticking Timebomb and I apologize to those that read that as well, chapter 61 is coming please be patient. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this update!**


	6. Drowning

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 6: Drowning**

 **. . .**

 **August—2003**

It took three more weeks of Hiei pretending to be an EMT before he caught another tendril of thought. And in the thick of assisting me during an accident at a theme park (involving one of the more precarious rides) he only caught bits and pieces of it.

He cursed me for forcing him to go through with this farce, in which I just rolled my eyes and ignored him.

In the three weeks he'd spent working on my team, Hiei was beginning to act like an _actual_ EMT. He no longer sat around and watched, or pretended he knew what he was doing—because he did. He did know. He watched everything I did and stored it away and in a measly three weeks time he was a pretty useful part of the team.

It simultaneously made me want to hit him and hug him.

He was quick and smart and often times witty. But he was also cruel and cold and _mean._ So damned mean. Working with him tested every boundary of my patience.

I watched him set a teenage boy's broken arm and splint it, before I asked, "So, what did you hear?"

"Not enough," he snarled. "They're careful. Too careful. Thoughts are guarded and hard to hear."

"Are you considering they may be aware of us?"

"Of course they're aware of us. To what extent is the true question."

I followed behind him as he escorted the teenage idiot to the waiting ambulance and then helped him inside none too gently. "Next time don't remove the harness, you imbecile," he snapped at the kid.

I placed a palm over my face, my eyes closing. This was also a constant. His inability to not say something downright nasty to most of his patients. No matter how many times I asked him to act a little more professional he always chose to ignore me. It wasn't really his job, after all, so what did it matter? According to him, anyway.

We climbed into the back after the kid, as was protocol, sitting on opposite sides of the stretcher. The kid lied there and spoke not a word, just staring at Hiei like the man was sporting two heads.

Hiei continued our conversation right over the teen's head, acting as if he wasn't even there. "I do not think they are aware we know who they are, but I am certain they know exactly who _we_ are."

"Everyone involved with demon world knows who you are," I said, I did not skimp on the sarcasm.

"Yes, and he must be highly suspicious as to my presence on an emergency medical crew."

"He's human though," I said.

"And when has that mattered? Just as many humans are dying, it is not just the murder of demon kind."

"W-what are you two _talking_ about...?" piped up a voice that we disregarded entirely.

"How could he know you then? Not many humans are aware of famous demons."

"Perhaps not, but I am a special circumstance."

I almost spat some rude remark, but then I remembered what Hiei did for his every day job. He was not just Mukuro's second in command—he was also an ambassador between demon and human world, chosen by Yusuke, the king.

Why the hell Yusuke would pick this person for such an important job, I would never fathom.

"Many of the humans know me as well, especially the ones in government positions," he continued.

"Lord Mukuro must love your wavering loyalties."

The glare he pinned me with was deadly. But I only stared back with a deadpanned face. He took every chance to insult me, it wasn't my problem if he couldn't take as well as he got.

"Mukuro does not control me," he snapped. "And my loyalties have never wavered."

I recalled that night months ago, when he came with a packet of information for Yusuke. And the question Yusuke had asked him in return.

"How is that possible when you are using her for information so you may pass it along to Yusuke? Most lords would consider that treason."

"I never said my loyalties were reserved for Mukuro."

That shut me up, to the point my jaw made an audible snap as it closed. I should have considered that he never meant Mukuro in the first place. He worked for her, did her bidding, and perhaps would consider her a comrade, but his loyalties remained where they always had—with Yusuke.

I dropped that train of conversation quick enough after that. "Were you able to garner anything of use?" I asked.

"A date," Hiei said, "but no location."

"When?"

"In ten days, on the fourteenth."

The fourteenth? My eyes widened and stared at Hiei in horror. He just raised an eyebrow at my obvious distress. He did not understand the significance.

"That's during one of the biggest festivals of the year—Obon."

 **. . .**

"How the hell are we going to clear out an entire festival without causing total chaos and getting caught?!"

"We don't," replied Hiei.

"We have to do something, we can't just let all those people die!" said Kuwabara.

"There is no foreseeable approach to this matter," stated Kurama, "we must abandon our endeavor to capture the person planting the bombs."

"Bullshit, if we do that we might never get another chance," said Yusuke.

I kept my mouth shut through their entire run around of the facts, listening as they came up with ideas on how to change the obvious course of events. Each one was refuted by either Hiei or Kurama and all of the scenarios were lacking in some vital way.

"What the hell are we going to do?" I murmured around the tablet in my mouth. I chewed it up, the taste as bitter as our current predicament.

"The lives of those at the festival are our first priority," said Kurama.

I agreed, but it didn't make it any less shitty. I cast my gaze around the bar, the one Yusuke had taken me to months ago, as if I could find some sort of answer there. When none presented itself, and the drug was starting to make me feel fuzzy, I rose from my seat at the booth.

Yusuke rose as well, as if it were second nature, but it was Hiei moving to my side that caused me pause.

The fire demon turned to Yusuke and said, "I'll walk her home tonight."

Yusuke looked confused at first, eyes flicking between the two of us, but I was no less confused than he was. So he just shrugged and said, "Alright. Be careful," and sat back down.

I bid goodbye to all three of them and then shuffled my way outside. Hiei kept close, watching from behind as I walked towards the back lot of the bar. My ride waited a few feet away, nestled beneath a street light.

"Hello beautiful," I breathed.

"Are you sure it is safe for you to be operating that death trap?"

I turned a wane smile Hiei's way. "It isn't my first time. Won't be the last." 

I ran my hand down the leather of the seat before pulling on a jet black helmet and climbing on. I drove this even in the winter, the cold and snow having no affect on me if I did not let it.

My "ride" was an all black 1985 Suzuki Intruder—a cruiser motorcycle I picked up and rebuilt several years ago. It was, in my biased opinion, the perfect way to get around. I put the key in the ignition and turned it. The rumble between my thighs was a comfort and a pleasure all in one.

"Care to join me?" I asked, though I knew what his answer would be. Hiei would never be caught dead clinging to me on the back of a bike. The image was almost laughable.

"Of course not, fool. I will follow to make sure you do not kill yourself."

I stared at him funny. What did he just say? Just a month ago he would have gladly reveled in my untimely demise.

He pointed at the belt wrapped around his hips. I realized he was still in uniform. "I'm on call tonight and I refuse to drag your sorry ass to the hospital."

"You are aware that you're not really an EMT, right?"

"And I thought I told you I wouldn't do this half-assed."

For quite a few seconds I sat there stunned into silence. What an odd turn of events. Perhaps I was too far gone to be driving, if I thought I heard what he said correctly. There was no way Hiei was serious.

So I started to laugh, thinking it was all a big joke. I mean, Hiei actually _wanting_ to be an EMT was laughable, wasn't it? It just wasn't possible; wasn't within his character. So it was with one last bark of mirth that I revved my bike and sped off.

As promised, Hiei ran in the distance, making sure I made it home without killing myself. By the time I parked my bike and made my way inside the main lobby of my building, he was gone. I paused at the doors, looking through the glass, just to be sure.

Strange guy...

Later that night, a muffled, cloudy feeling encompassed my brain as I worked single mindedly on a drawing. My fingers dragged charcoal across coarse paper until a face was formed—an oddly beautiful face, with hard angles and boyish features and eyes too big.

I searched my entire apartment for my paints. Tried to mix the perfect shade of red. It still fell flat.

The next morning, when I opened my sketch book and saw the drawing, it went straight in the trash. What the hell was wrong with me?

 **. . .**

"Today's the day, you guys ready?"

Yusuke's question sparked differing reactions from all those gathered. Some determined, others grim. We were dressed for Obon, in traditional garb that hid weapons, and in my case, some essential medical supplies. Nothing big, but a suture kit, bandages, gauze, and antiseptic were staples.

The festival was in full swing. Yusuke was unable to convince the city's officials that something major was in the works, something that could cost countless lives. Because Yusuke was a demon he was considered an unreliable source of information.

I didn't think there was a time I was ever so angry.

Demons, even the weakest of our members, were stronger than humans. But we were considered sub-level, unintelligent creatures akin to beasts instead of people.

Living among them was tenuous at best. They would never accept us fully. And the idea of there being royalty in the demon community was lost on them. They still considered Yusuke a battle hungry savage. Still considered my kind a dangerous and often worthless contribution to society.

Fire simmered in my veins.

Hiei's sharp gaze bit into my back. He could feel it, I was certain. He was attuned to fire, after all. But I'd also taken two tablets before meeting up with them.

I was nearing a breaking point.

Usually so calm under pressure, I could feel tiny fissures cutting through that careful control. If something happened here...if we couldn't stop them...

No. We would. Yusuke would. I needed to have hope.

We were on the outskirts of the festival, watching groups of people mill in and out, waiting for one in particular. Hiei was careful to keep at an angle that hid his jagan, but he could not cover it. He spread his power wide, searching for even the tiniest of thoughts.

But each second that passed he became more frustrated.

"They should have been here by now," I said, leaning up against the back of a food stall.

Hiei stiffened beside me and then snarled, "They're on to us. It's too late."

"You heard that?!" demanded Kuwabara.

Hiei shook his head, "No, but that is the only explanation. I stored the wavelengths of the man meant to plant the bomb. I've heard nothing, even with being able to track it."

"Which means he's either blocking you...or someone else was slated to place the bomb," said Kurama.

"It doesn't matter now. Split up, find the bomb!" Yusuke commanded, taking off in a random direction.

We followed suit, each choosing our own area. I ran as fast as I could, stopping to check any likely hiding spots. When my searching came up empty I began to shout at the gathered crowds, "Leave this place! There's a bomb! It's too dangerous to stay!"

Some turned and looked at me like I was crazy but the more I hollered the more people listened, until panic filtered through them all. This wasn't the best alternative, but it was better than all of them dying. According to Hiei the bomb was meant to go off at peak festival time, around six in the evening. It was quarter of now. We'd waited too long.

The crowds pushed and shoved their way out of the festival grounds, bottle-necking towards the entrance. Too slow, they were going too slow.

I kept searching for the bomb, hoping I would find it in time even if I didn't have a clue what to do with it afterwards. My mind raced and my breaths burned and my feet ached in those stupid wooden sandals. I ended up kicking them off, leaving them behind in the dirt.

I pushed back the sleeve of my kimono, stared at the watch there with swimming eyes. Five minutes. Five minutes was all that was left.

An idea formed then. I needed to contain the explosion. That was the only way to lessen the damage.

Because this was meant to be the biggest yet. And there was probably even multiple bombs and here we were searching for one like fools. We should have known better.

The festival grounds were clearing out. I doubled back, running towards the lake where the fireworks would have been lit off. I didn't know how many people were left, but I didn't have much of a choice. Time was of the essence.

I plunged my hands into the water, felt my power roar through my veins and push past so many limits. It hurt, it physically tore skin and muscle and spirit. But I kept pushing until the water rose from the lake and then I turned it into ice.

The ice spread around the grounds, great curved walls of shear blue. But it was slow and it cost me too much. There was only a few minutes left.

I was unable to cover the entire grounds, but the semi circle was enough to protect the people who fled. It was enough to protect the parts of the city that faced the festival grounds. But it was not enough to save all of them. I knew it wasn't.

The bomb went off, so great that my eardrums were blown and I went flying into the lake. My ice wall was destroyed, pieces falling around me, great chunks that threatened to crush whatever was below. I was too weakened to swim. My back was probably a burnt mess and my body was ruined from pulling out so much youki so fast, but I couldn't feel it. Not anymore.

So I sunk...the outer ring of my vision fuzzy and blackening. My core pulsed weakly—a last cry for help.

I was going to drown.

And part of me thought that was okay. That it didn't really matter.

Drowning wasn't such a bad way to die. Peaceful, they said.

It was in the moments before my vision turned fully black that I thought I saw a figure dive in above me. Arms wrapped around my middle, the hold firm, and I was wrenched upwards.

I didn't know if I was dreaming or not.

Next thing I knew, I was having precious air breathed into my lungs. Two breaths, thirty compressions, perfect form.

The water was pushed out of me and I was rolled over so I wouldn't choke on it. I coughed it up onto the ground, vision swimming and blurry. I couldn't speak, but I heard them, heard their frantic words and sighs of relief. They were okay. They were all okay.

My vision cleared just enough to see my savior.

I stared into the eyes of Jaganshi Hiei, ragged breaths drowning out the world around us, and thought to myself, _this bastard will never let me live this down._

They convinced me to go to a hospital after that but I refused to be taken in an ambulance, so Kurama drove me. I laid in the backseat and felt the car beneath me and wondered about things I shouldn't.

Hiei. Hiei saved me.

He'd given me CPR. He'd learned it from watching me. Jaganshi Hiei saved my life.

I weakly told Kurama where to go when prompted, because I needed a specific hospital, a specific doctor. They didn't need to know why.

We arrived in short order and Kurama helped me from the car. He offered to carry me, because I was wobbling on my feet and my back was burning and I felt like my entire body was one giant bruise. I bled on the ground and left little pools as I dragged myself to the front doors, refusing his help.

He still managed to force me into a wheelchair when I tripped on the carpet at the entrance.

He went to check me in and when his back was turned I pulled out my cell phone. I clicked through my contacts until I found a certain number. I pushed the call button.

It rang for awhile before I grumpy voice answered, "What?"

"Nice way to greet a friend," I said.

"You can't be out already and I'm at work, so of course I'm annoyed."

"I'm not out Tadao. I'm at the hospital."

"Wait, _my_ hospital?"

I told him what happened and he swore, before clicking his phone shut. It isn't long after that he comes swinging out of one of the hallways, doctor's coat billowing behind him. He clapped the doctor Kurama was currently talking to on the shoulder and told him he'd take over from there. The man gave him a funny look before conceding.

Then he stalked over to me, clearly not happy.

He told the nurse at the desk to admit me and then wheeled me away, leaving Kurama behind—confused. I waved goodbye while I still had the chance.

"You're lucky I'm on duty today," he grumbled.

"Thank you, Tadao," I said, shoulders drooping. I was so tired.

Tadao was an old friend of mine. He also happened to be my dealer. He was one of the few doctors around that knew demon anatomy well enough to operate on them. He was actually in the process of developing special equipment designed just for use on demons. Tadao was an amazing man, if a little obtuse and often times a total jerk.

"There's going to come a day when you get hurt and I won't be around to cover your ass."

"I know," I replied just to placate him.

A team of nurses helped him get me situated in a hospital bed, stripping me out of my ruined kimono and hooking me up to all the appropriate monitors. He sent them away so he could examine me, shaking his head and grumbling the entire time.

When finished, he pulled up a rolling chair and flopped into it. "Well, you're not going to die."

"What a pity," I said and he rolled his eyes.

"You've used up most of your energy reserves however, and your back is badly burned. It'll take a few days for your energy to return and begin to heal you. I can help speed along the process, if you want."

I nodded, "Sure."

"I'll make sure you get the good drugs too."

This made me chuckle. And soon enough he followed through with his promise, giving me enough morphine to knock me out.

I did not wake. Not for several long hours.

When I did it was to find Yusuke slumped in a chair beside my bed and my upper torso wrapped in bandages. My core pulsed, making the monitor I'm hooked up to beep loudly. What was he doing here?

"Yusuke?" I whispered, though my voice was scratchy and broken. When he didn't wake I tried again, a little louder, "Yusuke?"

His eyes fluttered open, lashes so long it should be criminal, and he smiled. "Hey, welcome back." And then a little more sternly, "Don't ever fucking scare me like that again."

"I'm sorry," I said.

He stretched and then got up to get me a glass of water. He handed me the cup and a straw and I sipped from it gratefully. My throat not so dry now, I looked up to him and said, "Please tell me I dreamed that Hiei saved me."

Yusuke laughed, the sound coming straight from his stomach. "Sorry, I can't do that. That bastard sure surprised me because I didn't have a clue what to do," he said. "He just went diving in after you. When he pulled you out and realized you weren't breathing he didn't even think twice. He just did what he had to."

I groaned, covering my face with my hands. I owed him my life now. That just would not do.

"I can't believe it," I breathed. It seemed like just a few weeks ago he would have preferred to see me dead. Why go through all that trouble?

"I think you're growing on him," joked Yusuke. "Besides, there's not a chance in hell I would have let you go out that way." 

The mood turned serious then and I looked up at Yusuke with wide eyes. He leaned over the bed, careful not to disturb my wounds, and planted both hands on either side of me. He was so close his breath blew the hair around my face.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my mouth suddenly dry again.

"Don't you ever risk your life like that again. Not for anything," he growled. "I can't lose you too."

What was he saying? Lose me? I wasn't his to lose. I was just his friend...wasn't I?

Foolish, I thought, this was a mistake.

It wasn't like I was blind. I could read signs, I could feel the tension and saw the way he looked at me sometimes. And I wasn't about to become a rebound. I wasn't about to ruin someone else's life. Yusuke was better off without me.

"Take a step back," I said, my tone hard and brooking no argument.

"Huh?" Yusuke was confused now, his face screwing up and hurt in his eyes. But I wouldn't let it affect me. I couldn't.

"Please, step away from me." I pushed out the power of wind, letting the air buffet against him until he was forced to move back.

"I guess you need your rest," he said, his voice just as hard as mine was a moment ago. "Goodnight, Ettie."

He left, hands shoved into his pockets and gait lacking it's usual energy. His shoulders were hunched and his eyes were angry, but I did not call him back.

My blood thundered in my veins.

None of this was okay.

 **. . .**

Tadao let me leave the hospital a few days later. He sent me home with a fresh supply and told me not to bother him for awhile. I would heed his warning.

I was still sore, body aching. But I walked the entire way to my building. Most of what was on me the day of the festival was left at the bottom of the lake. That included the money in my wallet. Which meant public transport was out of the question.

The walk was slow going. And I found no relief when I reached my building.

I made it up to my apartment, unlocked the door, and stepped through. The first thing I saw were the sliding doors that led out onto my balcony and the brightness that spilled through them.

And beyond those, his body glowing from the back drop of the risen sun, was Hiei.

Penetrating red eyes, the gaze so fierce settled on such a cold face, pinned me to the spot. I took a single, shuddering breath...

And strode to the doorway.


	7. Forgiveness

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 7: Forgiveness**

 **. . .**

I was standing on my balcony's railing, the surface made of mortar and stone, shoulder leaned up against the edge of the building. The day was drawing to its close, the sun setting in the distance casting everything in a deep fiery orange glow.

It might have been beautiful. If it wasn't for the dark aura sitting below me, having taken up the single chair, his booted feet propped up on my tiny balcony table.

He didn't beat around the bush. Didn't pretend he was there for anything other than an interrogation.

"Who are you, Etternia?"

I folded my arms across my chest and sighed; covering up the flinch my name caused. "This again?"

"I have worked beside you for a month and you have kept yourself carefully guarded. So careful that it's suspicious."

"Perhaps I dislike the idea of you picking around in my head."

"Or you're hiding something."

I took a deep breath of the evening air. I could smell a storm far off in the distance. The water and wind called to me. I held out a hand as if I was reaching for it and then clenched it into a fist.

"Have I given you many reasons to believe I'm something of a threat? I don't fight. I work to save lives. Yet you still think I'm some secret evil."

"I do not trust what I do not know."

"My past is...complicated. Things are better left unsaid and unseen," I said.

"We all have things in the past we prefer not to speak of, but I cannot excuse it in this case."

"Because of Yusuke?"

"In part," he said, "as you are aware my job as one of the King's hands is to eliminate potential threats."

"I think Yusuke is highly capable of taking care of himself."

"He is young and stupid," Hiei said. "He makes snap judgments and often times does not use what minimal brains he has."

"You speak so highly of our ruler," I said, teasing.

"I know Yusuke. Just like I know he has grown attached to you."

"I nipped that in the bud," I said.

I leaned my head against the cool white painted stone of my building and closed my eyes. I wanted Yusuke's friendship. But I couldn't afford to have him want me, not in any capacity.

"Did you?" Hiei's tone was sardonic, as if he didn't believe me.

"He's stubborn, so he might try again. But I swear you have nothing to worry about."

"Time will tell," he rumbled, before I heard the chair push backwards.

Next thing I knew Hiei was beside me on the railing, black cloak flowing with the breeze, hands in his pockets. He turned cold eyes towards me. "Make no mistake, Etternia, if you betray us I will kill you without a second thought."

And then he was gone, flitting across the rooftops, a black blur in the waning light.

I stood on the railing for a long time, well after the moon had risen. I fingered the bottle in my pocket, a constant unfortunate sense of comfort.

I took three pills that night.

 **. . .**

My alarm never woke me the next morning. I might as well have been comatose.

It went off for a long time, before a pounding at my door that grew increasingly louder drew me away from rest. I took my time crawling from my mattress, naked and confused, hair in a messy halo around my head.

I answered the door that way, my brain ceasing to function apparently.

Kuwabara was behind it and it was almost endearing the way his entire face went tomato red. "Cripes, put some damn clothes on!"

I looked up at him with blurry eyes and frowned. Clothes?

Kuwabara covered his eyes and pushed his way into my apartment, slamming the door behind him. He rushed by me, picking up abandoned pieces of clothing off the floor and thrusting them at me. "On, now!" he said.

I stared at the articles in my hands—a tank top and pair of shorts—and pulled them on. What was the big deal?

"Have you never seen a naked woman before?" I asked, truly curious.

"Is this a demon thing...or just because you're a paramedic that it doesn't bother you?" he asked in return.

I shrugged. "It's just skin and fat and muscle," I said. "Humans highly sexualize everything. A body is a body. If I wanted sex you'd know it."

"Th—that isn't the point! It's not proper!"

I ignored him and made my way to the kitchen, Kuwabara in tow. "Coffee?" I asked.

"It's the middle of the afternoon."

"Your point?"

"Uh, I'll take tea if you have it."

I nodded and set the kettle on the stove, the old cast iron was beat to hell but still useful. I flopped into a chair after, my brain still fuzzy and disoriented.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I haven't seen Urameshi in a couple of days and was hoping he'd be here."

"Why would he be here?"

"I dunno...he seems to be spending a lot of time with you recently."

"Well, he's not here, as you can see." I gestured around the room with a wave of my arm.

"Are you okay, Ettie?" Kuwabara asked. "You seem...weird."

I frowned at him, wondering how much I should say and what would and wouldn't upset him. I settled on the truth. "I took a lot last night so I could sleep."

I could see in his eyes that this unsettled him but he didn't dwell on the drugs. "You have trouble sleeping?"

"Always," I replied.

The whistle on the kettle screeched and I got up to start the tea making process, when a thought occurred to me. "Has _anyone_ seen Yusuke the past couple of days?"

"I've asked everyone I could think of before coming here. I figured you needed your rest."

The kettle went back on the stove and I strode away from him with quick steps. He called after me but I headed straight for my dresser. I pulled out more practical clothing; slipped them on. By the time I was finished my brain caught up completely.

I grabbed my bike keys. "Come on," I said. "Lets go look for him."

"You think something bad happened?"

"I'm not sure yet, but my gut is trying to tell me something."

"Sure you're just not hungry?"

I gave him an exasperated look before pushing him out the door.

We spent the day cruising around the city (Kuwabara riding on the back of my bike was a hilarity but one I couldn't indulge in) and stopping to ask if anyone might have seen the king. When we came up empty handed time and time again I grew worried.

Where the hell were you, Yusuke?

When it began to get dark Kuwabara called an emergency meeting of the King's Hands. We met Hiei and Kurama in a park not far from where we were.

Hiei gave me a pointed look the second I stepped off the bike. "This is your fault," he said.

"What the hell, Hiei? Ettie's been home all this time, how is it her fault?"

"He's suspicious of me," I said, taking my spare helmet back from Kuwabara and hanging it off the bike's handlebars.

"Still?" Kuwabara asked, incredulous. "We've known her for months."

"It was something I saw...while she was drowning."

I stiffened, my body going rigid as stone. He'd spied into my head while I was vulnerable? What could he have seen? Something that has made him wary. Something that made my veins grow cold.

"I was dying and you thought it was a good time to sift through my memories?"

He glared at the ground, face tight and stance defensive. "They were just there...as if you were trying to let them free and return them to the water."

I stared at him in disbelief. My hands itched to reach into my pocket. I kept those things to myself for a reason. I did not want to remember them myself; did not want other people privy to them either.

"What did you see?" I asked. My voice was filled with careful calm, even as I started to panic.

He opened his mouth to tell me but Kurama cut in, sliding between us with lethal grace. "Perhaps this is a conversation for another time," he said, smile benign, trying to defuse the situation.

"Yes..." I said, "perhaps you're right."

There was a too long bout of silence after that. One that was uncomfortable and awkward. Kuwabara broke it and I could have kissed his feet. "Any trace of him in demon world?"

"He hasn't been to Tourin," said Hiei. "I spoke to the monks."

"I asked in other places he frequents there, but was cut short in my search. Avoiding the other members of the demon world government would be best, for now."

"There is...one last thing we can try," I said, hands shaking. I had not done this in a very long time.

"What else is there? He obviously doesn't want to be found," said Hiei.

Yusuke was capable of taking care of himself, I knew that. But my stomach still twisted in unpleasant waves. Something wasn't right. I doubted Yusuke would just run off...

"Let me search...the earth," I said.

"What?" asked Kuwabara, his brow so furrowed in confusion his eyebrows almost touched.

"It is a gift of greatest magnitude and can't be taken lightly," I said. "Everyone is connected to the earth and those with spiritual energy even more so."

"I still don't understand."

No, I supposed they wouldn't. Even Kurama's gaze was quizzical. It was best to just show them.

"Watch," I murmured.

I knelt in the grass, running my hands over the blades, breathing in the scent of green and growing things. I closed my eyes and delved deep inside—to my core. I pulled until one power alone ruled over all the rest. This shift was always painful and I felt tears leak out from my closed lids before I could even think to stop them. I choked out a sob, the world falling away.

I dug my fingers as deep into the earth as they would go. The touch of cool dirt and life sent electric shocks through my hands and feet and arms. Earth took over.

In my mind's eye I watched a network of beautiful colors merge and connect and cross over each other. Lines of power and life. So many colors; too many to name. But it was picking out that specific one that was the hardest.

I searched for a long time, growing desperate when I parted thread after thread of power and did not find that one that should shine just a little brighter than the rest—electric blue and red twined into one.

It should not be this hard to find, even if he was suppressing his energy.

The search began to take it's toll on my body. I could feel my core starting to overheat and soon another power would rise to settle the balance. I could never use just one of them for long.

It was at the last second that I dared keep the power active that I found him. But the colors were muted...weak.

He was in trouble.

I pulled back abruptly, severing the connection to the earth. Lights burst behind my eyes. It made me cry out, pain searing across my senses. But I didn't have time for the slow separation it usually required. And if held too long the earth would try and call me back to it much sooner than I was ready.

"He's in Roppongi and he's in trouble," I said in a rush.

"Roppongi?! Why the hell is he all the way in Tokyo?!"

I ran back to my bike, shouting an "I don't know!" behind me. Kuwabara was hot on my heels, just barely shoving on his helmet and jumping on the back of the bike. I didn't even wait to make sure he was holding on before I was ripping out of the park's parking area.

Roppongi was far from Sarayashiki. I pushed the motorcycle as fast as it would go, Kuwabara's arms wrapped so tight around me I was afraid he'd squeeze me to death. I could hear him screeching through his helmet, but I continued to weave in and out of traffic like a maniac.

Kurama followed in his car, fast reflexes helping him keep pace with me even when we hit heavy highway traffic.

And of course Hiei stayed on foot, jumping across rooftops. He made sure not to gain too much distance ahead, because even if he reached Roppongi first he wouldn't have a clue where Yusuke was.

It felt like ages before we pulled into the city.

It didn't take long to reach the district after that—the place lit up like a firework and so loud it hurt my ears.

When I parked the bike, Kuwabara got off and kissed the ground, moaning that he was going to be sick. I grabbed him by the back of his shirt and tugged him along. Yusuke's energy lines lead to the last place I'd expected.

As a group we stalled outside, staring up at the giant neon sign and cringing. "A nightclub?"

"I thought you said he was in trouble?" asked Kuwabara.

"His energy signature was muffled, as if I saw it through frosted glass," I replied.

I'd assumed it meant he was weakened. But now I had a horrible sinking suspicion that it was something entirely different, but not much better. Something I was all too familiar with.

The bouncer lets us into the club without so much as a glance at ID. My instant reaction was to turn back around. It was far too loud, far too bright, while somehow managing to be dark at the same time. The strobe lights burned my eyes and the music was too electronic for me to enjoy.

I couldn't even hear myself think in this place. And it seemed my companions had much the same sentiments.

I figured we'd spend an endless amount of time searching for Yusuke, but he was the first thing my eyes strayed to. And in that moment he struck me as...beautiful, in an unconventional sense. He was smiling, a grin so wide it tore my heart to shreds.

Yusuke was dancing, the center of attention, the king of demon world. And many must have recognized him here, the place was packed with humans and demons alike. But Yusuke didn't seem to care. He remained pressed against his dance partner, not giving one single shit.

"Is that a dude?" I heard Kuwabara say over the din.

"Who cares," growled Hiei.

"Did he come here to seek company?" wondered Kurama.

"That...and something else," I said. Yusuke was obviously drunk, near black out, but there was more to it than that. Simply being drunk wouldn't make his lines so muted.

"He's on something...isn't he?" Kuwabara was the first to notice, his face so carefully blank that I knew he couldn't process what he was seeing, not really.

"A downer of some type most likely, one that inhibits his emotions but doesn't sedate," I replied. "It's part of the reason his lines are so dim."

"His lines?"

"I'll explain later," I said. "Right now we should get him out of here."

But I was grabbed the second I tried and I looked up to see Hiei glaring down his nose at me. "Explain now," he snarled.

I looked back to Yusuke and then sighed in resignation. I gave them the rundown of how I managed to track him here, how I could sense the lifelines energy created within the earth. And that certain things can cause those lines to fluctuate and even become severed.

"He's high on something and that's caused a reaction within his body. I know it's a downer because something like cocaine or ecstasy would make the colors more vibrant, not muted."

"Stuff like that messes with spirit energy too?" asked Kuwabara.

"Of course it can. Anything you put in your body can have positive or negative effects on your health, why would reiki be any different? It's a part of you, just like the rest."

"And it's no different for demons, we just have a higher tolerance," added Kurama.

"You caused this," said Hiei, the look in his eyes enough to burn.

I knew I was partly to blame. I did know that. Yusuke ran off because of me. But that didn't mean I took kindly to Hiei's words. So I just shook him off and waded through the crowd, snaking between sweaty bodies and moving as if I belonged in this place.

I cut in smoothly between Yusuke and his partner while the king's back was turned. The man gave him up graciously, bowing me in, and I cast him a wane smile. I pressed my hands to Yusuke's sides and melted into his movements, swaying to the beat. He was so gone he didn't even notice that the hands at his waist were much smaller, that the body moving behind him was at least a head shorter than he was.

When he did finally turn, his mind didn't register what his eyes were seeing for a good solid thirty seconds.

"Ettie?" he asked, all movements grinding to a sudden halt.

I stopped with him and stared up into glassy eyes with pupils too large. The room melted away. The sounds drowned out by the sudden rush of blood in my ears.

"Am I fucking seeing things?" he asked when I didn't say anything.

I shook my head, "Let me take you home so you can sleep this off."

"Now you want to take me home?" he said, tone bitter. "I think I'm happier here."

I was angry now. Angry because Yusuke was being unreasonable. And angry at myself for letting it get this far. I knew he was drunk and on some sort of depressant and couldn't think straight. It didn't make my words any less biting, "You're acting like a child that's been denied a toy."

His face fell, the words hitting right where I hoped they would. He slumped, draping his body over my shoulders. Holding him was awkward given my height and his lean muscle weighed more than it looked, but I managed.

"You're right," he mumbled in my ear. "I'm doing something stupid."

It was more than that, except I could not admonish him further. What was done was done. And I was certainly not a saint.

"Come on." I helped him walk off the dance floor and towards his friends.

When we reached them, Kuwabara took him from me and slung him up into his arms. Yusuke rested his head on the man's shoulder and murmured something about him smelling good, in which Kuwabara blushed beet red.

"Sh-shut up, Urameshi," he mumbled.

I went to leave with them, watching as Kuwabara carried Yusuke out of the club, but an arm shot out to stop me. Walk any further and I would have been close-lined.

"You've done enough for one night," Hiei hissed.

I stared at him in disbelief. "I didn't do anything."

"You're the whole reason he was here in the first place."

My mouth snapped shut. I couldn't deny that. I just didn't understand how my rejection could push Yusuke to that point. "Explain it to me, please," I begged.

Hiei's eyes are cold, colder than the ice I could create. So cold they burned. "You are naive and foolish. He is the reigning _King_ of demon world. He is working towards a goal none others before him have—unification with the humans."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Everything. He has the weight of three worlds on his shoulders. And you were the straw that broke his back."

He left me then, flitting through the club like a shadow. And all I could do was stand in a sea of people...and stare at nothing.

I was the straw that broke the king's back, he said.

How laughable. And cruel.

 **. . .**

The bombings came to a lull after the festival. I assumed it was so the people behind it could regroup and come up with a new strategy, one that would not be interrupted by team Urameshi.

Weeks went by. Monotonous weeks where I made ambulance runs and did mundane things—talked a person off their meds down until I can strap them to a stretcher, checked over people who'd been in minor accidents, gave CPR to a kid that forgot how to swim at the community pool.

I was high through it all. It was better to be numb.

But my crew began to notice the change. I was taking too much and had stopped caring. It was Shou that said something first. I played it off as stress.

He didn't believe me.

Next it was Eric, but he didn't even get as far as Shou before I shut him down.

Momo was a little more persistent. She bugged me for days on end until I nearly exploded and gave myself away.

Eventually I told my crew I was going to use some of my vacation time and take a few days off. That I wasn't feeling well. They were shocked, as to be expected, because I never took time off unless it was vital and unavoidable.

I knew they were worried for me. Except there was no explanation I could willingly give.

I finished out my shift that day and went home, not even remembering the ride. I sensed an energy that had grown familiar in my building, waiting for me I knew. A week ago I might have been relieved. Now, I just wanted to be left alone.

I trudged up the steps to my apartment door with heavy feet, like I was stepping through wet cement. I knew I couldn't avoid this, so stalling was foolish, but I couldn't help dragging it out.

As I crested the top of the stairs I found Yusuke sitting in front of my door. He sprang up when he saw me, words on the tip of his tongue that I silenced when I brushed past him. I unlocked my door with nimble fingers and meant to close it quickly behind me, but he jammed his foot in at the last second.

"Can I at least explain myself?!"

I held firm on the other side of the door, slowly icing over the crack. Soon enough his foot would get stuck and he'd have no choice but to rip it out.

"Ettie, please!"

"Why are you begging?" It was a genuine question. The urgency in his voice stopped my hurried attempts at blocking him out, but I was not sure so sure if that was his intent.

His foot is pulled from the door just before my ice might have reached it. Because I'm pushing against the other side it slammed closed, shards of ice shattering like glass. I waited, knowing he was still outside, back against the door. I heard him slide down it just before he started to speak.

"I never wanted to be king," he began, "but when the time did come I thought I was ready. I was...an idiot."

I slid down the door too, so we were back to back, just a thin bit of wood between us. "It has become too much pressure."

"It's not that I can't handle it. I've got some awesome support on my side; people who really believe in what I'm trying to do. Just lately..."

I stood and opened the door. He fell in backwards and stared up at me with wide eyes. Eyes that always seemed to have some kind of preternatural light in them.

"Hi," he said.

I just looked down at him with a raised eyebrow. "I am not the person you should be talking to about this. It would make me a hypocrite."

I couldn't rightly tell him what he'd done was wrong...when I lived a far worse scenario everyday. Yusuke went on a two day bender. It could happen to anyone if emotions became too heightened or out of control. But for me...

The bender never ended.

"I just wanted to forget...take a vacation."

"You can't take a vacation from life, Yusuke. Don't be naive."

He sighed, rubbing his hands down his face. "Maybe I'm not cut out for politics."

"Well, that's obvious," I said. "That's why you let the people with brains handle the more political aspects of your job."

"Hey! Are you calling me stupid?" But a smile curled his lips and I knew he wasn't truly offended.

I quirked my lips up too, running my tongue over my chipped tooth. "Not stupid, just not built for this sort of thing."

I offered him a hand up and he took it. "It wasn't because of you, ya know," he said, voice soft, eyes averted as if embarrassed.

I knew he was lying. His grip on my hand lingered just a little too long. "Of course not. A lowly creature such as myself could never affect the emotions of the king."

Yusuke took a good look at me then—at the haggardness of my appearance, how the lines of my face seemed to stick out in stark contrast when they hadn't before; the way my eyes have sunken in. My hair—normally framing my face in tiny braids woven among the rest—is dull and knotted.

"You're not doing well...are you?"

I had no reply that would satisfy him. So my smile fell away, revealing how truly tired I was.

He asked no more questions that night, or the nights after it.

But Urameshi Yusuke stayed. He stayed when none other would have. Because without work to occupy at least part of my mind, I kept myself in a state of near oblivion. I didn't remember most of those three days.

What I could recall...were Yusuke's gentle hands as he removed each braid from my hair. He helped me wash it over the kitchen sink and when it was dry he braided it anew. Just this simple action made me feel even the most minute amount better.

Forgive me, Yusuke.

Forgive me for my transgressions and all those that would come in the future.

And forgive me for feeling the way I did...

Because I would only break us both in the end.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: I didn't get a lot of response last chapter, but I really would love to hear from you guys! Who are you rooting for Ettie to end up with? Yusuke? Hiei? BOTH OF THEM?**

 **And any hints as to why Ettie is so secretive about her life?**

 **Lets hear your thoughts!**


	8. Pieces on a Board

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 8: Pieces on a Board**

 **. . .**

Cold, unyielding as stone. Ice so thick the brightest of blazes could not melt it. A body forever frozen, a dagger embedded in his side. The rush of blood, the smell of death. A river ran red. Even the trees bowed in their grief. The forest silent as a tomb.

I pressed my hands against the tile of my shower. But not even the cold water could stop the heat that coursed through my body. A dream...so long buried. It had reared its ugly head even through the drug haze.

I wanted to scream.

But Yusuke was in the other room. Waiting. Watching.

As he had been for days.

My time away from work was up and I would be happy to return. I was not sober, but I was not lost to the world around me anymore either.

This wasn't the first time I'd gone on a bender. And it wouldn't the last. But it was the first time anyone was there beside me through it all. It brought an unbridled sense of guilt, more so than I was harboring before. I never wanted to drag anyone down with me.

A knock at the bathroom door startled me from my reverie and Yusuke's too gentle voice drifted through the wood. "You okay in there?"

I stood to my full height, as little as it was, and called out a, "Yes!"

No need to worry him further.

I made quick work of my usual routine, taking special care to tame the mess my hair was in. I braided it, the tiny braids that framed my face a symbol of my past I was never willing to let go of. So many reminders. No matter how small, they dug in and plundered what was left of my wretched soul.

I took a final look in the mirror—the earthly colored eyes, the hair almost white, the scar at my lip—how I wished I could change my appearance like a shape-shifter.

But it wouldn't change anything...would it?

Yusuke was sitting at my kitchen table and the scent of food made my mouth water. He was a good cook, I would give him that. And I appreciated the hot meal after days of not eating, of being sick.

I devoured it all, as uncouth and uncivilized as I must look.

"Slow down or you'll make yourself sick."

I looked up at him with rice stuck to my lips. He smiled and said, "Glad you're feeling better."

I hummed my agreement, even if it wasn't sincere. If I didn't hurry I would be late and the dream was still snapping at my heels. I needed a distraction. One that wouldn't make me comatose.

I finished my meal, taking the dishes to the sink to be washed later.

"Thank you," I said to Yusuke, "for everything."

He shot me a funny look, half grin, half confusion. "Don't have to thank me. I stayed because I wanted to."

I was halfway to the door before he was even finished. He followed after me, picking up forgotten items of his he'd strewn about the place. "So that's all I get? No goodbye kiss?" he joked.

For a long moment I stood at my door and stared at him. The look caused a nervous laugh to slip past his lips. I knew my face was devoid of anything. Because for a split second I'd thought how lovely that would be.

But it would also be a sin of the greatest magnitude.

Instead of giving into an urge that could very well ruin me, I said, "What made you stay, Yusuke?"

He was confused by the question, that much was clear. "Why wouldn't I?"

"You owe me no loyalties or allegiances. You are king and yet you've nursed a commoner for three days and nights with no gain on your end."

"I hate when you talk like that," he said, "like you're from the dark ages or some shit."

"Enough with the jokes, Yusuke. It's a serious question and I would like a serious answer."

"You're gonna be late for work," he said instead.

My most recent conversation with Hiei was still in the forefront of my mind. I was the straw that broke the king's back. I needed Yusuke's friendship. But I could not afford to have it turn into anything more.

Keeping that thought in mind, it turned my words biting. "I will be clear with you, as you deserve that respect. You do not know me. I am no one and nothing. Do not make the mistake of thinking differently."

"Where the hell is this coming from?" There was anger in his tone now. Good. Be angry. That's better then the alternatives.

I promised Hiei I would nip it in the bud. And I would, even if it meant being harsh.

I pulled a pair of boots over my feet and gathered up my leather satchel. My eyes lingered a little too long on the tattoo at the back of my hand. Another reminder.

"I mean no disrespect," I said to him, hand on the doorknob. "But it is within your best interests not to grow too fond of me."

"If it's because of the drugs, it's nothing I can't handle," he snarled, "I've dealt with that kind of thing my whole life."

I turned, searching his face, running my eyes down his body to his toes, watching as they curled into the wood beneath his feet. I drew in a breath.

Lifting a hand, I placed a palm against his cheek and smiled sadly. "Then even more so you should keep your distance."

I left him then, allowing him to find his way out of my home and back to his. There were places I needed to be. He would forgive me in time and come to realize that I was right. Being allies was the only choice...for now.

The ride to the station was freeing. I left the helmet behind and just let the wind blow through my hair. I took deep breaths of the city air and smelled human and pollution, but there was also life and power and wonder. It was exhilarating after days of being cooped up inside and completely out of it.

When I pulled into my parking spot at the station I was hesitant to go inside. There was a particular energy there that made me wary, but I did not want to be known as a coward.

So I strode in as if I'd never left and I was greeted as such by my crew.

I worked my way towards the locker room, receiving "welcome backs" and pats on the shoulder as I walked by. I smiled at each in return, happy to see them.

It was with every intention that I planned to change into uniform and ignore his presence, but I should have known he would have none of it. I stopped in my tracks and stared at the body in front of my designated locker.

Hiei sat on the bench, arms behind his head, leaned back so he was resting against my locker door. His feet were crossed, legs stretched out in front of him. I was tempted to kick them to see if it would knock him off balance, but thought better of it when his eyes cracked open.

"Is this your way of welcoming me back?" I asked.

He was in uniform, which was a shock. Did he plan to continue this charade even though it was no longer necessary? Surely the culprits would not be fooled twice.

"You've been with Yusuke for the past three days," he said in way of greeting.

"Yes, I suppose I have," I said, shoving my way behind him so I could get at my locker.

He resisted at first, before leaning forward on the bench and giving me more room. Most likely because he preferred not to be touched.

I changed, not at all caring that Hiei was still sitting there watching me. What I told Kuwbara held true, a body was a body, nothing inherently sexual about it unless you wanted there to be. And Hiei was a demon, just like me. His eyes did not roam inappropriately, they stayed eerily trained on my face, and caused an unpleasant chill to slide down my spine.

"Why are you here?" I finally asked.

"Work," was his reply. "Someone had to fill in while you were off frying your brain cells."

I ignored the insult, which I was sure he hoped I'd grasp onto, and asked, "Have you gone mad? Fill in? Do you honestly think you're a medical professional now?"

Hiei cocked his head and raised an eyebrow, one corner of his mouth twisting into a rather sinister smirk. "It's a good way to keep a close watch on you."

I stood a little straighter, keeping my face so carefully blank you would think I turned to stone. "Is this about what you saw?"

There was no Kurama to step in between us this time. And I was ready for that.

Hiei stood, his full height several inches taller than I was, and stared down at me with a menacing gaze. "You are a liar. You say you were born in Gandara; that you're incapable of violence. Yet what I saw among your memories belied the exact opposite." 

I stood my ground, planting my feet and letting the haze my brain had been under for days dissolve. An argument spawned in my head, my mind building scenarios and outcomes and picking the best course of action.

"How long have we known each other?" I asked him.

This pulled him up short, he stopped to think about it, his gaze not any less lethal than a moment before. "About seven months. Not including the time you pinned me to a table during the last tournament."

So he did remember. The bastard. "And in that time have I done a single thing that might lead you to believe I plan to hurt any of you?"

He flickered from my view and even though I could see his blur, my eyes were not fast enough to follow it. He appeared behind me, hand at my throat, but not yet choking. It felt as if a menacing dark cloud was leaning over me, waiting to suffocate what little life still remained.

"You hold yourself as a warrior. An instinctual part of you that your body will never forget. And while you may have once lived in Gandara...you certainly weren't born there. Wherever you come from is not a place I've ever seen."

Too much. He knew too much. I needed to prod that confession from him, to know how much he'd seen. But it was worse than I'd thought.

"Gandara is my home. The other place you saw is not one I wish to remember."

"So you say," he murmured, "but where do your loyalties truly lie, in the end."

"Here. They lie here and nowhere else. They lie within me and go where I go. I belong to no one and nothing. All I've ever wished was to help those who were hurting."

"As you hurt?" he asked. "To the point you take drugs to dull it. You were once a warrior...yet you are weak. A pathetic excuse for demon kind."

I reached up, wrapping a hand around his wrist and encasing it in ice. It covered the lower half of my face in the process, stopping just over my bottom lip. The ice would not last long, I could already feel the power of his fire searing across his skin. But with a swift crack I spread the ice further until it ran down my neck and covered his arm to his elbow.

It was one of the gentlest shows of power I could afford to use. And he did not need to know what I was truly capable of—not yet.

When he burnt the ice away the water it created was boiling hot and it hurt when it cascaded over my skin, slipping down my neck and shoulders.

"You hold no power here," he said. "Unless you have decided to show me that fire that burns within you."

"What is your goal with this?" I asked. "Do you plan to kill me? To be rid of me so I may not interfere with the king?"

He let me go abruptly, but I did not stumble forward. I held my ground—that warrior's stance he had so observantly noticed.

"I want to learn all your secrets, Etternia. That is my goal. And once I have, then I shall decide if you deserve to live or die."

I spat at his feet and snarled, "Ganga til helvete," the words burning through my throat. It had been so long...so long since I spoke my native tongue.

It felt both good and wrathful; as if I had just spat out the underlying rage that came along with the remembrance of my people.

Hiei's head cocked, the rage at being spat at disappearing almost as soon as it came. "Say something else."

"Why should I?"

"Do as I say, woman."

It was out of spite when I finally ground out, "Neinn."

"What language is that?" he posed the question as a demand, but the curiosity in his eyes had me grinning wryly.

"You believe yourself to be so smart, I am certain you can figure it out on your own."

It would not take him long, I was sure, if he was serious. It would take only him repeating the words to Kurama and no doubt the fox would know it upon hearing it.

The radio at my shoulder crackled to life and the tension between us came to a stalemate. I listened to the codes and then went running to gather the team and our equipment. Hiei rode beside me in the ambulance, falling back into the rhythm he'd learned from watching me.

And I wondered once again what his motivation was. Surely his dedication to this wasn't solely based on his unyielding desire to figure me out.

His steady gaze held many secrets, but also many truths.

He wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be. That much I knew. Just like I knew that he would not give up until I told him what he wanted to hear, and I just couldn't do that.

It seemed I would soon be running out of time.

 **. . .**

A week after I returned to work there was another bombing. This time at a college. It was especially cruel, the bomb going off during classes, killing teachers and students alike. It was one of the few colleges in the city that were accepting applications for students of demonic descent.

I rushed so many to nearby hospitals with third and fourth degree burns. Some with missing limbs and broken bones. And even more that left in black bags, after my team and I had helped place tags on their toes, each one scrupulously checked for signs of life.

At the end of it all, I found Hiei sifting through some of the wreckage, his face more haggard than I'd ever seen it.

He spoke before I realized he even noticed I was there. "These bombings reflect poorly on Yusuke."

"They think he's incompetent as a king," I said. I'd heard plenty of rumblings from our kind, mostly displeasure with Yusuke and his failed attempt at integrating demons among the humans.

"He isn't," Hiei snarled, as if he took personal offense. "When I find whoever is doing this they'll be begging me for death by the time I'm through with them."

"Yusuke means a lot to you, doesn't he?" I was curious. Hiei often spoke of Yusuke as if he revered him. Even while he found ways to insult him.

Hiei sneered at me and refused to answer, continuing to search for any survivors or looked over bodies. He was dirty, covered in ash and debris from head to toe. And for a moment I wished I had my sketch book so I could draw him, just as he was.

"Don't just stand there, idiot," he snapped.

"You are...a much different man than the one I met during the first tournament."

"Hn," he grunted and then flickered away to the other side of the area, as far from me as he could get without actually leaving.

We searched for a long while, until the team gathered weary from the day and ushered the last of the ambulances towards an available hospital. We returned to the station after, showering off the day's grime and trying to wipe away the images seared into our minds.

Shou suggested drinks and we all went to a bar that was close to the station. The evening was sullen, but amicable enough, even with Hiei brooding in the stool beside me.

"You don't have to be here, you know," I said.

He took a long gulp off the disgusting concoction he'd forced the bartender to make and glare at me. "Am I not welcome?"

I turned back to my own drink, running my fingertips through the condensation on the glass and smearing it across the bar top. "I did not say that, you just look a bit uncomfortable."

"Why do you care?"

I shrugged, taking a sip off my drink and listening to the ice clink in the glass when I set it back down. "I suppose I don't," I said. "Stay or don't stay, the choice is yours."

An uncomfortable silence fell over us then and I concentrated on the voices of my crew around me, the laughter and jokes and ribbing. They were good people, I thought. Good people that did not deserve to see such horrifying things.

"Do you plan to betray us, Etternia?"

Turning, I cast him a dreamy, broken smile. And said with certainty, "No, of course not."

"Hn," he grunted into his glass, finishing off the drink and pushing a bill across the counter.

He got up to leave, not even saying goodbye. And I just stared at the empty space he'd once occupied, thinking of all the tiny nuances of our dance. He was learning the steps. And soon I would not be able to hide from him.

"Ettie! Wanna play a round of pool?!"

I finished off my own drink and ordered another. I spent the rest of the evening forgetting and pretending. Forgetting who I really was. And pretending that I was someone else entirely.

 **. . .**

 **Fall – November 2003**

"Koenma told me this morning he might have a lead on the bombers."

"Oh?" I asked, as my fingers darted across the course paper in my lap.

"Yeah, he should be swinging by my place later tonight. I'll call you to let you know what's up."

"Stay still, please," I said, smudging some of the shading with my thumb.

"Why are we doing this again?"

"Because I asked you to, so sit still for just a little while longer."

Yusuke sighed but did as he was told, holding the pose I'd arranged him in more than an hour earlier. He spent most of the time I was drawing him filling the silence with pointless chatter. This was the first bit of any kind of notable worth.

"I just don't get what's so special about me today that you felt the need to draw my ugly mug."

He wouldn't. It was with an artist's eye that I noticed the subtle change of that light in his eyes. It had grown brighter, as if he'd found some new purpose. And this had also given me an excuse to draw him shirtless, because the markings he bore on his chest and arms were far more intricate than the ones on his face.

"You are quite attractive, Yusuke. Don't put yourself down like that."

A blush bloomed across his cheeks and he reached up to scratch at the back of his head. "It was just a joke, no need to get all serious on me."

I chewed at the stud in my bottom lip, cursing when I just couldn't get one of the marking's on his chest correct. It took much longer than I expected and when I was finished I still wasn't satisfied.

I handed the finished piece over to Yusuke, whose mouth flopped open. "That isn't me," he choked out.

"You don't like it?" I asked, only a little disappointed.

"No, it's not that...just...is that how you really see me?"

"I see you as anyone else might," I said. "I did not embellish the drawing, if that's what you're asking."

I slipped by him to the kitchen, intent on making some coffee and perhaps eating the pastries Kurama had sent over with Yusuke.

"Hey," Yusuke called from the other room, "it's snowing!"

I looked out the kitchen window. So it was. The white was heavy enough to stick on the flower box I'd never bothered to plant anything in.

I set the kettle down onto the stove, a devious plan hatching.

While Yusuke was still in the other room, I pulled open the window, careful to keep it from squeaking, and scooped up some snow. I balled it up and hid it behind my back.

"Yusuke, can you come help me please?"

He rounded the corner just as I hoped and I flung the snow at him. He dodged, much to my disappointment, and it smashed into the wall on the opposite side of the room.

He turned to look at the already melting snow and then back to me with a face that said he was clearly unimpressed. "You gotta do better than that, babe."

All thoughts of mischief fled. "Don't call me that."

"I didn't mean anything by it."

"I'm serious, Yusuke. If you keep doing things like that I won't let you come over anymore."

"Oh, come on. That's not fair. It was just a joke."

I sighed, busying myself with making coffee for the two of us. "Everything's a joke to you," I said.

I set out two small plates, old and chipped, with a flaky pastry and fork for each of us. But Yusuke didn't sit. He hovered on the other side of the table, that light shining in his serious gaze making goose flesh rise on my skin.

"What is it?" I asked, eyes dipping to the table and voice soft as the snow that fell outside my window.

"Nothing," he murmured and then finally took his seat.

I did not prod for an explanation, knowing it was better left alone. We drank and ate in silence and when Yusuke left it was a rather somber affair. He promised again to call me and I nodded, wishing him well.

I was glad for the face he didn't invite me along. Seeing Koenma now would not work in my favor.

Alone once again, I stepped out onto my balcony, barefoot and aching, but not from the cold. My plans were starting to spiral down into a place they should never go. I did not account for Yusuke's unusual charisma and magnetic personality. I had foolishly thought I could befriend him without it effecting me.

But I could use that to my own advantage, if I played the game correctly.

In my mind I saw all the tiny chess pieces and tried to predict all their movements, from start to finish, but Yusuke was always the wild card—that one unknown factor that could ruin the entire game.

And then there was Hiei...who was fast becoming just as fierce a player as I was.

I should have kept my distance...but this was the only feasible option; the only choice. Without the king the rest of the pieces would not move where I needed them to.

I was certain that it was time for me to make a move of my own.

And hope to the gods that the knight did not also decide to join us on the board.

Cold wisps of winter's breath created a halo about my head. I clutched the glass bottle between my fingers, counted the pills twice, and took two.

Later that night the picture I'd drawn of Yusuke found its way into a box where I hid all my treasures—mementos I was never able to let go of. And there it would stay. I always wanted to remember his face as it was now—strong, confident, unyielding as well as kind.

But I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the final face I saw from Yusuke would be one of hatred.

And it hurt far more than I ever thought it could.

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** The reviews you guys have been sending me really lift my spirits! I'm so appreciative of the feedback and nice things you have all said! Thank you so much! I love hearing from all of you and it really made the last couple of weeks (which were not so great) a lot more bearable.


	9. Weak of Heart

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 9: Weak of Heart**

 **A/N:** I feel like this is a good time to introduce Yusuke's POV. Wish me luck xD

 **. . .**

"Am I crazy for even trying?"

"I'm not one for giving up...but Ettie has been pretty clear on what she wants."

I sighed, that wasn't the answer I was hoping to hear from Kuwabara. Last I knew he was a hopeless romantic. I figured he'd tell me that I wasn't trying hard enough. But considering what happened with Yukina...

Yeah, maybe I was stupid for asking for his advice.

So I turned to Kurama instead. "What about you fox-boy? You wanna throw in your two cents?"

Kurama was at his kitchen sink washing dishes like the domestic bastard he was these days, but he gave me his full attention, drying his hands on a towel that hung from the handle on his oven.

"I think Kazuma is right. You can't force someone to feel a certain way."

My hands delved into my hair, agitated and frustrated. When I slammed them back on the table I was sure it stood in every direction. "That isn't what I wanted to hear!"

"Well, you asked for our opinion, Urameshi, not for us to lie to you."

"I really think she likes me though," my voice was bordering on whiny. But Ettie was driving me crazy, in more ways than one.

"You have bigger things to worry about than some woman," his voice was biting, as if the entire conversation highly offended him.

"No one asked you, hamsterlegs!" snapped Kuwabara, who turned in his seat to toss Hiei the stink eye.

Although 'hamsterlegs' was no longer a fitting insult, considering Hiei was just as tall as I was now.

"And the advice of some inexperienced virgin is so groundbreaking."

It was Kurama that dragged a struggling Kuwabara back to his chair when he shot up to pick a fight with the shorter man. And as per usual, Hiei didn't even open his eyes, let alone uncross his arms in an attempt to defend himself. He stayed leaning against the wall in the back of Kurama's kitchen, closest to the window, as if he didn't have a care in the world. Some things never changed.

But his shoulders were tense and his jaw was tight. He didn't like where the conversation had turned.

"What's your problem with Ettie anyway?" I asked, a vain hope that I would actually get an answer out of him this time.

When he cracked open a single eye to regard me with a hard stare I felt my breath hitch. Weird. But not something I wasn't used to. Hiei had a strange effect on people, myself included. I just didn't let it get to me like everyone else seemed to.

"She's a nuisance," was what he chose to give as an excuse this time.

I opened my mouth to argue, maybe even drag out a real answer from him for once, but Kurama shook his head. It was subtle, a warning for me to give up before I'd begun. But when was I one to listen to people's dumbass advice?

"If she's such a pain in the ass why do you hang around her all the time?"

Both his eyes snapped open this time. And I grinned in triumph.

"One could ask you the same question, fool."

I just laughed. Was he not paying attention for the past few months. "I like her, idiot."

"Why don't you fuck her and then tell me if your obsession holds true."

I felt anger coil in my stomach, but on the outside I just let my lips curl up into a grin that probably did a good job at looking sinister. "I think you're avoiding answering the question, Hiei."

"And I think you should use the head on your shoulders more often instead of the one between your legs."

That did it. I was up and out of my seat before anyone had a chance to react. And in a blink I had my hand fisted in Hiei's shirt. Eye to eye now, his glare was all the more intense and it sent a thrill zinging across my skin.

"You pickin' a fight?" I growled, leaning in close so I was right up in his face.

"I believe Hiei only wishes for you to think a little more clearly," said Kurama.

Always the referee these days now that Botan and Keiko weren't around. The thought of Keiko made something inside my chest clench and I was once again thankful my human heart stopped beating all those years ago.

"Well," I rumbled, drawing out the word, "I think Hiei should back the hell off. I'm a grown ass man."

"And a king," Hiei growled in return, baring his teeth. "You shouldn't so callously toss aside your status."

I let him go and he didn't so much as stumble. Tch.

"Don't remind me," I said. "Didn't realize this gig would be such a pain in my ass."

I plopped back into my chair with a huff and it was with a smug sense of satisfaction I noticed Hiei straightening his clothes. He looked good dressed as a human. It was a habit I was glad stuck around after years of him hating the entire human race.

"What did Koenma tell you yesterday, Urameshi?"

The conversation fell away from Ettie, albeit not the most lighthearted of subjects, but far better than this. This was the whole reason I'd gotten them all together today.

"Necromancy isn't their goal."

"That doesn't explain the oddity back in spirit world with the man we captured," said Kurama.

"It's not necromancy according to Koenma and they have no need for the bodies. None have gone missing and when they performed an autopsy on the guy we caught..."

I shook my head, it didn't make a lot of sense to me. I wished Ettie was here so she could explain it better. When I called her to fill her in she'd understood it so well and explained it in terms I could understand. But she was working and couldn't be a part of the meeting today.

Probably for the best, I thought, eyeing Hiei's sour face.

"So, what did they find?"

"I'm getting there Kuwabara, jeez." I scowled at him and then cleared my throat. "Koenma said the body processes were being...controlled. But not the brain."

"Sounds like a zombie to me."

"Even a zombie, in it's base form, has some brain activity. Otherwise it would not feel the constant need to eat."

"Zombies aren't fucking real guys, so who cares!"

"I don't know, that time with Suzaku...everyone in Sarayashiki was basically a zombie."

"No—goddamn it Kuwabara! They were possessed by bugs! Big difference!"

Then I slapped a hand to my face. Why were we arguing over something so stupid?

"Anyway...what else was Koenma able to tell you?" asked Kurama.

"That whoever is doing this has some serious medical knowledge on both human and demon biology. And according to the diaper king, those types are few and far between."

Hiei released a cold laugh from across the room, lips turned up into a sardonic smirk. "Isn't that interesting," he said.

"If you so much as suggest that it's Ettie I might just kill you," I snapped.

His grudge against her was growing stale fast. He went from tenuously respecting her to despising her again overnight. I figured it had to do with my little escapade to the club that one time...but now I wasn't so sure.

Hiei wasn't an irrational guy. He got mad, sure. He could be a real asshole sometimes. But he wasn't one to lie or put on a production. He knew something was up, but wasn't sharing with the rest of the kids.

"She's going to betray you, detective. Being blind to it won't save you."

"Do you really believe that, Hiei?" asked Kuwabara.

"I believe she's lying. That the drugs she takes are not just to numb her suffering but also to numb her brain from intruders. It's impossible to read her mind."

"That isn't enough evidence to suggest she's going to double cross us."

"It's enough to be wary, however," said Kurama, "and I'm inclined to trust Hiei's judgment."

I sighed, conceding. "I know she isn't who she says she is. I'm not that blind or stupid. But I really don't think she's a threat, not once have I gotten that vibe off her."

"Of course you haven't!" Hiei snapped. "She wants you to trust her, to become close, so you'll confide in her. Do not be so naive, detective."

"I think I liked it better a few years back when you didn't talk so goddamn much."

Hiei rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to spew some comeback I was sure would fire me up, but I stopped him before so much as a syllable escaped. "What do you feel when you're around her?"

Hiei was drawn up short, eyes flickering around the room, unable to look at me anymore. He could try to refute it all he wanted, but over the last so many months he was slowly growing closer to Ettie. For better or worse, Hiei was welcoming another into his fold, even if he didn't notice it. Even if he fought it at every turn.

When he didn't reply I pushed him further, "What do you _feel,_ Hiei?"

I didn't expect him to be honest, so when he started quite literally spitting out every emotion he'd ever felt around Ettie, I sat there stunned.

"Confusion, anger, distrust; camaraderie..." He ticked each one off, as if checking off a grocery list. "Respect, shame, contempt, surprise; calm..."

He trailed off, realizing we were all staring at him with open mouths.

Kurama cleared his throat. "Um, well...some of those are...quite contradictory, but I do not think that's what Yusuke meant."

"It's like you love to hate her," said Kuwabara, chuckling.

"Shit," I breathed, stunned. Hiei fucking _liked_ her. He didn't trust her, but he fucking liked her in some twisted sort of way.

"You asked what I felt around her, that is my reply. I am still unconvinced she's anything other than an enemy."

"You're so full of shit!" I pointed at the pager he kept clipped to his belt all the time now. "Why are you carrying that around then, huh?"

"It's to keep an eye on her movements."

"Riiight."

I could tell he was getting more pissed by the second, his energy flashing in discord within his aura. Both Kuwabara and Kurama had twin looks of exasperation. But it didn't stop me from putting the nail in my own coffin.

"Maybe the one who should stop thinking with their dick is you."

The sweet sting of flesh hitting flesh made me grin. He put me on my ass, hand wrapped in the collar of my shirt, arm pulled back to hit me again. It'd been too long and I wanted this a little too much.

I saw Kuwabara come hovering behind Hiei and before he could get hurt cast him a look that quickly had him backing away. This was my fight, damn it.

"Wanna take this outside?" I asked, licking the blood from the corner of my lips.

But something in Hiei's face changed. He extricated his hand from my shirt, movements controlled and careful. His eyes dipped closed, briefly, and then he released an almost inaudible breath.

"Do as you please, detective. But do not come crying to me when the world falls down around you."

And then he was gone, through the window. What a melodramatic dick.

 **. . .**

 **December 2003—two weeks later.**

This got harder every day, I decided. It was like torture. Torture because I had to wade through bodies, my enhanced senses seeing and smelling and hearing everything in the aftermath of another bombing. Each day I was king came with another hardship.

And slowly the people began to hate me, wishing to go back to the old ways, when killing humans was legal. That many would have rather remained in demon world because they'd lost family and friends and lovers.

I couldn't blame them.

I was a fuck up. I couldn't pretend I was anything other than total shit at this job. No preparation from Hokushin or the other monks helped. All those talks with Yomi and Mukuro hadn't either.

I was so far up shitcreek without a paddle that I might as well drown myself in shit lake.

Ettie was beside me, cataloging and tagging the bodies, taking photos of any identifying marks for when they were eventually transported to a hospital's morgue. She would show family and friends the photos in hopes that she could put a name to every single body her and Hiei and her team had dragged from the wreckage.

Snow was already starting to coat their cooling flesh, as if blanketing out the ugly burns and missing limbs.

It was too bright for something so gruesome.

And seeing Ettie with so much blood on her hands made my stomach churn. She was too pretty, too kind. Not once did the thought cross my mind that she could be associated with these bombings. Hiei must be off his rocker.

"There were no survivors this time..." Her shoulders shook, voice catching and words thick. Pain. Pain etched into every essence of her being.

Her job had quickly gone from saving lives to collecting bodies from the collapsed building. The few demons who'd survived long enough for her and the other crews to drag them from the debris didn't make it through the triage stage.

They all looked so desolate. And I felt it too, staring at that stretch of bodies. Line after line. Tag after tag. Soon they'd be zipped up into black bags and transported away.

This needed to end...

A hand came up to rest on my shoulder, the squeeze gentle. "I have to go along for the transport. I'll meet up with you later, okay?"

Ettie. Those eyes that stared up at me kept entranced for a moment too long. And then I was reaching out and closing my palm over her hand, squeezing. She drew it away, as I expected. "I'll see you later," I said.

I would meet up with her at her place after I did a little more investigating of my own.

I picked my way over to Hiei, who was dressed as an EMT, and even though he'd been doing this for months it still made me want to laugh. I couldn't deny that the little bastard had gotten good at it though. A testament to how much time he'd been spending with Ettie.

"You goin' with her?" I asked him.

Hiei's gaze flicked up from the body he was looking at and then over to where Ettie was helping load up the countless black bags. His eyes narrowed and then he growled out a, "No."

"I'm going over to her place later. Want to come with?"

"Why the hell would I want to do that?"

I shrugged, using a finger to scratch at my cheek. "Dunno, thought maybe if you got to know her outside of all this you'd change your mind about her."

He snorted and if he hadn't dipped his head again I was sure I would have seen him roll his eyes. "Concentrate on the mission, Yusuke. You have plenty of time to bed women later."

"That's...not all I want her for."

He drew in a sharp breath and stood to his full height. The wide eyed look he was giving me was kind of endearing...and I was a little triumphant I'd caused it.

"Listen...Keiko moving to America tore me up, even if we both agreed it was for the best. I haven't even considered anyone else since and that was almost a year ago now."

And I'd had ample opportunity. Since becoming king I'd been sent so many propositions I began throwing them out. The women bold enough to do it in person were all shot down. I wasn't interested in a rebound. Still wasn't.

Ettie was a different story.

"You should give this more thought," said Hiei.

"Now you're sounding like Kurama."

He said no more, but the way his eyes smoldered left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

 **. . .**

I tipped the chair back until it was standing on two legs, feet perched on Ettie's table. I had a cold beer in my hand and soft music filtered in from the stereo in the other room.

Ettie was sitting across from me, high as a kite and in the process of sketching something I couldn't quite pin down. It was full of shadows, dark and depressive.

Her hair fell across her face, the tiny braids adorned with little beads today. It took more willpower than I wanted to admit not to get up and brush it off her skin.

Fuck, my heart was weak...

I let the chair clatter back to the floor, draining my beer for courage. She paid me no mind, so comfortable in my presence now that it was almost criminal. She didn't hear when I set the bottle down or when pushed my chair back or rose to saunter my way around the table.

I stood in front of her, staring at the back of her bowed head, fists clenched at my sides so I didn't make the mistake of touching her. At least not yet.

"Ettie..."

She held up a finger, telling me to wait. But I was done waiting. Had been for awhile now.

I grabbed her hand fast as a lightning strike. I ripped her up from her chair, not caring when her sketch book went tumbling to the floor, the pencils and charcoal rolling away. A dark, deep desire loomed in the back of my mind and I couldn't ignore it anymore; couldn't keep playing this game.

Glassy eyes stared up at me held within a face so passive I almost changed my mind.

How can you look so calm? How, when I am suffering here beside you, can you look at me that way?

"What are you doing?" she asked.

I wanted to break that careful calm she held onto so strongly. Shatter it to pieces and toss them into the sea of emotion I could feel sparking within my core.

I'd had some time to come to terms with my more demonic instincts. Often times I could rule over them with the memory of being human. But what I wanted from Ettie was rooted deep, deep within that basis. And I knew it as well as she did.

"I'm going to kiss you now, Ettie. And you're gonna fuckin' let me."

I took some satisfaction at the sight of her eyes going wide before I dipped in, pulling her close, flush against me so I could feel the heat of her. And she just fucking _melted._ No resistance. No protests. She opened up to me like she'd been waiting for this just as long as I was.

The kiss turned violent, a give and take that took my breath away. I had her pressed back into the table, lifting her up, wrapping her legs around my hips. I buried a hand in her hair, fingers getting tangled in the braids, and pressed the other up beneath her shirt, needing to feel that bare skin.

It was like I dumped a bucket of cold water over her.

She jerked away from me, freezing half the table in the process in a solid block of ice. The punch she swung at me was half-assed and I blocked it easily enough.

In the aftermath she sat on the table, chest heaving and eyes wild, hair a mess.

I wanted to fucking kiss her again.

Why the hell was it like this? Why couldn't I control how I felt about her? I had so much other shit on my plate and the only thing I could think about was her.

"Don't _ever_ do that again," she growled.

"You liked it," I said, words biting because her reaction was not what I'd been hoping for.

"Get out," she said, pointing towards the door.

She didn't have to tell me twice. With one final hard angry stare in her direction, I grabbed my coat from the back of my chair and fled.

I ran all the way back to my apartment, heat coursing through my veins for more than one reason. And oh how I hated myself just then. How I wanted to go bash someone's face in and then drink until I couldn't remember how stupid I was.

It was dumb blind luck that Hiei was waiting outside my door. Lucky for me, unlucky for him.

"Fight me fucker," was the first thing I said.

"Did you have a spat with your little lover?"

I hit him so hard in the face I felt his nose crack beneath the blow. All bets were off after that. Hiei tackled me in midair, throwing me off the railing and down into the street below the building. I felt his blood drip on my face with each hit he landed on me, turning me black and blue with his bare hands alone.

A crowd gathered to watch the brawl. And I gave as good as I got.

It didn't end until we were both tangled together in a broken and bloody mess. Hiei's hands wrapped in my shirt and shaking me as if that would knock any sense into my convoluted brain.

"You goddamned idiot," he snarled and shook me again.

I grappled with him, dragging him into an embrace that I didn't realize I needed and Hiei wanted nothing to do with, but minus a little weak struggling, allowed it to happen. I hid my face in that stupid black cloak he was wearing again and squeezed just a little harder than necessary, feeling his shoulders tense up until he was stiff as a board.

"I fucked up," I whined into his shirt.

And he just sighed, dragging a hand through my blood flecked hair until he had enough to grip. He pulled my head back and looked down at me with cold eyes. "What else is new."

The laughter was both a release and a comfort.

The fight over and done with, the crowd gathered around scattered, the sound of sirens in the background. We clambered to our feet and I brushed myself off even though it was pointless.

"Should probably skedaddle before the cops get here."

I turned to look at Hiei then, the skin around his eyes already turning black from the broken nose he was in the process of setting. With a sickening crack, he straightened it without so much as flinching.

"Go for a drink?" I asked afterwards.

He hummed his agreement and the two of us took off running, away from the chaos we'd caused. I forgot about it soon after. Wasn't my problem now.

We ended up at our usual haunt, scaring away the group of scrubs sitting in the booth we'd claimed years ago. I sunk into the seat, grateful, and took a breath. The bar tender brought us our drinks without even having to ask, knowing exactly what we liked.

It took two before I was ready to talk. Much to Hiei's annoyance.

"I kissed her," I said, folding my arms on the table and resting my head in them.

"Idiot," Hiei mumbled over the lip of his glass.

"Yeah, yeah...I know."

We sat and drank for awhile, the silence comfortable. It was always that way with Hiei. You always knew he was there and his presence was reassuring, but there was no pressure to talk or spill about your feelings. Unlike Kuwabara who would have grilled me for the next hour for all the gory details.

"Oi, Urameshi!"

Speak of the devil and he shall appear...

Kuwabara came marching over to our table, Kurama behind him looking as if the poor guy had been harassed into coming. He was still dressed in his suit and tie from the office, meaning Kuwabara hadn't even given him a chance to change.

He loosened it with a tired breath and slipped into the booth beside Hiei.

I waved the bartender over, calling for another round of drinks as Kuwabara settled into berating me, because there could only be one reason why he'd gone through the trouble of coming to find me here.

"She called you, huh?"

"She wanted to make sure you didn't go off and do something stupid! And what happens? You two obviously got into a fight!" he waved his hand haphazardly in mine and Hiei's direction, pointing at the blood and bruises we were still covered in.

"So what?"

"So what?! So what, he says, why I oughta..."

Kuwabara plopped down beside me, downing the beer that was placed in front of him in two gulps easy. He slammed the empty glass back onto the table and then whacked me in the back of the head.

"Hey! What gives?!"

"You are not acting in a manner that is befitting of a king."

"Oh, come on, you too Kurama? I'm king over a bunch of demons, not some hoity toity country."

"Be that as it may, you need to set an example for the demons that have come through the barrier to better their lives here. Getting into street brawls is counterproductive."

"Tch, you guys are a bunch of pansies now."

"Speak for yourself," said Hiei.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh right, Mr. EMT over here thinks he's such a badass."

Hiei looked as if he were about to argue and I leaned forward in my seat because—oh, this should be _good—_ but the insistent buzzing of Kuwabara's phone completely ruined it.

He smiled apologetically and reached into his pocket, flipping it open and putting it to his ear. "Kuwabara Kazuma, here."

He listened hard, cupping his hand over the earpiece to drown out some of the noise around us. The look on his face was beginning to worry me...

"W-wait, slow down, Ettie! I can't hear you!"

This had me sitting up straighter, a healthy spike of unfounded fear skittering down my spine. "It's Ettie?! What's going on, Kuwabara?!"

But Kuwabara just holds up a hand, telling me to wait. He listened for a while longer and then cursed, clapping his cell closed with enough force to almost break it. "I couldn't make out what the hell she was trying to say but she's in trouble!"

"Are you certain?" asked Kurama.

"Pretty damn sure."

Kuwabara slapped down enough bills to pay for all of our drinks before grabbing his coat and heading for the door. I was right behind him, a simmering anger clouding the worry and confusion I was feeling. What the hell was going on?

"What did you hear, Kuwabara?"

The look he shot me was grave—eyes steely and hard, a front for what he really felt. Fear. Unadulterated fear. Whatever he'd heard was the definition of bad.

It was with this single look that I realized how rooted Ettie had so suddenly become within our group. And how easily that could end.

"We have to find her," I said.

It was with only a little surprise that I found Hiei already on it, Jagan open and searching, scanning for her energy.

When it closed and he told us her approximate location, I cracked my knuckles and windmilled my arms, stretching the muscles. "Lets go fuck up someone's night, boys."

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** So this is my first time writing anything from Yusuke's POV like this. I'm hoping that I pulled it off okay, but reassure me, would you guys? Was it bad? Was I spot on? Could it use some improvement? And what the heck is going on with Ettie now? And YUSUKE KISSED HER OMG! Sorry for the cliffhanger though xD


	10. The First Move

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 10: The First Move**

 **A/N: Sorry for the confusion the POV change caused last chapter! Next time it will be in bold at the top (though I did put in an author's note the last time too xD). This story will every so often change POVs from Ettie's, to Yusuke's, and also Hiei will make an appearance too. But anyway, onto chapter 10!**

 **Back to Ettie's POV!**

 ***Edit: So, half this chapter originally uploaded in italics and it irritated me to the point I had to delete all the formatting. Hopefully it's fixed now.**

 **. . .**

Unexpected.

And certainly not part of the plan.

This entire night was in total ruin. But I might still get what I needed in the end, if I made my moves with care.

I was aware that my apartment was being watched. It'd been that way since Obon. Someone cunning and quick. A demon who hid its presence so well not even Yusuke or Hiei had detected them.

Yet I had. I was certain it was done with intent.

And I was also certain it was a particular member of what I had come to realize was a terrorist group. The ones behind the bombings, killing humans and demons alike. Killing humans because they were beginning to realize that not all demons were monsters. That they could become useful members to human society and help in its advancement. And killing demons because they had renounced the old ways by coming here, to human world.

It wasn't just a couple of people.

It was an entire organization. A much bigger scope than what I accounted for.

But it changed nothing. It just made what I needed to accomplish a hair more difficult.

"I did as you asked," I said, clapping the cellular phone shut. It was snatched from my grip a second later.

"No shit, my hearing's just fine."

My captor was a rather sour young man of about twenty, would be my educated guess. He wore dark concealing clothing. And a mask over his face like a true amateur.

But I could see the outline of a gun at his hip, even in the darkness of the ship's hold. I could disarm him easily enough, but it would start a fight I wasn't willing to participate in. He was just a human, after all, and far more fragile than I was.

I'd allowed my capture in the hopes I would be taken to someplace I could gather information.

Instead I was dragged to a shipping port, deserted at this time of night, and then hauled onto one of the boats. Once properly tied up, my captor had forced me to call the King and demanded I put on a "good show" of being panicked.

Without his knowledge I'd called Kuwabara instead. The last used number in my cellphone.

Yusuke would notice I was faking the poor connection and that my panicked tone was forced at best.

Much to the annoyance of the young man in front of me, I was neither panicked nor afraid. And each second I stared him down another proverbial bead of sweat formed on his brow.

"If he doesn't come in the next hour I'll shoot you and leave the body somewhere he can find it."

I said nothing in return, my face just as impassive as the second he'd used a taser to take me down. It'd caused me more surprise than pain. But did allow a moment of negligence so he could put me in handcuffs.

Handcuffs I could have easily frozen and snapped in half by now if I'd wanted.

At my lack of response, the man pulled his gun and hit me on the side of the head with the butt of it. It cracked like a whip but there wasn't enough force for my head to turn. I could feel the sting of broken skin and the trickle of blood down my cheek.

I snaked out my tongue and licked some of it up, coating my lips in red. I was sure my eyes were shining with some unholy color in this darkness, and I could hear when the human's heart picked up it's tempo.

He froze, gun rattling in his shaking hands.

He had no knowledge of the power housed within an S class demon.

It was almost sad, and I could sympathize with the man. But that did not mean I would bow to him.

"You're a monster," he said.

"Yes," I breathed. "That is true."

This was starting to look like a waste of time. Why was he the only one here? Surely there must be someone in the shadows pulling the strings. I could not be the only one moving pieces across the board.

For a moment he looked rather horrified, before his eyes wandered away. He pressed two fingers to his left ear and listened.

An earpiece.

Whoever was calling the shots was smart enough to stay hidden.

He spoke quick and concise words in English. A language I had yet to master. And then he knelt to the ground so we were eye level.

My knees dug into the rough metal and the handcuffs were too tight and whatever he was about to tell me was not going to work in my favor. Yusuke was here. I could feel his energy as well as those of the others. All four men had come to my rescue.

"If you do not flee here you will be captured," I said.

All fear was now gone from the lines of his face, though I could still see the trepidation swimming in the vibrant blue of his irises. "They won't even reach the boat," he said. "All you demons are the same, hungry for blood and death. He came here without any hesitation...and walked right into our trap."

"Your people have watched me long enough to realize I mean something to him," I said. Not a question, but a statement of fact.

"When his girlfriend left we thought we lost our bargaining chip. Lucky for us the king's a horny bastard."

They'd planned to take his human lover. How long had this organization been in the works? Since Yusuke became king?

No...before that even, when that brash young boy first showed up in demon world and changed _everything._ They bided their time. Waited until he was king. Just so they could undermine him and destroy all he ever planned to achieve.

"Who is your leader?" I asked. Ice skittered up my palms, towards the cuffs. Slow...slow. Don't let him see or hear.

My captor stood to his full height and grinned down at me, lifting the pistol and pointing it so it was centered on my forehead. "I don't know the boss' name, but I can tell you who we are, considering you're about to die."

He cocked the gun, the sound ominous. Gooseflesh raised the hair on my arms. The ice creeped an inch further.

There was no earth here and an ice wall thick enough to stop a bullet would take time to build. I always had access to water, water was in the air, in our blood and sweat and tears. But I could not produce elements out of nothing.

At such close range I had only a hair's breadth of time if he pulled the trigger. Demon or not, I was not infallible to a gunshot.

Keep him talking. Keep him distracted.

"And what is this terrorist group called?"

His eyes narrowed into a glare. "We aren't terrorists. We're fighters striving for the greater good."

"I'm sure that is what most terrorist organizations believe."

His finger squeezed the trigger, jaw tight and teeth clenched. Deflect him.

"I'm sorry. It is unjust of me to cast judgment without first knowing."

His finger relaxed. The ice crumbled, cuffs falling to pieces in my cupped hands.

"Soon enough the entirety of all three worlds will know our name—Atarashi Yoake, the rising of a new dawn."

A new dawn...? That was the name of their organization? A New Dawn?

The Dawn Organization then. There were rumors...whispers in the underground and amongst the criminals who came in and out of the hospital. Always the same words—a new dawn. Now I understood.

It was not just a simple saying. And with my suspicions all but confirmed I once again asked, "And who founded this organization?"

He seemed to forget himself, drunk on the power of holding a gun and having me at his mercy. I used the shards in my hands to slice open the tender skin at my wrists. Deep enough that it could kill me if gone unchecked. But I needed the blood.

"We don't know his true name. But he...he is a god amongst us. A true denizen of what could be an ideal world. We know him as _The Aesir."_

Blasphemy, was the first word to cross my mind before it went completely blank. The blood poured from my wrists to the floor and I did nothing. I did not move or breathe or think.

 _The Aesir..._

Stunned, I could do nothing when an explosion went off outside, shaking the ship and sending it careening further into the ocean. Close enough to cause damage I realized. It could very well sink.

The man stumbled, gun falling from slackened fingers to skitter across the floor. When it neared me I kicked it further out of his reach when he scrambled to pick it back up.

"Bitch," he swore, jolting to his feet and chasing after the pistol.

I used this distraction to build an ice barrier between me and my captor, made from my own blood. The blood his human eyes were too weak to see in the near darkness of the ship's interior. It shone like a massive ruby in the small amount of light from the portholes, slick and smooth.

The gun went off scant moments later, in a poor attempt to break the barrier. I stood from my prostrated position and sealed the wounds on my wrists closed with another layer of ice. With my blood mixed in it should be nearly impenetrable. The entire thing was permeated with pure youki.

I couldn't waste anymore time. The information was shocking, but if I hung around too long I could be in real trouble. Best to reflect on it later.

I was weakened by the loss of blood but I still had enough strength left in me to wrench open the door. I jammed my fingers into the crack and pulled with all my might. The deadbolt snapped, the door flying open, the metal clang when it hit the wall loud and jarring.

I stumbled through the opening...and right into someone's arms.

"There you are," he said.

I looked up into the eyes of Kurama, who cast me a too kind smile, before looking past me and into the room I'd trapped my once captor.

Upon his observations, he looked back down at me with an eyebrow raised towards his hairline. "I see you did not need our assistance."

But his eyes took in the wounds and the paleness of my skin and the giant block of iced blood I'd left behind.

"Where's Yusuke?" I asked instead of explaining.

"On the docks dealing with the remaining stragglers," he said.

"No one was hurt?"

"Kuwabara contained the explosion well enough, though it did damage the boat and parts of the docks. I suppose I should retrieve the fool that captured you before it sinks..."

But before he could even take a single step into the room, the sound of the pistol firing went off again. And I sensed when the life force left the human cowering behind the wall of blood.

"How cowardly," said Kurama, the tone of his voice devoid of any emotion at all.

Where as I...I was saddened by this loss. The senseless loss of life...once again perpetrated by whoever was behind this. _The Aesir..._ I reminded myself. That is what they were called. The mastermind behind all this...carrying such a blasphemous name.

I whispered a prayer into empty space, "May you walk in peace into the halls of Valholl."

"Valholl?" Kurama repeated. "When Hiei spoke of you using Old Norse I thought for sure he was mistaken."

I floundered for something to tell him, some explanation that would make sense. It was a dead language after all...here in human world anyway. And it remained rare even in the Makai.

But I was saved from having to say anything when the sound of pounding footsteps heralded the arrival of Urameshi Yusuke. He came dashing around a bend and when he spotted me he didn't slow down. He barreled forward until he his arms reached out and wrapped around me.

I froze, stiff as stone.

"I was worried about you," he breathed into the crown of my head, causing a warmth to sink through the strands of my hair.

He pushed away, holding me at arms length, eyes darting from the prominent egg on my forehead, to the dried blood on my cheek, to the bands of ice sealing my wrists closed.

"They hurt you," he growled.

I smiled to placate him. "Just my head. The rest I did to myself."

He brought up a hand, running the pad of his thumb across the already closing wound on my temple. The remembrance of the kiss he'd surprised me with earlier resurfaced and an unwanted blush bloomed across my cheeks.

I stepped away from him. "We should probably go before the ships sinks," I said.

"It's not going anywhere quick," he said. And the authority in his voice caused me pause.

This was the king. Not Urameshi Yusuke. Not the teenage boy I still saw every time I witnessed that light in his eyes.

But a grown man with more power at his disposal than any demon should rightfully have. I could only imagine...if it had fallen into the wrong hands...

A tremor slipped down my spine.

Yusuke breezed past me, eyes alight with an anger I was never privy to witnessing first hand. Until now.

He crossed into the room I'd been held captive in and stopped in front of my frozen blood wall. He brushed a hand down it and his palm came back red, the ice having begun to melt. Next thing I knew his hand was glowing a blue so bright it hurt my eyes, but I couldn't look away. He shattered the pristine surface of my barricade and it crumbled to shining red shards.

He stared down at the body of my kidnapper with a face so cold it should have belonged to Hiei. He squatted, lifting up the bastard's arm and checking the innermost part of his wrist. A tattoo was there, a symbol that made my gut twist.

From behind me I heard Kurama ask, "The same?"

"Of course it is," was Yusuke's reply. "But you knew that already."

He dropped the man's arm with disgust and then his eyes were back on me. I stiffened, that look...it was...

Too much, I thought. It was too much for me right now. So I brushed past Kurama, and without so much as a look back, made my way off the ship. By then I was stumbling from the loss of blood and I was dizzy and nauseous and starting to spiral down into that deep, dark hole I went to when I've gone without the pills too long.

Upon reaching the docks my progress was stalled. A good portion of them were in flames. Some were no longer safe to walk on and others were destroyed completely, just pieces floating on the water now.

I could see Kuwabara in the distance, keeping watch over what appeared to be a hostage. But the only way I could reach him at this point was to swim...and I didn't know if I had the energy anymore.

It was during my second attempt at lowering myself into the water without just falling in like the wreck I was that Hiei came to my aid. I was lifted from the dock's planks with little care and even less concern for any kind of pain I may be in. With a gust of wind and a sudden plummet towards solid ground, I found myself on the other side.

Hiei did not immediately put me down. And the way he was holding me made it impossible to see his face.

With barely a whisper, he said, "You will tell me everything you learned here today, Etternia. Leave nothing out. Or suffer the consequences."

I was about to scoff, perhaps even tell him to kiss my ass for lack of better words. But he continued on and in the same breath said, "Your life is finite. No matter how strong or capable you think you are. Do not go making unnecessary risks."

And then I was placed on the ground, a little rough, but I managed to regain my footing instead of falling flat on my face.

Hiei flitted off, to help Yusuke I assumed, and I was left to collect myself. I dug around in my pockets for the bottle and heaved a sigh of relief that it was still there. By the time the drugs hit my system Koenma's men were filtering around the port, collecting evidence and beginning the process of clean-up.

I flopped down beside Kuwabara after he gave his statement and handed over the prisoner one of the boy's captured. The man went willingly...and he would most likely die when he reached the Spirit World. Just as the other had.

"Glad you're okay, Ettie," he said, clapping a hand to my shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.

I twirled the piercing in my lip between my teeth and nodded absentmindedly.

He spoke beside me for awhile, telling me of his feet of daring when he lessened the explosion of the bomb and caught the guy who set it off (with the help of Hiei and Kurama). And even while my mind expolded with thoughts of The Aesir, I was still curious enough to turn to him and say, "I did not realize your powers worked that way."

Kuwabara grinned at me, all too happy to talk about his abilities. "I've gotten really good at creating protective barriers. So all it took was pulling a big one up and directing the blast as far from the boat you were on as I could get."

"That's all, huh?" I joked, bumping my shoulder into his.

"Are you okay, I mean honestly?" He jerked his head towards my wrists and frowned. "Maybe we should take you to a hospital. Or a healer."

"I will heal them myself in due time, do not fret."

"Listen, I know demons' regeneration rate is faster than a human's but you lost a lot of blood..."

"And that's the funny thing about bodies, they're always making more of it."

He sighed. "Urameshi won't like this."

"Yusuke does not get a say in it."

He looked like he wished to say more, argue with me further, convince me to get the help they all thought I so desperately needed. But one of Koenma's men called him away and even though he implored me to wait I chose to slip away during the chaos.

I walked home alone. Curled up in my bed alone. And let bitter tears stain the sheets beneath me.

 **. . .**

Blood spattered skin. Flames, deep and terrible and all consuming. A heat wholly different from that fire and far more pleasurable. Then ice. Ice so thick and cold it turned my hands numb and made my teeth click together.

The river ran red. The trees bowed in their grief.

And I awoke with vomit in my mouth and sweat on my brow, thankful it was such a short distance to my wash room.

I wretched until my stomach was empty and aching. And then I rose, swept my sweaty hair out of my face, and went to brush my teeth. Much to my dismay, the toothpaste ended up all over my mirror, after I spat it out thanks to the surprise waiting behind me.

"Pathetic," he sneered. "You did not even notice my presence, not when I entered your home nor when I witnessed the unfortunate end of that disgusting display."

I refrained from rolling my eyes and continued to brush my teeth, when I finished, spitting into the sink where it belonged, I turned to him. "Talkative this morning," I said.

"I came to collect the information I am owed.

I did scoff this time. "I owe you nothing, Jaganshi Hiei."

But a cruel smirk twisted his lips and I knew instantly what I'd forgotten. "You owe me your life, Etternia, as disparaging as it is. You will do as I ask or the debt will remain unpaid."

I should have known he would not let the incident on Obon fade to distant memory. But telling him what I knew would give him too much insight into things I was not ready to divulge. However, I could not tell him nothing, or he would become even more suspicious of me than he already was.

He knew I was in a difficult position, I could see it in the way his eyes dilated with pleasure at my predicament. He would get something he wanted either way. So with a heavy breath that rattled through my chest, I wandered towards my balcony, barefoot and in only a long t-shirt that did little for modesty's sake.

I grabbed the bottle off the top of my dresser, only to have a hand shoot out and close over my own. He pried open my fingers and wrenched the glass from my grip. Hiei set it back down and I watched as it rolled towards the edge, swallowing thickly.

"Why?"

"It is best you are clear minded."

I pursed my lips; he was toeing a fine line. If he thought I would allow him to invade my mind he was sorely mistaken. "Come then," I said, pulling open the sliding door that led out onto the balcony.

Hiei burned away a circle free of snow, drying the single chair and top of the tiny table. He leaned against the doors, leaving me no escape minus jumping, and I took a seat. I should have made coffee; made him wait. But I supposed it would only have prolonged the inevitable.

I did not wait for him to prompt me. I began, as if I was ripping off a bandage. "As I am sure you are aware, my capture was a farce. I allowed them to take me in the hopes of learning something useful. I knew that my building was being watched ever since Obon and I knew Yusuke's constant presence here is what forced them to act."

"Get on with it, woman, I know all of this."

I chewed at my piercing, running my tongue over my front teeth, catching at the chip in the left one. I recalled how I got it, the same time as the scar above it arcing through my upper lip. The dream came back, swirling around in my brain so devoid of the drug I would soon be desperate for.

"Focus, Etternia. What did your captor tell you?"

"Not much...not enough." The ground where my feet touched turned to ice. "They're a terrorist group known as the New Dawn. I'm still not certain their goal is as they say it is, to return the world to its natural order by killing off the demons and humans who have chosen to cohabitate. I feel as if...it's more sinister than that."

"Slaughtering hundreds of people is not sinister enough for you?"

The words dripped with sarcasm but I ignored it, pressing my toes into the snow still beneath the little table. I slid them back and forth on the ice, my skin having long grown used to the feeling of being frozen.

"Where is Yusuke?" I asked, tipping my head back to look up at the cloud darkened sky.

"I told him to stay away."

"And he listened?"

"Stop trying to change the subject."

"I have nothing else to tell you."

"And I can tell that you are lying. What of their leader? Surely he spoke of them?"

I stood from the chair, no longer able to just sit still. I climbed onto the balcony's edge, not caring when snow soaked my skin. I wished winter would never end.

It kept the fire at bay.

"He..." I was forced to pause again, the words getting lodged in my throat. I shook my head, feeling when my hair fell out of the messy up-do I placed it in earlier. "He said that their leader wanted to build the ideal world, that he is a god to them."

I did not tell Hiei what the leader of the New Dawn was known by, that blasphemous name unable to fall past my lips. And he did not pry further.

I heard the sliding door open and I turned just in time to catch my pill bottle out of midair.

"I do not consider the debt paid. You owe me far more than just bits of useless information."

I swallowed a pill dry, ignoring the look of disgust the fire demon cast me. "I repay my debts," I said.

And he would string me along for whatever length of time he thought was suitable, this I knew. And part of me could not be brought to care.

Hiei looked me up and down one final time, his gaze pausing at my wrists and the fading bruise on my temple. "I will cover your shift today. Try not to do anything else foolish."

And then he was gone, leaving behind nothing but a breeze that smelled faintly of steal and campfire.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: I've been waiting for someone to guess what type of mythology I'm basing Ettie's race off of but there's been no takers yet xD I always end up sneaking that type of thing into my fics (okay, perhaps it's not so sneaky) because I'm a huge nerd in that regard too. Also, Ettie is a pacifist, but I'm super excited to show off what she's capable of in the future ;)**


	11. Blame it on the Alcohol

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 11: Blame it on the Alcohol**

 **. . .**

I was drunk.

We would just get that out of the way now.

The music was too loud, the drugs that filtered through the crowd were making the world's colors a little too bright, and the alcohol made me warm and fluid.

Forget.

That's all I could do right now.

I didn't want to think about terrorists, or bombs, or boy kings. I didn't want to hide or deny myself things I've wanted for so long. I just wanted to be numb. And if not that, then deep within a haze so thick that all I felt was pleasure.

I hated clubs. But they were the perfect place to lose yourself.

I let my body move to the music of its own accord, pressing against sweaty bodies, touching skin to skin. Someone handed me another drink and I downed it. It took a lot of alcohol to get a demon drunk, but I was way past that limit now.

I danced long into the evening. When I finally stumbled my way back home, being at least smart enough not to bring my motorcycle, I was shocked I even made it.

After an embarrassingly long amount of time fumbling with my keys, I managed to get my front door open and tripped on my way through. Hands at my shoulders were the only things that stopped me from falling flat on my face.

"Yusuke," I slurred. His energy was muffled thanks to the drugs. It dulled all my senses. But I did recognize it, now that he was touching me.

His scent too. Musky. Electric. Clean.

Reluctant, I pulled myself up and away from him, trying to gracefully step around him and failing.

To cover my blunder, I fell backwards into the wall, using it for support. "I could call the police on you," I said.

"You're shitfaced," he said.

I hiccuped and then laughed. Yeah, I was. And through blurry vision I cast an appreciative look from the top of his head down to the tips of his toes.

He wore a pair of jeans that were just a little too sinfully tight and a white t-shirt that accented the muscles beneath it quite well. He was barefoot, a testament to how comfortable he'd grown within my space. A space that should be private.

A place that was very dangerous for him to be right now.

I licked my lips and felt my blood heat. I could do whatever I wished with him right now. He would let me. I knew he would.

The rational part of my brain, the one that was in control ninety percent of the time, was long gone. What was left were baser desires. Carnal hungers. Demonic instinct. Self preservation.

And Yusuke, the naive little fool, hadn't even realized what he'd caught himself up in.

I moved far more smoothly than I had just a few breaths before. I pressed myself up against his chest like a cat in heat and shoved my hands beneath his shirt, running the pads of my fingers across the expanse of his abdominal muscles, feeling all the dips and scars along the way.

Yusuke sucked in a sharp breath and I heard when it got caught somewhere in his chest. It eventually came out as a whiny groan when I wedged my leg between his thighs.

I stood on tiptoe, pressing my lips to that bit of skin near the edge of his collar. I heard when he swallowed hard and I ran my tongue over his adam's apple, tasting his skin. This seemed to shock him out of whatever trance he was in and he grabbed at my shoulders, prying me off him.

"This isn't like you. You need to stop."

"Stop?" I murmured. "A couple of weeks ago you would have jumped at the chance."

"You weren't drunk then."

"But I'm always high. What's the difference."

I slipped out of his hold, ducking under his arms and grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. I walked backwards, pulling him along with me, towards the bed.

Just before I reached its edge I stopped, pulling my shirt over my head, dropping it to the floor. My fingers went to my jeans next, popping the button, pulling down the zipper. He watched on, his face impassive and surprisingly controlled. But his eyes gave him away. There I saw a hunger no different than mine, a slight edge to his gaze that told me he was also angry.

Angry at me or himself, I did not know. Did not care.

When my clothing was shed, laying on my floor like the second skin of a snake, I sunk back onto the bed. I laid myself out as if I were a feast just waiting to be eaten.

Yusuke sucked in a shuddering breath and held it. He released it on one long rush of air, his eyes dipping closed. He pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly frustrated, and then bent to pick up the rumpled sheets that were strewn beside the bed.

He tossed them over me and only then did he open his eyes. "I won't touch you like this. Get some sleep, sober the fuck up. I'll see you in the morning."

I reared up from the mattress, letting the sheets fall to pool in my lap. A sudden, irrational fury burned its way through me on swift wings and I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry out of humiliation or kick him in the shins for denying my advances.

"Why be so chivalrous?! Act like the demon you are, King Urameshi!"

He surged forward, lingering above me, hand gripping beneath my chin to turn my head upwards. His eyes glowed with unholy color, the color of a muddy battlefield, the ground tainted with blood. It sent a rush through me thick with the tang of fear and desire. The alcohol would burn off soon. I would probably regret this.

But right now I didn't care.

"You don't want me to do that, Ettie," he rumbled. "Trust me."

When he let me go and made to leave, I curled my knees up towards my chest, and begged, "Please don't go."

He stopped not even halfway across the room, steps stumbling, as if I'd shocked him. He turned and pinned me with a stare that made me feel like he was tearing me open and taking a long look at my insides. I felt vulnerable.

"Please," I whispered again.

His face screwed up and he sighed, pulling his shirt up and over his head, tossing it to the floor among my clothing. He climbed in beside me, sliding underneath the sheet and tugging me down until I was wrapped in his arms.

I felt his soft breaths ruffle my hair and burrowed deeper into his chest. Warm. When was the last time I felt warm?

"I don't know what's wrong and I won't force you to tell me, but don't think you gotta face it alone."

Kind. He could be so kind. And it astonished and fascinated me. I was unworthy of his friendship and his trust, yet here he was, in my bed with me pressed against him like a lover.

I began to speak before I even realized it. My voice, slurred and broken and ravaged spoke of my people in breathless whispers. Some of the story was swallowed up by his skin, pressing in there as if it could sink into his core. Where as the rest reached his ever listening ears.

"I come from across the sea, in a territory far in the North of demon world. The sea itself is perilous, nearly impossible to cross. It protects our people and hides us away from the three regions ruled by these lords who think themselves gods. We are primitive people, our ways old and ancient and forgotten. Coming to the main continent was a shock to the system. One that I never fully adjusted from.

I was banished long ago. I traveled...and traveled until I found Gandara and settled there. For several long years I worked under an experienced healer within the city...when Lord Yomi discovered me. I was already so addicted to the drugs by then I was frightened he meant to imprison me. But he cast a blind eye on my habits...and made me the healer for his armies instead."

"You...worked for Yomi, huh?"

I knew what he thought and quelled the worry before it could begin to fester. "Not for long. You see, an ancestor of Raizen issued a challenge—a tournament for one ruler over demon world. I was put to work as a healer for the event...and every one there after. I was lucky enough to witness the growth and strength of a future king. One I can respect. One I have been fortunate enough to call an ally."

"Ettie..."

"I am not of your people, Yusuke. Perhaps I shall always hold onto the old ways of mine. But please, always remember I hold the utmost respect and reverence for you..."

What I'd told him was more than I'd ever divulged to anyone. Even Lord Yomi. It was a slight lifting of weight, but enough that I was able to breathe just a bit easier. Even still, it reopened a wound. One that had been festering years before his birth.

My eyes dipped closed. Soon I would fall into rest. Thankful. I should be thankful my loose tongue would soon be silenced.

"Goodnight, Ettie..."

"Mm. Goodnight...Yusuke."

 **. . .**

 **One week later—December 2003.**

The morning after my little foray into dangerous territory was awkward to say the least.

I'd seen Yusuke less than a handful of times since then.

The Winter Solstice was upon us...and Christmas soon after that; a holiday the humans in Japan were rather fond of. I sat at work, a large paper bag beside me, filled with colorful paper wrapped packages. I rubbed at my face. My co-workers were throwing a Christmas party and the sounds of revelry filtered in through the locker room doors. The presents were for them.

But there were a few others I kept hidden in my locker. Ones I'd so painstakingly picked out and fretted over the past week. This would be the first year I bought gifts for...friends.

"Hiding?" Came a rather snide voice from the locker room's doorway.

"I could ask you the same," I said.

I looked up at Hiei and thought, well, I could knock one of them off my list. I stood and opened my locker, knowing his eyes were on me the entire time. I unearthed a manila folder, sealed and crisp. Hiei's name was scrawled across it's front in my messy penmanship.

I returned to my seat and held it out to him. "Here, for you."

He raised an eyebrow and sneered, as if I was offering him a literal pile of shit instead of a gift. "What is it?" he asked.

"Open it and find out, fool."

He stalked over to me, eyes wary, but took the folder and opened it with deft fingers. He tugged out the many papers and skimmed through them, brows drawing further down over his eyes with each one he flipped to.

"What the hell is this?" he hissed, looking up from the pages in his hands to stare at me with wide eyes.

Endearing, I thought, that look. It was nice to be able to surprise him for once.

"Everything you need to apply for advanced EMT training. So you can become certified," I said. "I'll help you study for the test, of course."

The papers were burnt to a crisp an instant later. "I have no need from some idiotic human schooling. I know enough to do the job."

I shook my head, sighing. "That isn't the point. The farce we were playing is long over. Yet you continue to work as if you belong here. You have no schooling, no medical background, and only the bare amounts of training to get you by."

"Your point?" he growled.

"I can't allow you to work here unless you are properly certified. Not anymore."

"Fine," he snarled. "I've grown bored of this anyway."

"That is unfortunate. You're a good asset to the team, Hiei. You have amazing potential. It's sad to waste it."

"I was never meant to save lives in the first place," he said.

He was gone, a black blur in the air, a moment later.

I printed out a new set of paperwork that night. Sealed them in another envelope. And joined my team in their festivities.

The next day, when Hiei stubbornly showed up for work anyway, as if it had grown to be a habit, I handed him the papers again.

This time he cut them in half with his sword.

The third time I handed him the papers he made a point to shred them to tiny bits right in front of me.

I came prepared the fourth time, with back up. And my back-up had brought back up. There was no way I would fail this time.

"You're certain this will work?" I asked Kuwabara, who stood beside me in the kitchenette at the station.

We were trying to be inconspicuous about spying on the two across the room, and failing.

"She won't fail, no way no how. She's the only person alive that can get Hiei to do exactly what she wants."

"Thank you for calling her."

"Listen, I thought this was crazy when you first came up with the idea. Didn't realize he'd end up so damn good at it. Midget likes his violence; seeing him patching people up is pretty weird."

"Yes, but its made him a better person."

Kuwabara shrugged. "Not sure about that, but he's definitely...different."

A few more minutes went by before the woman pulled Hiei into an embrace he wanted no part of and then turned to wink at Kuwabara.

"See, told you," he said. "Yukina has him wrapped around her finger."

The next day Hiei was enrolled into a proper EMT course. Much to his violent annoyance and unappreciative attitude. His classes would start after New Years and I made sure to stress my promise on helping him study, even though he flat out refused.

"I don't need the help of some addled brained moron," was what he'd said.

In which I'd replied, "Merry Christmas, Hiei."

 **. . .**

 **Christmas Day—December 2003**

The winter solstice had come and gone. This year I chose not to participate, not seeing a point. It was time to let go of some of the old ways; to perhaps start over fresh. Soon enough I would find the answers I was seeking and then return to the hole I crawled out of all those years ago.

Solace was all I wished for now. But none would be had until I could put my mind at ease.

"Ettie...?" the voice was soft, tentative.

I stared out Yusuke's largest window, a cup of cocoa clutched between my palms. I could see their reflection in the glass and thus did not turn around. I let a smile crack my otherwise expressionless face.

Yusuke was throwing a party for his friends and family. A Christmas party. One that I was loath to attend but after much begging and entreaties, I gave up and came along anyway. His apartment was done up in festive colors, real holly and mistletoe hung in periodic intervals. Poinsettias and ivy created wonderful wintry schemes along the tables and walls. The handiwork of Kurama.

Even Yukina had a hand in the decor—crystal ice figurines were spread around the tables as centerpieces, so cold they never melted.

Yusuke cooked all the food, with Kuwabara as his unwilling sou chef. And it was all so wonderful that it made me feel as if I was a damper on the crowd of guests.

Though perhaps I was not the only one, I thought, as I looked over to see Hiei scrunched in one of the windowsills, a forgotten glass of punch in one hand, the other resting on the hilt of his blade. I wondered if he was considering a massacre; the look on his face certainly spoke of thoughts of homicide.

Not realizing I'd lost myself so completely in thought, I shook my head and answered the woman behind me, "Yes, what can I do for you Yukina?"

I turned to give her my full attention. Her hair was long, mint colored, and held in a thick braid down her back. She fiddled with her fingers, as if nervous, but her eyes held a confidence her body lacked.

"I wanted to thank you," she said, "for everything you've done for my brother."

I raised an eyebrow and gave her a benign smile. "I have not done a thing, it was all him, I swear it."

She giggled, a sweet sound like tinkling bells. "I don't think that is true. He is...different, now."

"He was bound to come out of that repressive shell of his someday."

She smiled and then moved to stand beside me, turning her gaze to the window. Her face turned contemplative and she hummed softly, debating. "I fear this is very forward, but believe you will not take offense."

"Hm?"

"I think you should seek a relationship with Hiei. It would be beneficial to you both."

I choked on the sip of cocoa I'd just taken, clamping my lips together so I didn't spew it all over the glass. What had she just said? Surely my ears were mistaken!

I cleared my throat, trying to be respectful and not just outright laugh at such a notion. "You do realize Yusuke has staked some sort of claim to me, correct?"

She hid another smile behind her hand, brushing a loose piece of hair behind her ear with the other. "Oh yes, I believe most of us are aware of that. But you have not chosen him in return, have you?"

I was starting to think she enjoyed the drama. But I also knew Yukina was kind. She harbored an edge to her, one that was well hidden, but there. She was not so much different from her brother as the fire demon seemed to think.

"No, I have not," I replied.

"Then I would ask that you please consider it. He is a good man. A strong man. He would make a good partner."

"Of that I have no doubt," I said.

She gave me one final secretive smile and then returned to the rest of the party, being accosted by Kuwabara's older sister—Shizuru, I believe her name was.

I let the sounds of revelry drown out the thoughts that would swallow me whole and kept staring out the window. I wondered a moment later if it was a residual side effect to my newest dosage...or my eyes playing tricks...but I could have sworn I saw a raven.

A raven with great big wings and several eyes as red as Hiei's.

But when I blinked it was gone, as if it never was.

I felt a shudder go down my spine. It was impossible. I had not seen one such as that...in a very long time.

"What did Yukina want with you?" his voice held a dripping disdain, as if I would have tainted his sister just by speaking to her.

"She wished to thank me for taking a beast and making it into some semblance of a man."

His glare could have melted the glass of the window. But I only chuckled, finishing off my mug of cocoa. I think it was time I took my leave. Yusuke was avoiding me and I was avoiding him and Hiei was not the company I wished for right now.

But his hand connected with my wrist, a force that stopped me in my tracks. I turned to him with blank eyes and a pinched, displeased face. "Yes?"

He eyed me up and down, from the crown of my head to my slipper clad feet. I wondered what he saw—if I was just a junkie to him. A useless, disconnected member of demon world society. Someone who had defected and come to live with the humans because I belonged nowhere else.

Or perhaps he saw the desolate woman I'd become—a ghost of my former self.

"Who is Artair?"

The name came out mangled on his tongue, his speech so deeply ingrained in Japanese that it sound foreign and almost unfamiliar. But when it registered flames lapped at my ankles until they traveled up my legs, through my chest, and out through my mouth.

" _Never_ speak that name from your hideous tongue again!"

My shout caused a silence to fall over the room. The heat of many stares made my face burn red. I wrenched my wrist out of Hiei's hold, not even caring to ask how he knew that name, where he had heard it. It must have been in a piece of the memories he so thoughtlessly pawed through while I was drowning.

I stormed out the door, not even stopping to slip my shoes back on my feet. I was half way down the stairs when I realized I still held the empty cocoa cup in my clutched fist. I was tempted to throw it, but knew Yusuke wouldn't appreciate it.

I almost resigned myself to bringing it back inside...or at least leaving it outside his door, when a voice thick with drunkenness changed my mind. "What was that all about?"

Yusuke stood at the top of the stairs, cheeks flushed from the consumption of spiked eggnog and punch. He was dressed handsomely, in nice slacks and a dark green dress shirt with a black tie looped around his collar. At some point he'd loosened it and popped the top button of the shirt open.

I suddenly felt the need to fan myself.

He took two steps down the stairs before I found my voice. "Oh, just a petty argument. Nothing unusual."

"Ya know, I've gotten pretty good at telling when you're lying."

For his sake I hoped that wasn't true. I took in a single breath and then climbed the remainder of the stairs to meet him halfway. I handed him back the mug. "Sorry, I took this with me by mistake."

He stared at it a moment, before reaching over and casually letting it drop from his fingers and over the railing. I heard it smash on the ground seconds later.

"There's something else I'd much rather be holding," he murmured. "You never gave me my Christmas present, Ettie."

I averted my eyes, the blush coming back full force. "You've been avoiding me."

"So you did get me one?"

"I didn't say that..."

He leaned in close, too close for comfort, and brushed his nose against my cheek as he leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Show it to me."

I placed a hand at his chest, intent on pushing him away, but he gripped it within one of his own and just drew me closer. One arm looped around my waist, the other dragged my palm up his chest and then around his neck.

"I...can't give you your gift like this," I said.

"Try," he breathed, nuzzling at my throat.

As commanded, I fumbled around for the leather satchel always perpetually at my side. Once I was able to open the flap, I slipped my fingers inside and dug around for Yusuke's wrapped gift.

I pulled out a square shaped package and only then did he put a small bit of distance between us. He plucked it from my fingers and shook it, a little grin on his face. He gave me a look, mischief in his gaze, before tearing into the paper. Beneath it was a drawing. He was the only person I'd ever gifted one to, especially one so complete.

It was awashed with color unlike my usual dark charcoal and graphite sketches. This one I'd taken the time to add paint and marker to, and then I placed it in a simple frame.

Yusuke released a shuddering breath, running his fingers over the glass with pure reverence.

"When the hell did you do this?" he mumbled, talking more to himself than he was me.

"Awhile ago, one time when you slept over. But I added the color later."

And then he was laughing...but it wasn't a happy laughter. It was cynical and sad and his face almost seemed angry, twisted with hurt the way it was.

The drawing was of him. Of course it was of him. I'd started mindlessly sketching him in his sleep one night. He'd been sprawled out across my mattress as if he belonged there. And I'd seen a face so beautiful and content and peaceful that I could do nothing other than draw it. I didn't know if I would ever see it again.

Yusuke's strange habit of occasionally sleeping over ever since the night of my bender had done me no favors.

Later, I considered throwing it out. But then recalled how much he loved my drawings.

So I took that sleeping face and painted a gorgeous dark starry background, and colored his markings a deep royal blue, and added a rosiness to his cheeks. I spent a ridiculous amount of time on perfecting the hand that'd been resting by his face and the way his lips were just sightly parted.

And now I realized what made him react so poorly.

I'd put so much careful and loving dedication into this drawing that it was one of the best I'd ever produced.

And it was also a disgustingly blatant display of what I was bitterly beginning to feel for the king of demon world.

"Why are you doing this, Etternia?"

The use of my full name was like a blow. I flinched, turning my head away as if he'd physically slapped me. I didn't know how to answer him. I hadn't meant to do it. I should have considered his feelings before deciding on giving him such a gift. But, as Hiei liked to so often point out, I spent ninety percent of my time influenced in someway by the drugs.

"I'm sorry, Yusuke. I can take it back."

I reached out to do just that, but he snapped the frame away from me, holding it behind his back. "Don't touch it."

And then he sighed, arms falling to his sides, as if he was giving up. "My buzz wore off. I need to go. Catch ya later."

He began to trek back up the staircase, leaving me at a loss for proper words. No apology would suffice. He wouldn't want it even if I tried.

"Wait, Yusuke—!"

But he did not stop, he only lifted the hand still holding the drawing and waved at me from behind. A clear dismissal.

I watched him go, not giving chase, feeling weary straight to my bones.

This game I was in the midst of...was becoming dangerous.

It was due time for me to form a new strategy.

I only hoped I was not too late.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: Poor Yu, I feel awful torturing him like this. And sweet, innocent Yukina, making such a suggestion xD I hope you all liked this chapter! I see many people rooting for Yusuke in the comments, but Hiei still has a major chance here too. Who do you think she'll end up with? ;)**

 **Thank you to everyone for your continued support and the awesome comments! Also, make sure to check out The Shotgun Approach playlist on Spotify! It features all the music that inspires the chapters to this fic!**


	12. A Bitter Pill to Swallow

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 12: A Bitter Pill to Swallow**

 **A/N: This is the first Hiei POV chapter!**

 **. . .**

 **Mid March—2004**

I tapped a pen against a pad of paper I never bothered to write on. These meetings drew on endlessly. Petty squabbles and blathering fools running their mouths about things they have no right to. The lives they live are sheltered. They have no first hand knowledge on demonic kind or our ways.

While the changes Yusuke painstakingly enacted often left a rather foul taste in my mouth...I still supported those wishes. Supported him.

He was my king second.

My comrade—and friend—first.

The thought put an even deeper grimace on my face and I grew tired of the debate running circles around the group of humans.

"Enough," I said, all authority and cold resentment. "The bombings are not reason enough to ban all demon kind from your city. It will make no difference."

"And how do you know, Jaganshi? Perhaps you are more involved with this terrorist group than you would like us to believe."

The cold look I cast Sarayashiki's governor made him break out in a cold sweat. The other officials fell silent, realizing I was already on edge and their constant bitching was only pushing me closer to falling off it.

I'd spent copious amounts of time with these useless wastes of space, because for some unfathomable (as well as moronic) reason, Yusuke chose me to handle these affairs. Kurama was a better choice, but he already ran his step father's company and though he could have juggled it, Yusuke decided to cut him some slack.

So the laborious chore fell to me.

This was the fourth meeting about the terrorist attacks I was forced to endure. The others had not gone any better.

"What would you have us do then, Jaganshi?" asked the only female official present. Fukumoto, I believed her name was. "We must protect our citizens."

"And so far no plan of action has been offered by your _king_ ," added the governor.

The way they always spat the word incited my anger unlike any other. As if Yusuke's title was some sort of joke. He held more power than all the idiots present in this room combined.

"My king has been doing his best to contain the damage and relocate the victims. He's provided ample financial assistance to help with rebuilding. But we cannot make a proper move without your permission, _governor."_

He huffed out a breath and all but stuck his nose up in the air. The pompous piece of shit.

"And if I were to give you permission to do as you please you demons would run rampant. It would be utter destruction."

"As opposed to the total devastation that currently wracks all of Sarayashiki? Your fears are unfounded and pathetic," I snapped. "Make a decision today or don't, it is your people that will suffer for it."

The middle aged man sighed and though he still held onto his anger, he waved a hand at me, suddenly weary. "Do as you see fit then. But be assured...if matters worsen...I will have you all thrown in prison."

I snorted and snatched up the unused notepad. As if this imbecile could imprison even the lowest level of demon, let alone ones of our caliber.

I spoke not a word to any of them, even when certain members attempted to draw me into conversation. Corrupt. All of them. And spending any second longer with these debased wastes of space would sever my last vestiges of control.

Too much socialization.

This was all Yusuke's fault.

And I fully planned on bemoaning this to him over a pint at our usual bar, but another irritation must come first.

I flew across the city, knowing I was cutting it close. If I was late again I would be scolded. And listening to that one more time would make my ears bleed.

I arrived at the class's location two minutes before it was meant to start.

It was snowing heavily out and I allowed a burst of heat to dry my clothing before settling at my desk. My...classmates...thought I was peculiar. I spoke to them sparingly, only when necessary. But I was still somewhat of a fascination. The first demon they'd had in their class, according to them.

I despised every minute of this useless crap.

For the first month they'd gone over things I'd already learned in the field. My experience showed and now the other class members often came to me with questions and advice, as opposed to the professor that was teaching the EMT course.

I would like to flay Etternia open for forcing me into this.

But she'd held true to her word. Anytime I showed up to work I was promptly shut out of the building. Even the other team members betrayed me.

Why be so loyal to someone like her?

Most of the class was hands on training instead of book learning, which I was grateful for. It was also a relief this would be the final one. No more rushing to get here on time, no more juggling my other duties to accommodate this foolishness.

Truly, if it wasn't for Yukina's meddling I would not have done it at all.

But I never was able to say no to her. Not really.

"Now, don't forget that your test is tomorrow! There will be a written exam as well as a practical portion. I hope you have all prepared accordingly!"

There was a mumbled consensus around the room as the students packed up to leave. A few of them asked if I would like to join their last minute study sessions, in which I snidely declined. I fled as soon as I was able, taking a deep breath of the vile human world air as soon as I stepped out the door.

However, my relief was short lived.

I heard an obnoxious crunch somewhere off to my right and spun to find Etternia resting against the building. She was eating an apple, her placid, emotionless face making me grind my teeth. More often than not she was expressionless. She slapped a fake smile and openness on her face daily, but it never reached her eyes.

Everything about her reeked of deceit.

"What do you want?"

She took another bite of her apple and took her sweet time chewing it before replying. "I knew today was your last class and wondered if you'd take me up on my offer of a study partner."

Two months and she still persisted. The class started mid January and continued on for eight weeks. At least twice a week she asked if I needed assistance. It was a purposeful blow to my pride. I would never accept help from her.

"Just as every other time, my answer is no." I walked by her, hands shoved into my pants' pockets and rolled my eyes when she chose to follow me.

She got under my skin. It was difficult to admit, but the truth nonetheless.

"The test is tomorrow isn't it?"

Her voice was accented, one I was never privy to hear before, and always had this lilt of curiosity. She seemed to speak as if from a different world, one far removed even from the Makai. It was deep, for a woman's, and admittedly pleasant to hear. But the rest of her drove me beyond reason.

"Hn," I grunted.

"I am only trying to offer my help—"

With an abrupt jerk of my arm, I stopped her in her tracks, a glare set on my face when I turned to eye her over my shoulder. "I do not need or want help from the likes of you. Go crawl back into whatever hole you came out of."

"Ouch, that stings..."

And even that irritated me. The way her tone seemed to give away nothing. I could not tell if she was being sarcastic or if she actually meant it, not that I would care either way. But it was always like this. She left me with far more questions than answers. A constant, grating, mind numbing irritation.

And the fact she'd grown so close to Yusuke...

I wanted to throttle her. And him for being such a blind, lovesick fool. It was worse than Kuwabara.

Yusuke rid himself of one tether only to get roped into another. He was king over the three major territories in demon world, but he still acted like that rash child I'd met all those years ago.

I rounded on her, my anger reaching levels that forced the snow to melt at my feet. She did not take a step back or show any fear. She was not at all worried about her well-being even knowing that I could eviscerate her in a matter of moments. She only smiled, that same fake smile she plastered on her face every day, chipped tooth and all.

"So, my place then?"

I was loathed to agree. But I found myself in her apartment sometime later, when a certain part in the textbook decidedly stumped me.

I told myself it was because Etternia was the only demon Paramedic and healer in the city. Probably in all the surrounding cities too. Her knowledge would help in the long run, when it came to demonic biology, as it could be different from a species to species basis. The textbooks and classes merely covered humans. I would need to covet what I could learn from her, as aggravating as it was.

I ignored that it was hard to look away as her hair fell across her face when she leaned over the book, reading out a passage and explaining it in terms I could understand. It came out slow, addled by the drugs and the soft light that spilled across the kitchen table. The smell of fresh coffee and the drying herbs she kept hanging on her walls were meant to be a comfort. I concentrated on my breathing, listening...watching.

The unused notepad was put to use, finally, her scribbled lettering filling the margins, diagrams being drawn in available spaces, sketches of demonic anatomy and human alike. She held respectful skills...even if I could not respect her as the demoness that she was.

A drug addict...

It left a bitter taste in my mouth.

 **. . .**

"Congratulations, my friend." Kurama tipped his drink towards me, offering a smile and calling over the bartender to order me another shot.

"You are just happy because you won the bet," I said, tipping back the shot glass the second after it was set on the table. The burn was pleasant. Kurama's taste in liquor was impeccable, as always.

"Well," he said, a mischievous twinkle in his eye, "it was a rather large sum of money at stake."

"Bastards," I said.

They'd bet on when I would drop out of the class. The times varied from a single day (Kuwabara) to a month. But Kurama was the only one who'd bet I would stick it out for its entirety.

He stood, moving to place a hand on my shoulder. "I am proud of you, Hiei."

I snarled at him and wrenched my shoulder away. "Sentimental fool."

He chuckled and then left me to my devices. I scanned the room, seeing who had and hadn't turned out for my "graduation" party. If I'd known this was what they were planning I would have never come.

My eyes were drawn across the room, where I could see her there talking amicably to Shou Warner. The slip of a boy was drinking something that would surely put him on his ass...and as for Etternia...

I didn't look away fast enough.

She caught my gaze and smiled, bidding farewell to Shou and making her way towards me. She stopped at my booth and dug around in her leather satchel for a moment, producing a rather flat box wrapped in brown paper.

"Here, for you," she held the package out to me and I was sorely tempted to burn it to a crisp.

When I hesitated to take it she shook it in my face and then tossed it onto the table, her own face turned sour. She slipped into the seat opposite me and waited.

I ignored her at first. The box too.

She ordered a drink in this time and sat as if she had not a care in the world. Knowing she wouldn't leave me alone until I opened the damned thing, I sighed and tore the paper.

Beneath was a lidded box, nothing remarkable. What lied within the box was the true prize. And it was with only a little annoyance that I decided then and there to accept the gift.

I pulled the brand new stethoscope from it's felt holding and wrapped it around the back of my neck. It was black, with a red chest piece. Fitting.

"You like it then?" she asked.

"Hn," I grunted, not willing to admit that I did in fact appreciate her rather thoughtful gift.

She finished her drink and rose, leaving some money on the table to pay for it. "Congratulations," she said.

I watched her leave, slipping through the bar's door like a specter. My gaze was not the only one that followed her departure, for Yusuke was also eyeing the door. His aura was conflicted and for the hundredth time I wondered what occurred between the two of them back on Christmas Day.

Not wishing to dwell on it too long, my thoughts turned to more immediate matters.

Because even though I knew I now had my choice of places to work...I would end up falling back in amongst these people—Etternia's crew. Which would essentially make her my boss.

The thought made me clench my fists against the table, but I could see no alternative. I wanted to work with them. I'd grown to understand them...and I was able to work beside them with only small amounts of irritation. They were not a useless lot, in fact they were all rather brilliant in their own rights.

Damn Etternia for doing this to me.

And damn Yusuke for ever meeting her.

"You just going to sit over here and sulk all night? This is supposed to be a celebration."

Speak or think of the devil and they will appear. Usually with some other imbecile in tow.

Yusuke plopped down beside me, forcing me to inch closer to the wall and trapping me in the booth. Kuwabara took up Etternia's vacated seat, cheeks rosy and eyes a little too bright. Drunk already, the lummox.

"Never thought I'd see the day," Kuwabara slurred, "fuckin' Hiei, actually helpin' people." He broke out into raucous laughter, as if it was the most hilarious thing he'd ever heard.

Yusuke wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side so he could whisper conspiratorially into my ear, "He bet you'd only make it a single day in the class so I've been mixing some of Chu's extra strong stuff into each of his drinks."

No wonder he was so drunk.

"It will be your problem later," I said.

"Oi, whatta ya jerks mumblin' about over there?"

I shrugged Yusuke off, though he remained a degree closer than I would have preferred, and smirked at Kuwabara. "We are discussing what sort of punishment you should suffer for doubting me."

Red hair tumbled over the back of our booth, Kurama having come to join the fun. "I say we draw on his face when he's passed out drunk, a fitting punishment considering he's done it to all of us a time or two."

"That's too mild, think bigger fox boy."

"Oh, come on, you guys aren't serious!"

My smirk grew and I leaned back in my seat so I could turn to Kurama with a vicious glint in my eye. He grinned back, his wicked thoughts aligning with mine as if we were in sync. "Kuwabara pays the bar tab," we said in unison.

"Now you two are thinking," said Yusuke, as he waved the bartender over for another round of drinks.

Kuwabara groaned, "That's cruel. You guys drink like fishes."

"It's fish," Kurama corrected as he slid in beside the oaf.

"And your blatant disregard for my abilities was uncalled for," I said.

"Tch, just didn't take ya for a school guy..." he mumbled, pouting into his beer.

We made sure to wrack the tab up just enough to cause him a miniature heart attack at the end of the night.

The alcohol made everything fuzzy and that was a good sign I'd drank a little too much. It was also probably the reason I found myself following Yusuke as he made his way towards Etternia's home on foot.

I told myself it was just my duty as one of his Hands. That I needed to protect him.

A falsehood most extreme. Yusuke was far too strong to need protecting from anyone. But I continued to lie to myself anyway.

I kept a careful watch with the Jagan from the adjacent building, far enough that I would not be easily noticed, but close enough that I could see the warm glow spilling from the sliding glass doors of her balcony.

I saw when Yusuke arrived at her door and Etternia did not immediately let him in. She leaned against the wood, pressing her hands to it, her forehead. She took several deep breaths and held them before she opened the door. I would say she was nervous, but that was not quite right. Her interactions with Yusuke as of late were strained. I think this was the first time in several weeks he'd shown up at her apartment.

They spent a few tense minutes speaking, Etternia never allowing him inside, and then she was shutting the door again.

Yusuke exited the building a few minutes later, aura in chaos.

And Etternia...

It was with only a little shock that I found her standing on her balcony's railing, as if she'd merely appeared there. She held an arm out...and a raven flew down from the sky, the size of which was certainly not natural to the human realm, and landed on her outstretched arm.

A moment later her gaze split the night and froze me to my perch. How long had she known I was here? What was a Makai raven doing in a place like this? A pet? A messenger?

I was sober in an instant and the second her gaze moved back to the raven I fled.

What the hell was this feeling?

It was oppressive...a premonition of things to come.

Even more reason for me to find a way to read her goddamn mind.

 **. . .**

 **April—2004**

Two weeks later and I was thrown into work as if I'd never left.

It was a relief to have my hands dirty again, even if the circumstances were less than ideal.

We were in the midst of a house fire, waiting for the firemen to come out with any survivors. It was meant to be a family of five, but so far only three were pulled from the flames.

Twice I'd attempted to put them out faster, Etternia beseeching the humans to allow us to interfere, but a herd of policemen blocked us. Normally I would not mind causing a stir, but I could lose my certification as quickly as I'd gained it if I made too much trouble.

Humans and their pathetic ways of life would always be a conundrum to me. They would rather watch their people die than allow demons to aid them.

A screaming woman was next to be rescued from the home. At first I did not understand what she was trying to convey with her hysterical cries, her soot covered face streaked with tears and voice ravaged from the smoke. But Etternia heard before I did.

Next thing I knew she was dashing between a break in the officers' ranks. Two of them made a grab for her, one missed and the other was met with a frozen hand for his efforts.

I ran after her, a blur undetectable to the regular human's eye.

The flames did not touch either of us, though the threat of the home collapsing was real and imminent.

I found her standing in a room in the furthest reaches of the house. She clutched a bundle of cloth in her arms and something in her eyes...it left me curious and confused.

What was she holding?

"We must leave this place!" I hollered over the raging fire.

She did not budge. What was so important about some blankets? Had the drugs finally fried her brain?

"Etternia!" I snapped.

Her lip trembled and her aura bit into me, swirling the fire upwards and away from the both of us. Next thing I knew everything in the room was crystalline—frozen even without the presence of water. And her emotions were imbued within every inch of it.

"What is wrong with you?"

The cries of a babe reached my ears, unheard over the fire, but with the lack of the crackling flames it became clear. The bundle in her arms was a child.

"A baby. That woman was screaming for her child," she said.

Her gaze was trained on the babe and it held such stunning admiration that I thought for a moment that she meant to steal away with it.

"Give the child here, Etternia."

She acted as if she did not hear me at first, running her fingertips across the screaming babes face as if in a trance. But after a time, without any further prompting from me, she passed the bundle over. This was only my second time holding a child of any age, it was an uncomfortable, unsettling feeling. But I picked my way out of the wreckage of the home and found the hysterical mother sitting in the back of one of the ambulances.

She leapt towards me, desperate for her child, and I was all too glad to hand it over.

In the same breath, loud crackling and snapping signified Etternia's powerful ice freezing the home behind me. The fire that once raged so fiercely was ended in the span of a few heart beats.

Her youki was nothing to sneer at, even if her habits were.

However, I did not understand the sudden surge of emotion, the backbone behind her aura lifting and giving her the ability to freeze such a large space without available water. It was...unusual for her.

She came stumbling from the frozen building, eyes hardened to earthly stone.

I stepped forward, as if to meet her, to ask her what this sudden change in behavior was about. But it was Shou that made a mad dash towards her.

She collapsed and Eric Lawson was next to rush to her side.

I was the third and last.

"What's wrong with her," I demanded.

It was Shou that answered, "Sometimes, when Ettie uses her powers this way, without any natural elements to aid her, she faints."

"Pathetic," I said.

And then I was plucking her from the ground and out of Shou's arms. I brought her towards one of the ambulances and clambered inside, placing her on an empty stretcher. I fed her my own youki the entire time, a not so surprising match to her own.

I was fire and ice after all.

I kept a hand resting against her wrist, watching the rest of the ambulances take off with their patients, the firemen packing up—they were no longer needed. The police filtered about, speaking to bystanders and some of the other EMTs.

It didn't take long for her to wake.

When she did, she made not a sound, just let her eyes slip open gently. She stared up at the ambulance's ceiling...and cried.

And though the tears were silent...

They still cut through me, to some place deep that I did not want to acknowledge.

"You have a child." It was not a question, but a statement of fact.

Her tears froze to her face.

And I decided that no more words were needed. Further questioning could wait.

So I averted my eyes, watched as the crowds left and the remaining first responders wondered what to do about the home encased in such thick layers of ice...

And just let her cry her fill.

A child.

A child she had long since lost.

Etternia was no longer just a drug addict to me, I realized, but a damn good Paramedic, a capable strategist...and now a mother that had lost her purpose.

Suddenly her addiction was not so hard to swallow.

Although, it was a bitter pill going down.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: So, how was this for the first Hiei POV? I'm trying to show character development that would have occurred after so many years since the series ended. I feel like Hiei wouldn't be completely the same little asshole he was back in the day. I hope you all enjoyed this! And that the POV change wasn't confusing as hell this time xD**

 **And a sudden revelation about Ettie! It's nice to get that one off my chest, phew.**


	13. Fire and the Flood

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 13: Fire and the Flood**

 **A/N: Back to Ettie's POV my friends.**

 **. . .**

Two days later and I found myself sitting across from Hiei, a steaming cup of herbal tea and a single cup of black coffee between us. The length of the table felt far too short. His unrelenting stare didn't help matters.

"Why did you call me here?"

His eyes never strayed, even as he lifted the coffee to his lips and took a sip. Only when he set it back down did he speak. "I think you know why."

I fished the pill bottle from my pocket and knocked out two tablets. I swallowed them with a gulp full of hot tea and averted my eyes from Hiei's disapproving gaze. Though the glare he normally saved for these moments seemed to be the barest amounts less harsh.

"I do not wish to speak of...that. Please respect my wishes."

"That? Why can't you say it? You have a child."

The tea cup, handle clutched just a little too tight, trembled in my hold. Tiny bubbles roiled across the tea's surface and I was quick to set it down. It wouldn't do to sip something that was now past the point of boiling hot. Any further and the cup would shatter.

Hiei's gaze was infinitely more curious and all the more nerve wracking.

"It is long in the past and I would like it to remain there. It has nothing to do with you."

He frowned, but after a moment conceded. "True. But I can't deny that I'm irritated at the secrecy."

"I am sure you will get over it."

I was certain the questioning wasn't over, but was thankful when the shop's bell tingled with the opening of the front door. It drew both our attentions and I took it as my cue to make an exit. Who just entered wasn't someone I felt like speaking to, not now, not when things were still so raw.

I collected my belongings and thought to make a hasty retreat before either of them could stop me. Except Hiei was prepared for that.

He grabbed the back of my denim jacket, having appeared behind me with the barest of movements, and tugged me back down into my chair.

I slammed back into it with an audible grunt and shot Hiei a withering look once he was settled back in his own chair. Yusuke took up the last available seat at the tiny table and smiled at me, almost smug.

"Did you plan this?" I bit out and Hiei just smirked.

Of course he had.

"Well it seems like Hiei's the only one of us you feel like associating with lately, so I had to do something."

"That isn't true!" I said. "I've seen Kuwabara recently."

"For a few minutes...and it wasn't like you actively sought him out. You just happened to see each other on the street."

"It was the grocery store..." I mumbled.

"Doesn't matter where," he grumbled. "I've needed to speak with you for awhile now."

I expected him to bring up Christmas. We'd only spoken a handful of times since that night, at first because he avoided me, and then when he came round I chose to start avoiding him instead. I understood that my gift had made him uncomfortable and that I preached about him keeping up boundaries between us. But there I was, crossing so many of them.

Toeing the line was bad enough, but letting him stay over whenever he pleased destroyed the line completely.

I'd become too comfortable with his presence.

Not wanting to discuss such private matters in front of Hiei of all people, I said, "If you mean to bring up the other night than I do not see what else there is to discuss."

Something in his eyes changed, but he shook his head. "No, this is about a lead and I need your help. You speak ancient Norse, don't you?"

I knocked the tea cup over, spilling the remaining contents across the table.

It shouldn't have been a shock. Kurama would have recognized it. I did not doubt that Hiei repeated those words I'd carelessly spat months ago. Even if he hadn't recognized it, he was smart enough to figure out how to translate it anyway.

I used a gust of wind to dry the tea to the table. I would ask for a cloth to wipe it up after.

I kept my face carefully blank and cleared my throat in a poor attempt at righting my composure. "How can I be of service?"

Yusuke gave me an odd look, his eyes flicking to Hiei who just stared back with a face as equally blank as my own.

"Well...I think I've found a clue. But I can't read it and neither can Kurama."

So he recognized the language but wasn't fluent in it. That was only a slight relief.

I made to stand again, setting my cup to rights and once again gathering my bag. "I am happy to translate it for you. Drop it by the station when you have some time."

As I went to leave, forgetting the mess I'd left on the table entirely, Yusuke caught my wrist. "Don't think I'm stupid enough not to realize how much of a coincidence this is."

The way he said it made me think he didn't believe it was a coincidence at all. It sent a spike of irrational anguish through my chest. A pain that was almost physical. I found myself clutching the strap to my leather satchel and staring down at Yusuke with what I was certain was a rather heartbroken expression.

Hiei only quirked his lips up into a smug smile and my eyes were quick to dart away.

I wriggled my wrist and Yusuke let me go without much fuss. "I'll see you later," he said.

I nodded, careful to keep my eyes on my feet and not on his face. I knew Hiei would be feeding him with doubts, between what he'd witnessed a few nights ago and the pieces he was slowly picking up and putting together, like I was some living puzzle.

I left them both in the cafe, stepping out into a light rain that made my youki sing, and walked with a single minded intent. I did not stop until I rounded a corner where I could slump against a building and just breathe.

I needed to fix this.

"Plans gone awry?"

I did not react to his presence like he hoped. Instead, I spewed out what had been on the forefront of my mind for days. "My son was taken from me."

He sucked in a sharp breath and I took some pleasure in still being able to shock him.

I didn't want to think about this, but seeing the babe a few days ago drug up some old...but not yet forgotten memories. No amount of drugs would make me forget...not entirely.

"A son?" It wasn't exactly a question, spoken as if he were talking to himself.

I'd never told anyone this. Not a single soul in all the worlds. Not even Lord Yomi, who all those years ago found some deeply buried kindness and given me a home.

"Elementa children are rare. Gifts straight from the Gods. A boy is an even more precious thing, as the women outnumber the men two to one. It is common for miscarriages and stillbirths even when taking every single precaution."

"And you birthed a coveted male?" he said with a sneer, as if the thought displeased him.

My eyes dipped closed and I slipped down the rough stone side of the building until I could sprawl my legs out in front of me, rain be damned. This was...

Awful. Gut wrenching. Disgraceful. Earth shattering.

It was so many things. But it was also honest. Far more honest then I'd been in a long time, even with myself.

Why to this man? Because he was brusque and cold? Because he wouldn't offer me sympathy or pity or pretty words that were meant to comfort but only tore the wounds open wider?

Yes, I supposed, all those things and more.

"He was beautiful," I breathed. "But I was not allowed to even touch him, not even for the briefest of moments."

"Why?" Inquisitive. But still rough.

"Because...he was a half-breed."

I was greeted with dead silence and it prompted me to open my eyes, to stop imagining that brief second I'd caught a glimpse of the babe I'd carried for those nine long months. I could still hear his screams...as my family stole him and sent him away to die.

Hiei's eyes were much wider than I'd ever seen them. He was trying to think of a response, swallowing repeatedly, his gaze unable to meet my own.

I would have thought he was trying to be tactful instead of cruel. But that wasn't within his nature.

"It is not such a shameful thing," I said, struggling to stand. "There are worse things than bedding a human."

"You should have known what would happen," he said.

"I did. But love...it makes you irrational and stupid."

"Love?" he sneered. "You really are a fool."

"Yes," I agreed, "I suppose I am."

 **. . .**

Yusuke didn't drop the papers off at the station. I found him waiting for me outside my apartment building instead.

I parked my motorcycle and took my time going to meet him. This...wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation. I could feel Hiei in the distance, his energy like a beacon, but far enough away to afford us some semblance of privacy. He was there in case things went south. Because no matter how close I grew to him, he still didn't trust me.

"Hey," Yusuke said, with a little wave when I finally rounded the building.

He was putting on a good show of being casual, leaned up against the stone exterior of my apartment complex and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. A pack of cigarettes was rolled up in one of his sleeves, showing the punk he was at heart. The sight made me smile.

"Hi," I replied, with a wave of my own. "Would you like to come up? Have some coffee?"

"You're gonna let me in?"

"If you can keep things professional, then yes."

"And if I can't?"

My lips turned down into a frown. I was afraid of this. Things were getting awkward already, perhaps I should just take whatever evidence he needed me to translate and be done with it. This was never what I wanted—to be close yes—but not to the point it was not comfortable between us. A relationship beyond friendship was out of the question, no matter how much either of us might want it to be otherwise.

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, tempted to keep my gaze trained on the concrete sidewalk, but knew my words would not hold the impact they needed to if I did. I needed to look him in the eye, to tell him as much truth as I was able.

"I care for you Yusuke, and what I did at Christmas was an unquestionable overstepping of boundaries. But you can't deny that you've been doing that all along."

His face contorted into a grimace and he pushed off from the building, folding his arms across his chest. Defensive. He pulled the pack of cigarettes from his sleeve, knocked one out and lit it with a match. He waved it in the air to put it out and then flicked it at my feet.

"No shit, but don't act like you didn't invite it. Letting me sleep over, spending mornings with me, showing me your drawings. I took care of you at one of your lowest points, no questions asked!" He took a long drag off his cigarette, allowing the look on his face to be shrouded by smoke.

"I never asked you to do any of that, you took it upon yourself. I am not denying my guilt or my involvement. But I do not wish for things to become...strained between us."

"Strained?" he said on an incredulous laugh, smoke rolling out from between his teeth. "What did you think was going to happen?"

He stalked towards me and every instinct within me told me to back away. Yusuke did an admirable job of concealing exactly who and what he was—the ancestor of Raizen, the heir to the old psychic Genkai's immeasurable power, and the reigning king of demon world. But now, with his anger so clearly painted across his face, I saw one of the pieces of him that struck fear into so many demons' hearts.

However, I did not believe he would hurt me for such a petty reason. So I stood my ground and allowed him to get close enough that I could feel his breath ghost across my face, smell the nicotine that coated his tongue.

"You led me on, Ettie," he said, matter of fact. "I never once denied what I felt for you and you spat on it like it was nothing."

"You are...misunderstanding," I said. And although he wasn't, not entirely, there was still an extent of truth in what I was saying. "I come from a tribe, a close knit one that did not take much stock in sharing a home or a bed with the opposite sex, even if they were not lovers. It is just natural." 

"What the fuck about us is natural? I don't think that way and I know you're just trying to fool yourself at this point."

This was about to escalate out of my control, out of my scope of expertise. I could handle Yusuke any other way than this—emotional, all his anger directed at me for one simple reason. Because I couldn't give him what he wanted.

I stepped away and then walked around him, towards the entryway of my building, shutting this down before it could go any further. If I continued to try and reason with him, to try and explain myself, it would get me nowhere. He would refute all my claims, all my excuses.

Because that's exactly what they were—excuses.

"So that's it?" he called. "You're just gonna walk away?"

That was my plan, yes. Except an inkling of my spirit awareness caused me pause—I waited with bated breath.

Something was coming.

Too soon, I thought. The message said he wouldn't be here for another week at least. He was about to blow a massive hole in all my carefully laid plans. Even more massive than the one Yusuke had so easily torn into them.

Yusuke sensed it too, a bare moment later then I had. "Who the hell...?"

I dodged just in time, as a giant pillar of pure ice rained down from above me. It shattered on impact, shards separating and flying in random directions. One struck me in the cheek, cutting me across my face. When I reached up to feel the wound my fingers came back stained in blood.

My feet skidded along the sidewalk, landing just in time to dodge again, this time to avoid the near impact of a stone javelin.

It had been awhile since my last true fight, but my body remembered, pure instinct taking over. I pressed my hands to the ground and built an earthen cage around me, even knowing he would smash through it, but I was prepared for that.

When his fist came through the wall I grabbed his arm, tugging until my grip was firm. From there I allowed ice to spread from his hand up to his elbow. I would freeze his entire body in place. I wouldn't use violence against him, but I wouldn't let him defeat me either. Least of all in front of Yusuke. My pride wouldn't allow it.

I let the rock walls crumbled, leaving him within my clutches. A poor miscalculation on my part.

I ducked just in time to avoid a blast of water to my face, forced to let him go. I hopped back several paces, quickly building a thick rounded shield of ice in my hands. I expected him to barrage me again with earth, but the sound of a high pitched whirring made us both halt and turn towards the source of the noise.

Yusuke's gaze held pure wrath, a look so cold that I almost did not recognize him. An overpowered Spirit Gun glowed on the tip of his finger and I did not doubt that he planned to use it.

An instant later, Hiei appeared, phasing out of thin air like death incarnate. His sword was already drawn and aimed for my assailant's throat. I thought about getting between them, but figured he should reap what he sowed.

Attacking me in front of the king was pure idiocy on his part, after all.

The man laughed in the face of Hiei's bared teeth and his blade sharp enough to cut a hair in half. Just as I knew the fool would.

He caught Hiei's blade in a bare hand, instantly freezing it, and with a jerk of his wrist he snapped it in half. The fire demon skidded to a halt, staring at the hilt of his sword in disbelief. With a snarl, he tossed it aside and raised his fists to attack the man again.

This was when I chose to get between them.

Hiei's punch hit my ice shield with enough power to break it and it probably would have hit me too, if my attacker hadn't pulled me out of the way at the very last moment.

"Thank you," I said, breathless.

"What the hell is going on here?" Hiei had stopped at least, though with the way he was standing so defensively any wrong move would surely cause him to attack us again.

Yusuke lowered his hand, though he did not dissipate the energy on his finger. "I'd like to know that myself. Who the fuck is this guy?"

How should I explain this...?

There really was no easy way to say it. So the truth was best.

"This is my husband—Ingvar."

Dead silence. Even the energy on Yusuke's finger fizzled out.

"Your... _what_?" Even Hiei's mouth was hanging open, shocked.

Ingvar laughed again and placed a huge palm against my shoulder, his weight making me totter on my feet. I knew he could not understand them, but his stupidity was about to get him killed.

"Is this some kinda joke?!" Yusuke barked. "You're fucking married?!"

I was hesitant, but nodded, confirming once again who Ingvar was. And while he so happened to be my long forgotten husband, he was also an unwanted guest I would soon need to be rid of.

Ingvar smiled down at me, clearly confused. His attacking me was nothing new, it was meant to keep me on my toes, an old habit that I knew would never die. I'd grown up with Ingvar and how he'd found me was still a mystery. It was no secret that I'd ended up with Yomi after being exiled...but from there, I'd never told a soul in demon world where I planned to go.

I turned to him and asked as much, in my native tongue. He cocked his head, long blonde hair held in a single thick braid falling over his shoulder. The same style as always—shaved hair down both sides of his head, left with only the thick mane in the center of his skull. He'd worn it since he turned of age, so he may show off the tattoos he sported on his skull.

"I've missed you," he said, the sound of my people's tongue bringing back memories I would sooner forget.

"That isn't what I asked," I snapped in return. "How did you find me?"

"Ettie," Hiei's growl went ignored. I didn't care if the fire demon could understand us or not.

Ingvar, you stupid giant lummox. He would be lucky if I did not kill him after this.

He carried a leather sack around his shoulder and when I once again asked why he was there, he fished around inside it, producing a tiny box no larger than the palm of my hand.

"Here," he said, "from your father."

Father...? Surely he was mistaken. My father—well, I wanted nothing to do with him. And I was sure his sentiments were much the same regarding me.

"I do not want it," I said. "Return home, where you belong. I am your wife no longer."

"You must open it, Etternia. It is of great importance."

I sighed, irritated. "Not here, come."

Then I turned to Hiei and Yusuke, jerking my head towards my building. "I will explain everything, if you wish to hear it, but you must come inside. We've drawn a crowd."

Lost within their own personal worlds, none of them noticed the groups of people milling about, cameras out and recording the show. The people of Sarayashiki were not strangers to seeing demonic powers in their streets, but that did not mean it would stop them from gawking every time it happened. We would be on the news tomorrow morning, of that there was no doubt.

Ingvar was all too happy to comply, the promise of a hot meal and a cup of tea enough to placate him. But Yusuke and Hiei were a different story.

"We've been hanging out how long now, Ettie? A year? You think you would have, I don't know, mentioned you were fucking married?!"

"It is...complicated."

"How goddamn complicated could it be? Either you're married or you're not!"

I was quickly losing what little patience still remained after Ingvar's untimely arrival. I refused to stand here and argue with the two of them in the street. My past was my business and I was, quite frankly, pissed off that they continued to pry into things that had nothing to do with them.

"Come or don't, I do not care either way," I said coldly, turning on my heel to let Ingvar into the building.

"What else have you lied about?" Yusuke said to my back, his voice shook with barely suppressed anger...and maybe even a little hurt.

A surge of sympathy welled in my chest, but I batted it away. It was never my intention to hurt him, but this was not a ploy to break his heart. Feeling sorry for him wouldn't fix anything.

"I've never spoken a lie to you Yusuke, not once," I told him over my shoulder. It was the truth, more or less, as I never have spoken a lie aloud to him before. "I will tell you about Ingvar and you may listen to why he is here, if you so choose, but I will not pressure you into it."

I left them to make the decision on their own, guiding my stupid husband up to my apartment was no easy task. He paused every few seconds to look at something, or admire a human that walked by like some idiotic tourist. I was sure it was unusual for him to see humans milling about without shackles around their ankles, this being his first (and hopefully last) time in the human realm.

We climbed the flights of stairs and as I pulled out my key to unlock my door, Yusuke and Hiei crested the stairwell. The king looked dour, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans and gaze studiously trained on anything other than me or Ingvar. And Hiei just looked angry, his face set in a grimace of utter distaste and contempt.

I ushered them all inside, admonishing Ingvar to remove his damned shoes when he traipsed into my home with the dirty things still on.

He toed them off, tossing them to one side of the entry way, and then took a deep lungful of air. A familiar smell he wasn't given the opportunity to indulge in for quite some time. A mix of me and my herbs and poultices, the cast iron pots and pans, the coffee I would soon have set to brew on the stove.

He made himself at home, just as he always he had, his feet propped up on my kitchen table.

I slapped them off, my lips stuck in a thin, irritated line.

Yusuke pulled the spare chair out of the kitchen's corner and took a seat directly across from Ingvar. His glare could have rivaled Hiei's.

But it was the fire demon that snapped, "Explain."

I set the old percolator on the stove and started the kettle for Ingvar's tea. Each second that drew on the boys grew more impatient and when Ingvar began to whistle, that was the end of Yusuke's already short rope.

The king slammed his palm down on my kitchen table and pointed at Ingvar. "This idiot is your husband?"

I closed my eyes and took a breath and prayed to the Gods for strength. "He was, yes."

"Was?" Hiei asked, forgoing the spare seat at the table and leaning up against the counter beside me, to gauge my reactions no doubt.

"Yes, _was._ It was an arranged marriage I never agreed to, but did for the sake of my father. When I was exiled that marriage automatically became null and void."

"Then what the hell is he doing here?" Yusuke asked, casting a pointed look at Ingvar, who just smiled at him. "Wipe that look off your face before I do it for you, bud."

The idiot didn't know a lick of Japanese, yet here he was. The threat Yusuke issued fell on deaf ears.

"He can't understand you," I told him. "He's never bothered to learn another language."

"You've kept in touch then?" Yusuke said, his tone so sarcastic I had a hard time not rolling my eyes.

"No, this is the first I've seen or heard from him in thirty some odd years."

Thirty years was not a long time for a demon, which was why not much about Ingvar changed in that time. He was still tall and burly, a warrior's body. He still carried an ax on his back and wore his shirt mostly open, his clothing made of leather and cotton, stained with dirt and old blood. He used two elements—water and earth.

Nothing would ever change in my clan. The people included.

He winked at me when he noticed my scrutiny and I turned away with a huff, tending to the equipment on the stove. I poured the bastard his cup of tea, in which he thanked me for, and then offered coffee to Yusuke and Hiei.

The former took a cup but did not drink and the latter just gave me a cold stare and said nothing. Fine then.

When I was settled with my own mug of coffee, their stares eating holes into my face, I cleared my throat, my attention on Ingvar. "Why are you here?" I asked again in that crude tongue, the language of my people.

Ingvar said nothing, just pushed that tiny box towards me again.

My entire body revolted against opening it. I already knew what was inside and I wanted no part of it. Why now? Why during such an important time? My family would never cease to cause me unending agony.

"I've been exiled. What is in that box does not matter to me."

Ingvar gulped down the remainder of his tea, sighing appreciatively. "Your father will rescind it...if you accept."

Rescind it...? As if I cared for such a thing. Their choice to exile me was the best thing to ever happen...and I would have left even if they hadn't. The utter entitlement of my father...of my people...it was abominable. Such vile, heartless creatures.

"No, I do not accept," I said. "Go home and never return here."

"You are still angry over that human? Is it not time for you to grow up?"

My mind went blank. And then everything bled into red as deep as fresh spilled blood.

Next thing I knew I had Ingvar around the throat, flames licking up my arms, burning me just as much as they burnt him. They would quickly burn into an inferno if I did not calm the screaming in my ears, the pure agonizing pain those words had wrought.

"He was not just any human," I snarled through teeth that had grown fangs, snapping at Ingvar. "You insult his memory!"

The flames began to engulf his face, my hand choking him, crushing his windpipe. He did not even think to use his water, the unadulterated fear in his eyes all consuming. The fire grew, up and up it went, burning my clothing and charring Ingvar's neck and face.

"Ettie! Hey, Ettie, stop! You're going to kill him!" Yusuke's words did not even register, the rage and hurt was so strong that I felt nothing other than the need to see Ingvar in as much pain as I was.

In the hairsbreadth of time before Ingvar's face would have been swallowed by my flames, Hiei tore me away, his arms like cords of steal around my middle. My fire did not hurt him, did not even touch him. And even though my rage still festered, I was left to see the horror of what I'd done.

I had not used violence since the day I chose to become a healer...

The fire could not be controlled. It never wavered once called, once my anger was strong enough to even think of using it. My youki reacted purely on my body's instinct.

It took four tries before I was able to switch my core's main element back to water, with the impending possibility of burning down my apartment at the forefront of my mind, and with the help of Hiei who siphoned some of my burning youki straight from my body. Only then did I manage to get the flames to peter down. When it was just my hands still enshrouded with flame, I turned to the sink, allowing Hiei to turn on the faucet, and stuck my hands beneath the running water.

The fire went out in a burst of steam and I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes.

My arms were charred, blackened. I froze them from the backs of my hands all the way up to my elbows—a temporary salve for a much bigger problem.

And then I turned to see the catastrophe waiting behind me.

Ingvar was having trouble breathing, hunched over my table, his already pale skin even paler. His neck up to his chin was a darkened mess, with bits of bloody burnt flesh appearing in random intervals. The rest of his face was so red it looked as if he'd sat in the sun for an entire day with no sunblock on.

I strode to him and every demon in the room tensed, but I just reached forward and cast his neck and lower face in ice.

But my wrath was not done, nor would it ever be.

I retrieve a poultice from a drawer in my kitchen counter for the burns, threw it at him along with the box he'd brought from my father.

"Leave," I snarled, my voice as cold as the ice encasing my arms, "and never show your face to me again."

He gathered his things, wide eyes taking one last look around the room, and then he fled. I followed, slamming the door behind him, and then sunk down to the floor in front of it.

Through my sobs—the broken, bitter tears—I felt both Yusuke and Hiei come up behind me. One of them placed a hand at the small of my back and before I could regret it, I choked out, "My people are at war..."

And my father was calling me back...so I may fight...and die for him.

Even though my refusal was resolute, this would not be the end of it. I was not prepared for this, was not ready to confront my clansmen again so soon. A thousand years wouldn't have been long enough.

I stared down at my charred hands, at the hands that had not used such violence in over thirty years...

And I hated myself just that much more.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: Lots of new info about Ettie this chapter! We're finally getting more into her past and her people and where she comes from! What a shock, she had a husband?!**

 **(I honestly planned to reveal that little tidbit in a later chapter, but the ending of this kind of wrote itself and it seemed to work, so I kept it as it was!)**

 **Thank you everyone for your awesome reviews! You guys give me life!**


	14. A Ritual of Renewal

**The Shogun Approach**

 **Chapter 14: A Ritual of Renewal**

 **A/N: This is a Yusuke POV chapter!**

 **. . .**

"I can't believe this..." I grumbled. "It's completely blown my mind to fucking smithereens."

"Yeah, who woulda guessed she had a husband. Crazy."

"I don't know a damn thing about her. Zip, ziltch, nada."

"I believe we've been telling you this all along..."

I rolled my eyes at Kurama, shoving my hands into my pockets and hunching over, in a miserable mood. The look on my face made pedestrians jump off the sidewalk just to avoid me. I glared at anyone who was stupid enough to glance a little too long.

"Don't take it out on random people, Urameshi. It's not their fault."

"I don't give a shit whose fault it is. It's still bullshit!"

It's been a few days since I last saw and spoke to Ettie. After the incident involving her husband (the thought made my stomach twist) she'd kicked both me and Hiei out without further explanation. I didn't know if she was okay and that, more than anything, was eating at me to the point of turning my moods sour.

Kurama and Kuwabara had come to try and cheer me up, but it was just annoying. I didn't want coffee and conversation. I wanted to pummel the shit out of Ettie's ex-husband and then wring the answers I needed out of her.

And with that, I was irritated even more, because my mind couldn't seem to concentrate on the violence I kept telling myself I was craving. No. When I said I wanted to wring answers out of Ettie I wanted to do it in a much more pleasurable way, which heated my blood and frustrated me all at once.

"Have you spoken to Hiei?" asked Kurama, casting me a sidelong glance so full of concern that I wanted to barf in the street.

"I've tried, but the little bastard's avoiding me. I think he knows more about her than he's letting on."

"Wouldn't he have told you?"

"Like he told me about ditching Mukuro? I got my ass handed to me at the last council meeting because of that. I tried to cover for him but she isn't stupid enough not to see through it."

"That...doesn't sound like something the shrimp would do," Kuwabara and Kurama shared a look, one that left me buzzing with anxiety.

"Perhaps...he's finally decided he no longer wishes to be her second," Kurama said.

Kuwabara snorted. "Yeah right, he was pretty adamant about staying with her until he could beat her. That hasn't happened as far as I know."

I choked on air and turned to give Kuwabara an incredulous look. "Wait a minute, you never heard?!"

"Heard what, Urameshi—" and then, "You tellin' me that asshole beat Mukuro and you guys never told me?!"

I shrugged. "Figured you knew. Sorry man."

"It happened sometime last year, that incident when Hiei showed up at my apartment on the brink of death," Kurama added.

"Oh yeah...I remember that. It was pretty hairy there for awhile..."

"He would have died if we weren't able to take him to Yukina. But don't ever tell him she was the one that fixed him up, he'd have a conniption fit," I said.

"He lets Ettie patch him up no problem," Kuwabara said, a hand on his chin. "Why is that?"

I made a disgusted noise in the back of my throat, bad mood rearing its ugly head again. Why'd he have to go and mention her name?

"Still," Kuwabara continued, "you assholes should have told me that's what happened. I'm not a goddamn mind reader. Can't believe the squirt actually beat her..."

"Wish I could've seen it," I said. "Bet it was badass."

We rounded the corner, headed towards the usual cafe. I kicked a can out of my way, eyes trained on the ground, when I heard Kuwabara mumble, "Speak of the devil."

I looked up and lo and behold, stepping out of the shop was Hiei and Ettie. They were both in uniform, but that didn't matter to me. Seeing them together didn't irritate me for any particular reason other than the fact Hiei was hiding shit from me. He was one of my right hand men, and here he was keeping secrets for some girl.

Who cared if that girl also happened to be someone I would very much like to have a relationship with.

Hiei noticed us instantly and let out a long suffering sigh. He could probably tell just by the look on my face that I planned on starting shit. He turned to Ettie and said something I couldn't hear, careful to keep his voice low.

And suddenly my irritation morphed into an irrational anger. Where did he get off? Just because they worked together didn't mean they needed to be all buddy-buddy, it was disgusting.

I stopped in my tracks, Kuwabara and Kurama walking past me to greet Hiei and Ettie, as if we hadn't spent this entire walk talking about the both of them behind their backs. I was tempted to turn around and head back to my place, to get some actual work done, at least that's what I told myself. But in reality I was embarrassed.

The emotion eating at me wasn't just irritation or even anger—it stemmed from something worse. Jealousy.

I was seriously, overbearingly jealous of Hiei.

Unbelievable.

Never in my life had I ever been jealous of another person, least of all over a woman.

I knew exactly what Hiei would tell me in this situation—how unbecoming of a king. And he would be right. I didn't need to be jealous, so what if he liked her? I cared about Hiei and wanted to see the guy happy, even if that meant giving up on Ettie.

But I also knew what I was thinking was beyond irrational. Hiei was wary of her at best, completely distrustful at worst. I knew he was interested in her, in her powers and heritage. But whether that interest spread into the realm of wanting her for himself, I didn't have a clue. I made jabs at him like I did and they always seemed to hit some tender point, but that wasn't evidence enough to prove he liked her.

Right?

So I took a deep breath, tried to expel all that negative emotion, and slapped a grin on my face.

I really did plan to go up and greet them like the old chum I was, but I took one look at Ettie—dressed in her uniform, hair braided in a tight twist on top of her head, a new jeweled stud in her bottom lip—and I lost it.

"I'm in love with you," I blurted.

There was an awkward beat of silence...and then Ettie's cup of coffee slipped out of her bandaged fingers and smashed all over the ground.

Oops.

 **. . .**

"Bahahaha! I—I can't—" more laughter, "can't believe—shit—can't believe you said that!"

"Shut the hell up Kuwabara before I knock all your teeth out," I groused over a beer later that evening.

"It wasn't exactly your finest moment," Kurama added, grinning over the rim of his glass.

"I've never seen a more pathetic display," Hiei said, downing a shot of what smelt like straight rubbing alcohol.

I couldn't help but agree.

It took a year for me to admit it, but I'd fallen hard for Etternia the Elementa. So hard that I made a fool of myself every time I was around her.

I excused myself from the table, lying about needing the bathroom, and left them to make fun of me by themselves. I needed to make a call. I couldn't rely on my team to help me out with this one, I needed an expert's advice.

I found a secluded corner near the restrooms and pulled out my cellphone. I hit the third speed dial button and waited.

It rang so long I almost hung up.

"Hello, Yusuke?"

Her voice made the space where my heart used to beat constrict. Painful. It would always be painful.

"Hey, Keiko..."

"It's really good to hear your voice. We haven't talked since Christmas."

"I know, I'm sorry." I rubbed at the back of my neck and sighed. "I need some advice."

"I'm at work right now, but I might be able to slip away for a few minutes."

I was about to tell her to forget it, that it wasn't important. But then I remembered the absolute fuck up from this afternoon and bit my tongue.

"Can you? I'm in a real bind."

She muffled the phone for a second and a few breaths later said, "Okay, all clear. Is everything okay? No one's hurt right? You're okay?"

I clicked my tongue and chuckled. "We're fine Keiko."

"Then why did you sound so serious? You shouldn't make me worry, Yusuke!"

"Sorry, but I didn't know who else to talk to..."

I explained everything, I didn't leave out a single detail. I told her everything I felt and I was _honest_. I didn't embellish things or leave out my own stupidity in the whole situation. Keiko worked best when she knew all the details and I didn't worry about them hurting her. She'd decided long ago we were never meant to be a couple, not really.

But we'd always love each other anyway.

She listened with rapt attention, allowing me to talk my fill, to purge all these thoughts and feelings that I'd been harboring for what felt like ages. If anyone overheard they would probably think I was some kind of sappy wimp. But I didn't care.

When I was finished I fished a cigarette out of the pack in my jeans' pocket and lit it with a match. I took a long drag to calm my nerves.

"Yusuke...are you smoking?!"

I coughed, choking on the next inhale. "What?! No!"

"Liar!" But her voice held no bite, if anything she was smiling.

I cleared my throat and then said, "So, what do you think?"

She paused a little too long and that alone told me all I needed to know.

"Never mind, it was stupid to call you, I'm sorry—"

"No, Yusuke, it wasn't stupid. I just...just be careful okay? You, well, I've never heard you talk about someone like this before."

"Jealous?" I asked, a lecherous grin quirking my lips.

"You wish," she said with a breathy laugh. "I want you to be happy, but I think you should reconsider who you've chosen."

"I was afraid you'd say that..."

"I say it not as your ex-fiancee, but as a friend who loves you. You don't know enough about her, she's harboring secrets that could really hurt you, Yusuke. So please, just be careful, that's all I ask."

"I love her Keiko...I can't help it," I said, and I didn't think I'd ever heard my voice sound so small.

"Okay," she said, as if gearing herself up, "then you need to do something for me."

"Huh?"

"I want you to spend one whole month without seeing her or calling her. No contact at all."

"What?! Are you crazy?! Hiei works with her!"

"And that's Hiei, not you. Go spend some time in demon world for once, I'm sure the monks could use your help."

"I-I have to be here, what if something happens?"

"Then you have three of your closest advisers there to handle it. You can trust them, Yusuke."

"I don't see the point in this, why a whole month?" I was getting annoyed now. What a stupid suggestion. And I was so sure Keiko would be able to help me.

"Because, the separation will do you some good. It will give you a chance to clear your head," she said. "But, if you spend that entire month thinking of nothing else except her—ask her on a date."

"But you just said—"

"I know what I said," Keiko cut me off, "and I'm still unsure if she's the right choice, but if you really love her then I can't stop you. I just want you to be certain that's what you're feeling."

"I, uh—"

"Just a minute," she muffled the phone again and I waited, tapping my foot on the floor and smoking my cig, doubly annoyed. When she next spoke it was to tell me, "Sorry, Yusuke, I have to go. Call me later?"

"Yeah, sure..." I wouldn't. She knew I wouldn't. But she wished me goodbye and I clicked my phone shut, stuffing it back in my pocket. "Damn it!"

I wanted to hit something. None of that was what I wanted to hear, but I knew she was right. So I marched back out into the main part of the bar and did my best not to punch Kuwabara when he asked me if I fell in the toilet.

"I'm going to the Makai for awhile," I announced.

"What's this all of a sudden?" Kuwabara asked, his drink halfway towards his mouth and the grin on his face slipping into a frown.

"Did you have an existential crisis while in the bathroom?" Hiei sneered, another shot clutched between his fingers.

I eyed the table, seeing the line of shot glasses, counted them—five, six—ten total, the eleventh in his hand. Interesting. It was unusual for Hiei to get shit faced drunk, but a few more of those and he'd be on the goddamned floor.

As I watched, he drank the eleventh and let the empty glass tumble from his fingers. It rolled across the table towards Kuwabara, who raised an eyebrow at the demon. I wasn't the only one to notice his odd behavior, it would seem.

All thoughts about going to demon world fled. "What the fuck's wrong with you?"

Kurama gave me a look that clearly told me to bite my tongue, but the sharp look I cast him in return had him moving his gaze to the table. I wasn't the king in name alone. And Hiei was my goddamned friend too.

Hiei just sneered at me, lip curling in disgust. Over what, I had no idea. When he waved the bartender over and asked for another round of shots, we all stared at him in abject horror.

Five more glasses were placed in front of him, five more of those vile things he called liquor but might as well have been turpentine for how it smelled. I let him drink the twelfth and then Kurama and I stole the last four before he could even set the other glass down. He shattered it against the bar's wall in protest.

"Give them back."

I narrowed my eyes at him and downed the two in my hands. I shivered, sticking my tongue out—totally gross. And I wasn't adverse to the strong shit. But this was on a whole other level.

Kurama wasn't as brave as I was, and merely got up and handed the shots back to the bartender, who raised an eyebrow but took them anyway. I watched him funnel them back into the bottle and rolled my eyes—cheap bastard.

"I'm cutting you off," I said to Hiei. "Go sleep off whatever—" I waved a hand vaguely in the air, "—this is."

He blurred from the table, and I wasn't sure when the hell he'd gotten fast enough that I couldn't see him again, and reappeared in front of me. He balled my shirt up in a fist and reared back to hit me. His face was vicious, but something in his eyes...

I dodged the punch aimed for my nose. But a drunk Hiei was a dangerous one. He lacked all inhibition and when I dodged the first hit it only made him angrier.

He used my shirt to swing me around and then smashed my face into our table. I heard my nose crack before I felt it, the metallic tang of my own blood flooding my mouth. And now I was pissed. I didn't give a shit what his problem was, because nothing would excuse this.

"H—hey! Take it outside!"

Neither of us heeded the bartender. I tore Hiei's hand off my shirt, letting him rip a piece off as a souvenir, and picked up a chair, ready to bash him over the head with it.

He dodged the chair, which splintered into pieces as it collided with the floor instead, but that was the last of his gracefulness. Hiei was so drunk he could barely stay on his feet, which made me wonder how the hell he'd managed to break my nose in the first place.

I spat out a great gob of blood, eyes narrowing. I was off my game.

"This is stupid," I said. "Go home and sleep it off, man."

He spat some obscenity, using one of the tables to stay upright and holding his face in his other hand. I was surprised his white knuckled hold on the table's edge didn't snap the wood.

"What's up with you, short stuff?" Kuwabara looked just as confused as the rest of us and he was the only empath in the room.

"Now isn't the time for teasing, Kuwabara," Kurama admonished, pulling the man aside as if he could protect him from Hiei's sudden bout of homicidal rage.

I tried to wipe the blood off my face, only managing to smear it across my cheek, and then ran a hand through my hair. This was...I don't know what this was, honestly.

"You wanna fight, I'm all for it, you know I'm always down for a good brawl." I cracked my knuckles and shrugged a shoulder, frowning. "But I'm not gonna do it when you're too drunk to function."

"Since when do you care about a fair fight?" Hiei said from between his fingers.

"Since this isn't about fighting, but about whatever fucked up emotion you got swimming around in your head right now." I sighed, all the previous adrenaline seeping out of me like rain into a gutter. "I'll be your punching bag if that's what you need...except I don't think it is, not really."

Hiei said something under his breath, more than likely words of disgust for me daring to show that I cared about him, and then breezed by. He swung his fancy ass coat off the back of his chair, pulled it on with more grace than I thought him capable of this drunk, and walked out the door without a backwards glance.

"What," started Kuwabara, "the hell was that?"

I picked at the hole in my shirt, avoiding their gazes and mulling over the entire display. It was...out of character...and yet not. Hard to explain.

"When was the last time any of us saw him partake in such a way?" said Kurama. "He might indulge in a drink here and there..."

"But getting shitfaced for no reason isn't normal, I know," I said.

Kuwabara hummed for a minute and then it was like a light bulb went off in his head. "AH! You remember the last time something like this happened, don't you, Kurama?"

Kurama looked doubtful, wracking his brain for the last time Hiei decided drinking was a better alternative to whatever thoughts kept running through his head. There were only a couple of times I could think of and none of them were all that recent.

"The last time..." Kurama murmured. "Wasn't it shortly after the accidental reveal of his origin to Yukina?"

"I wasn't there for that," I said. "He drank like this?"

"Yeah," Kuwabara said, "it was like...he wanted to forget it even happened. I still don't understand that whole deal, even years later. Why wouldn't he want Yukina to know?"

"That is Hiei's business and now isn't the time to discuss past events," Kurama chided. "One of us should make sure he doesn't get into any trouble."

"I'll go," I volunteered, already throwing on my jacket. It was chilly for being so late in Spring.

"Thought you were off to demon world," Kuwabara said, giving me a sour, pinched look that made me roll my eyes.

"Later, for now it's safest I stay here and deal with our favorite edge lord."

I garnered a snort from Kuwabara and a wry laugh from Kurama before I took off. Tracking Hiei's energy was easy, even if it wasn't normally my forte. He wasn't doing much to hide it, given the circumstances. He might as well have been asking to get ambushed, with how much care he put into hiding his presence from the rest of the demonic population.

The blood on my face dried as I ran, turning into a crusted mess that would be loads of fun scrubbing off later. The dull throb from my nose was ignored, it would heal overnight, my cells' regeneration was better than most. But I was still annoyed that Hiei managed to one-up me like that. I was slacking.

When the hell did he get so fast?

Perhaps time in demon world would do me some good. I would goad Hokushin into training with me. I couldn't let Hiei get too far ahead or I would lose my place as king in the next tournament.

I continued to follow his energy signature through the city, weaving into a neighborhood that had grown familiar. When I eventually found Hiei it was in the most unlikely of places, although it didn't surprise me. And I told myself I shouldn't be as irritated by it as I was.

I jumped from balcony to balcony, until I found the one I needed.

He was crouched in the corner, hidden behind the curtain on the other side of the sliding door, a clear vantage point into Ettie's open living room.

When I went to ask him what he hell he thought he was doing, he held a finger to his lips and just pointed towards the glass. I took the hint and crouched down beside him, huddling close enough that I could feel his unusual amount of body heat even through my clothing. My face flushed and I hoped he wouldn't notice.

Inside Ettie's apartment was dark, save for a single candle lit, wax melted to the wooden floor. So focused on Hiei, I never noticed that Ettie was inside and oblivious to her surroundings. A dangerous thing...considering two high powered demons were camped outside her home.

Hiei's energy drew back, the suffocating heat he normally exuded detracting until it was only a hazy memory. I followed suit, struggling to put a cap on my power as well. Hiding wasn't something I generally liked to do.

"Why didn't you suppress it before?" I whispered.

"She didn't notice. I came here for something else...but found her like this."

My eyes slipped back to the room, where Ettie was knelt before that single candle, hands in careful placement against her thighs, eyes closed. Her hair was down, the tight braids beside her temples mixed amongst the rest, meant to keep any loose strands out of her face.

"What is she doing?"

But Hiei just shook his head, his breaths tight and stunted, as if afraid that would give him away more than the blatant display of energy from earlier.

A cloud covered the moon.

The flame of the candle flickered out.

The caw of a raven split my attention and I nearly screamed like a pansy when the sliding door was thrown open.

Ettie stepped onto the balcony. She was nude, minus a pair of underwear. It was nothing I hadn't seen before, but I never looked long, not long enough to memorize the numerous scars that littered her body, leaving white streaks through her tanned skin. Some were large, large enough to be death wounds. And others were smaller...and some looked as if they'd been self inflicted, like the night she was captured.

Something thundered through my chest at the sight of her, as I drew my eyes up from her feet to her face, noting the missing pinky toe on her left foot. There was what looked like blood painted across her nose and the center of her chin, down her neck in a straight line towards her collar bones. More blood painted her abdomen, her hips, her thighs...

A breath of the night's air confirmed my suspicions.

It wasn't human. That's all that mattered.

A strange power permeated the air, something ancient and harrowing. Something that struck a deep seeded dread into my soul.

She cast a look our way, a dead look, devoid of...anything. She was aware of us this entire time. Ettie didn't speak a word, just held her arms out, the flesh still burnt to near charred cinders, towards the sky.

The cloud passed, bathing her in the ethereal cold light of a full moon. I didn't even think to move, still crouched on the ground, my attention so caught up in her that everything else in my mind became nonexistent.

What was this...?

If my heart still beat, I knew it would be racing. I could feel sweat slipping down my face even though a cold wind had picked up.

And that wind swirled around Ettie now...or Etternia, because this was not the Ettie I knew. No. This was the demon of before, the Elementa from somewhere so far North in demon world even Hokushin wasn't sure where she hailed from.

She was summoning the element, I could feel her youki permeating from her flesh, spreading out, out, out...until it touched us. Hiei was first to rise, flickering away to a neighboring balcony. And it struck me then how dangerous this situation I'd gotten myself into was, for Hiei to turn tail and watch from a safe distance meant that whatever was about to happen made him wary—afraid, even.

I stood, but made no move to leave. I wanted to see this, up close and personal. To see Ettie just as she should be, not the human face she put on day after day. Not the act she put on to pretend she was one of us—but the beast beneath. The ancient past that lurked inside her intrigued me far more than anything else about her, and I was sure Hiei was drawn to her for much the same reason.

There was still so much we didn't know about Ettie.

And that should have made me changed my mind about her, made me think of her differently. But if anything my infatuation just grew. I knew Keiko was right. I needed to put some distance between us, clear my head.

However, I no longer knew if there was enough willpower within me remaining to do it—to escape her clutches.

The draw on my power wasn't a shock. What was, was Ettie flicking her gaze towards Hiei and holding a hand out towards him. He stiffened, standing on the balcony's railing, prepared to jump at any given moment if he felt he needed to.

"You agreed to this earlier," she called, "did you not?"

And even her voice sounded different. The accent thicker, heavier in the air. The words hung there, waiting for a reply that wouldn't come.

She'd talked to him about this? When? And why?

What the fuck was this in the first place?

Hiei hesitated and then took in one long, suffering breath.

He jumped from the other balcony, landed beside Ettie, eyes only for her. He nodded once, an agreement, and snapped, "Get on with it, then."

The draw on my power receded until it wasn't there at all. The wind stopped tousling my hair, my clothing settled back into place.

It surrounded Hiei and Ettie instead—her power, her pull on the very world. Not once did I consider the magnitude of the fact she controlled elements of every kind, that her small body harbored more power than I gave her credit for. Than any of us had given her credit for.

She breathed once, a shuddering, broken thing, then turned her chin up towards the moon.

Flames swirled at her feet, lifting higher and higher until she was inside an inferno that did not burn. It coalesced together, siphoning off until it formed a bright glowing ball in front of her, like a mini sun.

I could see the strain on Hiei's face, the way sweat blossomed across his forehead and his legs shook beneath him.

She was draining his element—his fire.

The thought occurred to me that I should stop this, should help my ally and friend. But then I remembered the bastard had agreed to this. He should reap what he sowed.

His night of drinking also made a lot more sense now. He'd been gearing up for this exact moment. Showing weakness in front of someone he didn't trust, giving away his power—it was an unfounded turn of events. Something I never imagined, even in my wildest dreams. Hiei was far too prideful for something like this.

The ball turned molten, droplets of napalm like flames falling to the ground and fizzling out at Etternia's feet.

She fell to her knees, holding her hands out for the tiny sun, and letting it fall into her palms. It melted apart, snaking down her arms like liquid, twining around her hands, her wrists...her entire arm, until it was engulfed.

With a shout and a burst of her youki, it hardened to stone, encasing her arms and hands.

By then Hiei was pale, but he stood stalwart against the onslaught, even as his hands trembled and his nose began to bleed. He wiped it away with his bandaged hand, leaving a smear of red on what was once a pristine white.

Ettie's wind picked up again, billowing her hair around her face, lifting Hiei's black coat until he looked much like the giant raven he described to me several weeks ago.

I waited, breath bated, for what I didn't know.

A moment later Ettie's power was sucked back in, leaving a hollow, unsettling feeling in my stomach. It was just gone, as if it never was, her core shifting back to neutrality.

Hiei moved, circling around until he stood before her, and gripped each of her stone encased arms. With a load crack, he broke them with a mere squeeze of his hands, and they began to crumble.

What was revealed beneath was virgin skin—perfect and unblemished—as if they had just built Ettie a new set of arms.

She flexed them, testing the new skin, and then stood. She clapped Hiei on the shoulder and wished him a heartfelt thank you that shocked me. She swept his sweaty hair out of his face and Hiei batted at her hands, irritated at the touch.

And all I could do was gape at the both of them.

"What in the fuck was that?"

But Ettie just smiled, all secretive and unabashed, and licked the palms of each of her new hands. She placed these against Hiei's cheeks and craned her head upwards until their foreheads touched. He did not jerk away or even try to stop her, and when she released him I could feel some unspoken agreement between them coming to a resolve.

Except now I was even more confused than I was before.

And nothing pissed me off more than that.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: This chapter was interesting to write. And apparently Ettie has been telling Hiei more than he's been letting on ;)**

 **And Yusuke, my brash, lovable idiot, telling her he loves her? Bahahaha xD**

 **Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Thank you guys for all your awesome comments, you make my day! Oh and the anon reviewer who caught on that Ingvar looked a bit like Ragnar from Vikings xD Ya caught me!**

P.S. I've started yet another playlist for this fic, strictly for the instrumental music I listen to while writing this. You can find it on youtube, labeled The Shotgun Approach.


	15. Freedom Isn't For Me

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 15: Freedom Isn't For Me**

 **A/N: Back to Ettie's POV!**

 **I wasn't going to update until after the holidays. But Merry Christmas guys!**

 **. . .**

Soft music, the sweet scented breeze that blew through the open sliding door, low light—it all set the perfect mood.

The perfect mood to be stared down with a hawk like gaze from none other than the king of demon world. I chewed on the stud in my lip, each one of my nerve endings on fire, and his constant staring did not help matters.

"Please stop watching me so closely, you're making me uncomfortable."

He didn't listen and I was beginning to wonder if the incident from earlier broke his mind.

I dragged a small, thin stone wand with a black crystal at its tip down my right arm, Yusuke's watchful gaze never wavering. A small line of light would flare, burn into my flesh, and then fade, connecting into the dark artwork of my tattoo. With the fresh, rebirthed skin on my arms I needed to fix the tribal markings that made up most of my right arm. It wouldn't do to have half of it missing.

"What is that tool you're using?"

"A memento from my old life," I told Hiei.

The fire demon was curled up in the corner of my room. I'd wrapped him in a blanket, much to his protests, and forced him to drink an herbal decoction I'd made from some plants Kurama was kind enough to acquire for me.

Every time he took a sip he would make a face, hoping neither Yusuke or I noticed.

The demon was still quite drunk, the drain on his energy not allowing for it to burn off as it normally would. The tea would help with that as well, if he would stop grousing and just drink it.

"I'm really pissed off," Yusuke announced.

He was sitting on the edge of my mattress and I was in the center of it, legs folded in front of me so I may use them as a resting place for my arm. I tried to concentrate on my work, any misstep in the spell and it would mess the entire thing up. I could very well ruin the entire arm once again and asking for Hiei's assistance in fixing it twice would definitely be pushing it.

I'd only just managed to convince him the first time and it was not without payment on my part. He'd asked for something in return, something I was not necessarily willing to give, but the loss of my arms and hands was far too great.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," I said to Yusuke, not bothering to look up or even acknowledge his anger.

He was acting like a child. Just as he had been since Christmas.

If only I could speed this along, but the tattoo held too many intricacies, too much heritage. I needed to mark it all down, in chronological order, or some would be lost.

"What you showed me was not a fair enough trade," piped up Hiei from his corner. "It wasn't nearly enough."

"It was an answer to one of your questions, is that not good enough? It isn't like I took all of your power."

He scoffed, took another sip of his herbal tea, and grimaced once again. "This is vile," he decided.

"And yet you drink alcohol that smells like paint thinner," Yusuke said.

"It will help replenish the energy I took...and perhaps sober you up some." I was nearly at the back of my hand...just a little more to go.

"Who said I wanted to be sober," he snapped. "Anyone would need to be drunk to deal with you constantly."

I sighed, running the tip of the wand over the back of my hand, I suppressed the shiver that wished to travel down my spine. Hiei's ribbing did not phase me, what did was the fact he thought himself worthy of more than what I'd given.

The exchange was for one memory that would answer one of the questions he harbored in concerns of me. He did not specify which one, but was hoping considerably that I would give up something of great importance. I was hoping the one I did decide to give him would placate him.

It was apparent I judged incorrectly.

"Perhaps you should have been more specific," I said, swirling the stone around my wrist, gritting my teeth against the onslaught of pain it caused.

"I should not have been so trusting," he replied. "I should have known you would not give up anything of importance."

"What the hell are you two talking about?"

Yusuke's irritation would soon crescendo if I did not explain the events of the past evening. It was bad enough Hiei was in on the entire thing, and my hope that he would let slip to the king what I planned to do was my own folly. Hiei was as tight lipped as ever.

"I gave Hiei a memory in exchange for his assistance this evening," I told Yusuke. "Although, it seems what I offered him was not to his liking."

"I still don't get what just went down, I mean, that was some freaky shit."

I tried my best not to laugh. Freaky shit was one way to describe it. "I offered a sacrifice to the Gods—Hiei's power in exchange for repairing my hands and arms."

Yusuke did laugh, an incredulous bark that held no humor. "The Gods? Koenma doesn't accept sacrifices last time I checked."

"Not your God, you foolish boy," I snapped. " _My_ Gods. The Gods of my people. The Gods of legends."

I let the tip of the wand curl around my fingers, leaving black circles in its wake. A few more finishing touches and I could escape my current hell. This conversation was bordering on intrusive. I should not speak of the Gods to outsiders who would not understand. I needed to be thankful that after all these years they had not forsaken me—they granted me the ability to heal my arms.

My powers came with some healing processes—I could fix some wounds, temporarily keep someone from tumbling over the brink of death—but I couldn't do anything more major, such as regrow bones or replenish blood. It cost much of my youki and put myself at risk if I were to try. And I never, ever used those abilities on humans. It could have adverse reactions to their organs and it wasn't a risk I was willing to take.

To do more massive amounts of healing, I must sacrifice enough power to the Gods. They would then choose if I was worthy of the wish.

Tonight, Hiei was my catalyst. His fire was in tune with my own, it was easy to take and use as I saw fit. It enabled me to merge it within myself, make it my own, and give it up as sacrifice.

Not an easy feat, that. But far easier with his help.

"I've heard of _our_ Gods and I don't give a shit about a single one of them. What makes yours so special?" said Yusuke.

The last line of light brightened...and then faded. I flexed my hand—once, twice. It would do.

I tossed aside the wand and rose from the bed, picking up an abandoned sweater off the floor. I pulled it over my head and deftly stepped around the various pieces of junk strewn across my room. My intent was to make my way to the kitchen, something hot in my belly sounded nice—I should have known it wasn't meant to be.

My pager went off, crackling loudly in the sudden silence of the room.

It buzzed once, twice, before a voice came over the com. The dispatcher listed off several codes, all of them harrowing.

Hiei was on his feet a second later and I rushed to my closest to get dressed.

This was an all hands on deck situation.

"What's going on?" Yusuke asked in the flurry between me dressing and gathering my belongings.

I was pulling my shoes on at the door when I answered him, "Another bombing. A big one. You'll want to come along too."

And then I was making a mad dash to the basement of my building, towards the parking garage. Yusuke was beside me, easily keeping in step with my fast pace. Hiei left through one of my windows, assuring me he would be at the station helping to assist the others get ready.

"It's been months, why now?" Yusuke asked between breaths.

And I just shrugged, as unsure as he was. "Perhaps they were celebrating the holidays."

"Now isn't the time for jokes," he said. And he was the last person I ever thought to hear that from.

He was right, of course, now wasn't the time. But the fact he was taking this as seriously as he was...it meant that it weighed on him far heavier than he was letting on.

I am sorry, Yusuke. I am sorry that I was not able to comfort you like you needed. That I cannot be that pillar of support you are so desperately searching for.

But now was not the time for such thoughts. Or regrets and could have beens.

The run to the parking garage took too long. Damn my building for not having an elevator.

My bike was parked in its designated spot and I did not hesitate to swing my legs over it and pull my helmet on. I held the spare out to Yusuke who stood by staring at me with a raised eyebrow.

I shook the helmet at him once and he broke out of his stupor, grabbing it up and cramming it over his head.

I started the ignition, the bike roaring to life between my thighs, and ignored the feeling of warmth at my back. Yusuke did not wrap his arms around me, but chose to hold onto the back of the bike instead. It was petty on his part, but probably for the best.

I tore out of the garage, quickly pushing the bike to its maximum speed. To Yusuke's credit, he did not scream like Kuwabara, but I did sense a subtle change in his energy—one that spoke of exhilaration more than fear.

He was enjoying this.

Too bad this was not meant to be a leisurely ride.

It took me mere minutes to reach the station and park beside the building with all intentions of leaving my bike and Yusuke behind. He would find his own way there, I knew.

Before I could race off, he grabbed me, quick to let go when he had my attention. "Give me your bike keys," he said.

I didn't hesitate, didn't have time. "Hope you know how to drive it," I tossed over my shoulder as ran towards the back door of the station.

A grin lifted my lips when I heard my bike roar to life and speed off. Seemed like he knew just fine. Just another thing I didn't know about Urameshi Yusuke.

Inside, Hiei was rounding up the crew as if he wasn't the newest member of the team, already dressed in his gear. But no one thought to undermine or contest his authority and soon I joined him, calling out orders as I pulled on my own gear and made sure my triage bag was fully stocked.

Our crew was decent sized, our bay held four ambulances, but it was not the biggest in Sarayashiki nor the surrounding cities. There would be other teams there, other members we needed to collaborate with.

I told my team this—their eyes and ears only for me. I made them swear to work together, to help our comrades in arms.

Now was not the time for rivalry or pettiness.

Now was not the time to let pride get in our way.

Once they had all called out their agreement, we loaded up. All four ambulances, me behind the wheel of one, and Hiei beside me with his face as grim as I'd ever seen it.

This was technically his first big trauma as a certified member of the team.

"You okay?" I asked, in the breath of time while I waited for the rest of my crew to back out of the bay.

"Just drive, fool."

My hands clenched around the steering wheel. Fine. Don't talk to me.

I didn't take it easy on him during the drive. I drove the ambulance the same way I did my bike—too fast and on two wheels.

I was on the receiving end of a rather nasty glare when we pulled up to the site of the bombing. And slowly, stiffly, Hiei turned to look at the wreckage. His face turned to stone, all emotion gone. No anger, no fear...just blankness.

The noise of outside was muffled within the rig and I took the chance to turn to him and ask again, "Are you okay?"

He scoffed, his jaw drawing tight. "I've seen far more death and destruction than you realize."

"It is...different when you are not the one causing the destruction."

"We do not have time for this," he breathed, before reaching behind the seats to grab his triage bag.

The sound that entered the cabin when he opened the door was almost deafening. So many voices, all yelling, screaming. The sound of crackling flames and fire engines and sirens. The voices of emergency medical personnel calling out information and asking for assistance.

My head swam for a split second. Began to drown. And then I shook it off, feeling my veins turn cold and my head cool.

I wasn't the lead Paramedic for nothing.

This particular target wasn't as small scale as some of the previous ones. Each bombing had become more daring, more destructive. The people behind this were either becoming desperate...or they were trying to rub it in our faces.

I was guessing the latter.

It would have taken a lot of planning...and more than one bomb to blow up an entire industrial complex. So many buildings...so many human and demon workers. So many lost lives...

This was one of the few places of employment that were considered acceptable for demons of all kinds—factory work. Demons of all types flocked here to run machines, do manual labor; the heavy lifting. In fact, it caused many humans to lose their jobs, because having demon workers in this line of business was more efficient and cost effective.

It was no surprise that they would choose to target this place.

My team was gathered around me, itching for orders, waiting with barely concealed anxiety. "Okay," I said. "I am going to handle as many of the injured apparitions as I can. If you come across any, help them, but call me on the radio to let me know where they are."

"Alright, boss, what do you want us to do?" Eric asked, clutching his triage bag in a white knuckled death grip. Always so serious.

"Do what you always do. Help them. Work hard. Keep your cool. Report back to me when you can, but I know you guys can handle this."

He nodded and took it as dismissal. Momo followed him, her face pale and hands shaking. Shou went his own way, seemingly calm, but I knew on the inside his stomach was roiling with panic. The team spread out, assisting members of other crews, helping the helpless, helping each other.

Fires raged in many areas and the fire fighters were having some difficulties putting them out. I wished I could help, but I was the only demon paramedic in Sarayashiki...possibly all of Japan. But I took a good long look at Hiei, the only member of the team still at my side...perhaps it will not be that way forever, I thought.

"Go," I said, "help them."

"You'll need me," he said.

I felt my energy push at my seams—waiting. I shifted my core towards air, with a small mix of earth. Healing energy.

I wouldn't use my powers on humans because it came with great risk, but our demonic kin were different. Their bodies did not react as poorly to the sudden rush of youki. Of course, it would work out better should they be more in tune with one of my elements, but I would be able to heal them alright anyway...even if it caused a little added strain on my body.

But with Hiei...that might become a moot point.

I nodded, "Alright, then stay by my side."

I did not question his logic or pry into his reasoning, he was unlikely to tell me anyway. So I reached out with my youki, feeling the hum and pulse of the multitude of other energies, and I took off to the nearest one. A weak energy, near to death. Not the only one amongst them, but the first I would help this night.

A demon female. Young. A quick scan told me she was a type of wolf demon and she'd lost a lot of blood. Many broken bones, bruises, and lacerations—but not the worst of her problems. She was missing her left arm, a bloody, destroyed stump was all that remained. Hiei cauterized it and the woman attempted to scream, but only gurgled on the blood filling her mouth. I rolled her, let her spit it out, and began the arduous process of healing her.

There was just enough time to draw her away from the brink of death. If I lingered longer more lives would be lost.

I pulled a fire proof cover from my bag, wrapped it around her and radioed in to my team the woman's location. She would need to be taken by ambulance and I didn't dare move her without a stretcher.

From there, Hiei and I moved onto the next...and then the next. It was a never ending race against time. One injured demon after another. We lost many, but saved many. When my energy grew thin and brittle, I would take from Hiei what he was willing to give. Soon, his brow was covered in sweat and soot and blood that was not his own.

The flames at our backs still raged, controlled but not stopped.

It was in the briefest moment of time that I took a second to breathe...that I saw something...something that made my core pulse out of rhythm. If I had a working heart, it surely would have stopped in my chest.

Silhouetted atop one of the burning buildings, its walls still crumbling and turning to ash, was the undeniable body of a man. A man built sturdy, with hair that flowed with the raging flames, as white blonde as my own. It struck a chord so sharp, the sight of him, that for a solid few seconds I could not pull in a proper breath.

"Etternia!" Hiei snapped and my eyes shifted to him. "What are you staring at? We don't have time for dawdling."

When I did not answer him, but merely turned my gaze back to the building, his eyes followed...and then narrowed when he saw nothing was there.

"You saw something," he said. Not a question.

"I...do not know what I saw. Perhaps a figment of my imagination." It was possible. If I went without the drugs too long I sometimes hallucinated. Hell, sometimes I did that even while on the drugs.

Hiei looked unconvinced, but saved the questioning for later, moving onto the next person who needed our help.

I healed demons well into the afternoon. Carried bodies out of the wreckage with Hiei and my team. Watched as Yusuke picked up the pieces, smoothed things over, helped the ones who were not so injured but were afraid and searching for the beacon of hope he seemed to carry like a torch. Even humans flocked to him, begging for him to help their families.

He lifted stone walls and pulled people out of danger and rescued just as many as all of the first responders present. He helped put out fires and made contact with us when he was able, but mostly he hunted for clues.

Later, when he came to find Hiei and I, sitting on the back end of one of the few remaining ambulances, I told him about what I'd seen. Hiei listened on raptly, sipping on a bottle of water and pretending he didn't care.

I described the man as best I could, but deep in my soul I knew who it was—the one claiming to be the _Aesir._

I kept that part to myself, buried it close to the center of my being and saved it for a time when I would need it.

Yusuke thanked me for my help, but lingered, staring at me awkwardly. His lips twitched into a frown and swallowed thickly, before his eyes darted towards Hiei. "Well, better go tell the cops what you just old me...and report this crap to Koenma too, I guess," he said. "You guys should go get some rest if you can."

He tossed me my bike keys and gave me a two fingered wave goodbye.

Many unanswered questions still hung between us and I could feel a strange tension between Yusuke and Hiei I did not quite understand. But when Yusuke turned and walked away, Hiei was quick to solve my curiosity, though it did nothing to calm my unease.

"He thinks we have some sort of romantic relationship," he said with a derisive snort.

"And this bothers him?" I asked.

"You are not so naive," Hiei replied. "You are very aware of how he feels for you. He has never been subtle about it."

"This is...a human problem, I think," I said.

"Yes it is. They feel monogamy is most important when it comes to choosing a partner." Hiei rolled his eyes and rubbed at some of the soot covering his uniform—a lost cause; it was everywhere.

"He is still very much a human," I said, sighing. "But he is worrying needlessly anyway."

"Hn," Hiei agreed, handing me his half drank bottle of water so I could take a pull off it as well. I slipped two pills into my mouth just before I did, half expecting Hiei to slap them from my hands, but he said not a word.

However, he refused to look at me after I swallowed them.

As the drugs began their descent into my blood, I eyed Hiei up and down, noting the dirt and dust and black ash that covered near every inch of him. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking some of the dirt out and covering his clothing further. Blood crusted his arms and face and clothes, black dirt clung beneath his fingernails. Even wearing gloves didn't keep our hands spotlessly clean.

Hiei had nice hands, though. Rugged and rough, but large—the hands not of a man meant for healing, but for delivering penance unto his enemies.

Beautiful hands. Beautiful body. Beautiful face. But a soul blackened by his misdeeds.

Did he think...if he helped people now, that he could pay for his sins that way? That this was meant to be his penance?

No. Nothing could take away the weight of our sins. The weight of the pain we've endured. I should know—I've been trying for years. So why do this? Why go along with my whims and decide this was what he wanted to do with his life?

"Why are you staring?" he asked, though his voice was just a rumble in his chest, lacking anger or annoyance.

I wished to voice all of this, but my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth and my eyes were drooping from exhaustion and the rush of the painkillers lancing through my system. I leaned over, resting my shoulder against his, not caring if he decided I was too close and chose to push me off the back of the ambulance.

He didn't, though I felt him stiffen and then sigh as if exasperated.

I hoped someday...someday we would be free from our sins. That they would not follow behind us like shadows snapping at our heels until the day death came to claim us.

Someday.

Someday I hoped to be free.

But such a foreign concept...

It was not for people like Hiei and I.

Freedom...was not something that I would ever hold in the palms of my hands. I was not deserving of something meant for the good and righteous people of the world.

The weight of my sins I would carry upon my back until they crushed me into the earth beneath my feet. And even then, I still will not have repented for all the horrors that plague me even during the light of day. Nothing would save my soul from the damage it has wrought.

Freedom was nothing but a dream...for someone like me.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: Who was the man at the scene of the bombing? And are Hiei and Ettie getting a little closer? Hmm. And what memory did Ettie show Hiei that he was so unsatisfied with? Guess you'll have to wait to find out ;)**

 **Seriously want to thank everyone for the awesome support I've gotten for this story. You all keep me wanting to write more! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and all the ones to come!**

 **I have several updates for Ticking Timebomb ready to go out but this will be my last update of this year for both fics and there won't be another until sometime after New Year's. I wasn't planning on posting this until then, but couldn't resist. I've also added new songs to both playlists, so go check them out! Happy Holidays!**


	16. Naudir

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 16: Naudir**

 **A/N: I hope everyone had a Happy New Year! Here's another Ettie POV chapter for you!**

 **. . .**

My fingers brushed parchment so old I feared it would crumble to dust. The words swam on the pages, the light of the waning moon pouring in from my sliding door was enough to read by, but it made me tired. I took another gulp of coffee, bit a pill in half and chewed it up, saved the other half for later.

Yusuke wouldn't tell me where he'd gotten this. And I didn't want to ask too many questions. Being less suspicious was more important at this point.

The text was old, far before my time, but it was in my language. There was only slight variances of certain words but I was able to translate them well enough, given enough time. It felt like I'd been staring at these pages for decades, but it must have only been a few hours.

In the aftermath of the most recent bombing I'd nearly forgotten about Yusuke asking me this favor. I was tempted to make things up, to tell him what he wanted to hear and send him on his way, but once I delved into the text I changed my mind—this was...delicate. I must leave out just enough. Make it sound like I didn't know the language quite as well as I did. Let pieces be lost in translation, sort to speak.

Over the course of the next week I poured over the book, I spent every second of free time to my name translating it's pages. I wrote them all down in a spiral notebook, little drawings in the margins—diagrams and words brought to life.

Sometimes one of the boys would stop by—Kurama with a new plant, Yusuke with coffee from the cafe, Hiei with little else other than his company. Even Kuwabara, who never stayed long but always made sure I ate something before he left. If I didn't feel like they had ulterior motives I might have found it sweet. As it was, I knew they were just waiting to see if I was finished.

But even if I told them everything there was to know about the book...they would understand little. It would be no use to them without the key piece of information I harbored.

My gut told me they could be trusted...but my brain said otherwise.

I was not always one to listen to my instincts, as they had failed me before. Emotion could not play a part. It could cloud judgment. The rational must come from my head and my head alone—I must not let myself get caught up in the rush of this new alliance.

Keep them at a distance.

It became somewhat of a mantra in the coming days.

One I should have heeded a bit better than I did.

When the translation was almost finished, a week and a half later, I called Yusuke. I sat at my kitchen table and waited, the text and the spiral bound notebook resting neatly on the table before me.

He let himself in, just as I knew he would, and came to find me.

"It's done?" he asked.

I rose, book and notebook in hand, and gave them over. "I offer no explanations other than what is written. I do not want to ever see this book again."

It was no lie.

That thing was a curse waiting to happen—a bad omen. How he got it did not matter anymore. But the information it harbored...well, it would be of some use at least.

"That bad of a read, huh?" he joked.

He sat down, much to my consternation, and began to flip through the pages of my translation. He skimmed most of it, stopping at points that drew his interest. He hummed to himself after a while, his fingertips brushing across the tiny drawings in the margins.

"How do you know this language, Ettie?"

I was sitting across from him now, toying with the new plant Kurama sent over just this morning. "I figured Kurama would have told you that."

"He was pretty vague, told me I should ask you."

Of course he had.

"This is the same language my people speak...albeit a much older form of it, but quite similar all the same."

For his credit, he did not seem all that surprised. He just eyed me up and down, then went back to the book. He traced the metalwork on the front, following the patterns and markings emblazoned across the cover in pure silver—the tree, Yggdrasil, taking up the center.

"So, what is this anyway?"

I didn't lie, couldn't afford to. "A book of the Gods."

He raised an eyebrow. "A book about gods?"

"No," I said, "A book of the Gods. One that belonged to one of them long ago."

He laughed, clearly thinking I was making fun of him. But the sound annoyed me. And it rang clear as day in my voice when I told him, "It's a book of Mimir, the giant who guarded the well of knowledge. He kept this for one of the Gods, recorded their history."

I knew when I lost him, because his entire face went blank. His eyes flicked to the book and then back to me. He released a drawn out, "Okay then..."

He scratched the back of his neck and groaned. "This isn't going to help us find who's behind the bombings, is it?"

"No," I stated, blunt and to the point. A complete lie.

"Damn it. I was really hoping this was some kind of manual for bad guys."

This garnered a laugh from me. It was certainly no manual, but what it contained was valuable in other ways. He just didn't understand how, which was perfectly fine with me.

"Perhaps you should take it to Kurama to peruse, he might be able to tell you more."

"Trying to get rid of me?" he asked.

I smiled, a bland, generic thing. "Of course not."

"Liar," he replied.

I got up to wash a few dishes and put the kettle on the stove. I slipped a pill into my mouth in the interim and tucked it up under my lip to let it soften. I didn't notice the taste anymore. Didn't care that it was vile.

I half expected Yusuke to come out and say exactly what he was thinking—that my connection to this text was more than a coincidence. I almost wished for the interrogation that would follow, just to have it out in the open.

But he didn't say anything. He tucked the book and my translation into a bag by his feet and promptly forgot all about it.

"So..." he began, "How are you and...Hiei...doing?"

It was cringe worthy awkward and because my inhibitions were lowered thanks to the drugs, I outright laughed. Wrong thing to do, it seemed.

"What the hell is so funny?" he snapped, clearly embarrassed, and my near hysterical laughter didn't make it any better.

Unable to stop, I gripped my counter and laughed until it was hard to breathe. That was when Yusuke slammed a fist down on my table, the noise it created so loud it shocked me out of my current state. When I turned to look at him, I wished I hadn't.

He was angry, yes, but also hurt. And those two emotions were a poor mix.

"Listen, I don't give two shits if you're fucking him or...whatever the hell it is you guys are doing. What I fucking want to know is why the hell you put up such a stink about not wanting to be with anyone, only to turn around and start screwing one of my closest friends?!"

"Jealousy is an unbecoming trait, Yusuke," I said, all traces of laughter long gone.

"I'm not jealous! I'm pissed off! I feel like I've been stabbed in the back!"

I sighed, no amount of drugs would get me through this conversation unscathed. So I took my time, poured myself tea, made some for Yusuke who pushed the cup aside as if I'd given him acid.

Once I lowered myself into my chair, I said, "Hiei and I...are not a thing."

"Really?" but the word was sarcastic, snapped at me as if I were stupid.

"Yusuke, I swear it, for whatever it is worth. Hiei has value, but he would not make a good husband."

"Who said anything about a husband, how many of those do you think you need?" 

Tired. I was so damned tired. A breath of frost left my lips, the tips of my fingers, it froze my tea and began its trek across the table. I let my youki seep out, a clear warning to the whelp in front of me. King or no king, he should choose his words wisely.

"I suggest you derail from this line of conversation. I lack interest in it."

It was Yusuke's turn to laugh, the sound bitter and angry. "We used to be friends. What the hell happened?"

"You tell me."

And it was like he deflated. There was still anger there, still frustration, but he let it go for now. "I'm sorry," he said. "I can't help being like this."

"You can," I replied. "You don't. That is the problem."

He looked away, rubbing the back of his neck now. "Yeah...yeah I guess you're right."

"I know I am."

He still wouldn't look at me, but he spoke with carefully chosen words now. All his anger dissipated. "I'm not jealous of Hiei. Hell, if it was any one of them...I wouldn't be. But just if it was them, ya know. If you loved Kuwabara, or Kurama, or Hiei...it would be okay...because it's them."

"You're not making any sense." And he wasn't. Why the constant anger and acts of jealous pettiness? Why behave in this manner if he would not mind?

"I keep picturing it, ya know? You and Hiei together. And I can see it, I can see it much clearer than if it were me. You two seem to mesh. And that—that's what makes me see red. Not that it's him. Not that I don't want him or you to be happy, but because you two have this...connection, as if you just clicked."

"Don't be absurd. Hiei has made it clear that he distrusts me at best and despises me at worst."

"That isn't true anymore and you know it."

But Yusuke didn't understand...he didn't understand why Hiei and I seemed so comfortable in each other's presences. Hiei knew things about me I had never told anyone. He learned them all on his own. And he told no one, even though he distrusts me, even though he thinks I am a waste of precious air.

That was the sole reason behind Yusuke's rational. But I couldn't tell him any of it.

I could say those words aloud. Not to someone who wouldn't understand.

For a time I was rent speechless. What could I tell him to reassure him? His suspicions seemed to be deeply ingrained by now.

So all I could say was the truth. "I have no relationship with Hiei other than what you've seen with your own eyes. We are not sexually or emotionally involved. I do not love him or harbor any romantic feelings towards him. He is an ally and a coworker. That is all."

It didn't have the desired effect. If anything, his eyes grew sadder. "Is that all I am, too?"

My first instinct was to agree, but I knew it would be a poor choice in this scenario. What was wrong with being allies? Why did humans put so much stock in friendship and love?

Love...it was not the thing of fairy tales. It was painful and irrational and sickening. It destroyed and took and took and took until there was nothing left. No, love was not the beautiful thing humans so wished it to be.

I opened my mouth, to say what I was not sure, but Yusuke's phone blared out a loud electronic tune before I got the chance. He swore, pulling it out of his pocket and flipping it open. He snapped a quick, "What?!"

He listened for a moment, face drawing into a look of pure confusion. "Who the hell is this?"

"Yusuke...?"

He placed the phone on the table, clicking the button for speaker mode. There was a crackle of static and then a voice that repeated the same phrase over and over—dauoi.

"Hang up, Yusuke."

He didn't listen, yelling at his phone now, "How the hell did you get this number?!"

"Yusuke, hang up!" I snapped.

The voice over the phone was unrecognizable and the static background made it impossible for me to garner the location of the caller. But I didn't have time for that now, I never even considered this possibility. I was too caught up in everything else. Too caught up with this boy king.

They knew where Yusuke was, knew that he spent a lot of time here with me. And my building was one of the few in the city that allowed demonic tenants no questions asked.

He was still angrily questioning the caller, the caller who kept repeating the ancient Norse word for _death,_ and so I shot up and grabbed him, dragged him towards my balcony. He didn't resist me, though I expected him to, and lifted him as if he weighed nothing ("What the hell, Ettie?") and threw him over the balcony's edge. He didn't even have time to scream. I called to him to run, hoping that the wind in his ears didn't blare out the sound of my voice.

The fall wouldn't kill him, not from this height, as long as he used some reiki to cushion his landing.

But the bomb about to go off here in the building would.

I could only hope I was wrong, that the call was only meant to antagonize Yusuke, and not the omen it most likely was.

But I could not take the chance that it was a joke.

I ran from my apartment, barreled down halls barefoot, the only sound the rush of blood in my ears and my pounding feet against tiled floors. I needed to find the bomb, needed to get it out of here. There wasn't enough time to evacuate everyone. Even if I started knocking on doors now or screaming in the halls, it wouldn't do any good, they would just think I was insane.

The building's parking garage, the roof, or the basement were the three most logical places for someone to plant a bomb. With such limited time, I could not check all of them, so I went with my gut instinct and headed towards the basement. If they chose to blow the bomb from there, the building would collapse in on itself, where as if they used the parking garage it might only destroy half the building. Same if they chose the roof.

The basement was the best placement for the most destruction. The most death.

I pushed energy towards my legs, urging myself to run faster, jumping down flights of stairs and pushing past any people I came across. As I drew closer to the basement...a feeling of trepidation bloomed and spread like a cancer.

Something was definitely down there.

And it left me wondering why they had not already set off the bomb. Why give me the time to try to stop them? Why the warning with the phone call?

No. No, perhaps my first assumption was incorrect.

I slowed as I reached the basement's access door. Given it's size, there were any number of hiding places. I ducked beneath the small glass window set in the metal, stilled and listened. When I heard nothing, I reached for the handle and pulled it open, careful to keep it from making too much noise.

Besides several glowing emergency lights, it was nearly pitch black. A strange smell permeated the air—something familiar. Something that did not match with the dankness of a basement.

Low to the ground, I crept across the cement floor, years of ingrained instinct and training taking over. My core cooled and the energy within calmed until you could not sense it at all. Even while suppressed, I could still use my powers. My hand dragged through a puddle of water left behind by a leaky pipe, using the liquid coating my fingers I built an ice dagger in my palm. It would have to be good enough.

Violence was no longer the way of things for me. But I would not lay down and die like an abused dog, either.

Far into the darkness, there was a single beam of light. I imagined it was much like a dramatic scene out of a book—the bomb would be in the center of that light, the hero would try to disarm it and either succeed or die a heroic death.

But as I neared it, I saw that no bomb was within the light. Only the shape of a man. A man whose face I could not see given the angle of where he stood.

I hid behind a furnace, pressing my back into it and waiting. My breaths came out as frost.

"Why do you hide?"

The words were spoken in my people's tongue.

Ah. It was clear now. What this was...who he was.

I rose, dropped the ice knife to the floor, and rounded the corner with my hands held up as if in surrender.

"Good girl," he crooned.

"You are the one they are calling the Aesir," I said.

He circled the light, careful never to enter it too fully. My demonic eyesight afforded me to see in the dark, but this darkness was unnatural. A product of a malicious demonic aura. No matter how hard I tried, I could not make out his face.

"You have heard of me, that makes things easier," he said. "But where is the boy king?"

"If you expected me to bring him straight to you, than you are a fool. A fool that uses such a blasphemous name to complete his misdeeds. The Gods will strike you down."

The laugh he released was bone chilling. But I was not afraid. He could kill me where I stood and I would go willingly. A woman such as me did not fear death. I welcomed it.

"You were once a shield maiden, were you not? Now you have fallen from your warrior status and you have the audacity to believe the Gods are displeased with me. What of yourself? Etternia of the Ice, the fallen Volva, daughter of Freyja."

I sucked in a sharp breath from between my teeth, the sound like a hiss. Everything fell silent around us, quiet as fresh snow.

"You took an oath many years ago. An oath that you broke for the sake of a human lover. If the Gods are displeased with anyone...it is _you._ "

"How do you know this?"

"How indeed?"

"Tell me, who are you?!"

But he merely laughed again, still pacing around the light, his youki seeping out in dark tangles that threatened suffocation.

"The first element you ever called to was the water. The ice it could create—it comforts you, keeps you numb and in control. Air came next. Air was freeing, it healed you. It made the ice you so desperately sought. Then there was earth, rich and full of the life that you lacked, but also hard and protective."

He came to stand just outside the light's circle, his clothing of impeccable quality, his body lithe but solid. "But last...oh last...was the _fire_. The fire that raged and rent the ground asunder and destroyed everything. The fire you allowed to swallow you whole."

"Stop," I whispered. The memories I kept buried...they were threatening to engulf me. To ruin the careful numbness I'd cultivated all these years.

"Bring me the boy king. Bring me the king...and join us. All your sins will be forgiven then, I swear by the Gods."

"No," I said with conviction. "The Gods have forsaken me for many years, no empty promises from you will fix that."

"Ah, but they haven't, have they? What of your new arms?"

He knew too much. How? Were they there the night of the ritual? How did he know things I had never told a soul? These were my closely harbored secrets. Secrets that never saw the light, that never drudged their way up from my deeply buried past.

I would prefer to bite off my own tongue than breathe a word of this to anyone.

Who told him? Who knew...

My entire body went cold as deep winter's breath. "Tell my father I will not fight his war for him. Neither will the king."

"Your father? Don't make me laugh. He cares for nothing other than himself and his incessant greed for power."

"Then who? Who told you these things about me?"

"Bring me the king."

A beat of silence, cloying and thick, and then my core pulsed. I melded the cement beneath our feet into a barrier of unrelenting stone...and then I ran. I ran even as I heard that wall smash apart and crumble. I threw up new ones as I dashed towards the stairs that would be bring me back to the main part of the building.

He wanted the king. He cared for nothing else. They'd been following me. All this time I thought I was two steps ahead...that I was close, so damned close.

How wrong I was.

I would never find him now. They ruined all my chances. The Gods did forsake me all those years ago.

My arms were gifts, yes, but not a gift for me—they were for Hiei. Hiei who was as close to Elementa as any outsider I'd ever met. Two elements swam in his veins and the Gods answered his call and accepted his sacrifice as if he were one of their own.

I was a fool.

My pursuer never showed himself outside of the basement. When I burst through the front doors of the building, running out into oncoming traffic, it was as if I'd imagined the entire thing.

But the cold sweat on the back of my neck told me that could not be true.

I stood stunned in the middle of the street, the sound of car horns drowned out by the rush in my ears; the panting breaths that choked past my lips.

Yusuke jumped through the traffic, dodging oncoming vehicles just so he could grab me and pull me safely towards the sidewalk. He was talking to me in hurried sentences, but I heard none of it.

The Aesir...

He was one of my people.

He was kin.

And he knew _everything._

 **. . .**

I hid at the station for days afterwards in a constant haze. I took more pills than I could count, as if I were mindlessly eating candy. Numb. I needed to be numb. Needed to forget. Needed to wipe away the sin.

My crew began to notice, Shou forced me to hang back on a call and I grew angry with him. But when Eric stepped in I didn't have a choice. Alone in the station, I sat in the locker room, my fingers tracing lazily across the patterns engraved on the back of my hand. The story of my people. The story of my life before all of this.

The sound of the door being opened didn't register until I was picked up by the collar of my shirt. I dangled, several inches above the floor, held within Hiei's clenched fist.

His eyes were furious, swimming with so much disgust it was hard to look. But I was so numb that I just...didn't care.

"What is wrong with you?"

I breathed out, blowing strands of stringy blonde hair out of my face, my breath so cold it created a fog. My skin must be tinted blue, like a corpse. Part of me thought that would be okay...if I was one.

"Etternia!"

His hand shook me and I reached out, gripping his wrist, watching as ice traveled down his arm towards his shoulder. He didn't raise his body temperature to be rid of it. Strange.

Soon, the room was so cold that frost crept up the lockers and turned the cement floor to shimmering ice.

One man turned my carefully laid plan to ash. A few minutes, a few loaded words. That was all it took to destroy everything I'd worked towards. My life was meaningless.

"Your life is not meaningless."

I'd said that aloud. Or perhaps he could finally read my mind. Either way, it was not true.

Hiei set me on my feet, his fist still clenched in the collar of my uniform, fingers twisted in the dark fabric. "Do you call what you do for work meaningless?"

"In the grand scheme of things," I murmured, "what good have I done? People still die. Children are still abused. Mental health is a thing of dreams. Addiction is alive and thriving, I am living proof of that. To tell me I am not meaningless...you are blind."

His hand tightened and he dragged me forward, so close the heat of his breath made a sweat break out across my forehead. "I do not know what happened several days ago, what you saw after running off to defuse a bomb on your own as if you are some kind of hero in a child's fantasy, but this...this is not who you are."

A cold laugh left my lips. I did not recognize my own voice. "You do not know who I am, Jaganshi."

His fist dropped and he regarded me with a stare as cold as the ice at his feet. "Then show me."

"I already gave you a memory."

"It was not the one I wanted."

A smile that lacked all traces of humor curled my lips. "So be it."

A preternatural wind blew the hair around our faces, cold and biting, and I reached forward, placing my palm directly over the Jagan embedded in his forehead. The memory I chose was one I knew would satisfy his hunger for the knowledge he sought about me. I no longer cared what he did and did not know.

It was if I stepped back in time, the power of his Jagan throwing me into the memory as if I were reliving it.

A scream tore through the room, the wooden walls doing little to keep out the winter's chill, but the blood was warm. So much blood. It soaked the bed, the floor. I was going to lose him. The pain was too much, it was not normal.

Another scream. I realized it was coming from me. My arms shackled to the bedposts rattled the chains with all my might, but they would not break. They kept my energy from rushing outwards, from killing the people in the room who planned to rip my child from me.

I would tear their flesh from their bones with nothing but my teeth if that is what it took.

They would not have my son.

I pushed again, putting all my strength behind it, praying to the Gods that he would be born alive; whole and hale.

My vision swam...but I heard the cry of the babe a moment later. Alive! He was alive!

"Give the creature here," I head my father snap.

"No! Please no! Father...father do not take him! He is mine! He is my son!"

I reached for him, trying to see past the healers who were trying to stop the excessive bleeding. My son. Artair's son. Our child. They could not take him from me, they could not be so cruel.

"Father, please!" I begged, pleading with him, but my cries went unheeded.

"You are a disgrace to the people, Etternia. The beast must be purged from these lands."

"No! Father! He is just a babe! He will do no harm...please!"

But I heard the babe's cries grow distant, they became fainter and fainter until I could no longer hear them at all. My screams grew louder, I pulled at my bonds, fought against the maidens that tried to pin me down. No! They could not do this! They could not take him from me!

"Please!" I begged again. "Allow me to hold him at least once, please father! Let me see my son!"

I received a backhand across my face as my punishment, my cheek stinging from the blow. "Throw her out," he snapped, "once the child has been dealt with."

He leaned over the bed, his blue eyes colder than the deepest pits of the ocean. "You are a daughter of mine no longer."

The memory ended with my father's guards dragging me from my family's home, naked and exposed, covered in my own blood. They threw me out in the snow on the outskirts of the village...and left me to die.

Disgraced from my people, cast aside by the Gods.

Etternia of the Ice, Volva no longer, forsaken descendant of the Goddess Freyja.

And mother to a son I would never know.

We came out of the memory as if being struck by a physical blow. I found myself on my knees, hands buried in my hair, the locker room turned to a frozen tundra.

"Etternia..."

"Do not say my name!" I screeched. "Do not say my name with such pity coating your tongue!"

"I do not pity you," Hiei said. "No, I do not pity one such as you."

The anger in the air was suddenly palpable. I watched my ice melt, felt the water soak my clothes, the air stifling and the liquid almost hot enough to burn. This was a righteous type of anger, one I'd never seen from him before.

As the water turned to steam, Hiei knelt before me, and placed a palm against the center of my chest, just above my aching core. "Now...now, show me that fire, for you are Etternia of the Ice no longer."

"I can't control it." And my voice...it was not my own, but that broken bitter thing's from before.

He smirked, eyes regarding me with a heavy stare that left me breathless. "I will guide you. It is time you learned to use what is rightfully yours—and destroy the people who took your life from you."

I dropped my gaze, staring at the water flooding around our knees. Use my fire...?

"You want to, don't you?"

Yes...

The ache in my chest would never lessen. Everything was lost.

What better way to relieve some of the pain...then to enact a revenge so sweet that it was almost forty years in the making.

Yes. I would use my fire.

And I would destroy them all.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: Oh shit, what's Hiei gone and done now? And who the hell is this guy that showed up and broke Ettie into smithereens? Find out next time xD**

 **So you guys got to learn quite a bit of new information about Ettie this chapter! I'm pulling heavily from ancient Norse mythology (I'm part Greek and Norwegian and I've always wanted to write about both, so I've accomplished that goal). I hope you liked the chapter~**


	17. Helvegen

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 17: Helvegen**

 **A/N: Still in Ettie's POV! You can find the song accompanying this chapter on The Shotgun Approach playlist on Youtube! The lyrics to the songs I use are important, you can find the translations under many of the videos. Enjoy!**

 **. . .**

There was a door. A door made of solid oak, carved to resemble the life tree—Yggdrasil. Beyond that door was either salvation or gods divined destiny, but never both. It held secrets of old, tales spun from its very creation. To open the door meant you were chosen for great things, for only the most blessed of beings could even touch its knob.

Once, I was given the opportunity to open that door. All it took was an oath.

Oaths were sacred to my people. To break one meant being forsaken by the Gods...and ultimately _death_. You would wander the land forever cursed, until the day your sword turned on you in battle. You would not enter the halls of Valhalla. The Gods would not welcome you with drink and revelry.

Only Hel awaited you.

The day I broke my oath, I cast aside my sword...and became a simple healer. As if that would prevent the curse I knew would befall me.

I betrayed my people...for the love of a human man.

The door of Yggdrasil was lost to me. And I was cursed by my ancestors; by Freyja herself. I was given the fire.

None of my people used fire. A forth element was almost unheard of.

Earth, air, water...those were the elements of my kin. They were useful to them—they healed our people, kept them fed and clothed and protected.

But fire could only destroy.

 **. . .**

 **May 2004— One year since the start of the bombings.**

"You need to stop taking the drugs."

Hiei's attempts at training me to use my fire were utter failures. He realized quickly that, unlike with his own flames, mine would turn my own body to ash. There was no controlling them, and many times Hiei was forced to absorb my power to prevent undue damage to myself. There would be no new limbs this time around and my abilities in healing only stretched so far.

As it were, most of my energy went towards healing the minor (but many) burns covering me, instead of learning to use the power properly.

And Hiei's solution to this issue?

"The drugs are putting a damper on your control. Stop taking them."

Did he not realize it was not so simple? I could not just _stop taking them._

And after many days of poor results...my mind was starting to wonder if this plan wasn't hashed out of the agony brought forth with the recalling of an old memory. The Gods would not follow me into battle, it would be a cursed endeavor. I was likely to get myself killed.

And I did not wish to use violence ever again.

Each day I trained with Hiei, the sicker I grew. I took more and more pills until I knew I would need to change the dosage. They weren't working anymore.

"Are you listening to me?" Hiei snapped.

My hands shaking, I pulled the bottle from my pocket, fully planning on taking another even though I must have taken one only minutes before.

It was snatched from my hand and crushed beneath Hiei's boot a split second later. The bottle...and all the pills.

I stiffened, felt an unbidden rage roil its way through my gut, and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming. Home. I needed to go home. There were more...hidden in my bookcase. I just needed to get to them.

"If you try to leave this building, I will cut you down before your hand even touches the door."

The glare I settled him with only caused him to smirk. He ground his boot into the floor, making sure I saw it, his sword held at his side. He was serious.

"Use it Etternia, the anger, and make it your own."

Hiei learned the hard way that day what I meant when I said my flames could not be contained. The only thing that ruled them was pure, unadulterated _rage_.

He dragged me, nearly unconscious, from the building which was up in flames behind us. All it took was one errant spark. I was thankful it was in an abandoned part of the city.

"Tch. This will be harder than I first thought."

If I was able to speak...I would have told him precisely where he could put his sword.

He laid me down on the ground and sat beside me, watching the building burn, a knee pulled up towards his chest. He cast me a look and smirked, ever so slight. "We will try again tomorrow."

When I was able to drag myself up, I did not say a single word to him. I stumbled my way to my bike...and drove off.

There would be no tomorrow.

This was a mistake.

Revenge...? Is that what I wanted? Would that absolve me of my sins? Would that bring my son back to me?

No.

I could not let him manipulate me into thinking it was my only course of action. He had ulterior motives here...something he tried to keep hidden and failed.

Hiei's only goal since the day we met was to learn all he could about me...and use it to ruin me. There was no reason to believe that did not remain true now. His only loyalty lied with Yusuke, no one else. And he would do what he thought best to protect his king.

He was not wrong.

And I...

I needed to reroute my plan. I was suffering, but not all was as lost as I first thought.

The Aesir could be dealt with. Yusuke would help me with that.

He needed to find him just as much as I did. And it would take very little to convince the king the man needed to die before he was ever given the chance to talk.

Revenge could wait.

And destruction by fire...was too kind a fate for them anyway.

My ride home was over in what felt like an instant, I was so lost in my head—too high to be driving. Parking the bike, I took the helmet with me, and took the stairs to get back to the lower levels of the garage. There was a guest waiting for me inside my apartment, I could sense him when I pulled in. It was irritating, but not unexpected. To give up so easy would not be within his nature.

When I made it to my door, shaking my head at the fact it was busted in, I kicked off my shoes and shut it behind me anyway. I did not fear burglars or murderers come to kill me in the night.

What I feared could not be fought with might alone.

He was in my kitchen, smoking a pipe filled with sweet tobacco, his booted feet propped up on my table. I threw them off, as was always the habit.

"Ingvar, was burning your face not enough to scare you away?"

It had left a nasty scar, I noticed, but men like Ingvar took pride in their scars. He would wear it with no shame.

He smirked at me and without a single word, pulled out that damned box and pushed it across the table. It was nothing special—square, simple, made of wood. But inside...it was not something I ever wanted to see again.

"Take that away...or I will shove it down your throat," I threatened.

Ingvar released a bark of laughter and tipped his chair back on two legs. With a grin he said, "No, you will not, Etternia. You will take the box and what lies within and you will wear it with pride as you once did."

"Pride?" I growled. "What do you know of pride? You betrayed me, just as the others did."

Ingvar's face took an ugly turn. It turned dark and hateful. That same look...

It was that same gaze from years previous; the same evil within his eyes.

I would never forgive Ingvar for what he did to me that night of my thirtieth year of life. How he was the catalyst that started everything. It took every once of willpower I held not to pick up a knife from the wooden block on my kitchen counter and slit his throat with it.

"Do not speak to me of betrayal...after what you did," he said from between his teeth. "You wretched wench."

I turned to regard him with a vicious smile. "I've been called far worse," I said.

Killing him in cold blood was sounding better by the second. No one would be here to stop me this time and as it was, my conscience was waning. Day by day, hour by hour, revenge sounded sweeter than honeyed meed.

"I cared for you once," he said. "Long ago, I was happy to call you wife."

"I never felt the same," I said.

"No, I suppose a heart as cold as yours would not be able to."

I could kill him. I could. No one would know. I would dispose of the body and clean the mess before anyone was the wiser.

But I would not break another oath. Even if the Gods did not listen, I promised myself all those years ago I would not take another life with these hands. I would not use violence as a means to an end. I would only use those measures if my life or the lives of others were in danger—as a last resort.

"Leave," I snarled. "And this time do not come back. I mean it."

The sound of Ingvar's chair hitting the tile sounded like a gunshot. He rose to his full height, a massive six foot, five inches, and snatched the box off the table. He forced it into my hands, cupping his own around them.

"Take it. Send a raven when you have truly decided what you want."

He swung his hooded fur cloak off the back of the chair and placed it over his shoulders. He did not turn to cast me a final look as he left, his boots leaving dirt in their wake.

I clutched the tiny wooden box in my palms, feeling the corners dig into my skin. Why after all this time...?

It must be some sort of trick. Even if father were at war...he would need to be truly desperate to ask for my aid. And a deep, long buried part of myself...wished to heed the call. Even after what they had done, they were still my kin.

I thought of my mother, the woman who allowed her husband to so cruelly tear my son away from me. Who allowed him to throw her only daughter, naked and bleeding, out into the wilderness to die. But also the woman who later spared my life. I owed her a life's debt.

I wandered into the main room, placed the box atop my dresser, and sunk to the floor.

Perhaps it was time...to return home.

But then thoughts of the Aesir made my stomach twist with anxiety. I could not leave without resolving that first.

If I returned home...I would not come back.

Not for a very long time.

 **. . .**

Avoiding Hiei over the course of the next week was impossible. And it was cowardly. But I was not certain how to tell him his training was unwanted. He was not wrong, I did want revenge. But burning them to ash would not satisfy the hunger.

No, my revenge needed to be more methodical. It needed to make them suffer.

However, the conversation could no longer be avoided. We were alone on a run together, called out when the others were already busy with calls of their own.

It was disconcerting to say the least, having his gaze bore into the back of my head.

I was in the process of healing a demon who'd gotten mixed up in a territory war. Many suffered from gunshot wounds as well as energy burns from them resorting to using their youki. Just like humans, demons formed gangs here as well. There were rundown and abandoned parts of the city they took over and claimed as their own.

It was demons like this that gave the rest of us a bad image. But I treated all patients the same, no matter my views on it. It was my job.

As I knitted back together a nasty bullet hole in a demon's shoulder, Hiei's patience broke. "Have I done something wrong?"

That was the last thing I expected him to ask, as devoid of emotion as his voice was, the question still stung. It was rather counter intuitive to make him feel as if he'd failed.

"No, of course not," I replied. "Why?"

"Do not play stupid."

"Can we have this conversation later?" I asked, as the demon beneath my hands began to cough up blood. Internal injuries. I shifted my position, moving my palms towards his abdomen.

"No, we can have it now," Hiei snapped. He was at my back, working on a patient of his own. Packing wounds and removing debris from another demon's leg. Luckily for him, his patient was unconscious, because Hiei was being none too gentle.

I sighed, frustrated. "What is there to say? My mind has changed."

"Just like that? Something must have happened and you're refusing to tell me."

"I am remembering a time rather fondly when you did not speak so much," I said.

He said something beneath his breath I was sure was an insult and then went to retrieve a stretcher from the ambulance. I helped him load his patient up and then turned to look at the one I was still working on.

"I'll finish up," Hiei said. "I can't drive the truck anyway."

"I've healed him enough he should be fine on his own," I said. "But your patient might need an amputation. His leg is..."

"Hn," Hiei grunted in what I assumed was agreement.

I turned to do as I said but then paused, turning back to him. "Thank you. For trying to help me."

His jaw tightened and he gave me his back, waving me off. "Go, idiot."

I popped a pill just before I climbed into the ambulance. It never affected my driving. Even if it made my head fuzzy and my blood feel sluggish in my veins. I still had a lead foot. And driving the ambulance was second nature at this point.

Half way to the hospital I noticed something off with my steering. At first, I thought my lack of judgment in taking the pain medication was coming back to bite me in the ass. But after a moment I also noticed a noise—an odd click, click, click. That wasn't there before...

Prepared to pullover and check the sound—perhaps something was loose or there was some kind of damage to the ambulance—I slowed to a near stop.

But when the noise stopped...and a single loud clack took its place, I threw up a barrier without even thinking, running on pure instinct alone.

The sound was deafening.

My ears rung to the point I could not hear anything and most of my body felt as if it were one giant bruise—or as if I was placed through a meat grinder.

I dragged myself up off the pavement, bits of asphalt falling from my skin. Even the barrier hadn't saved me from flying through the truck's windshield. The bomb broke my magick like it was shattering a sheet of glass, but at least it was enough to protect me from the brunt of it.

My patient was not so lucky.

The truck was in flames, a burnt and twisted facsimile of what it once was.

I covered the lower half of my face with a hand, coughing blood into my palm and protecting my nose from the noxious smoke pouring from the remains of the ambulance.

I drew my energy around me...and froze what was left of the vehicle to prevent any further damage to the surrounding area. Many people stood by on the sidewalks, staring with wide eyes, murmuring to each other. It did not take long for sirens to be heard in the distance.

I stumbled forward, intent on doing what, I did not know, when a hand clamped down on my shoulder. My legs gave out and I fell to my knees.

"You can't even feel how much pain you're in, you fool." He sounded very far away, as if he were speaking through water.

I coughed again, blood dribbling down my chin. Perhaps I was a little worse off than I'd thought.

"Heal yourself," Hiei snapped.

"When..." It felt hard to breathe. I took in a gulp of air and tried again, "When...did you...get here?"

He didn't answer my question, merely demanded I heal myself again. But I shook my head, it didn't work like that. "Too—too much damage."

He paused and then sighed, irritated. He knew what it took to fix more major wounds within my own body. Healing others was easier. I just drew their own youki out with a bit of encouragement from my own and sped up the process of regenerating their cells. With my powers combined within theirs, it would travel beneath their skin and heal as it went.

But for me, it did not work like that, for I only had my own energy to sacrifice. The more I used the closer I came to touching my life energy. It was a double edged sword. Die from the injuries. Die from the loss of energy.

"Take mine," he finally snapped, just before he placed his uniform top around me and swung me up into his arms.

I dangled in his hold, seeing for the first time how truly covered in burns and blood I was. My clothes were ruined as well, my uniform in tatters. I understood why he chose to cover me now, not that exposing my naked body to the masses would have mattered much in this situation.

"You...should not offer your power...so willingly," I choked out. "Just take me...to the hospital."

"So your drug dealer can pump you full of morphine? I don't think so," he snarled. "Take it, Etternia."

I did not have the strength left in me to argue with him, so I reached for one of his hands. When I was able to clutch his palm in my own, threading our fingers together, I rested my head against his chest. "Okay..." I sighed and whispered again, "Okay..."

He released more than he needed to. It flooded through me—warm and cold and magnificent. I loved the feeling of Hiei's energy. It lacked the malignancy that some demons' power held, no matter how hard he tried to seem evil.

And now he was feeding it to me even as I took it—flowing swift and sure. It heated my skin, made me feel like I was burning and freezing all at once.

I felt when my wounds began to knit back together, as I switched my core to wind and earth and mixed them to heal. The burns sizzled as they disappeared, the bigger wounds itched, and internal injuries ached as the power flooded to them and fixed those too.

But the bones couldn't be fixed with Hiei's gift. There were a couple of snapped ribs making it difficult to breathe...and if my assessment was correct, a fracture in my left femur.

Nothing my own body would not heal with a couple nights of deep sleep.

"You're glowing..." he murmured.

And I was. A bright gold. Just like his youki.

"It will pass soon," I replied.

"Not soon enough," he said.

"It is beautiful," I murmured, eyes drooping. "Do not shun it so."

I burrowed deeper into his shoulder, ignoring when he stiffened, and pulled his hand closer to my chest. Beneath the metallic tang of someone else's blood, was a scent uniquely Hiei's. It reminded me of home—crackling campfires, steal, and pine.

"Do not fall asleep," he hissed. "You have a concussion."

"What does something such as that matter to an S class demon?"

"Because I refuse to carry you home, you lazy woman."

I chuckled, a smile curling my lips for the first time in days. Always so cantankerous. It was becoming rather endearing.

"The police will want a statement," he said.

"I don't care...and neither do you..."

Next thing I knew, I was falling asleep to the feeling of warm flames, the scent of my homeland, and the touch of a man that I thought I would never grow to trust.

But things were changing.

Maybe those things would mean nothing good for me.

Or maybe...just maybe, they would end up being the missing pieces I'd been searching for. The pieces on the board I still needed—the knight, the king, the bishop, the rook.

And I—I would be the queen.

 **. . .**

I wasn't allowed to return to work for a few days—Eric took over my position in that time (though Hiei was really the one leading the show). And someone told Yusuke about my accident. So for the past twenty four hours he was in my apartment fussing over me like some mother hen. Completely out of character for him.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked for the thousandth time.

I refrained from rolling my eyes and instead rolled over in bed, giving him a nice view of my naked back. If he was going to be here, he would have to deal with seeing me in the nude. I would not put on airs after being blown up for the second time in so many months.

"Okay then," he muttered. "Guess not."

He felt guilty. He thought he was the reason I was targeted. I failed to tell him that it was my own fault, that The Aesir now considered me a threat because I chose to protect Yusuke instead of give him over to the terrorist group.

There was no need to put more on his shoulders then there already was.

"I am fine, Yusuke. As I have said many times before."

"You don't look fine."

This time I did roll my eyes. Of course I didn't. My broken ribs still weren't healed, so I took extra pills to try to dull the pain. I was sure I looked a wreck. Strung out and tired.

"You can go home, I will be fine on my own."

The bed dipped behind me and I listened to a beat of silence before Yusuke swallowed audibly and said, "Hiei helped you again."

I licked my dry lips and pursed them together, rolling over to face him. "Yes, is there something wrong with a comrade helping another comrade?"

"No! That isn't what I meant by that..."

"Then what...?"

"I just wish...I could do the same. Give you energy like that."

I frowned, why did he sound so forlorn? Was it really that important to him?

"Hiei and I share two similar elements. One of them is a perfect match, the other is just another form of water—ice."

"How do you know that? Did he tell you?"

"About what?"

"The ice half of him."

Confused now, I shook my head. "No. Was it meant to be a secret?"

"Well...he just kind of pretends that part of himself doesn't exist. So it's a little weird you know about it."

Ah. A half-breed heritage he wished to hide. I could understand that. Demons did not take kindly to that sort of thing, which is why so much interbreeding occurred in many of the species.

"He did not tell me," I said. "I can sense it, being what I am."

He made a little oh with his mouth and nodded in understanding. He fell silent afterwards and I took the time to look him over. He looked haggard, overworked. His hair was down instead of slicked back and his skin, normally lightly tanned, seemed pale. A light sheen of sweat shone on his forehead.

I was surprised I didn't notice it before.

I shot up in the bed and clambered out, picking up an abandoned shirt off the floor to pull on. It was two sizes too big and hung to my knees. Yusuke watched me with a confused frown and I half expected him to demand I get back into bed. But he was sick. He should be the one resting.

In my kitchen now, I put the kettle on the stove and plucked some of the dried herbs off the pegs on the wall. One for fever, one for the stomach, one for congestion, one to give you a boost.

Carefully removing the leaves from the stems, I mixed them all together and then placed them into a metal tea infuser dangling from the end of a tiny chain. Yusuke wandered his way into the room then, eyeballing the infuser with trepidation.

"That better be for you. Like hell am I drinking anything like that shit Hiei had last time."

I outright laughed, pouring the hot water from the kettle into a cup and placing the infuser into the liquid. "Do not fret, this will taste much better than a hangover cure."

He still looked dubious when I handed him the mug. But he blew on the cup anyway, causing the steam wafting from it to float towards me. He took a tentative sip...and then sighed. "Damn, that's pretty good actually."

A smile stretched across my face. "Drink the whole thing. You are unwell and it will help."

"You noticed, huh?" Yusuke took another sip of the tea and went to sit at my table, the mug clutched between his palms now.

"It is easy to see if you bother to look," I said.

I went to walk by him, to take a seat of my own, but one of his arms snaked out and tried to catch me around the waist. I dodged at the last second, feeling the movement at my back, and pivoted to face him.

His eyebrows were raised to his hairline, because he hadn't expected me to move so fast. "I wasn't trying to attack you," he said.

"I know," I replied.

His jaw tightened and he let his arm drop, turning back to his tea. He drained the cup and pushed it away when he was finished. "Thanks for the drink."

He got up to leave, striding to the door and bending to put his trainers on.

"Yusuke, wait. You don't have to leave."

"You're right, I'm not feeling well," he said, completely ignoring that I even spoke. "So, I'm going to go hit the hay. I'll see you later."

He wouldn't look at me, he kept his eyes averted, head down so his fringe covered part of his face.

I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying what first came to mind—to tell him why I was the way I was. It was best he didn't know. And I didn't know how to tell him, even if I were to try. Didn't know if I even could.

It was something...I always thought should be kept to myself. And if Yusuke were to know...if he found out...

I was certain he would hate me.

So I nodded and said, "Alright. Get some rest."

But he hesitated at the door, his hand ready to push it open (it was still broken courtesy of Ingvar), left poised above the wood. He pulled it away after a few seconds and clenched it into a tight fist. For a split second, I thought he would turn and hit me.

And then chastised myself for even considering it. Yusuke would never do that unless he absolutely had no other choice.

He spun around on his heels, his face set into hardened determination. "I love you, Ettie. At first, I thought maybe I was just crazy, that I was lonely or crushing on you like some idiot kid in high school."

"Yusuke..."

"Nah, you know what, you're gonna let me talk. If you still reject me after this—then that's it, I'm done. I'll give up, I swear."

My eyes closed and I took in a shuddering breath. My throat felt too dry and I bit my bottom lip hard, afraid I was going to start crying. Why was he doing this to me? Why was he forcing me to do the last thing I ever wanted to do?

I said nothing and Yusuke continued anyway, as if unable to stop himself.

"You think I haven't thought this over? That I'm not serious after all this time? I want you, Ettie. I want you so fucking bad. It's like—like a craving I can't break. Worse than cigarettes or booze or fucking drugs. I'm so goddamn in love with you, it _hurts_."

I bit my knuckles until I tasted blood this time, bowing my head to hide my face with my hair. I wanted to scream. It didn't help...it didn't help that he reminded me so strongly of Artair. That brightness, that infectious personality, the light in his gaze—they were all so similar. Even the dark hair was a constant reminder.

A cold air seeped from my skin, frost crawling up the walls and across the wooden floor. There was not a deep enough cold in all the world to make me numb to this.

My hands shook and my control wavered.

What choice did I have? This...this type of courage demanded respect. This amount of pure honesty deserved nothing less than total honesty in return.

What choice was there left? Other than to tell him...

I still had some honor, after all.

And if he chose to hate me afterwards...if he decided I was more enemy than friend—so be it. I would chalk it up to the will of the Gods.

But it was time. No more hiding. No more games.

He would find out soon enough anyway...if he were to capture the Aesir.

Let him hear it from my own tongue.

"Let me...let me tell you the story of Artair," I said, voice soft. Broken. "Let me tell you...why I am the way I am..."

 **. . .**

 **A/N: So, the story of Artair was supposed to come a bit later, but this chapter kind of wrote itself and I've spent so much time going over the Artair backstory that I just think it's time. We're almost 20 chapters in and still know very little about Ettie. So next chapter is going to be big. Thank you guys for all your support! I hope you'll continue loving the story!**


	18. The Story of Artair

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 18: The Story of Artair**

 **A/N: So here is the story of Artair. And a huge factor behind Ettie's addiction. Remember, she is talking to Yusuke here. Many things are about to come to light.**

 **. . .**

When I met him for the first time I was quite young—only sixteen. He was a human, several years older than me, who had fallen through a portal. They found him because of the scent of his blood. He was lying in a pool of it, the snow covered in it—staining it a deep red that was almost black.

I was the most adept healer in the party at the time, young as I was. And they wanted to keep him, just as they did with many of the others that showed potential—the ones with energy. On the main continent many called it reiki, but for our people we simply called it magick. Energy from the body, be it human or demon, it was all the same to us. It just manifested in different ways, from different places. Ours was produced within our demonic cores. But a human's power...it was coveted, because it was holy. Sacred.

Their magick came from the soul.

Torhild, the party leader, demanded I heal the human boy. I protested, having never used my powers on a human and worried it would cause some kind of irreversible damage. The rapid regeneration of cells was dangerous even for a demon if it was not done right. I did not know how it would react on a human. But Torhild didn't care, he threatened to tell my father of my belligerence and I fell silent. He coughed up his energy just so I was able to heal the boy fully. While I worked, they tied his arms with thick rope, so tight his hands turned an angry red.

The human was dressed strangely, garb that was made of some sort of fiber that offered no protection at all. Foolish human, to fall through a portal in the first place, but to appear here wounded was plain idiocy. Many could have eaten him.

Some might still.

He would be brought to my father and he would decide what should be done with him. If his magic was fearsome, he would become a slave, used only as canon fodder for the war.

If he was deemed weak...he would be sold or traded. Or even butchered for a sacrificial meal.

The man awoke half way through the healing. He did not scream. He did not fight or ask questions. But his eyes...

They both frightened and excited me. They glowed with something fierce, something preternatural. It made my blood pump slow in my veins and a drip of sweat cut a path down the back of my neck. I could not look away.

I didn't know if I even wanted to.

Never, out of all the humans who had come and gone, had I seen a look such as that.

Later that night the party made camp and the men drank themselves into stupors, falling asleep out in the snow around the fire. They had little to fear in these woods. We were the scariest things here, after all. Or so we thought.

But late, well after the moons rose to cast the snow in soft burgundy red light, the sound of screams rent the air.

I ran from my tent, ax clutched in the palm of my hand, ready for battle. The enemy, they must have found us. The rival clan my father was certain was planning to attack us any day now.

But what I discovered...was the last thing I ever thought possible.

There stood the human boy, a stolen sword held within his hand dripping with blood. Red splashed across his clothes, his face was smeared with it, and a power of such stunning magnitude swirled around him, clearing the land of snow. It was a beautiful and terrible power, a magick of which I had never seen or felt before. And all around him lay my people, dead, slaughtered by his hand. Not one was left alive...except for me.

His eyes seemed to glow in the night, a blue so deep it was like staring into an ocean. I could not help but think he was beautiful—a face painfully pretty, hair dark as obsidian, and body solid. A warrior's body. Though that could not be possible.

The humans never fought back. Not like this.

He lowered the blade and nodded once, placing a hand against his chest where I had healed his wounds.

A way of saying thanks.

He spared my life that day. And I did nothing to try and stop him when he fled.

When I returned home without the hunting party, I lied to my father. Told him our enemies came to slaughter us and I was the only who managed to get away.

He beat me for daring to return instead of dying with my clansmen.

Nine years later, perhaps by the Gods' divine will, I met the human male again. I was out gathering herbs, my status as a newly appointed Volva meant I traveled from town to town to offer my services to those in need. I was blessed by the goddess Freyja and many of the people considered my offerings the good will of the Gods.

It was summer, the air heavy with heat, but the coolness of the forest was pleasant.

The smell of blood struck me after a time, thick and viscous; fresh. So close I could taste the copper tang on my tongue.

I crept through the trees, careful to keep my presence hidden. The sound of clanging metal and the cries of battle made me move faster, rushing until I came upon two men in the midst of a sword fight. The tall one, with dark hair and strong shoulders, moved so swift it was no surprise when he quickly cut down the shorter demon.

Dressed in light armor that was ill fitting, but served its purpose well enough, he finished off the would be thief with a burst of bright, sapphire colored energy.

I would have known it anywhere.

Never would I feel something like that again in this lifetime.

Why? Why was he here? Why now?

He must be truly formidable to have lived all these years without becoming a slave or a meal. Formidable...or just smart. Cunning. But even that was formidable in its own right.

I stepped out from behind the trees and called to him. My mind drew a blank as to why, surely he would try to kill me this time. He would not let me go twice. He may not even remember me. But I was not afraid, for Valhalla awaited me should my life be taken here. And I could not allow this opportunity to pass. I truly believed meeting him again was fate.

He turned, surprised, his sword still held aloft. He eyed me for a long moment...before sheathing it and placing a hand at his chin, cocking his head. His hair was a little longer now...and he'd grown a goatee. There were some new scars across his face as well, but they did not mar the beauty beneath.

He spoke, words I did not understand. But I had heard this language before—English.

It was called English.

"Who are you?" I asked in my own tongue, but he just shook his head, confusion clear on his face.

So I pointed to myself and carefully said, "Etternia."

He caught on and smiled, the grin lighting up his entire face. Oh...Ooh...what was this feeling? This sudden burn in my chest? It...hurt...but also made me...

Excited? Happy?

Sad...?

"Artair," he said, jabbing a thumb into his chest. "Artair Blackbourne."

Artair, as he called himself, took upon a whim to travel with me. Being a Volva, I never stayed anywhere long, but eventually I would return home. However, I could not stop my current pilgrimage so early on, so I accepted his company without much fuss.

Every time I entered a new town, he would disappear until I would leave several days later. Each time it got harder and harder to separate from him. Even with the language barrier, I rather liked his presence. He was smart, quick on his feet, and a skilled warrior. More than once, we fought side by side against foes of all kinds—thieves, rapists, and murderers. People who wished to covet the blessings of my kind to themselves. Demons who wanted to capture or devour Artair.

And then there were the ones who knew me—where I hailed from, who my father was. I killed them before they ever had the chance to report back to him.

It grew more and more dangerous...to be with Artair Blackbourne.

We slowly learned each other's languages...and I was able to speak with Artair more and more, learn more about him.

He was born and raised in a land called England. And there, as a young boy, he accepted a calling from his god—to hunt and kill demons. He was trained by warriors just like him...to kill my kind.

One day, while in the middle of battle, he fell through a hole...and it brought him here, to the lands of my people. He never found a way back home.

I was a traitor, by all accounts, to be associated with a man such as this.

But nothing Artair told me made me wish to end his life. His personality was infectious and the more I understood, the more I wanted to know. I must have asked him hundreds of questions, like an inquisitive child, but he answered every one seriously. And in turn, I answered all of his, until we knew everything about each other.

For two years we traveled like this...and I grew to care for Artair as much more than just a companion and ally.

I did not return home to my people.

When my pilgrimage ended, I asked Artair to stay with me—as my lover.

Even though I was already betrothed to the commander of my father's armies—Ingvar. I could not help but love Artair.

That love became all consuming, like a flame that engulfed my entire being. Artair was a gift. A precious, wonderful gift. And I loved him with every breath in my lungs and every drop of blood in my veins.

He was mine. And I was his.

We built a small home in the middle of an old wood. I placed protections in the trees and the grounds. I grew herb and vegetable gardens. I made money by producing and selling medicines, and Artair made jewelry so fine with his nimble fingers we wanted for nothing.

And I forgot the world. Forgot my calling. Forgot myself completely.

But it was okay—for I loved Artair more than anything in this world or the next. I would give it all up a thousand times over just to be with him, even for a moment.

The day I found out I was with child...I never thought I could feel such joy. And Artair...he was so proud, so happy.

I never thought it even a possibility.

When the birth drew near, I lay in bed beside Artair, my belly swollen and heavy. The embers of a fire glowed in the hearth and I awoke to the barest breath of a sound.

I found a knife poised at my throat, glinting in the moonlight that filtered in through our single window.

Behind the blade was Ingvar.

They had found me. Found Artair. After all this time, we still weren't safe.

But my energy was gone, taken by my child, used to protect the boy that would be born in just a few days time. Elementa women were completely defenseless while pregnant. I would not be able to move fast enough. I would not be able to kill Ingvar.

Artair awoke, as if sensing my distress, though neither of us made a sound. He lunged for his sword, but Ingvar knocked him back. When had Ingvar gotten so big? Was he always like this?

He pinned Artair to the floor, the blade at his throat.

I jolted up, grabbed the ax I kept by the bed, prepared to swing it. But Artair held up a hand and shouted, "Don't!"

He looked pointedly at my stomach and breathed again, "Don't, Etternia."

I hesitated, but when Ingvar reared back, prepared to stab Artair, I did not heed his warning. I lunged, sinking the ax into Ingvar's shoulder. He howled, tearing it from his back, and throwing it across the room.

He turned to me then, forgetting Artair, he grabbed me by my hair and dragged me from the cabin. He tossed me outside in the snow and straddled my waist, hitting me again and again, until I was sure my face was an unrecognizable mess. A yell came from behind him, Artair rushing out of our home, his sword held high—glowing with the dark light of his sapphire energy.

But Ingvar created a spear of ice swift as lightning, and pierced it through Artair's leg.

Artair snapped it, but he was not fast enough. Ingvar grabbed him by the throat and threw him to the ground, bringing his boot down against his throat before he could rise. Artair struggled, both hands wrapped around the foot that threatened to crush his windpipe.

To this day...I did not understand why Artair did not fight harder. If it was out of fear of death, out of fear of losing me, or perhaps both. And part of me, as much as I tried not to, resented him for that.

"Ingvar! Do not kill him! Vidar has given you orders."

Incensed, my once husband turned to the group of men who stood at the edge of my garden. The man who spoke was known as Arvid the Eagle...though I recognized most of the others as well. They were all men I fought with for many years. And they all chose to betray me.

Ingvar spat at Arvid's feet and cursed him with words so foul I cringed. Then he leaned over Artair and reared back a fist, hitting him square in the face with enough force to send the snow flying around them. I heard the sickening sound of snapping bone and when Ingvar pulled back to hit him again, I screamed, "NO!"

He turned to regard me with a look of seething disgust, true hatred shone in his eyes, but he pulled back and stepped away from Artair.

My lover did not move, blood marring the beauty of his face. He was unconscious, but alive. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief, though it would be short lived.

They never allowed me to heal him.

They took us back to the city, back to my father's lands. I did not know what would become of Artair until much later. My father had me chained to a bed in the house used for the births of Elementa children. And no matter how much I fought and screamed and struggled, they all refused to free me...even my mother. My mother, who I thought would always protect me. She could not even look me in the eye.

I begged for days to know what happened to Artair, but no one would tell me.

I just knew he wasn't dead. I would have felt it, I was sure of it.

With that small flame of hope burning bright within me, I resolved to give birth to our son, and then beg my father to free us. Perhaps he would see what this love created and allow us to leave with the child. His grandson.

But he was not so forgiving.

For my father knew nothing but cruelty. Not once did he show me an ounce of love.

Born a daughter instead of a son, I was never good enough for him.

And now...I was not even that. But a traitor to his people.

I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. And my father took him from me. To this day...I do not know if he lived or died, if they murdered him right outside the birth house and disposed of the body. Or if they abandoned him somewhere and by some miraculous blessing from the Gods, he managed to survive. Deep in my soul, that was my ultimate wish.

My father disowned me. Banished me. But I would have left anyway...never able to forgive them.

After my son was taken from me, I searched for Artair. I knew he was not in the city...and my stomach twisted with anxiety when the rumors began to filter through the travelers between the outlying towns.

The forest of Yggdrasil, they whispered. Something there was horribly wrong.

The forest of Yggdrasil was what made my father fight for his lands so fiercely, for our people held the world tree in their palms. It gave us divine power and a connection to the gods the other's lacked. The forest was the most sacred of places.

And in its center...there lied the tree. Our greatest secret. Forever hidden from the main continent in fear it would bring destruction to not only our people, but all those that called the North land home. Yggdrasil could offer a person their greatest happiness, their utmost wanted desire. The forest itself was like stepping into another world—a world that lacked the carnage and suffering of the rest of demon world. A true paradise in a place so hideous.

But now, when I stepped foot into that forest, a great sense of apprehension washed over me. An anxiety so cloying and thick it made nausea roil in my gut. Something was genuinely, irrefutably wrong here.

I knew what I would find...by the time I neared the base of Yggdrasil.

There...amongst the tree's massive roots, was a crystal clear thick jutting of ice. Ice so solid and unbreakable that only my father could have accomplished such a feat. His ice was impenetrable. It did not melt even when met with the hottest of fires.

And within the center of that ice, as if it were built to be a tomb, was Artair—a dagger pierced through his side, bloodied hands wrapped around the hilt, frozen while still alive.

Artair, whose face was forever stuck into a look so desperate that it shattered my mind—my soul.

My father had done this to punish me. I could not even give Artair a proper burial. He would not decay or return to the Earth as every living thing should once their time here was up. He would forever be trapped, the man I loved. And there was not a single thing I could do about it.

Everything. I had lost everything.

They ripped it from me with their bare hands. Cruel and uncaring and savage.

I tore at the ice until my fingers were blooded, half the nails missing. I beat against it with fist and power and stone. All my attempts were futile, pointless. Just as I knew they would be. But even still, I spent days trying to free him, forgoing sleep so not a second was wasted.

When I finally gave up, my blood smeared across the once pristine surface of the ice, I fell to my knees and wept.

And the trees seemed to bow with my grief. The forest silent but for my screams of anguish. For nothing would ever make this right. I would never be the same again.

For what I felt for Artair...it was not much different than what you claim to feel for me. A love so deep and undying that it was painful. I never even considered the notion of being able to love again...after the death of Artair.

That was when I felt it—the burning, searing pain of the fire. It consumed me, engulfed me. I could not feel or hear or see anything other than the roar of the flames and the rush of my blood as it burned through me.

I burnt the forest to ash that night, without even trying.

All that remained was the world tree...and that tomb of forever frozen ice. Even flames as hot as mine could not melt it and burn the body encased within.

The fire was a curse. But it was a curse I planned to use, if only just once. If only because I did not know how to stop it. Nor did I wish to.

Captured by the flames, I hunted down and killed my father's soldiers. The ones who came to steal us away from our home. But Ingvar was nowhere to be found, hiding, like a coward.

The river that ran through our city was awashed with blood. It ran red and stank of death by the time I was finished with them. And then I used the fire to burn their bodies to molten ash, leaving nothing for their families to bury.

I burned down houses, slaughtered all who tried to oppose me.

And when my father came out to meet me, I was fully prepared to kill him too. To kill everyone in the city; perhaps even further.

But I was young and foolish. Not even I stood a chance against him, not even with all the rage that coursed its way through my body.

My father put out my flames, left my body a ruined mess—I feared I would turn to ash and be cast to the winds. I could no longer fight, even if I wanted to. He would have killed him, without a thought or care.

He only spared my life...at the behest of my mother. My mother, who had not stood beside me. Who betrayed me as well. But for some gods forsaken reason begged my father to spare me.

Near death, I made my way onto a shipping boat headed for the main continent. The mental pain I suffered with was far worse than any physical wound I would ever receive. I half hoped someone would take advantage of my weakness...and just kill me. End the suffering.

I spent years just wandering afterwards, regaining my strength, creating all forms of drugs to help keep me numb. To try and forget. I was too much of a coward to take my own life.

But I would not forget. Not even in death.

All I could do was keep my mind so closed off and empty that I hardly thought of it. The dreams could not always be stopped, however, so I began to create more potent medicines, if only to sleep for a single dreamless night.

In my travels I saved any human I came across. I became known on the main continent as a human sympathizer—a heathen to demon kind. I was an outcast. I had no one and nothing to turn to.

I much preferred it that way.

And as I told you once before, I eventually found myself in Gandara. Where I met a healer there and worked under him for a time. He taught me your language, the language many used on the main land—Japanese. Until Lord Yomi discovered me...and gave me a job as the head healer for his armies.

And, as you already know, I was chosen to be the official healer for the demon world tournaments. Which was when I met a boy that shined so bright, the old memories of a man I once loved resurfaced and threatened to swallow me.

I left for human world. Lived as human a life as I could. Tried to forget who and what I was.

When I met you again...

 **. . .**

"I was graced with five beautiful years with Artair," I breathed. "I should be thankful I was allowed even that, considering the kind of relationship it was—how frowned upon and forbidden it was to my kind."

Yusuke was frozen, speechless. He was sitting on the edge of my bed with a face so blank I could not tell what he was thinking.

I didn't know if I wanted to.

I was unable to sit during the entire retelling. I paced the room, leaving icy footprints in my wake, dragging frost covered fingers across my walls and bookcase. The spines of my books were frosted over, the room's temperature dropped several degrees.

Tears were frozen to my cheeks and eyelashes, like crystal droplets.

This was what Artair left me with—I was a shell. A disgrace. A man made me fall apart, a human man destroyed me and all I stood for. And yet, I loved him still, would always love him. But this was never meant to be the woman I was to become.

Yusuke swallowed thickly and cleared his throat. He dragged a hand through his loose hair, pushing it back only to have it fall forward again when his hand fell away. He buried his face in his hands afterwards, curling in on himself.

Fresh tears spilled from my eyes and hardened to my face. Tears I could not stop, though I never once changed my expression. They came, unbidden, against my will. Tears for Artair. Tears for myself. Tears for Yusuke.

If he did not say something soon...I was going to crumble. There was very little holding me together as it was, so very little. I did not want to lose myself so completely in front of him.

"Say something," I pleaded.

"What the hell do you want me to say?" he murmured. "What the hell am I supposed to say to something like that?"

He was angry, upset; lost. And he was not wrong—what was there to say...to something like this?

"Perhaps...it is best you leave."

"I can't," he choked out, his voice cracking. "I can't leave."

That was when I noticed the tears slipping between his fingers to paint the wooden floor. I stared, mesmerized as each drop joined the last, until a small puddle formed beneath him.

"Why do you cry?" I asked.

He sniffed and then sat up, wiping them away with harsh hands. "I'm not fucking crying," he said.

But he could not look at me. His eyes remained off somewhere over my shoulder; red and swollen. It was too much truth, I realized. Too much for someone so young to bear. He didn't know what to do with it. And I could not blame him.

Eventually, he settled on asking a single question, "You have a kid?"

"Had," I corrected. "He is most likely dead, no matter what I hope."

His face twisted, angry again. "How can you stand there and say that with a straight face? Don't you feel anything, Ettie?"

"Of course I do, but it is dull and far away after so many years of doing everything I could to suppress it. I never wanted to speak of it. Never."

"Then why did you? Why fucking tell me this? Why not just reject me again and leave me in the fucking dark?" 

"Is that what you would have preferred? I can make a potion to remove your most recent memories, if that is what you wish."

"No!" he shouted. "No! That isn't what I want! I want you to show me some goddamn emotion! To let that impassive mask you keep on your face break for once!"

His anger invoked my own and I lunged forward, burying my fist into the front of his shirt and leaning in close enough I was sure he could smell the sorrow coating my tongue. "Is that what you think you want? Do you know what would happen, Yusuke, if I was able to do such a thing? Do you?"

He stared at me, eyes hard and face stuck in such an ill-tempered, petulant mask that I wanted to smack it off him.

"If I let go, if I allowed myself to feel everything I've suppressed all these years...I would burn this entire city to the ground. I would burn it to ash and feel not a single ounce of remorse. So think twice about what you wish for, little boy."

At the sound me calling him a little boy his entire face changed. It went from childish to fearsomely wrathful in the blink of an eye. The face of a demon king and not some lost human boy. A poor choice in words, spoken out of anger, would be my undoing. I could see it in his gaze—the way he now hated me.

"I don't want to fight with you," he said from between his teeth. "I know you have no other outlet. I get it. But don't ever call me a little fucking boy again. I'm a goddamn man, Ettie. And I plan to prove it."

I backed off, eyeing him with something akin to a challenge. "Oh? And how do you plan to prove it, as you say?"

I was goading him, I knew that. Goading him into what I did not know. But something in his eyes...they made me feel that same unwarranted excitement I felt when I first met Artair.

Yusuke stood to his full height, several inches taller than me, and smiled. But the smile was not kind nor was it sweet. "The next unification tournament is in a couple of months, at the end of summer. You're still gonna be the head healer, right?"

Confused now, all I could do was nod. "Yes, I planned to...unless something prevented me from attending."

"Good," he grinned, the look vicious, his fangs showing. "I want you to extend an invitation to your father. And hell, maybe your piece of shit ex-husband too."

"You can't be serious...?" I breathed. To say I was stunned would be the understatement of the century. He must be joking. "I will do no such thing."

"If you won't do it, I'll find someone who will. I'll leave it up to you." He walked to the door, picking up his shoes but not bothering to put them on.

"And Ettie," he said from over his shoulder. "I don't plan to lose this year either."

The click of the door as it shut made me realize I hadn't been able to utter a single word of true protest. What the hell was he thinking? Surely this would blow over in a day or two? He could not mean it...he couldn't...

I took in a shuddering breath, feeling the ache in my lungs and chest. An ache not caused by broken bones or fresh wounds, but old ones.

While Yusuke reminded me greatly of Artair in many ways, it was things like this that set him apart. And he was right, Yusuke was not a boy but a man. Thanks to my foolishness, he came up with this asinine plan.

I felt something painful dig its way deep, deep down inside me, until I feared it would swallow me whole. I needed to talk Yusuke out of this.

Because if I lost him too...

My eyes closed unbidden, my fists clenched at my sides, nails digging into my palms and drawing blood.

My father would show no mercy. None.

He would not play by the rules arranged by the tournament committee members. He would slaughter those who opposed him, one by one, until not a single one was left.

And then he would take Yusuke's crown...and wear it as his own. King of the main continent. Access to the world of man.

There would be no end to the deaths.

I grabbed my shoes and my bike keys. Left my building and drove towards the hospital closest. Tadao's hospital.

I parked my bike and pulled out my phone, dialing his number with shaking hands. I held it up to my ear and tried to be patient as it rang. When he did not immediately pick up, I clicked it closed and tried again...and again...and again.

When he finally picked up I did not give him a chance to snap at me. "Tadao..." and my voice was hollow and broken and small.

"Come inside," he said, understanding.

Tadao did not know much about me. But he knew there was a reason behind my addiction—that I took the pills not for pleasure, but for a pain so visceral and sharp that it outweighed a physical wound many times over.

When I dragged myself through one of the back doors, Tadao was on the other side waiting for me. He frowned sadly and nodded once. "Rough day, huh kid?"

A sob broke free before I could suppress it and it was the catalyst that opened a gate of suffering so long overdue that I could not even stand on two feet through the pain. I felt as if my chest would cave in, my wracking sobs the only thing stopping it from collapsing entirely. I fell to my knees and let Tadao lift me up and carry me into an empty on call room.

Bunk beds lined the wall and he placed me in the bottom one, told me to wait and lock the door behind him.

When he returned, it was with a needle filled to the brim with an amber colored liquid.

I knew what it was. And I did not care.

He took my arm, wrapped it in a tourniquet, and slipped the needle beneath my skin. It was over in an instant, the drug flooding my veins, my rapid descent into hell.

And I fell into a numbness so glorious I wished I never had to leave.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: Tadao is not a good person. Lets just get that out now. He's not a villain, but he's a bastard all the same. So there it is, a very large and important piece of Ettie's past is finally out in the open. But it's not everything, just the final catalyst that caused her descent into hell.**

 **And christ Yusuke, inviting her father to the tournament, really? xD**


	19. Love Songs, Drug Songs

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 19: Love Songs, Drug Songs**

 **A/N: This is a _YUSUKE POV_ chapter (haha, all caps to avoid the confusion from the first time). If I thought last chapter was hard, this one is gonna be even harder. Sighhh. I'm fully prepared to lose some readers for this one, but it's...important too, in a way. Hope you guys will stick around though!**

 **. . .**

"Urameshi..."

I continued to punch the random asshole who'd decided to pick a fight. Some low level piece of shit. I saved him for last, all his buddies laying unconscious on the ground around us.

Saved him for last just so he knew how fucking angry I was.

"Urameshi!"

Even after the bastard passed out I didn't stop hitting him. It was like my fists had a mind of their own. I needed an outlet, bad.

"YUSUKE!"

Kuwabara shouting my first name made my next punch stutter to a halt, before I slammed it into the ground next to the guy's head, the asphalt crumbling to pieces. Leave it to Kuwabara to ruin my fun. It was a nice change to beat the shit out of someone without using spirit energy. Hiei was the only one willing to do that now.

"What's wrong with you, man? You've been in this rage for days."

He wasn't wrong. I was pissed. Pissed at the fucking world. Pissed at myself. But mostly I was pissed because of Ettie.

Fucking Ettie.

Beautiful, broken, fucking drug addict Ettie.

"It's nothing," I murmured, standing so I could give the idiot I'd just beaten into next year a final kick in the ass.

"For some damned reason I have a really hard time believing that."

"Well it's true, so go fuck yourself."

"Cripes...something really did fuck you up."

I gave Kuwabara the finger, snatching my shirt off the ground where I'd thrown it earlier. I pulled it over my head and fished out a pack of cigarettes from the sleeve, making a sound of disgust when I saw there was only one left. I took it out and lit it anyway.

"If you're just following me around to nag me, you might as well give up. I ain't talkin' to you."

"Urameshi...come on man, we're all worried about you. You've been looking for fights. You can't sit still, and when you somehow manage to all you do is drink and smoke like a chimney."

"So what?" I said, glaring at him. "You gotta problem with that?"

"Yeah I do, cause you only do this shit when you're upset about something."

I wanted to scream. The more he bothered me, the more I wanted to beat the ever loving shit out of him next. I couldn't tell him what he wanted to know. It wasn't my story to tell.

And I would never be able to tell it right even if I tried.

"I just want to be left alone, Kuwabara." I took a long drag off my cigarette, letting the smoke roll out in a slow cloud from between my teeth and out my nose. "I need some time. If you're my friend, you'll listen, and give me that goddamn time."

His face fell, but he nodded. The big lug was an empath, he knew I was hurting, and he wanted to fix it. But there was no fixing this. Not this time.

"Hey uh, I know this isn't the best time," he rubbed the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable, "but have you seen Ettie lately?"

My face turned to stone. I already knew why he was asking. She was nowhere to be found. Been gone for days. I couldn't track her and Hiei was off in demon world screwing around on some errand for Mukuro, so I couldn't even ask him to use his jagan.

I settled on asking him why anyway, "What's it to you where she is?"

"Somethin' Kurama mentioned, something about that translation she gave us. He says there's discrepancies or whatever."

Of course there was.

Ettie was many things. And a liar was one of them.

"Haven't seen her." I turned away from him, flicking the used up cigarette to the ground and snubbing it out with the toe of my sneaker.

"Is...what's goin' on with you...because of her?"

My energy flared, quick and relentless, before I sucked it back. Angry. It made me so goddamned angry. "Just go, Kuwabara. Its got nothin' to do with you."

I walked away, leaving him behind, and was thankful when he didn't follow this time. He meant well, I knew that, but he wasn't what I needed right now. What I needed I couldn't have.

So I took it out on everyone around me.

What I wouldn't give for Hiei to show up just so I could kick his ass.

My cell phone rang from my pocket. The twentieth time today. I dug it out, flipped it open, and snapped it back shut. I didn't want to talk to anyone, least of all Keiko.

Keiko, who I called before I even processed what Ettie told me. Keiko, who listened to me cry like some kind of loser even though I couldn't explain exactly why. And then told me it was okay to feel this way, it was okay to be angry and sad and upset on Ettie's behalf. That it was okay for me to feel that way even for myself.

I hung up on her.

It wasn't okay. What right did I have to feel like shit over this? It wasn't my story, wasn't my life. I didn't live through it.

And it wasn't even so much that, as it was feeling sorry for myself.

She loved that guy—Artair—so goddamn much. Even almost forty years later didn't dull that. What kind of chance did I have? How did I go on trying to get her to love me when she physically couldn't? How did I justify my feelings for her when all of them had this underlying layer of guilt now?

How could I touch her— _love her_ —knowing what I knew?

She wasn't my woman. Would never be. For fuck sakes, I was younger than her son would have been. No wonder she thought of me as a little boy. I never stood a fucking chance.

But that didn't mean these useless feelings were ever gonna go away. If anything, I loved her even more. Loved that she trusted me enough to tell me such a raw piece of her past. I knew it hurt her, whether she showed it or not. And I just wanted to know she was alright, but I couldn't find her.

She was probably mad at me.

I wouldn't apologize. And I meant what I said.

I already had the monks working on finding a way to get a message to her father. I didn't have the first clue where her home was, but that wasn't about to stop me.

I planned to put the son of a bitch into the ground.

Ettie wouldn't do it for herself, so I would do it for her. It was the only way I knew how to release some of this...rage. So much rage.

It had been a long time since I felt so furious.

My cell rang again, pissed now, I flipped it back open and snapped, "What the fuck do you want?!"

"...Yusuke?"

The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't pin point why. "Who the hell are you?"

"Uh...this is Shou. I work with Ettie..."

"Oh...yeah, hey. Sorry...I'm not in a good mood right now and if you're calling to talk to her, she isn't here."

There was a beat of silence. "I—I'm not calling for that. I know where she is. But I was hoping you could find Hiei for me."

My lips turned down in a frown and I rubbed at the back of my neck, anxious now. He sounded almost...scared. "You know where she is?"

"Yes, but...just, please, get a message to Hiei. It's really important." And then he hung up, leaving me with a sudden panic blooming in my chest.

What the hell?

Why wouldn't he tell me where the fuck she was? Why was Hiei the only goddamn person that ever seemed to be able to help her? Why did she let him in on things that she refused to tell me?

Energy sharing, working together, making plans behind my back. It irritated me.

I was only jealous because...well, I wanted to be included. Maybe that made me sound like a sissy, but it was true. I didn't have a problem with her and Hiei being together, I had a problem with being left out and lied to.

I sighed. Well, if I wanted to know where she was there was no way around it.

The number I dialed, memorized for years, was one I rarely needed to use. The phone rang once, before it connected and someone answered, not even bothering to cover up his complete annoyance. "Now isn't the time to bother me, detective."

Hiei never used his cell phone. It was something Yusuke insisted he have on him, just for times like this, and only the King's Hands knew the number. Hiei didn't even allow us to write it down anywhere and if you called him you better have a damn good reason.

"Ettie's in trouble." I didn't bother to say anything else, it would get my point across. And I knew he would come, no matter how many times he told me he hated her or didn't trust her, he would still come.

There was a long stretch of silence. I swear he didn't even breathe. And then, voice tense, as if he were about to come apart at the seams, he growled, "I'll be there soon."

 **. . .**

When Hiei eventually made it back to the human realm, I was already at the bar, two drinks deep. A third was half finished in front of me. My cell phone was on the table beside it and I spun it with a flick of my finger, watching it go round and round. Shou never called again. And neither did Keiko.

The sound of the bar's door being banged open made everyone else in the room turn and stare, except for me. The look on his face must have been scary as hell, because they all turned back around pretty damn quick.

The silence was a little much, because it allowed me to hear his angry boot stomps as he marched up to our usual booth. "What the hell are you doing?" he snarled.

I cast a sidelong glance his way and took another gulp of my drink. "Drinking, what does it look like?"

Oh he was pissed, his eyes were practically glowing. There wasn't much I liked more than pissing him off.

"Drinking?" he growled. "Where the fuck is Etternia?"

I shrugged. "No idea."

I was hoping he would grab me, pick a fight, but all he did was stare. It felt like his gaze was burning, burning straight through me to dig out all my fucking secrets. My eyes flicked to him, and I was certain they were full of a furious energy that made them appear red. "Don't do it. You know I'm shit at blocking your goddamned eye."

"You know something," he said. "Something about her."

"Yeah...maybe."

"Tell me."

My gaze dragged back towards my beer. I dipped my fingers into the condensation on the glass and flicked it across the table, watching as it splattered. "It's not my story to tell."

"Get up," he snarled. "Take me to her. Now."

"When you gonna admit you have a thing for her, huh?" I said, bitter. I drained the rest of the beer in my glass and crushed it with only the smallest amount of pressure.

It cut my hand, and I watched mesmerized as my blood began to drip and pool on the table. Blood just as red as anyone else's, but it wasn't the same, was it? Never would be again. The wound would be gone in less than half an hour. All thanks to my deep rooted demon biology.

"Where is she, Yusuke?" his voice was bordering on furious, the barely contained rage sitting just at the back of his tongue, and I would do just about anything to see him explode.

I wanted him to admit it, to say it out load, that he was in just as fucking deep as I was. I wanted to know I wasn't the only one, I _needed_ to know. Come on, Hiei, fucking show me. Show me how much you really do care about her and then maybe I would let you see what she told me.

"Ask Shou," I said, tossing him my phone.

His glare could have melted platinum it was so scathing.

Hiei took forever to find Shou's number, not being used to using a cell phone, but when he did he swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing almost as if in slow motion.

Shou didn't take long to answer and Hiei barked a few orders at him and then listened for a moment. He hung up on the guy without even a word of thanks and then stalked away. I scrambled up to follow him, slamming some bills down on the bar's counter when I passed, and running to keep up with the fire demon. He was already half way down the street by the time I made it out the door.

I caught up to him quickly, reaching out to grab his arm and pull him to a stop.

He reacted by taking a swing at me I barely dodged, his fist breezing by my cheek and leaving a cut across it from the energy he put into the blow.

"You wanna fight?! I'm all for it, asshole, lets go!"

But Hiei just stood there, in the middle of the sidewalk, the glow of a street light casting him in a strange ethereal luminosity. It didn't fit. It made him look like a dark angel instead of the demon he was. He stared at me, face like stone, and I felt danger spike down my spine. Pure, terrifying, _danger._ He wasn't in the mood to mess around. Wasn't in the mood for petty fighting or a spar in the street. He meant business...and I could feel it in every sparking nerve ending.

And that feeling _excited_ me.

His jaw clenched along with his fists and his eyes seemed to glow just a bit brighter, the garnet red turning into glittering rubies. "I have no intention of fighting you just to make you feel better about this pity party you are throwing for yourself."

"Who said anything about a pity party, you prick?"

"It's obvious. And what is even more obvious than that is the fact it is about Etternia," he said. "Do not project your pathetic emotions onto me."

I outright laughed. Projecting? There wasn't any need when he was so far fucking gone. "And where are you rushing off to, if you hate her so much?"

"I never once said I hated her. I've said I hate her habits, some of the things she does. But not her."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you are an ill informed fool who is so hopelessly lost in a woman he can't think straight."

He turned away then, shoulders still tense and gait quick, but he did not run. Why? I wondered. If he was so worried, why wouldn't he run to her? I could keep up just fine and Hiei knew that, so why walk so slow. It was like...like he didn't want to go but felt he didn't have a choice.

I shut up then, realizing Hiei knew something I didn't. I followed after him, the entire trip silent.

Eventually, we came upon an old apartment building, even older than Ettie's. Hiei let himself in, his black coat billowing behind him, switched in favor of the old cloak he used to wear. He walked up two flights of stairs and then stopped at a door with the number 23 in chipped gold lettering across its front.

He stood there for a second, before pulling one hand out of his coat pocket, and giving the door one sharp rap with his knuckles.

Shou ripped it open only a few moments later, his hair a mess and dark circles under his eyes. He looked like shit. "Christ, you look like you haven't slept in a week."

His eyes flicked to me, nervous, and then back to Hiei. "She isn't going to like that he came."

What the hell did he mean by that?

"Move, Shou. It doesn't matter." Hiei pushed by him, letting himself into the guy's apartment and not even bothering to take off his shoes.

I slipped mine off with my toes and then followed after him and Shou. They came to a stop in front of a doorway where only a beaded curtain blocked the room from view. Hiei's arm was stuck in it, lifting them just enough so he could get a good look inside, and I was forced to try to peak over his shoulder. "Is she in there?" I demanded.

"Don't follow," he said, before slipping beneath the curtain and letting them tumble back into place in his wake.

Oh hell no. He didn't tell me what to do. I turned to Shou, angry now, "What the fuck is going on you little pleb?"

Shou, a pair of nerdy glasses over his tired eyes, still managed to look pissed when I asked. "She's sick," he said.

"Sick? Then why the hell is she here? Why not a fucking doctor? And what's Hiei gonna be able to do?"

"You ask too many questions," he said, rubbing his fingers into his temples, obviously exhausted. But Yusuke didn't give a shit.

"Yeah, and you don't seem to be coughing up many answers. You want me to beat them out of you?" I leered, cracking my knuckles.

His faced paled and I felt a rush of triumph. Shou bit his lip and took a surreptitious look towards the doorway. "Do you know about...Ettie's problem?"

Taken aback, all I could was gape for a solid few seconds. " _You_ do?!"

Shou gave me a look that clearly told me he thought I was an idiot, but answered anyway. "She isn't as good at hiding it as she thinks she is. But she's a damn good paramedic, so we kind of ignore it as long as she isn't too bad off."

"Okay, so what? Did she go on another bender?"

"It—it's a lot worse than that..."

My forehead furrowed, concerned. "How bad?"

His eyes flicked back to the curtain. "I found her, Yusuke...found her half dead dumped outside the station. And I don't think she put herself there. So I got her in a cab and brought her here...and she asked for him, for Hiei. I didn't know what else to do."

Half dead. Delirious by the sounds. And asking for Hiei...of all fucking people.

I got why Shou didn't want to take her to a hospital. I got it. But I didn't like it. Ettie would lose her license, her job, and what little bit of her life that was still holding her together. He did the best he could.

I couldn't listen to another word. I felt sick as I dashed through the curtain, not even thinking about heeding Hiei's warning. But I was stopped short when I finally took a good look into the room. Stopped short because what I saw made my breath come to a shuddering halt and suddenly I couldn't move my limbs anymore. Shocked was too light a word for it.

Ettie was there all right. Hiei too.

Hiei had shed his clothing, stark naked and back resting against the headboard of what I assumed was Shou's bed. Ettie was between his legs asleep or unconscious, her back against his chest, and almost as naked as he was. Hiei made sure their skin touched in as many places as possible, his arms wrapped around her and legs twined together.

The scene seemed far too intimate. And seeing Hiei that way made something sharp spark in my chest.

Hiei's energy surrounded them both—powerful, unrelenting, suffocating. A glorious gold that made the air hazy with heat, causing a sheen of sweat on their skin.

His eyes burned when then struck me. Burned with so much rage that I felt as if my life were in immediate danger.

"Get. Out." He said the words from between his clenched teeth. "This is not something she would want you to see."

And for one horrible second I really did consider running. Turning and not looking back. Listening to Hiei for once instead of being a stubborn asshole.

But that was the thing, I _was_ a stubborn asshole. And I didn't plan to change anytime soon.

I stripped off my shirt, leaving my jeans on, and stalked over to the bed. Hiei's eyes were wide, to say the least, and if the situation wasn't so damn serious I would have laughed.

"It's heroin isn't it?"

Hiei lifted her arm, the arm without the tattoo, and ran his thumb over the track marks I could see there. So many...so many for just a few days time.

"Fuck..." I breathed. "Goddamn it, Ettie..."

"What happened...between you?" Hiei asked, tone carefully neutral, but I could sense the underlying curiosity anyway.

"I didn't...I didn't think she would do something like this," I murmured.

I tentatively crawled into the bed beside them, my nerves making me anxious, but Hiei just reached out and grabbed my arm, dragging me closer. We settled into an awkward mesh of legs and arms, with Ettie smooshed between us, and for a brief, horrifying second, I wished this was _real._ That it wasn't caused by something so ugly and horrible, but out of something much more...

I didn't fucking know.

What did I want?

Was I even ready to admit something like that to myself?

"Show me," Hiei murmured. "Show me what she told you. I need to know."

The fact he sounded almost...desperate...made my resolve waiver. It still wasn't my story to tell...but she was suffering. Suffering because of me and my goddamn stubbornness. And if telling Hiei lessened even the smallest amount of that weight, was it really so bad to show him? She was the one that asked for him. She wanted him here. Would she really be angry if I told him now?

So I swallowed, my saliva thick and throat dry. "Okay," I said. "Just...don't hold it against her, Hiei. She doesn't need that kind of shit for something like this."

He didn't say anything, his eyes still boring into me like they were picking me apart. Slowly, the jagan opened, its purple light flashing. The memory was brought to the forefront of my mind and like watching a movie on fast forward, he played through the entire thing. Then rewound it and played it again twice more. When he was satisfied, he sat back against the bed again, stone faced.

I didn't bother to interrogate him. I was sure he didn't feel much different than I did.

For a long time, we laid in silence, Hiei pouring all his energy into keeping Ettie alive. And when he grew tired, I reached out, arm around Ettie, and grabbed his hand. I gave him what I couldn't give her and he took it, took it with unprecedented hunger, and turned back around and poured it right back into her until she was glowing so bright it hurt to look.

I grew tired after awhile of this, my eyes heavy, body and mind weary. I yawned and stretched out, making myself more comfortable.

"Rest," Hiei whispered. "She isn't going anywhere."

His eyes were just as heavy lidded as mine were, but he never stopped feeding her that energy. And I wasn't even so sure if it was because she still needed it...or Hiei just didn't know how to stop anymore.

"Don't die," I mumbled, face pressed into Ettie's skin, breathing in her scent—rain and fresh snow and herbs and sweat.

Hiei let out a rumbling laugh that lacked any humor. "Speak for yourself, idiot."

Late in the night, sometime in the wee hours of the morning, I awoke to a noise. I heard it over the sound of pouring rain and I wasn't sure he meant to make it, but I was careful to hide the fact I was awake.

Hiei had crept out of the bed, laying Ettie beside me, and made his way to the single window still naked. I stared at his back, at the corded muscle there and all the scars that littered it. And I couldn't speak a word, couldn't speak as he pressed a palm to the rain splattered glass and looked so fucking lost that it rent me speechless for once.

I didn't feel smug realizing that I was right...

That Hiei was in just as deep as I was.

I sat up, not really sure why, just knowing I needed to. My hair was a mess and I looked just as strung out as Ettie did, but I needed to say something to him. Anything.

But all I could say was, "You love her too, don't you?"

Hiei's fingers curled into a fist against the glass. But it was his eyes in the reflection that spoke more than anything. Eyes that shined with some deeply hidden emotion he would never normally show.

My heart didn't break. I wasn't jealous.

The only thing I felt was relief. Relief because he couldn't hide it anymore. Relief because I wasn't the only one so lost in this woman who I had no business being so lost in. And relief because Hiei was here with me now and he understood _everything._

 **. . .**

 **A/N: Shit. Shit. Shit. Double shit. What's gonna happen next? I don't even know. (Jk, I do, but I'm not tellin'!).**

 **I'm sure some of you guessed at what Tadao gave her, but be aware that the dose was much, much higher than any normal person would ever be able to live through. And she took MORE of it afterwards. My girl needs some serious help. And I know just who to give it to her.**

 **The reviews for last chapter were so awesome, some of them seriously made me want to cry. You guys are great and I love you and I'm so glad you are all liking my story so much even though it's dark and oftentimes depressing. It's a story coming from deep in my soul and I need to get it out and I'm so glad you're all here for the ride.**


	20. The Rush of Realization

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 20: The Rush of Realization**

 **A/N: We're outta the teens, ya'll. Thought this wasn't gonna be a monster, but guess I was wrong xD THIS IS A HIEI POV CHAPTER MY DUDES!**

 **Also, the site is currently experiencing a glitch and reviews aren't showing up on the review page, but I still get the email notification, so please don't let it deter you!**

 **. . .**

Sleeping that night was an impossible feet.

Long after Yusuke fell back into slumber, I crept from the bedroom and passed Shou curled up on his couch. I found the kitchen and sequestered myself there. A window above the sink spread moonlight into the room, the light arcing across the table.

I sat there until it faded...and eventually turned to the light of day.

Shou stumbled in sometime later, took a long look at me with eyes still half asleep, and rolled them. He brewed coffee and then shooed me out to the table that took up half his den.

From there, I could keep an eye on the beaded curtain...and wait.

Shou poured us both coffee, setting out two empty cups for Yusuke and Etternia.

When he took his seat, cupping his hands around his own mug, he turned to me. "Is she going to be okay?"

At first, I remained silent. In the long run my answer would be no. But for this day, yes. She lived. Thanks to me replenishing the energy she lost from her body trying to keep her alive after severe drug abuse. She should have overdosed and perished last night.

If I wasn't who I was, she would have.

If I wasn't fire and ice...she would have died.

I did not know what to do with that knowledge. But Etternia owed me a life's debt many times over now.

She belonged to me.

And what she did last night was unacceptable.

Her past was painful. She was wronged in so many ways by people she once trusted. I felt anger on her behalf. I wanted to enact the worst form of justice upon her people. But she chose the coward's route. She did not face her fears or her painful past with an anger that should have fueled her. She faced it with a needle and a way for her to forget. To forget the past that forged her.

It made sense now, why she so easily gave up on the training I offered her.

My thoughts were interrupted when the curtain's beads cascaded apart, revealing Yusuke stretching behind them, yawning. "Man, I slept like a log."

He shuffled to the table, scratching an itch on his lower back and reaching for my coffee mug. He took a large gulp of it before I even thought to snatch it away from him. "Get your own," I growled.

"Whoa, grouchy much? No need to get your panties in a bunch."

I didn't even bother to retaliate to his asinine comment. I just cast him a glare before finishing off what was left of my drink, pushing it back towards Shou so he could refill it.

He poured one for Yusuke too, though the bastard didn't deserve it.

"How's Ettie?" Shou asked Yusuke, considering he couldn't get an answer out of me.

"She's still sleeping. Won't know until she wakes up, right?" Yusuke plopped down into a chair, sliding down until he was slumped in it, his feet stretched under the table.

One of his toes tentatively brushed the side of my foot and I almost hissed at how cold it was. But after a moment he buried his entire foot under mine, as if he needed the warmth, and I did nothing to stop him. The contact wasn't unpleasant. Just odd.

An uncomfortable silence permeated through the room.

Shou was the first to break. He got up and began to do some chores around his apartment. We ignored him, letting the minutes stretch into an hour. Then two.

The sound of the beads clacking against the door frame startled us both. Our feet split apart and we sprung up in our seats, backs rigid. Shou stopped whatever idiotic thing he was doing across the room, dropping a cloth and staring.

Etternia, her eyes sunken in and skin so pale it was painful to look at, stood in the doorway, one arm holding the beads up, the other balled against her stomach. She looked sickly, like a patient who should be on their death bed.

Her eyes darted around the room, noting each face, her features made of marble for how much emotion they showed.

She didn't say anything, just shuffled towards another door. I caught a quick glimpse of a bathroom before she slipped inside.

"She looks like shit," Yusuke said.

"That's to be expected..." Shou added. "No one looks pretty after an overdose."

He wandered off towards his room then, coming back scant moments later with an armful of clothes. Shou marched up to the bathroom door, knocked once, and when it was opened he slipped in as well.

"Seriously?" Yusuke said. "How many guys does she let see her naked?"

"She cares little about nudity. But Shou isn't fully male either."

Yusuke swung around in his chair, staring at me with wide eyes. He opened his mouth, more than likely to say something moronic, when I interrupted him. "Keep it to yourself, fool. His genitals have little to do with it."

His cheeks colored and he looked away, pouting. "I wasn't gonna say anything about that..."

"Bullshit. You have a horrible tendency of putting your foot in your mouth."

He looked back at me, incensed now. "Yeah, well! You—you have stupid hair!"

"Is that the best you could come up with?"

"Fuck you, Hiei."

I rolled my eyes, pretending to ignore him now. He knew how to get on my nerves, yet I somehow still managed to tolerate his presence anyway.

"So, we gonna talk about last night?" he asked several moments later.

"About the fact Etternia needs an intervention before she winds up in an early grave?"

"That...and what you told me."

I dragged my gaze slowly up from the table, my lips quirked into a dangerous smile. I conveyed exactly how I felt on the matter with my stare alone. "I don't recall telling you anything of importance last night."

"Are you for real? You're back to being in denial?" The palm Yusuke had resting on the table curled into a fist. I could see the tremor it sent down his arm, as he clenched it just a little too tight.

I did not understand the look of anger sparking in his eyes. This truly enraged him, but why? It was my business. Not his. He had no right to force his way into my personal life.

"I have nothing to be in denial over."

Yusuke stood up so fast from his chair it toppled over. I thought his vehemence against my wishes was a little dramatic, but I took a defensive stance anyway. Shou's furniture be damned, if it was a fight he wanted I was more than willing to give it to him. The rage I felt from last night was still fresh and sharp at its edges. It dug into me every time I found a reason to remind me of it.

The bathroom door clattered open, a rather inconvenient timing on their part.

The fight was long forgotten now.

Shou helped Etternia to the table, where she sunk down in an empty chair and let loose a breath she'd been holding.

Then Shou pointed at the two of us, disapproval coating every word. "No fighting in my place, you got it!? You break my things you can pay for all of it."

"Don't worry, I got the cash short stop. I'd even pay you for your emotional damages," Yusuke said, retaking his seat but propping his feet up on Shou's table, tipping the chair onto two legs.

Shou fell into his own seat, putting his hands to his face. "I keep forgetting your the king," he mumbled.

"How could you forget, he is on television all the time," Etternia said, reaching for the mug of coffee Shou offered her.

Shou threw out an arm, gesturing around his apartment. "Does it look like I watch TV? Kind of hard to do when you don't have one."

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the couch this morning," Yusuke said, laughter on his tongue.

But I was in no mood for jokes or nonsense. "Etternia," I said.

Her eyes snapped to me and then quickly back to the table top. I watched her take a single long sip of coffee, before she set down the mug and stood.

She thanked Shou, telling him she would return his clothes soon, and then gathered what few positions she had. She was halfway to the door when I got up to stop her out of sheer disbelief. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Home to shower and change. I work the night shift tonight." Blunt and to the point, but not what I wanted to hear.

"Do you have any idea what you've put us through? Do you even care?"

"Hiei—"

"Stay out of it, Yusuke!" I turned and snarled at him, slicing my arm through the air. "Coddling her will not do her any favors!"

"I do not wish to be coddled," she growled. "In fact, I wish to be left alone entirely. My life is not your business. I am your boss and coworker, but we are nothing more than that. Do not assume you have some say in how I choose to conduct myself."

Her words struck a chord. I could feel it. It made my eyes burn and throat feel tight. I could feel the fire burning in my stomach, the words I was forced to swallow should I say something I would regret. What did I care? If that was how she thought of me, than so be it. It was easier to think objectively that way and I had no intention of befriending her in the first place.

"Ettie, you don't mean that," Yusuke said, rising from his chair and taking a step towards her. "You and Hiei are friends. I like to think I'm your friend too. Are you telling me you never felt the same?"

The stare she pinned him with was cold. And when she turned and left, Yusuke's face was crestfallen. He was too stunned to speak, but he followed after her, throwing the door open and not bothering to close it behind him.

I heard him call her name as he gave chase.

I hesitated to follow, until Shou came up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder I was sorely tempted to shrug off.

"She didn't mean it," he murmured. "All she does is talk about you. Yusuke too. Sometimes your friends. But mostly you two. She needs help...don't abandon her now."

And what good would I be, should I choose to heed him?

Why should it be my duty alone to help her? She did this to herself.

But even as I thought it, I was moving towards the door. I could hear Yusuke and Etternia arguing a couple of flights down and I slowed so I may listen, taking the stairs one at a time.

"Ettie, we just want to help you!" Yusuke shouted, the frustration he was feeling boiling over into his voice. "We care about you!"

Etternia scoffed, her tone disbelieving. "Whether that is true or not, this is still none of your business."

"You were the one who called Hiei here," he pointed out. "Did you forget that?"

Her silence told me that she had. And she was embarrassed by that fact.

"It won't happen again," she murmured. "I won't be a bother to any of you anymore, soon enough."

I rounded the final flight of stairs, seeing them arguing in a corner near the front door of the building. Ettie was hunched in on herself there, small and weary. Nothing like the warrior from her memories.

This alone made my blood boil, my fists clenching tight at my sides. She was a shell, just as she'd told Yusuke. A shell of what she once was, all because of a man. It was pathetic on astronomical levels. And it made me so angry I was forced to hold back from punching a hole in the apartment building's wall.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" Yusuke asked, and I took the final step so I was standing behind them, my arms crossed over my chest.

I wished to hear this too.

"I am giving my two weeks notice at the station today." And suddenly she stood a little straighter, her eyes piercing. "I am going home."

"Home?!" Yusuke barked. "Back to Gandara? Why?"

She looked passed him, towards me, those earthen eyes as hard as marble. "No, not Gandara."

Yusuke was rent speechless. He stood there with his mouth hanging open, just staring, so I shoved him out of the way. I pinned Etternia with a look that would have made a lesser man wet himself.

"Home? You mean to the North. Back to those...people," I spat the word like it was poison, "that betrayed you. How far you have fallen, Etternia."

She stood with her shoulders straight and head held high, even though my words were meant to be biting. They did not affect her in the slightest. My lips grew into a tight line, irritated.

"I plan to answer my father's summons. My people are at war and I wish to fight beside them."

"You wish to die," I snapped. "You may as well speak the truth. That is the only reason. You plan to take the coward's way out and die by the hands of an enemy, because you cannot pick up the knife yourself and cut your own throat."

"And if I were to, would you not still call me a coward? It is better to die in battle than to die by my own hand, is it not?"

"Not if you have no intention of fighting. There is no honor in just laying down to die."

She looked away, her gaze falling to the floor. For a moment, I thought I had won. She would submit to me and do as I say. We would fix this.

But a cold smile curled the corners of her lips and with it came a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"I'm afraid this is goodbye, it was nice knowing the both of you," she said. "I wish you the best in all your endeavors. May the Gods smile upon you."

She gave us a parting nod, slinking her way out of the corner Yusuke forced her into and heading towards the door.

It was Yusuke who shot out a hand and grabbed her, winging her back around to face him. "Bullshit! You can't just up and leave, I need you! _We_ need you!"

I felt my face harden into something ugly and a cold laugh left my mouth unbidden. When had a want turned into a need, I wondered?

She was not necessary.

But she was not lacking in value either.

This would be the first time I called upon these powers given to me when I was appointed a King's Hand. I knew Yusuke didn't have the balls to do it himself, too afraid of what she would think of him after I was certain.

But I did not share in that fear.

"You plan to return to the North," I stated, and they both turned to look at me. "You have ties to enemies unknown as well as to the lord of Gandara."

"What is your point?" she snapped.

"You seem like a major liability, wouldn't you agree, Yusuke?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Hiei...?"

A smirk twisted my lips to turn my face vicious. She would surely hate me after this. "By the power granted to me as a Hand of the King, I forbid you to leave the world of man. If you should try, you will be considered a traitor to your king and will be punished in accordance with the new Makai laws against treason."

Her mouth fell open and then twisted into something feral. The earthen shade of her eyes bled into something closer to gold and she barred her fangs at me in a snarl. I felt her energy—my energy—swirl at our feet as a wind of pure rage caused the hair around my face to flutter.

"How dare you—!"

"No, how dare you," I cut her off. "Your arrogance is truly astounding."

"You have no right to keep me here! There is no evidence of a betrayal! You are doing it only to be cruel!"

"No right, you say?" I hissed. "I have more right than anyone! My energy swims in your veins and saturates your demonic core! You owe me a life's debt three times over and I plan for all of it to be paid in full."

She glared at me, the look making me toss my head back and laugh. What a beautiful face. Yes, be angry, anything was better than your bitter indifference.

She cast a final look towards Yusuke, her eyes alight with pure rage, before she stormed out the door. I called after her: "Stay close, Etternia! I'll be keeping my eye on you."

"Dude..." Yusuke said. "What the fuck is wrong with you? She's gonna hate your guts after this bullshit you just pulled."

"So be it," I snarled, before stalking away.

Once I was outside, I ran. I ran until my lungs were inflamed and sweat coated my skin. I ran until I felt as if I would explode. And when I came to a stop, I did not know or care where I was. I could not rid myself of the itch beneath my skin, the feeling driving me to madness until I was so enraged I caught myself burning down several trees.

I was in a park.

It wouldn't do to burn it down.

I was quick to stifle the flames, siphoning the power away and back into my core. I slumped to the ground after, pressing my back into the charred heat of a once majestic oak.

This was not what I wished to happen. But she'd given me so few options.

I couldn't allow her to leave, not now, not when she was so vulnerable. Her plan was to die, I knew that, but that did not mean I could do nothing as she walked towards her death, never to be seen again. There were far too many things I was unwilling to admit where it concerned her, but this was not one of them. I would not allow her to disappear and meet such a dishonorable fate.

She held far more worth than that.

So with weary bones, covered in soot from the trees I'd nearly burnt to ash, I made my way back towards the city.

I considered going to Kurama's for a shower, but knew he would pry into my personal business and I was in no mood for it. I weighed a few more options before finally settling on the one I hoped would be the least frustrating.

I should have known I would be wrong.

When I appeared on his doorstep, he raised a single eyebrow and ushered me in. He threw me a towel and a spare set of clothing, before shutting me into his bathroom.

I let the hot water pour over my back, my hands pressed to the tiled wall, head hung between them. I thought of Etternia. I thought of her as she ran into the thick of a trauma—determined and steadfast and blazing with pure energy. Seeing her in that light made me come to realize two things, each more complicated than the last.

One. I wished to be more than just colleagues with Etternia.

And two. Yusuke knew this all along.

I exited the bathroom, dragging a towel down my face, thankful Yusuke allowed me the use of his shower. I could not have stomached a visit to Kurama in my current state and the temple lacked appeal as well.

Yusuke knew.

And at first I thought he would leave me be.

I really should have known better.

He was sitting on the couch when I came padding in, toweling off my hair. "You're in love with her, aren't you?"

That same damned question.

My face was a bit too stony to be considered natural. And love...was too strong of a word.

"No," I replied. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Come on, man. Lying isn't going to do anyone any favors. I know, I can see it every time you look at her. Me and you are the same."

"Do not lump me in with your idiotic notions," I snapped. We were not the same. No matter what he said.

"If you're lying for my sake—don't. I'm not upset about it. I just want to hear the truth."

I scoffed, wrapping the towel around my neck and wandering into his kitchen so I could pretend to raid his refrigerator, Yusuke hot on my heels. I found a half full pack of beer bottles there and grabbed one, flicking the top off with my thumb.

"I'm serious, Hiei. It's not going to bother me," Yusuke said, as if he were trying to reassure himself as well.

I slammed the refrigerator door shut and glared at him. "Now who is lying?"

"Listen," he sighed and sunk down into one of his kitchen chairs. "It's okay with me as long as it's you. Or even Kurama or Kuwabara. If she likes any one of you, I'm cool with it."

I stared at him, incredulous, the beer in my hand forgotten. "Why?"

"Because I love you guys. All three of you assholes. You're my family. Not my absentee mom, not some ancient demonic fogy—but you guys. You've had my back, we've saved each other's asses so many times. So if she were to fall in love with anyone...she couldn't do better than to fall for one of you."

I was momentarily lost for words. But it did not last long. I slipped into a chair across from him, rolling the beer bottle between my fingers. "Are you done acting like a sentimental cry baby? It's disgusting," I sneered at him.

He laughed. "Shut the fuck up, you loser," he said with a grin, before he rose to retreat to his living room. "And next time I see you two together you better kiss and make up!"

The words, though meant to be humorous, had an underlying tone of melancholy. They did not cause me to smile or laugh. Instead, a bitterness rose in my chest.

Next thing I knew I was chucking the beer bottle at the wall, where it shattered and streamed down it, pooling into a puddle on the floor. Yusuke rushed back into the room, standing in his doorway looking confused, and then turned to me and said, "What the fuck, Hiei!"

I was in front of him in an instant. He reared back, surprised by my sudden appearance, when I grabbed his collar and wrenched him downwards.

I did not give him time to stop me or think too hard about what I was doing.

I merely pressed my lips to his, forcing my tongue between them so I could run it along his teeth, so I could taste him and the fury that coated his breath.

He ripped himself away, panting, staring at me with eyes awashed with confusion and anger...but there was also hunger. A hunger that overrode all the other emotions that swam within them. He leaned in to kiss me again, as if in a daze, and I took a single step back, letting my hand drop from his shirt.

"You humans and your constant obsession with monogamy. It's a wonder your race hasn't died out entirely with your archaic mindsets."

Yusuke licked his lips and swallowed hard. "I don't understand..."

"You wouldn't." I stalked from the room, gathering my soiled clothing and heading for the door.

"Hiei, wait! We're not gonna talk about this?!"

"All you want to do is talk," I turned to pin him with a gaze so heated he sucked in a sharp breath. "Maybe if you allowed your actions to speak for once, you would have better luck getting your point across."

"Is that an invitation?" he growled, lips curling into a wicked grin, running his tongue across his teeth.

"It is whatever you wish it to be, your majesty," I said mockingly. And then I left, slamming the door shut behind me.

There was one last place I needed to visit...and it would do wonders to release some of this rage that festered in my chest with nowhere to expel it.

I took my time running across the city, hopping across rooftops until I could see the one I wanted in the distance. I landed heavily atop it, jumping down to the walkway below, and smoothing out my clothes. I walked through the sliding doors with straight shoulders, my hands stuffed into my pockets, my show of confidence making me look less out of place.

I walked up to the desk, plastering a charming smile on my face to get the doe eyed woman behind the counter to pay attention. "Could you please call Dr. Tadao..." my eyes flicked down to the badge dangling from the collar of her shirt, "Miss Tachibana."

Her cheeks reddened and she cleared her throat, "Y—yes, of course sir. Who should I say is asking for him?"

My smiled widened. "Just tell him we have a mutual friend I would like to discuss."

Her brows drew down in confusion, but she picked up the telephone and paged the good doctor anyway. A moment later the phone rang and she answered, hurriedly telling Tadao that there was someone waiting for him out front.

She hung up a few seconds later and turned to smile at me. "He'll be down in just a few minutes, if you'd like to take a seat."

"No need," I said. "I'll go meet him."

I walked away without so much as a word of thanks, my quick strides taking me towards the back of the hospital.

It didn't take long to find him. I could see him coming towards me from the end of a long hallway, but he didn't recognize me. In fact, he would have walked straight passed, if I didn't reach out and grab him around the arm. He pivoted on his heel to stare at me in shock, before that look turned angry.

"Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

My hand tightened around his bicep, his face turning into a grimace. There would be bruises later, I thought with pleasure. Hopefully not the last of them. "We are going to have a chat, doctor, about a certain patient of yours."

"I have no quarrels with demons. Whatever it is you want from me, you have the wrong guy."

I dropped all pretenses, letting the look I gave him truly show off how furious I was. A bead of sweat formed and slid down his brow, his lower lip trembling.

"I'm here about the demon Etternia. And don't bother pretending you do not recognize the name, or you'll be leaving today with at least one missing appendage."

Tadao gulped and pursed his lips, nodding. "Okay...lets—lets take this somewhere private."

The doctor took us to an abandoned supply room and I tossed him inside ahead of me, barricading the door by pushing over an old metal storage unit. I stripped myself of my shirt immediately after, folding it carefully and placing it out of harm's way.

Tadao, realizing I meant business, backed away until he stood in the middle of the room. But there would be no escaping his punishment. No amount of begging would stop me. It would be easier...if he just stood there and took what was due.

But where would the fun be in that?

I circled around him, smirking. "You know why I'm here."

Not a question. A statement of fact. I could see it in his eyes, the way they flicked towards me nervously, but also the defiance there. He thought he'd done nothing wrong.

He would be singing a different tune once I was finished with him.

"I am well aware of who you are, Tadao. But do you have any idea who I am?"

"Yes," he breathed. "I've heard of you. Most everyone in Sarayashiki has. Mushiyori too."

"Then you know what I'm capable of." I lit the tip of each finger on my right hand, before curling it into a fist, watching smoke furl out from between my fingers.

"I don't care who you are, you can't just come in here and—" He never got to finish. I didn't care about what he had to say.

The first punch split open his lip. The second broke his nose. He tried a pathetic attempt to block the third, but I just punched him in the gut instead. I put just enough force behind each blow that he would feel the bruising for weeks, but not enough to cause internal injuries.

When he fell to the ground, curling in on himself, I relented, kneeling beside him so he could hear me better.

"If I so much as catch a whisper of you giving her drugs again, I'll end your miserable existence and not even bother to make it look like an accident. I will merely rip you limb from limb...and leave you on display as a reminder to anyone else who thinks they can fuck with me."

He rose up on one arm, those eyes still defiant. Either he was stupid, or insane. Perhaps a mix of both.

He spat blood across the floor, his teeth stained with it, and began to laugh. "She'll find it somewhere else, they always do. Too bad...my experiment was just getting started."

"Experiment?" I snarled.

He sat up, wiping the blood from his lips with the back of his hand. "I'm not only a doctor, but a scientist. Etternia was my test subject. I've dedicated the past several years of my life developing ways to better our treatment of demonic patients. There's too much we don't understand and the various differences between the species doesn't help."

"What the hell does Etternia have to do with that?"

"Well," he said with a grin. "Before you can use drugs on someone you need to have a basic understanding of how they should react. Etternia was a means to an end. I met her, realized what she was and the fact she was an addict, and I offered her my services. In exchange, she came to me once a month to run some tests."

My teeth gnashed together as I tried to contain the fresh fury that threatened to drag me under. I could kill this man with no remorse. In fact, I would take great pleasure in it.

"You are telling me you used her...as some sick form of a lab rat?"

"Precisely," he said with pride. "I was working up to the time to try and introduce something stronger, but her most recent breakdown provided a most ample opportunity that could not be ignored."

My fury turned cold then. Colder than the wind off an ocean in the dead of winter.

I reached out and took his hand in mine, he stared down at them quizzically, then back up at me. He opened his mouth, about to ask what I was doing I assumed, when I snapped his little finger in two. He screamed, the sound deafening, music to my ears.

By the time I broke every single finger in his left hand, he was sobbing, snot running down his face to mingle with the blood marring it.

When I moved onto his right...he passed out from the pain.

I stood over him afterwards, sneering down at his prone form. "Good luck cutting into your patients without the use of your hands, you soulless fuck."

I left the room exactly as it was before I entered it—minus Tadao.

Slipping my shirt back over my head, I walked down the hall as if I had no other place to be, a cold grin quirking one side of my lips. May he rot in hell.

As I left, I nodded to the woman at the desk in passing, slipping out of the building as if I was never there.

There was no better feeling in the world, than enacting justice on my own terms to those that deserved it. Tadao would regret the day he decided to use Etternia for such nefarious reasons. He would not forget me until the day he died, I would make sure of that.

I would make sure he did not forget me even in hell.

And he would never set his sights on her again. Or he would lose more than just his fingers.

I watched from the roof of the neighboring building as the police showed up, their guns drawn as if expecting to find some unknown attacker within the hospital. But I knew Tadao would not breathe a word of my involvement. He was not so foolish to think it wouldn't be his undoing.

Certain the chaos was passed, I made my way back across the city to one particular location, landing on her balcony with ease and letting myself in through the sliding door.

I did not trust that she would heed my orders.

And I was right to have felt as much. Her apartment was in shambles, things thrown around in haste as she packed. Or so I thought...until I saw the box.

That damned box she sometimes brought out but would never let anyone look inside.

It was where she hid her secrets. The things inside were important and precious to her. And there it was...laying open on the floor, half its contents spilled across the wood.

I knelt, brushing my fingers through some of it, picking up odds and ends. None of it seemed all that valuable. Some newspaper clippings...a lock of hair...some crystals, and pages from a text written in an ancient language. Drawings. So many drawings.

I found one of me, sketched in stark detail, my face drawn covered in soot. I recognized the scene immediately.

Placing the drawing back down, I took a closer look at the newspaper articles. Most of them were about the bombings...but there were a few that intrigued me. Stories of a mysterious figure that had been spotted at certain crime scenes, but no one could ever make out their face.

Was it the same person Etternia had seen during the chaos of the industrial complex bombing?

I pocketed the clippings, shuffling through a bit more of the box's contents, coming across a small wooden jewelry box. This I also recognized.

It was the same box Ingvar attempted to force on her. But why was it here? She'd thrown it back at him during that time...unless...

He'd been here again. Recently.

The box made its way into my pocket as well. The rest of the items I carefully replaced back into their rightful home. They meant nothing to me without the story behind them.

Leaving the box would have made it painfully obvious that Etternia did not leave here of her own free will.

Or she was beyond desperate to make it seem that way, at any rate.

I searched the rest of the apartment, checking for any other clues that may lead me to her whereabouts, but found nothing else of interest.

Positive I would not find answers here, I dug the idiotic human contraption known as a cellular phone from my back pocket. There were only 3 numbers in the contacts. I hit the first one on speed dial with a jab of my thumb.

It did not take him long to answer. "You ready to talk now?" he asked, clearly annoyed.

"She's gone," I said, not bothering to acknowledge his question. "She made a very convincing show of tossing her apartment. But it was not quite convincing enough."

"What do you mean?"

"It is just a hunch. It feels too staged to have been a robbery or kidnapping. She's too strong to allow for something like that anyway."

"That still doesn't tell us where the hell she is."

"Wait for another bombing. You'll find her." I clicked the phone shut, hanging up on Yusuke, and slipped it back into my pocket.

What I told him was true, wherever one occurred she would surely end up, but I didn't plan to wait that long.

It was time to collect the first of many debts, from Etternia the Elementa.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: I have a shit eating grin on my face right now. Whoo, that felt good. Who saw this coming? I know some of you probably hoped for it, well there you have it ;) But where the heck has Ettie run off too now?! She's a little too good at getting herself in trouble.**

 **Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! Curse me out in the comments!**


	21. Betrayer

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 21: Betrayer**

 **A/N: Back to Ettie's POV.**

 **I revealed this on my Tumblr, but this story is a POLY-SHIP! That means there will be an eventual relationship between the three main characters (Yusuke/Ettie/Hiei). I did not put in any warnings because I didn't want to give away a huge part of the subplot. So if this makes you uncomfortable, don't read it! I WILL NOT TOLERATE HOMOPHOBIC OR BIGOTED COMMENTS! If you don't like my writing, etc, that's cool, you're entitled to your opinion. But I do not condone or tolerate HATRED. Get that shit outta here. And to the person who left that anon review so full of homophobic nonsense, you should be ashamed of yourself. I didn't trick or lead on anyone. If you can't read between the lines, that is your problem, not mine. This story is rated M FOR A REASON!**

 **Sorry for the long author's note. Now onto the story!**

 **. . .**

The cold was always my constant companion—a sense of comfort, of reassurance, the numbness I so craved. I was never given a reason to fear it, to resent it. The cold was a facet of me, a side of a roughly hewn weapon whose edges were dull instead of sharp. A part of me, just as the air and the earth and the fire.

But it was the part I loved the most.

Now, the cold did not bring me the comfort I desperately needed. Instead, it brought chills and sickness and suffering.

I lay curled up in a dingy bed in some den of sin and drugs and alcohol. I was surrounded by humans and demons alike, all with their vices, all suffering just as I was in one way or another. I was offered something for the pain—I refused it, turning the horned demon away and retching at even the thought.

No. I had not come here for more of the same chaos.

I only came here to hide. To do this on my own.

What Tadao gave me was not a cure for my pain. It was a poison and it filtered through my veins in currents of bliss that quickly turned to hellish nightmare. I was no stranger to addiction and even the single taste he gave me was enough to make me seek it out on my own. I needed it. Needed it with desperate, grasping anguish.

It made me feel nothing. See nothing. Think of nothing.

Never before was that a possibility.

And it was so easy. Just slip a needle beneath my skin. One little push. Then I was gone. No longer the shell of a once great warrior who allowed a human man to ruin her. No longer the mother who was never given a chance to raise the son she loved before she even met him.

The drug had an allure so dangerous, I knew that nothing good would become of it.

That day at Shou's solidified this belief.

How dare Hiei confine me here, like some mere criminal. How dare he try and stop me from returning to where I belonged.

My people...I did not hate my people.

I should hate them. I should want to see them ruined. But they were not the cause of my pain—I was. I brought all of it on myself. I brought it on Artair and the unborn child I grew to love as well.

If only I never revealed myself that day in the woods. If only I allowed him to leave...and never saw him again.

A fresh wave of agony washed over me and I curled in on myself tighter, as if I could disappear. Sweat coated my skin and soaked through my clothes and bile made the back of my throat taste acidic. I felt like I was on fire...all while being so goddamned cold. I could not stop the shivering or the wracking pain that flamed across all my muscles and sinew and flesh.

The only thing keeping me somewhat sane were the pills. I could not give up the pills.

I clutched the tiny container in my hands, my fingers wrapped around it protectively in fear they would be stolen in my time of weakness.

I must rid myself of the poison in my veins.

And I must do it alone, without the eyes of Hiei or Yusuke or Shou, no matter how well meaning. I was an embarrassment. And I would not allow them to see me in such a state ever again.

My father's words, the night I decimated half our city in my rage, rang clearly through my mind: _You are a disgrace to the Gods and to our people. You do not deserve the blessing of the Goddess Freya...or to be called my heir. May you never enter the halls of Valhalla._

I was a forsaken. I deserved this—this anguish; this degrading appearance.

I was no longer Etternia of the Ice, daughter of Freya.

I was only Ettie—the addict, the forsaken, the broken. An utter failure.

Even without Hiei's commands, I would not return to my people as I am now. And I could not face my crew after the incident at Shou's. Surely they would all be aware of my habit by now.

So I ran.

I am good at running. At hiding.

At lying.

I should never have grown so close.

I only wanted Yusuke so I could further my plans. I never expected him to dredge up such old memories...to make me _feel_ so damn much again.

And I certainly never even dreamed Hiei would manage to do the same.

But he was not wrong—I owed him several life debts.

Repaying them would not be possible, however. So I must flee; break another oath. He could consider me a traitor if he wanted. He could have me placed on a chopping block for all I cared. But I could not grow any closer to them than I already had.

It would destroy everything I worked towards all these years.

I pushed myself up in the bed, arms straining from lifting even my own weight. I watched droplets of sweat stain the already disgusting mattress beneath me and clenched my fists. I gritted my teeth and rose to my feet, standing as straight as my wrecked body would allow.

I would not give up here. I would not allow what I sought to escape my grasp again.

And I sure as hell would not allow another man to divert the path my life was meant to take.

I moved on from that house, from the faces I would not remember, from the people living such hellish lives. I could not become one of them, not until I found him.

The second I'd heard rumors of his whereabouts, was the beginning of a new life.

And I would use any means necessary to find him—whether alive or dead. Even if I must betray those who extended their hands to me when I needed them most.

I never gave up that hope, that someday I would receive word of my son. And that word had come on the wings of a great raven, from a source unknown, the night of Hiei's EMT grad party.

At first...I did not believe it. But as time went on the thought festered and grew until it threatened to eat me alive. I kept the letter in my box where I housed all things important to me, the things from my past and from the investigation I conducted in secret behind Yusuke's back. Out of all the things I left behind, the letter could not be one of them. It stayed folded up in my pocket, worn at the edges, nearly coming apart from unfolding it to read it so many times.

Then there was that damned book. The book was the final straw. And a massive piece of the puzzle I sought to put together. I should have refused to translate even a minuscule part of it. Even with the missing parts, they would still put it together someday, with or without my help.

Another player entered the game the day I received the raven. Another piece on the board I should have considered much sooner—and they knew exactly what became of my son.

Hiei would not let me leave the human realm, he would be notified the second I tried, I was not foolish enough to think he did not have spies. So I would not leave. I would fight my father's war right here, in the shadows.

I would join the Aesir and his group of terrorists.

Because he was the one who held the information I sought...and he was the one who was currently destroying my father's lands.

Two days ago I sent a Makai raven to Ingvar.

And he replied just that morning with a single line: _The clan is under attack from a man calling himself The Aesir._

This group encompassed not only the human realm, but the Northern realm of demon world. He was threatening my people. And I now knew he was the connection to my son—the person who sent that very first raven all those months ago. The raven that turned my world on its axis once again.

What he asked for in exchange...

At first I considered it impossible. But my plan was always to use him to further my goals. I just never considered having to outright betray him.

Forgive me, Yusuke...

But I must save my son.

I could not fail him again.

 **. . .**

Outside the station, I waited with my energy suppressed, hiding amongst the shadows. I could not sense Hiei inside but I would not risk entering. And I knew any minute now Shou would come out to sneak a cigarette.

I was not disappointed when the boy stepped into the alley from the backdoor, a lighter flaring to life in his hand.

I grabbed him from behind, wrapping my palm around his mouth so he would not scream. He struggled, elbowing me in the stomach, but I didn't so much as feel it. I pulled him deeper into the darkness and whispered in his ear, "If you promise not to scream, I will let you go."

He nodded and I released him. Shou whirled on me, his face accusing and clearly upset. "What the hell, Ettie? Why did you scare me like that?! I thought I was going to get raped!"

I patted his cheek and smiled. "You are an attractive man Shou, but I would never touch you like that without your consent."

"Th—that isn't the point! What are you doing here, hiding in the dark like this?"

"I'm leaving," I stated, blunt and to the point. "I want you to let the others know. I want Eric to take my position."

I handed Shou a packet of papers, all the proper forms for my resignation and Eric's promotion. A letter with an explanation full of lies and half-truths. It was the best I was able to offer them which such little notice.

"You can't be serious? Is this because of—" he lowered his voice till it was barely a breath, "—because of the heroin? The drugs? Listen, it's okay, we can help you—"

I cut him off abruptly with a wave of my hand. "I do not want or need help. This is something I should have done a long time ago."

"So you're really gonna do it, huh? Go back to your home?"

It was with only slight guilt that I lied straight to his face. "Yes. It has been too long since I returned there...and my father must be worried sick."

Shou's eyes turned downcast but he nodded. "Family is important. I get it. But...you'll be missed, Ettie. And I mean that for real, not as something people just say. We're all gonna miss you."

I patted Shou on the shoulder, letting my hand fall away after the brief contact, and hefted the strap of my messenger bag higher, clutching it tightly. "I will miss you too, my friend."

And this time...it was not a lie.

A crack of thunder rent the sky, lightning streaking on its heels. A storm on the horizon. I left Shou in the alley just as it began to pour, the heavens tearing asunder and weeping angry rage filled tears.

I gathered the water around me, using the rainfall to create a spherical watery prison.

When it fell back to the Earth I was gone, leaving behind the station and everyone inside it. It took me a long time to find the place I needed to go, a month or better since I detoxed off the heroin. But once I discovered where it was, getting there was not an issue.

And I knew I would be let inside without a fuss.

To someone with an untrained eye...it merely looked like any other tree out in the forest. Large, old, covered in moss and lichen. But if you looked closely...you could see the tiny carving of Yggdrasil hidden within its bark.

I reached into a tiny pocket on the front of my bag and pulled out an item I swore to myself I would never wear again.

They were given to all those chosen by a God or Goddess—forged in the flames of Surtr and handed down through the generations. The ring was older than my clan and part of a set of other jewelry. Once I wore it with pride.

Now, when I slipped it over my finger, it only made me feel ill.

It lit up, flaming across my skin, lighting all the tattoos across my arm in its wake. They came alive, shifting and writhing, forming into chronological order. The history of my people.

The palm of my hand burned, a new mark forming there—the mark of the Goddess Freya.

I stared at it in reverence, shocked that it would appear after so long. Even more surprised that it would still be granted to me even after being forsaken.

My father must have had the ring properly blessed before sending it back to me.

I pressed my hand against the bark of the tree, above the carving of Yggdrasil, and watched as it too came to life. The cracks in the bark burned bright, the colors shifting and changing as a portal was rent open between its great roots.

There was no hesitation in my steps as I walked into it.

Unlike the portal leading into the demon realm, this one was not nearly as long. It felt like I merely stepped through it and out to the other side, seeing nothing but a faint red pulsing glow, like the heavy beat of the Earth's heart.

When I stepped from the portal, it was as if I only phased through the tree, and perhaps I would have thought so, if it wasn't for the massive war camp a short distance in front of me. It certainly hadn't been there a few minutes before.

The camp was built like a small town, a giant wooden wall erected around it, made from whole tree trunks and spiked to wicked tips at their tops. It was impossible to see over, but it spanned a great distance. The only way in was a single gargantuan wooden draw bridge, which when open would fall over the veritable river they'd dug around the compound.

It was a primitive styled set up...but the energies coming from within were anything but. It was enough to make trepidation stir in my chest. How was it possible so many high class demons managed to gather here without anyone noticing? The barrier around the compound could not be enough to hide all those energies—so many A and S class among them.

It would take someone truly skilled in defense to pull something like that off.

Someone much like me.

A horn sounded in the distance, loud an insistent, a warning that someone unknown had arrived.

The noise sent chills down my spine. It had been so long since I'd heard the the call of a war horn. And even longer still since I'd been among people so lacking in technology. It was like stepping back in time.

What I expected to see when the gate dropped was blown to oblivion the moment it did.

Behind it was not the primitive town I imagined in my mind—with its wooden houses and their turf covered roofs. Horses would walk the dirt streets and carts would leave ruts in the ground. Vendors would sell armor and weaponry and furs and seasonal vegetables and meats. The people would be dressed in clothing made from the hides of the animals they hunted; dirty children would be caught playing with wooden swords in the streets.

What was within the compound did not coincide with what was outside it. And for a long moment it left me dumbstruck.

None of what I imagined was present.

Instead, behind those old wooden walls, were buildings made of metal and glass. The glass, in all its multicolored glory, refracted off the shining lamps strung throughout the compound, casting the entire town in a golden glow.

It sparkled, bright and compelling, and like a child seeing a shiny new toy for the first time—I took a step forward...and was met with a sword pointed at my throat.

I did not recognize the man holding the blade in his loose fist, as if unconcerned that I could knock it easily from his hand. It was arrogant and stupid. It made me sneer at him, casting a long gaze up the flat of the blade until my eyes reached his. I stared, unconcerned with the weapon held just beneath my chin.

I leaned forward, until the sharp tip cut just slightly into my throat, and blew across the surface of the sword. It froze, ice gathering quickly, and with a loud crack, it shattered to pieces.

The man was left stunned, holding just the hilt in his hand now.

"They don't call you Etternia of the Ice without reason, do they?"

My eyes narrowed and I allowed a tendril of power to flow from me, the air brushing against his clothes like a caress. A flash of fear crossed his eyes.

"Who are you?" I asked.

The man was Japanese, his appearance unobtrusive and plain. But there was something familiar about him...

"I figured you would recognize me. I've been keeping an eye on you for awhile."

I eyed him up and down, noting the rather unusual clothing—a loose fitting deep red shirt, black pants that were loose around the legs but tight at the ankles, barefoot—but it was the gun at his hip that clued me in. The cop. The one that had ties with the terrorist group—Atarashi Yoake—A New Dawn. The same cop Hiei had caught the tendril of thought from the days before the bombing of the festival.

He must have been at most of the bombing sights then...and I was so caught up in the drugs and Hiei and Yusuke and the others that I did not realize. How embarrassing. How blind.

But it mattered not now.

I kept my face carefully neutral. I would not give anything away. They would know nothing and see nothing. But I would make them believe they held all the knowledge in the world.

"Take me to see the Aesir."

"He knew you would come. But I believe the deal he offered you was in exchange for the king." He looked behind me, mockingly searching for someone who was not there. "I do not see the king."

"Did you think I would bring my only bargaining chip before negotiations were even started? I am no fool."

The man smiled and nodded, conceding. "Fine. He has been expecting you anyway, we shouldn't keep him waiting."

He held out a hand, gesturing that I should walk in front of him. For anyone else it would have been a smart move...but for someone like me, it did not matter where I stood.

I would not let them get the drop on me again. I would not be blinded by pretty lights and sophisticated architecture. And he deserved everything he got.

A cage of stone sprung from the ground, surrounding him, the power flowing forth from the soles of my feet. I did not need my hands to use my abilities. My only regret was not having the control over my fire to turn the iron in the ground to steal bars instead of ones made of rock. The man had spirit energy, I could sense that now, and he would break free given enough time.

He barked a command that I did not heed...and so I proceeded into the citadel on my own.

I was surrounded within moments, but each person who came forth to stop me, I created a barrier of stone or ice to halt them in their tracks. The ground rose beneath their feet, knocking them off balance, creating maze like walls that prevented them from reaching me. I froze their legs and arms, making it impossible for them to take a step. I used wind to buffet against them so they were blown backwards, battling against it was futile, though they tried valiantly all the same.

A shield made of ice around my forearm, I blocked incoming attacks and weaponry, using defensive strategies to force my way further into the compound, until I was just outside the main building.

This one was night and day from the others—large, cathedral like rooftops, spires that reached high into the sky. Great black stone pillars held up some of the larger towers, the pillars carved with ancient protective runes and spells. A cloying Magick hung in the air, sticking to my skin, the scent of ozone heavy and breathtaking.

A sense of danger traveled in electric currents down my spine. But still I pushed on.

I did not harm anyone who tried to stop me. I merely erected a barrier of thick ice and stone. It was too tall to climb or jump over and would buy me some time to enter the fortress.

I wanted to face the one calling themselves The Aesir alone.

With a great gust of wind, I blew the front doors from their hinges, the massive metal things collapsing and clanging to the ground. The front foyer was empty, not a soul in sight. But there was a grand staircase, lined with glowing stones and multicolored glass pieces, and at its top sat a man.

A man whose hair was as blonde as mine, long on one side and shaved on the other. A tattoo crept from the side of his skull to wrap around his face, the talon of a great raven framing his eye.

He was dressed in leathers, the hides worn soft, and boots that had seen better days. A cocky grin graced his lips, one arm folded across his bent knees, the other used as a prop to hold his chin up. He might have looked like any other man from my clan...if it wasn't for his face. He was the spitting image of my father. And it made pure rage roil in my gut.

"Hello, Etternia. It is nice to be able to meet you again."

He was the same man I met that night in the basement of my apartment building. The man who created shadows and bled darkness from every pore.

No Elementa had a power such as that

"Do you know who I am now?"

"You have my father's face."

His smile grew, bright blue eyes shining. "So it would seem. Though, I do hope I resemble a far younger version of him, considering..."

My hands clenched into fists and I felt ice crackle across them. This could not be. I could not have been so terribly blindsided...

Why now, of all times?

But I only laughed, shaking my head in disgust. "I should have known Vidar would not give up on his vendetta to birth a son."

The man—my brother—stood to his full height, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yes, though it came back to bite him in the ass in the end."

"What do you mean?"

"Surely you have realized it now? I am your little brother, Etternia. And I am currently warring against our father. Why do you think that is?"

"Father has a way of making people hate him."

He smirked, a darkness bleeding into his gaze. "I plan to overthrow him. I will take his crown...and then the crown of all the other chiefs and Jarls...and then the crown of your precious king."

"Why tell me this?"

"You already know, you did for some time. Do not play stupid."

I glanced away, picking at my nails, frowning. Of course I had. The moment I realized who he was, I knew. I knew even before that, the knowledge of him being my brother did not change anything.

"You hate him as much as I do, he betrayed you, took everything from you," he continued. "Do you not wish to enact revenge?"

I smiled viciously, flashing my chipped fang. "He is the reason for much of my suffering, for the scars that cover me. But your way of enacting revenge is a poor one."

"Why? Because I've been killing off your precious little humans? Don't be such a disgrace."

"Having compassion is not disgraceful."

"No, perhaps not for someone like you, but I am a demon to the core. And that will never change. I hold no love for humans or half-breeds or the ones who sympathize with them."

"Then why call me here?"

"Because I need you...and I have the information you've waited over thirty years to hear. Don't you want to know of your son?"

I swallowed hard, a lump getting caught in my throat. Of course I did, no matter the cost, I would give anything. He would be a grown man now...if he lived. But it changed nothing. I still loved him with all my heart—the son of Artair— _my_ son.

"Yes," I breathed. "Yes, I wish to know of him."

My brother smiled, the look so strikingly malevolent that it made my veins run cold. But it took a mere three words for him to shatter everything I knew, to change my entire life.

There would be no going back.

" _He is alive_."

 **. . .**

 **A/N: The Aesir has finally been revealed! This chapter has been planned for a long, long time. I'm sorry there wasn't anything about the boys, but this was a very important chapter. I am sure many of you guessed that Ettie's son was alive...but did you guess that she had siblings? HA.**

 **Next chapter will be a Yusuke POV again. And it will be another doozy. Ya'll gonna hate my ass by the time I'm done xD**


	22. 2 Days, 7 Hours, 39 Minutes

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 22: 2 Days, 7 Hours, 39 Minutes**

 **A/N: This is a YUSUKE POV chapter.**

 **Sorry its taken me so damn long to update. Depression/stress/work/life at its finest.**

 **Edit: So, I went back in and cleaned this shit show up. My OCD couldn't leave it with so many mistakes xD**

 **. . .**

Two days ago I returned from demon world.

Two days, seven hours, and thirty-nine minutes to be exact.

In those two days, seven hours, and...well, you got the picture—four things happened. Not all at once, but one shitty thing after another, in succession.

One: Hiei was missing, presumed dead (or at least, he better be fucking dead, considering he left me to deal with all this shit on my own).

Two: The largest scale bombing so far went off in Sarayashiki's biggest shopping district. I'm talking utter annihilation of most of the buildings. Hundreds of people dead. Maybe thousands.

Three: Everything Yomi told me during my trip to demon world was true.

Four...

Four: Ettie wasn't the person I always thought she was.

Yomi made it a point to warn me. I chose not to listen. What could he possibly know? He employed her for years, sure, I'll give him that. But he wasn't close to her, not really. He just...knew things. From years of spying on her, no doubt.

Then he offered me a bargain, which I shot down quicker than I could shoot off my spirit gun. Even if that offer was looking better and better by the second right now. I couldn't do Ettie dirty like that...I just couldn't give Yomi what he wanted.

A free pass into Ettie's world. Into her home.

No. That wasn't how I rolled.

If he wanted to invade her lands he would need to find someone else to take him there. It sure as hell wouldn't be me.

A lick of fire burned the flesh black on my left shoulder, my ruined t-shirt sleeve smoldering. I winced, ignored it, and barreled on ahead.

Needed to catch her. Couldn't let her get away.

Couldn't leave things like this.

A blur flew past me—black—so quick it was hard to see.

Next thing I knew I was being knocked out of he way when a metal support beam came crashing down from the ceiling.

We were in a clothing store. Or at least...I thought that's what it was anyway. Kinda hard to tell when all the shit here was so damn flammable. They should invest in fireproof fibers—preferably the same kind Hiei used for his custom made battle gear.

After years of burning most of his clothing he finally found a better alternative.

Didn't stop him from ripping them to shreds on his own though. Guy sure liked to fight naked.

I rubbed the back of my skull, feeling a lump there. I was on the ground now and with a groan, I managed to struggle into a sitting position. Damn it! At this rate I was gonna lose her!

"Thanks," I said in a hurry, jumping to my feet.

He said nothing, though I admitted to myself that I was a tiny bit relieved he wasn't actually dead.

I thought for sure after our argument (brawl) in Gandara he would have told me to go fuck myself the second he saw me. Wouldn't deny I still wanted to punch his face in; stubborn asshole always wanting to do shit his way.

Not this time.

Not when she was involved.

I needed to hear it from her own mouth. That she betrayed me.

Leaving the burning store behind, I burst out the back door, pushing through a herd of screaming people all running in a panic. A big part of me wanted to stay and help, to direct them to somewhere safe, but there was no time.

If I didn't catch who was behind this now— _today_ —I may never have another chance.

Hiei was running beside me now, his movements as fluid as water, slipping between the rows upon rows of people easily. He kept my pace, as he always did when running with someone slower than him. Then again, I'd suspected for years that Hiei could only run at his top speed for minutes at a time, but even that was enough to take him clear across the city in a matter of seconds.

"Where are Kurama and Kuwabara?" he asked, trying to fake indifference about their safety and failing.

"Helping somewhere."

"...Safe?"

"Yeah, you'd know if they weren't. They can handle themselves."

He grunted. In agreement or disbelief, I couldn't tell.

Sometimes Hiei was easy to read, but others it was like staring into the grooves of a brick wall and hoping they would split open and start talking.

"Yomi warned you this would happen," he said.

"Yomi doesn't know shit. Besides—"

Never got to finish what I was going to say. Probably didn't matter right now, anyway.

I jumped back, narrowly avoiding a huge sword aimed for my neck. Three men stepped out of an alley—giants, demons by the mark of their energy, all carrying deadly looking weapons—the chaotic rush of people split and flooded around them as if they were rocks in a river.

Hiei and I pushed our way out, leading the men away, trying to protect as many people as we could. Enough of them died today...no need to add to the body count.

I dodged again, feeling the blade swing towards my legs, jumping up and out of reach. The sword lodged itself into the stone siding of an electronics store, chunks of rock crumbling away when the pack's leader wrenched it back out.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked.

The blonde at the front of the pack only smiled. A grin that was entirely teeth.

He swung at me again, the loud noise of clanging metal exploding through me. Hiei jumped in between us, his own sword drawn and pushing back against his opponent's, the blades grinding.

"Go," he said from between clenched teeth. "If you do not reach her now, you never will."

I didn't insult him by refusing to leave. Three guys—all lower A classes in power—would be a cake walk for Hiei, even if they all came at him together.

I squeezed his shoulder in passing, a wry smile twisting my lips when he shrugged it off, and then powered my way through the pack. I made sure to pop one of them hard in the nose as I passed, feeling something break. With a grin, I disappeared back into the crowd, cutting across the street and into another alley.

The end of it was blocked with a high wall of ice. Ice that seeped demonic energy and created a frost across the asphalt.

Ettie.

Smashing my way through it took more power than expected. Tough shit, her ice. Near unbreakable. But not quite.

Using my demon energy, I was able to create a human sized hole, but it didn't break as normal ice would. It shattered into small pieces as sharp as razors and managed to slice me open with many small superficial cuts. But I brushed them off, barely feeling when they slit open the palms of my hands, and rushed on ahead.

I forced my legs to move faster, to run longer, and the alley ended, ramming me head first into another massive group of distraught people. I started to yell, screaming at them to leave the area and get as far from the blast zone as they could—that first responders were waiting for them. I don't know if they heard me, or if they listened. But I had to try.

Two days ago my visit to demon world was prompted by not only Ettie and her family, but because I was sick. Had been sick of awhile.

Which, even though I was still part human, was apparently not normal.

Kurama noticed first and forced me through some tests. He said the results were concerning but he couldn't tell what was the cause of it. And I didn't think it was all that serious. I was just tired; felt kind of weak and out of it. Figured it was just stress or age finally catching up to me. I mean, I was almost thirty. That was old for someone in my line of work, wasn't it?

Kurama suggested I make a trip to see Mukuro. Considering I needed to go to demon world to see what Hokushin managed to dig up about Ettie's father, I agreed. Didn't mean I had to like it, however.

So first I paid a visit to the monks, avoiding going to see the person I knew could help me. I assisted in my kingly duties for once, much to Hokushin's never ending shock, and helped some of the surrounding towns on the outskirts of the main city of Tourin. He didn't have any real information for me concerning Ettie, but did direct me towards someone who did. Why I didn't just go there in the first place was beyond me. Would have saved me the hassle.

Eventually Hokushin noticed I wasn't well. He noticed and bitched me out like he was my mother and sent me on my way with a swift kick to my ass.

Bastard.

Wanting to avoid the inevitable, but knowing it would just be more work doing it that way, I made a stop in Alaric. Mukuro had all this fancy medical shit and I also kind of hoped I would find Hiei there too. He ran off somewhere shortly after Ettie went missing and the little asshole hadn't been in contact.

No such luck there. Hiei wasn't in Alaric.

But Mukuro did run some tests on me—for a price.

Permissions to have the unification tournament on her own turf. My eyes rolled into the back of my head with that one. Whatever. We announced the location last for a reason, otherwise demons would be camping out there for weeks. If she thought having the tournament on her own lands would give her an edge, I would allow it. Small price to pay and all that jazz.

The results of her tests weren't pretty...but they were fixable.

She'd found what she called a 'biological agent.' Dangerous if gone unchecked. It drained the power of higher level demons and psychics, but didn't affect regular humans or demons C class or lower.

And...she'd seen it once before. During the war of the three territories.

Yomi used this. And it was made by someone working beneath him, according to Mukuro's intelligence. One of his healers who also specialized in all sorts of herbs and potions. It was created from a strange plant not native to any area within the three main territories, nor any surrounding neutral zones.

Mukuro, always thinking like a scientist beneath a fighter's garb, managed to collect samples from her fallen soldiers and create an antidote.

Well, lucky fucking me, right?

Wrong.

This only opened a huge can of worms I wanted squat to do with.

I was healthy now, immune to the agent that was released with every new bombing, but it wasn't thanks to Mukuro.

All Mukuro did was give me something to boost the effects of an antidote I'd already been given, but was taking too long to work—a weaker version, diluted and mixed with something else...mixed in a cup of tea, hiding behind other herbs.

An antidote Ettie gave me weeks ago.

Because she knew. All along...she fucking knew. And chose to do nothing.

What good was it, to only help me?

The agent only survived for a few minutes in open air after an explosion, but all it needed to continue to thrive was to touch bare skin. Only certain types of demons went unaffected by it—ones like Hiei who could burn it off due to high temperatures or kill it with extreme cold. Ones whose skins were hard like rock or scaly and abrasive. And ones who had been exposed to the agent before...and been given an antidote which created an immunity.

It wasn't deadly. Not by itself.

But that didn't mean it wasn't fucking dangerous.

Leaching power, weakening the masses so they were defenseless. The bombs were just a distraction from the bigger picture and I was too much of an idiot to see it.

Blinded by _her._

When I finally went to speak with Yomi, to hear all he knew about Ettie, I found Hiei there. His motives were the same as mine, but unlike me, Hiei wanted to give Yomi what he wanted. He thought it was the lesser evil to dealing with the Ettie situation, but I really thought he just wanted to see the world she came from with his own eyes.

The _other world_. The Third Layer, as Yomi called it.

Koenma described demon world once as many layers stacked on top of each other...the deeper you went the scarier shit you'd find. At the time, I was sure he was talking out of his ass. He even admitted that Spirit World didn't have a lot of intel on the top layer, let alone the ones beneath, so what did he know about it? Jack shit, that's what.

Now, hearing it from Yomi, who spent years conducting research after meeting Ettie...I wasn't so sure.

Could she really be from some deeper part of Demon World? And if that were true...wouldn't she look...I don't know...different?

Maybe the face Ettie wore daily...wasn't even close to her true face. Maybe...just maybe...she was what they said she was.

It changed nothing for me.

So when I refused Yomi's help and his bargain, it started an argument with Hiei that turned into an all out brawl right there in Yomi's office.

I don't think we'll be welcomed back there anytime soon.

Afterwards, Hiei left, pissed I wouldn't take his side. I didn't blame him. He thought I was betraying my friends—my family—for someone I barely knew.

But that's where he was wrong—I truly believed I saw real sides of Ettie. Sides she never showed anyone else.

And Hiei'd seen them too. Different sides from the ones she showed me, sides that made him feel for her too. He wasn't so hardhearted to ignore all that, even when he tried real hard to pretend he was.

Back in the present, I skidded to a halt, my sneakers kicking up dust clouds. I was nearing the thick of it, the center of the blast. Trying to track Ettie's energy signature, I took precious seconds to scan the hazy air and just breathe. I was always shit at it. Hokushin often complained that it was a waste of my abilities not to utilize all of them, but energy seeking was one of my less used skills. I never had a lack of enemies, never needed to waste the time hunting them down.

They came to me.

The thought of Ettie becoming an enemy made my guts twist and before I could second guess my decision, I shot to the right, headed further into the blast zone.

She'd be in the middle of it. I was sure of it.

I didn't turn away from the bodies lying in the streets—humans and demons alike, all bleeding the same shade of red. I ingrained their faces into my brain, wanted to make sure I remembered them. Someday, I would avenge their deaths—all of them.

No one this deep in the blast zone survived.

The buildings that weren't razed to the ground burned bright, pillars of fire stretching high into the sky. It would take days to put this out and I made a mental note to call on all the people I knew who could use elemental powers. Mitarai...Touya...that friend of Raizen's, Tetsuzan, who uses Earth. Couple of Koenma's SDF buds. Jin and Souketsu might be useful too, to contain it or dump water from overhead.

Lucky for us, the agent in the air would be dead by then, except for the people who came in contact with it. The agent would eat at them until they had no power left—the making of empty shells.

Kurama and I tried to warn the mayor a day after my return. It was like trying to talk sense into one of those clothing dummies you saw in store windows. He didn't care. Even had the balls to tell us it served us right for thinking we deserved to live among the people of his great city full of bigoted assholes.

Even Kurama wasn't able to convince him. I couldn't remember the last time I saw his face twist into a mask of such pure cold rage.

I was tempted to let him kill the douchebag, and he might of, considering how angry he was. But it wouldn't get us anywhere other than a prison cell with a cot and three hots. And lets face it, prison food sure as hell wasn't fine dining. And Kurama might be mistaken for a girl...and we all know how that would turn out—with some idiot getting his dick lopped off.

It would have made me feel a hell of a lot better if I could have at least knocked a few of his teeth out, maybe rip off that obvious toupee the mayor wasn't fooling anyone with it. Damn politics.

Why was being an adult so fucking hard? Don't even get me started on ruling an entire country full of demons with homicidal tendencies and a taste for human flesh. Just being a grown up was fucking exhausting to begin with...I just had to go and win some stupid tournament too. Who cares if it was my idea.

And then there was being in love with your enemy, completely ignoring it, and not listening to a single word your much smarter friends told you...

Yeah. That just made you a moron.

Maybe my head was full of rocks, just like Grandma always said.

I caught a flash of light out of the corner of my eye, blinding and green. My only warning.

I dodged to the left, diving headfirst through a broken shop window and ducking out of sight. This wasn't just your run of the mill terrorist attack. This was flat out war.

With a spirit gun already primed on the tip of my finger, the energy shrieking, casting a bright glow across the carnage inside the shop, I took a deep breath. Leaping across the expanse between the window and opposite wall, all cheesy action movie style, I let off the blast and grinned when it connected, obliterating the ugly motherfucker who almost took my head off.

Peaking around the edge of the window, another spirit gun at the ready, I searched for more enemies and was greeted by none. I was sure there was more...

Shaking it off for now, I dissipated my energy and vaulted over the windowsill and back out into the street. I didn't make it far before I found the rest of his buddies.

Hiding around the next corner, between what remained of a ten story garage and a car dealership, were five wannabe badasses. Two uniformed police officers who were not at all interested in helping me out. And the other three a set of brutish looking demons—brothers, considering they all shared the same ugly looking mug. Every last one a pain in my ass.

One of the officers waved a pistol in my face. "Get on your knees, hands behind your back."

I grinned, hands at my hips, not moving an inch. "Bet you say that to all the girls, don't ya?"

He cocked the gun and my grin only grew, eyes turning hard. "Go ahead asshole, I dare you."

His finger squeezed the trigger, the sound of the gun going off loud even with the backdrop of utter chaos. But the bullet veered off to the left, grazing my cheek, before embedding into one of the cars across the street.

The officer was on the ground now, blood streaming from his nose and gun cut in two. Unconscious. Hiei standing over him looking smugger than ever.

"What are you doing wasting time on these small fries?" he said, pivoting to deck one of the others in the face, a sickening crack signifying Hiei broke his jaw.

I headbutted a third hard enough to knock him out, and roundhouse kicked a fourth in the side of of the head before he could avenge his pal.

"They didn't give me much of a choice, now did they."

I could practically hear the eye roll on Hiei's tongue when he replied: "That is why you cut them down without mercy. Have I taught you nothing?"

Hiei kneed the last man standing in the gut, grabbing his face in both hands and pulling him down with a sharp jerk to repeat the motion to his face, breaking his nose. With a gush of blood, the man stumbled back, disoriented. Hiei used the chance to sweep his legs out from under him and pointed his sword at his throat.

"Stay down if you know what's good for you."

The man—human by all accounts—held his hands up in surrender, scuttling back on his ass as far from Hiei as he could get. But the fire demon just stalked after him, all menace and soot covered rage, his sword never wavering.

"I can't kill you, you disgraceful waste of oxygen, but I can make it so you'll be permanently disfigured." Hiei tapped the tip of his sword against the man's junk and I swear to god the dude looked like he was gonna shit himself on the spot.

"W-what do you want?"

"The demon Etternia. Where is she?"

The man's mouth twitched, his lower lip trembling. When Hiei expertly flicked off the button at the top of his fly he whimpered. It was all I could do to contain the laugh. "Okay! Okay!" he cried out. "She's w-with the Aesir...h-headed to, uh, you know the place. T-that fountain! The fountain in the middle!"

"Stop with your sniveling, you fool. Which fountain?"

"The big one...in the square. That was the meeting place, you can't miss it!"

I placed a hand on Hiei's shoulder, surprised when he didn't immediately shrug it off. "I know what he's talking about. We're close. If we keep heading in deeper we'll reach it in no time."

With that, Hiei spun his sword around, firm grasp on the hilt, and used the butt of it to crack the guy in the forehead, knocking him out cold. No warning. No hesitation. Fuckin' brutal.

He crouched, flipping the man's wrist over to get a better look at it. A moment later, Hiei sneered, shaking his head at what he saw. He dropped the man's arm with disgust.

"They all have the same symbol branded to them."

"Same as the ones from before?"

"Hn. Same as the one in the book, too."

"Ettie left out that part of the translation, according to Kurama."

"Does that shock you?" 

I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to admit I was wrong and he was right. Part of me still believed there was a better explanation. What reason could Ettie possibly have to ruin my life?

Besides the obvious ones, anyway.

Hiei stood, his gaze distant and trained in the direction of the square in the center of the shopping district. I always thought his ability to read minds was kind of creepy, useful, but creepy. Now, I wished I had the ability for myself.

"Do you really think...she's working for them now?"

And maybe that was a stupid question. Because of course he did. He always thought she would betray us, from day one. Maybe what I thought was wrong, that he really did feel nothing for her or he was just trying to play her game as well she did, so he could learn what he could and use it to his advantage. It was definitely a move Hiei would make.

And it seemed a lot more likely than him being in love. I was the only idiot here that managed to fall for the enemy—hook, line, and sinker.

But I couldn't forget the night of her overdose...or the look on his face, the way his fingers curled against the rain soaked window. How he used up all his energy just to draw her away from the hands of death.

Hiei loved her.

And I respected that about him far more than his suspicious assumptions he held for her.

Genkai once told me that love was the most powerful emotion—it out classed anger and hatred and wrath and even friendship. To love someone, meant giving up an integral part of one's self, and handing it over to the person you chose to tear it out for.

I could only imagine what was going through Hiei's head right now...knowing all that.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" he said, his voice harsh enough to knock me back into the here and now.

"Yeah," I murmured. "Lets go."

I knew this confrontation needed to happen. I hadn't seen Ettie in weeks. Not since the incident at Shou's. I wouldn't lie and say I wasn't nervous. My energy zinged across my skin and lit up my markings, in discord with my emotions, red and blue and just as frustrated as I felt.

No matter how hard I wanted to believe Ettie couldn't do something like this, all signs pointed to otherwise.

I didn't understand. Why? Why now? She didn't use violence, she wasn't a killer. She saved people. Did the drugs rot her brain?

"Do you want her to get away, detective?"

Hiei's question made me realize I was still standing in that same spot, as if my feet were rooted to the ground. He sounded neither accusing or angry...just...hollow. His voice held this strange...quietness to it, a quality I'd yet to hear from him. It gave me the willies.

And then there was his stare. No longer trained in the distance, but instead boring into me, eyes the color of fresh blood and giving away nothing. It was both hard to look at and hard to look away, even though the eye contact was making me uncomfortable.

"What if I don't like what I see?" I murmured.

Hiei said nothing, his face stayed blank, a careful coldness that spoke volumes when it shouldn't.

I rubbed at the back of my neck, feeling the sweat and dirt and blood smear across my skin. "Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking—stop being a bitch, Yusuke. Am I right?"

But Hiei was not in the mood for jokes. "I want to see...what she has become with my own eyes," he said.

Taking a deep breath, I shook out my limbs, cracking my knuckles and neck. When I nodded, stealing myself to face...whatever we were about to find, we raced off together.

I was glad...Hiei would be with me.

I hoped he felt the same.

And no, I wasn't about to read into that.

Reading into it meant thinking about the kiss from weeks ago. And thinking about the kiss from weeks ago was not appropriate right now.

And it didn't mean anything anyway, goddamn it. Who cared.

But maybe it was better than thinking about Ettie...and the realization that she wasn't the person I thought she was. The fact that I should have looked a little deeper, pushed her a little harder to show me what really lied beneath that mask she wore everyday.

Yeah. Thinking about some meaningless kiss was sure as hell better than the alternative. Because I knew she was an actress and a liar.

Deep down in Ettie's core was a demon, no matter how human a face she wore.

And still...I loved her.

A year later. Months spent with her.

Two days, seven hours, and thirty-nine minutes ruined all of that.

But it still didn't change how I felt.

I was in love with my worst enemy yet and I should have felt guilty or angry or...something other than this—this sickening emptiness making my stomach feel hollow and my head foggy.

There was an even bigger part of me that wanted to trust her—like she had some big plan she wasn't letting any of us in on. Something so important that if she even breathed a word of it, it could ruin everything.

Hiei and I moved through the streets, quick and silent, cutting through buildings when our path was blocked by crumbling walls or enemies. Anyone we did happen to encounter was taken care of with no mercy...but mostly...it was just the dead. Us...and the countless bodies.

Was this what war was like?

Was this how it was in Demon World before my time?

Seeing it right up close and personal, really put that in perspective.

The fact it was my home—the place I grew up—being torn down and ruined...that just pissed me off. A rage so strong I wondered how I was managing to keep it together.

By the time we neared the square, the sound of screams and panic were long gone. What we were left with was crackling flames, the soft sound of falling ash...and an eerie underlying quiet.

The closer we drew, the more the quiet receded, only to be replaced with Kuwabara's hysterical yelling and the shrieking of what could only be one of Kurama's deadlier plants.

I caught snippets of whatever Kuwabara was carrying on about—things like, "get that sword away from me!" And, "how high are you right now?!" But the best one by far was, "Kurama, get your fucking plant away from the fire because if it spits at me one more time..." 

I falsely assumed what we were about to walk into would give me a good laugh. I would see Kuwabara and Kurama and Ettie fighting together to take down the fuckface who was calling himself the Aesir. Kuwabara's ass would be smoking from one of Kurama's plants...and they would be close to winning...and I would come in and finish the job, steal the glory, and gloat like the bastard I was.

I was wrong. On almost all accounts.

Kuwabara did have some obvious burn holes in his clothing from Kurama's fireball spitting plant. But Ettie wasn't fighting with them...and they weren't nearly close to winning.

Kurama's plant of choice reared its ugly head towards us, sensing how close we drew to it. Hiei threw out an arm, stopping me in my tracks and I knew to obey him at least this once or be annihilated by this goddamn thing.

Like a lot of Kurama's more dangerous species, it was massive, it's roots spread across the ground bulging, the size of sewer pipes. It had multiple mouths, not gaping but pursed, prepared to hock a flaming loogie across the square. They were bulbous, like balloons, red and green and dark purple. I didn't know if I should even call them a flower. Bud? Bulb? I didn't fuckin' know.

Either way, it was ugly as sin.

I'd seen this one before. It made some kind of highly flammable resin and if fire was nearby it would feed off it and spit endless fireballs. It was one he often used when teamed up with Hiei.

Besides Kurama, his plant, and Kuwabara, there were only two other people still conscious—a man with long blond hair, half his head shaved, the same coloring as Ettie. A large dark tattoo of a raven wrapped around the side of his head and face. He held a wicked looking sword, runes carved front to back along the flat of it. Runes I recognized from the book we stole off one of our hostages. The same book Ettie chose to only partly translate.

Beside the blonde man, there was a slew of unconscious—many of them most likely dead—people. Some looked like civilians...but most of them bore the same outfits and armor of the soldiers running around the ruined stores.

And...next to the decimated fountain spewing water like a geyser, was Ettie.

"She's there," I breathed. Stunned. But not because I thought she wouldn't be.

She wasn't dressed the same. Her clothes weren't modern...or even from this country. They weren't even like the clothing I'd seen in demon world.

It was like she stepped out of a fantasy novel and into the real world.

They made her look like a brutal queen waiting to command her armies. Like a warrior come to life from the stories she painted of her past.

Her pale blonde hair was loose, blowing in the wind that screamed across the square. She wore a leather chest plate, leather bracers on her arms and legs, and over all of it was a bright silver chain mail vest. Beneath her armor was a cloth of deep blue, tight to her skin, a belt around her waist kept the chain mail close. Twin daggers were sheathed at her thigh, a sword sheathed on the opposite leg, the hilt simple but polished to a shine so bright it reflected the red of the flames surrounding the square.

She was all sharp edges, like an ice so cold it hurt. The epitome of savage winters. That was how Ettie now stood.

She was not the woman I'd grown to love...but the demon who came before her. Etternia.

Her eyes found me, more green than brown now, and I couldn't help the sharp breath I sucked in at the sight of them. The air filled my lungs only to be loosed in an appreciative whistle.

"Well, fuck me..." She was literally drop dead gorgeous.

Something about a chick in armor really just got my engines going, ya know?

"Kurama, Kuwabara, you guys okay?" I called, drawing the entire square's attention straight to me.

They both called out some kind of affirmative, but I could see even from this distance that Kurama was slowly bleeding out from another wound to his gut...and Kuwabara looked like he got into a fight with a chainsaw and lost.

"How about you two tap out. I'll take it from here," I said.

And I was fully prepared to face this head on. To bring her home or end it here and now. But a sudden wave of pure power washed over us all. Power that was old, an ancientness unlike even Raizen's.

I'd never felt anything like it.

A chocked noise left my throat and I couldn't move my feet even as I begged them to, over and over, inside my head. Just move, damn it! Do something other than stand there and watch my friends get their asses handed to them! Move, Yusuke!

Hiei blurred past me, reacting on what I knew was pure survivalist's instinct, his sword drawn and aimed to kill.

But Ettie was twice as fast and an infinitely better swordsman than Hiei was.

She drew the blade at her waist quick as lightning, sliding it across his in this beautifully fluid motion, sparks lighting up her face. She batted aside his attack with so little effort that it left me speechless, and countered before he could recover from the shock. She knocked his sword straight from his hand and I watched as it skidded across the ruined ground, out of reach.

Hiei, his eyes darting after his blade, never saw the blow she aimed for his face. She hit him with a fist hardened by a layer of stone, sending him flying back and through a cement wall of one of the lesser ruined buildings.

In that same moment, the man beside her disappeared. He reappeared at Kurama's feet, coming up from a black hole in the ground, and it was all Kurama could do to just dodge the blow aimed for his chest. One that would have killed him.

Kuwabara tried to protect him, but the blonde grabbed his sword arm, snapping the bone in two. I could see the white sticking out from here, the blood that soaked straight to his elbow, dripping to the ground in a steady river of red. Kuwbara screamed, falling to his knees, the man standing over him with a grin so cruel and twisted that it made me sick.

My stomach dropped to my feet.

I realized now, far too late, that Ettie hid a lot more than just her past. That power that permeated the air, that stole my breath and was able to throw Hiei of all fucking people through a building, that made me sweat and shiver...

Shit. I hadn't felt something like that since my final match against Toguro. That type of anxiety and uncertainty.

And that scared the fuck outta me.

A limiter. She wore some kind of limiter all this time. Just like Genkai's spirit shackles.

Koenma would never have let something this powerful step into the human realm.

Made me wonder how the fuck two of them managed to slip past his sensors. Even with the barrier gone, it should have been impossible.

How had she hidden that amount of power for so goddamn long? It didn't make any sense!

Kurama commanded his plant to spit another fireball, the flames exploding against the ground and hindering my vision. Ettie came walking through them, casting them aside with the power of her wind, the fire a moving, living backdrop that made me stare at her and think she looked something like a god.

And maybe she was. With power like that.

I needed to end this. Now.

I heard Hiei's call before I saw him, blurring past me again to engage Ettie. It was enough of a distraction that I was able to rush over to Kuwabara while Kurama continued to fight the other bastard. I wrapped the big lug's arm around my shoulders and hefted him up.

"Come on," I said through gritted teeth. "Need to get you outta the way..."

"Urameshi, just leave me. Help—help Hiei. It's just a broken arm."

"Yeah, broken arm, some broken ribs, your entire body looks like its been put through a meat grinder so just shut the hell up and let me help you."

"No," Kuwabara struggled against me, shoving me away. I looked at him like he was nuts. "You don't understand...Ettie...you gotta help Hiei..."

His eye glazed over, his face going blank.

I caught him just before he would have fallen face first into the ground.

"You idiot," I mumbled. "Should have just listened..."

I dragged him as far away as I dared, propping him up behind a fallen chunk of wall. I tore off my shirt, using it to bind his arm and try to slow the bleeding. He didn't have a lot of energy left. How long were they here fighting those two before Hiei and I showed up?

A scream that was distinctly Kurama's filled me with dread and I whispered a hurried, "Don't die on me," to Kuwabara even though he couldn't hear me, before rushing back to help the others.

I arrived just in time to see Kurama's plant shrivel up and die, releasing a hideous shriek of its own as it fell.

My eyes searched wildly for my friend, finding him on his knees, his hands wrapped around the blonde's blade, blood pouring down both his arms. The runes on the sword pulsed, flooding to a dull black, and I knew without a doubt that he was about to deal Kurama a death's blow.

I didn't stop to think it through, I just aimed and shot off a blast of energy so bright it blinded even me.

The rune sword cut straight through it, dissipating my energy like the man just cut through a water balloon instead of my strongest attack. In hindsight, it was probably a good thing, because I would have taken Kurama's arms along with the man who was trying to kill him.

His attention now directed at me, it gave Kurama time to get away. But the idiot, just as pigheaded as the rest of us when he was cornered, attacked the man at his back. The blonde spun, kicking Kurama hard in the stomach, sending him flying.

He didn't get up after.

It took every ounce of willpower I had not to rush to his side to make sure he wasn't dead.

"You're gonna pay for hurting my friends," I said to the man. But he just smiled that same wicked smile, not saying a word as he stalked towards me, brandishing his sword.

And now that I'd gotten a closer look at him...he looked eerily familiar...

Before he could get any closer, I loosed another spirit gun blast, watching with wide eyes when he batted it away with the flat of his sword like he was swinging at a baseball. He dodged the third one I shot at him and I primed a fourth, but by then he'd drawn far too close.

Fine. I was better in a brawl anyway.

Dodging the first swing of his sword, I aimed a punch at his stomach. He blocked it, countering again with his blade. It sliced across my arm and I went spinning away, gripping at the bleeding cut.

Angry now, I ran towards him with fangs bared, red energy engulfing my fists.

Only to be stopped in my tracks by a giant, jutting wall of ice. It stemmed from the fountain, the entire thing frozen solid now, the water giving Ettie the ability to create something so massive.

It spanned the entire square, cutting me off from my enemy, and caging us in away from the flames that still raged outside it.

I spun around, eyes blazing, searching.

Ettie sat on what remained of the fountain's edge, her unblemished sword laying across her lap, the runes glowing a soft opalescent white.

Her energy twirled around her, just like the wind she used, a painfully beautiful contrast to the carnage on either side of her. This wasn't the first time I'd seen her energy, she used it every time she healed, an element all its own. The only time it changed color is when she used someone else's energy to boost her power.

Normally...it was the same color as Hiei's—gold.

Today, it was purely Ettie's.

Hiei wasn't far, but he did look exhausted. Blood dribbled down his chin, his lips curled into a fierce snarl, his teeth coated in red. His arms and legs were weighted down with thick, heavy stone. He didn't look too injured, at least, not from where I stood. He wasn't as bad off as Kurama or Kuwabara at any rate, but he wasn't winning either.

The swift crackling of Ettie's ice thickening made me jump and I directed my attention back towards her. She commanded all of it now, I would have to worry about my friends after.

She stood and I fell into a stance, casting aside all my feelings and letting myself fall onto my battle instincts alone. I couldn't let her manipulate me, not again, not when my friend's lives were at stake. Even if I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that it was Ettie— _fucking Ettie—_ that was behind all this.

Gentle, kind, perpetually covered in pencil stains—Ettie.

Ettie raised her arm, her hand pointed towards the sky. A sphere of water gathered there, tendrils branching off and breaking into spears made of ice. She dropped her arm, slicing through the air in a swift motion, and they were sent flying towards Hiei.

A scream got caught in the back of my throat, my entire body lurching forward like I could stop them.

But they never struck him.

Instead, they embedded themselves into the ground, creating a cage around him. More a statement than something meant to hold him for long. Even from here I could see as they began to melt, almost instantaneous thanks to how hot Hiei burned.

I turned back towards Ettie, stiffening when she began to stalk towards me, her sword held in a loose grip at her side.

She did a good job of looking both lethal and harmless.

Not sure how that made any sense.

"Why, Ettie?" I pleaded as she drew closer. "Why are you doing this? This isn't like you!"

Her face never wavered from that same impassive stare, not even when she stopped in front of me and looked me right in the eye. Couldn't she see the betrayal there? The pain she was putting me through?

Didn't she care?

"And what do you know of me?" she asked. "Besides what I've told you and needed you to believe."

An incredulous bark of laughter left my mouth and I rubbed a palm down my dirty face. "Don't even," I said. "Don't play those mind games with me. Don't act like we don't know each other."

She held up her sword, the tip poking me right above my old human heart. "Do you say that because of the love you cling to so desperately? You saw what you wanted to. You are still seeing through rose colored glasses, looking at me like I am the woman you made up in your head."

My throat constricted and I swallowed hard passed it. No. I wouldn't let her do this.

"I didn't make up anything. You know I didn't," I said. "Don't try to twist things, I'm too stupid to fall for it."

Her eyes closed for a second and she sighed, dropping her pretenses. "Come with me, Yusuke. If you do...no more harm will come to anyone in Sarayashiki, I swear it."

"And why the hell should I do that? How can I trust you, after all this?" I said, waving my arm in a great arc for emphasis. "You hurt the people I care about. You helped some maniac kill hundreds of people of today..."

"No," she shook her head. "No, I held no part in this."

"Then explain to me why the fuck you're here!"

She dropped her blade to the ground and it hit with a clatter, leaving a pin-prick in the center of my chest. The tiniest line of blood ran from it and I dragged my fingers through it, spreading it across my pecs like war paint.

When I looked back up at her, Ettie had her hands up in surrender.

"I need you, Yusuke," she said. "I promise to explain everything, but you must come with me."

I shook my head. "I don't believe you. Not anymore."

She reached out a hand, her palm resting over the wound she created. I didn't back away. I wasn't afraid of her, even now. My shock had worn off. Yeah, she was powerful, a hidden fucking badass, but I was too pissed at her to give a shit anymore.

"You're a liar, Ettie. You've been lying straight to my face since the moment I met you," I growled.

"Yes," she breathed. "But I was given little choice."

"Why?" I asked again, ashamed at the way my voice cracked. "You could have told me...I could have helped you. We all could have."

She hesitated, her eyes flickered with an emotion that was not there before and a small bit of hope bloomed in my chest.

"That man..." she said. "His name is Einarr, he is the one calling himself The Aesir and..."

She trailed off, ducking her head so she wouldn't have to look me in the eye.

"And, what?" I demanded.

Taking a breath she raised her head. Her gaze was so piercing I almost wished she hadn't. "He is my younger brother, Yusuke."

All the air left my lungs in one great whoosh, like I'd just been punched in the gut.

"Your what...?"

A sound on the other side of the wall drew away her gaze. When it returned it held a new urgency. "I never planned to betray you, Yusuke. I didn't want it to come to that. But I did use you as bait to lure out the Aesir...so I could use him to find my son."

"This is what this is all about? Your fucking son?"

Her face scrunched up as if in pain. "He's alive. He's alive and Einarr knows where he is. Do you understand?"

"I understand your letting hundreds of people die for someone who doesn't even know who the hell you are."

"That isn't—"

"Isn't what? True? Is he forcing you to stay with him? Is he holding your son hostage?"

"No," she shook her head. "I came to him willingly."

The sound behind the wall resounded again, a great banging, like someone was trying to break through it inch by inch.

"You...tried to warn me," I said. I realized that now. The distance she put between us, her reluctance to accept my feelings. Her flat out telling me I would be better off staying away from her.

Fuck, how could I have been so blind?

And I dragged everyone else down with me.

"You drew out who I needed, I will always be in your debt for that. But they want you, Yusuke. They want me to give you to them...in exchange for information on my son."

A derisive laugh left my mouth, directed at both myself and her. "Your son's a grown ass man. If he wanted to find you, he would have by now. You tryin' to tell me some kid of yours is a weakling that couldn't defend himself for all these years? Gimme a break."

Something flashed across her face, turning it ugly. Anger maybe. Sadness. Or maybe it was just the realization that I was right. Either way, it made me smirk at her. Would have done Hiei proud. "You know I'm right."

The noise of the wall finally shattering and breaking apart drew our attention. Einarr stepped through the hole, his fist smoking, and face twisted into a look so displeased I feared for Ettie's safety. His angry gaze was directed only at her, pissed she'd contained him for as long as she had.

I would never know if Hiei sensed it as well, that killing intent the blonde man had, but his shouted "hey!" couldn't have been better timed if he tried.

The ice cage was long gone, a puddle of water on the ground that was quickly evaporating. The stone around Hiei's hands and legs was molten like lava and he was standing, spitting angry, red eyes locked on Einarr like he wanted to burn him alive and piss on his ashes.

"It seems our time is up," Ettie said, turning from me to walk back towards her brother.

"Wait!" I shouted, reaching out for her but realizing how stupid that was and letting my hand drop. "If I were to come with you...what would happen?"

She didn't turn to look at me, just cocked her head to show she was listening. "You would be killed for your crown," she replied.

"Then why not just kill me here, why go through all this trouble?"

She did turn towards me then, her eyes hard as marble. "Because this is war, Yusuke. And all the pieces must make their moves in order for their side to win."

"But that...that doesn't make any sense—!"

A blast of heat, a piece of molten stone flew over my shoulder aimed straight for Ettie's face, a black clad body following close behind it.

Ettie dodged the rock once used as a shackle but didn't compensate for Hiei or the punch he was about to connect. Right before he struck her, her hand came up and ran through the blood on his chin, coating her fingers.

The sound of his flesh smashing into her jaw was a noise I would never forget, he put so much power in the blow.

She went skidding back, still on her feet, her face already bruising.

Hiei made to go after her again, his face so menacing I was almost scared to go near him, but I wrapped my arms around him in a tight hold, risking death for Ettie's sake. "I know your pissed!" I shouted in his ear. "So am I! But killing her isn't going to solve anything!"

"Stop letting your heart rule you and start using that useless lump on your shoulders, you imbecile!" Hiei snarled in reply, struggling in my arms, his hands burning my wrists where he grabbed them and tried to pull them apart.

It must have been pure adrenaline that gave me enough strength to hold him back. It was the only explanation.

"You can let him go," Ettie said, moving to stand beside Einarr. "He won't be able to hurt me now."

Her brother chuckled, watching the proceedings like I would watch a wrestling match.

Ettie thrust out the hand coated in Hiei's blood, her arm parallel to the ground, and let the blood drip off her loosely held fingers. I watched, transfixed, as it formed into a watery sphere.

"What the hell..?" I mumbled. Even Hiei stopped his struggling so he could watch. Probably just as fucking confused as I was.

"Did you know that the body is made up of sixty percent water? The organs can't function without it," she said, her fingers moving in a slow wave, making the sphere of blood move and ripple. "Do you know what happens when that water is taken away?"

"You'd die," I said, as if it were obvious.

"Yes. A painful death, where the body becomes dry and brittle as sand."

Hiei growled, grown still in my arms, I let him go. He stepped away from me, still eyeing that sphere of his blood, wary.

"You understand, don't you, Hiei?" Ettie sounded almost regretful and that was when it clicked.

Ettie had power over water. The body was made up of water. Ettie was using Hiei's own blood against him, literally, by using the same concept as the time she'd slit her own wrists to build an ice wall.

"I was wrong about you," Hiei said. "You are a demon through and through. Ruthless and cunning."

"I am only doing what is necessary," she said.

"For your son?" Hiei asked.

Ettie cast a surreptitious glance towards Einarr before repeating, "For my son."

Her brother said something to her that sounded like gibberish to me but she answered in the same tongue. They snapped at each other back and forth for a second, before Einarr sliced his hand through the air and silenced her.

She stepped out of his way so he could stride towards Hiei and I.

Hiei stood a little straighter, forgetting about Ettie holding his blood hostage for minute in face of a new threat.

I let my energy seep out as a warning, the red of a demon gun collecting on my finger.

But Einarr only laughed. "Put that away unless you want to turn out like your companions."

We both hesitated, surprised he knew our language. "You understand us?" I asked.

Einarr cocked his head, staring at me like I was some sort of insect he'd like to squash. "Do you think I could have created a group such as The New Dawn if I could not? Japanese is just one of the many languages I speak. Just like The New Dawn is just one of many pawns."

"Your little terrorist group doesn't scare me."

This piece of shit thought he could come into my city and talk all this big talk, like he was so much better than me. He thought he was going to get away with hurting all these people—my people. So many countless deaths because of this man—Ettie's little brother.

What a goddamn joke.

Einarr drew his sword and pointed it at me, that crazed smile once again in place. "Perhaps it doesn't. But allow me to show you something that will..."

He raised his sword, the runes turning black, and...

Ettie slapped the damn thing straight from his hands, where it clattered to the ground and froze solid.

Einarr stared at her, slack jawed. "How dare you—"

"Be silent, Einarr. This is not the time or place to challenge the king," she said.

The look he gave her could have disemboweled a man. But he shrugged, stooping to pick up his frosted over sword. With a blast of heat that ignited the runes again, the blade was back to normal. He sheathed it and clicked his tongue in displeasure.

"Big sister knows best," he hissed mockingly. "Another time, your majesty."

He bowed, laughter lighting up his face, and I thought about how much I wanted to kill him just then. To permanently wipe that smug look off his face.

We could hear shouting in the distance now, the sound of the SDF finally making their appearance. Even after Koenma took over Spirit World, they were still a bunch of useless idiots.

Their timing couldn't have been worse.

Einarr stepped away, a darkness threading around him, thick and cloying. It clung to his skin like it was seeping from his pores, before it began to pool at his feet. A black hole formed and Einarr sunk into it, so slow at first, and then faster as he waved with a grin. "I will be seeing you very soon...King Yusuke."

And then he was gone, leaving the hole behind him. An escape route for Ettie, no doubt.

Ettie remained behind, collecting her forgotten sword and sheathing it. She lingered there, her hand resting on the hilt, and watched us with the eyes of a warrior accepting the long battle she was about to face.

Because if Ettie wanted a war...she knew damn well we would bring her one.

"Forgive me," she breathed, her voice breaking. "But this is something I must do."

"You used us, betrayed us," Hiei snarled.

"Yes," she said. "I used you all as a means to an end. I won't lie anymore. But you must understand...that I am doing this because of my love for my son. For my love for Artair. I fight for them. I seek forgiveness where there is none, and perhaps it is a fool's errand, but it is one I must attempt all the same."

I could hear my name being called—some idiot from the Spirit Defense Force, searching for us in the destruction.

But my eyes were only for Ettie in that moment. Everything blurred, became fuzzy at the edges. She was going to leave. And nothing I could say would stop her, I could feel it down to my bones.

She made her choice.

She backed away, towards the hole Einarr left. "Years ago, when I became a healer," she said, "I made a vow to never use violence except in two cases—to protect the things I cared about...and to avenge those I lost."

"You're being a fool, Etternia," Hiei snapped. "And I hope you rot for your mistakes."

My vision tunneled until all I could see was her, only Hiei's heat beside me keeping me grounded.

It was painful to watch, Ettie backing away from us like we were her most hated enemy, and when she placed one foot into Einarr's portal I couldn't help it when I said, "I'm gonna bring you home, Ettie. I'll put an end to all of this. Count on it."

Ettie didn't say a word, but as she took her final step backwards, I saw a tear leak from her eye and freeze to her face. A moment later she was gone, Einarr's hole closing behind her.

"You understand what this means, don't you?" Hiei asked. When I didn't respond, he continued anyway. "Etternia is now our enemy...an enemy of the king and all three worlds alike."

 **. . .**

A few days later I sat by Kuwabara's bedside, where Shizuru forced him to stay until she deemed he was well enough to leave. If she had it her way, that time would be never.

Hiei sat in his windowsill and Kurama was in the chair at his desk, more haggard looking than I'd ever seen him.

It was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

Kuwabara, never one to be quiet for long, was the first to speak. "We have to go after her," he said. "We should try to reason with her. Ettie isn't like this!"

"And what do we know of her, you fool!" Hiei snapped, casting a heated gaze Kuwabara's way. "She hid everything. Made us believe we knew her when really it was all just a game to gain our trust. Once our usefulness ran out she showed her true colors."

"You don't honestly think that?" Kuwabara said. "You spent more time with her than any of us!"

Hiei's eyes turned cold and he completely disregarded what Kuwabara said. "We will pursue her. But as an enemy of the king."

"Hiei..." Kurama sighed.

"It is our duty as the king's hands! If you do not like it, go back home where you can live the rest of your miserable existence in peace!"

"Listen you asshole—!"

"Enough!" Kurama shouted. "Now is not the time for petty arguments! Hiei is right Kazuma, Etternia is now our enemy, no matter our feelings on it. She is a true danger to the human and demon realms, perhaps even the spirit world as well."

"Shut up," I mumbled, my face in my hands.

I was so sick of this. Sick of the arguing. Of them pretending like she wasn't a huge part of our lives for the past fucking year.

Everyone here spent time with her.

Everyone here respected and liked her in one way or another.

This talk of enemies...it was making me sick.

"What did you say, Urameshi?"

I shot up from my chair. "I said, shut up! All your heads are so far up your asses I'm surprised you're even able to flap your jaws so damn much!"

"Yusuke, this is an important discussion...we have to make a decision—"

I looked Kurama straight in the eye and shut him the fuck up. "I won't hurt her. I can't."

Kurama and Kuwabara cast each other a look that instantly pissed me off. But it was Hiei that made me fly off the handle.

"Don't be a fool, Yusuke."

I rounded on him, face wild. "Look who's talking, you're just as much in love with her as I am!"

A dead silence fell over the room at my words. But I wouldn't take them back or apologize for spilling his little secret. They were true. I was in love with Ettie, so was Hiei, whether he wanted to admit it to himself or anyone else, it didn't matter.

I wasn't all that surprised when Hiei decked me, the taste of blood in my mouth so familiar it was almost comforting.

No one stopped him when he left the room, his hands shoved into the pockets of his pants. And I knew I shouldn't take this shit out on him, because he was hurting too. Could see it in the line of his shoulders as he walked away, just a slight bow to them, as if he were slowly curling in on himself.

Anger was always his best defense. And he would use it to the bitter end.

Maybe it was time for me to take a page out of Hiei's handbook.

Because two days...seven hours...and thirty-nine minutes...

Was enough to rip what remained of my human heart straight from my chest.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: This chapter turned out so much longer than I wanted it to. I rewrote it three times and every time it got longer. Sorry not sorry. I have a love/hate relationship going on with this one though, honestly. This is the end of an arc...and also the first part of The Shotgun Approach. The next chapters will be in Ettie's POV and will feature a significant time jump. Thanks for reading and supporting this story, even through all my sporadic updating! You guys are the best!**


	23. Hardened Steel

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 23: Hardened Steel**

 **A/N: Back to Ettie's POV for awhile.**

 **. . .**

 **Six months later—December 2004**

I sipped a cup of coffee, thumbing through a sketchbook I finished a few days ago, soaking up the mid morning sun. The rough wooden table was awash with color from the stained glass windows and the wind blowing the snow past the glass made the light shift and change, casting us in stunning multicolored glory.

A fire crackled brightly on the other side of the room, making the air comfortable instead of freezing. Not that the elements would have bothered either one of us.

Einarr sat across from me, fresh from bathing, wearing only his underclothes.

His fingers were tangled in his long hair and I could see as he grew frustrated, dropping his hands with a huff. He gave up on the braid and turned to pin me with a hard stare.

I pretended to ignore him, tapping a pencil against the parchment of my book.

"Etternia, braid my hair."

I let my eyes slowly roll their way towards him, hating how he spoke my name, I did not bother to keep my distaste hidden. "Is that how you ask something of your sister?"

The anger in Einarr's face only made me laugh. He was very much like a child in many ways. Petulant and cruel and easily brought to temper. I rather enjoyed pushing his buttons, though I'd yet to see him fly off the handle. He kept a cold calmness about him, even when angered, much like father.

He never acted irrational. Only calculating.

It was through clenched teeth that he said, " _Please_."

I took the insincerity with a grain of salt and rose from my seat, meandering over to stand behind his chair. He sat back with a sigh as I gathered his long hair in my hands. It was pale blonde like mine, knotted and coarse from lack of proper care.

"Give me a moment," I said, leaving him to go to my rooms.

There I gathered the homemade conditioner I used in my own hair, a comb, and a straight razor.

When I returned, Einarr eyed the things in my hands and raised an eyebrow. "Are you a barber now?"

"Sit back and let me work."

He chuckled but did as he was told, sitting back in the chair with his arms and legs crossed. "Get on with it then."

It took quite sometime to untangle his thick hair, and some of it wasn't salvageable, so matted it couldn't be undone. I shaved those away, carefully cutting with the razor, until his hair was all the same length. The conditioner made it soft and shiny and I pulled it back, braiding it tight down the center of his skull.

From there, I smeared a thin layer of the conditioner over the half his head he'd shaved, taking up the straight razor, and clearing away the regrowth with steady, swift strokes. Beneath lied his raven tattoo, as fierce and dark as the day I first saw it.

When I was finished, I wiped the excess cream from his skin, and admired my handy work.

Einarr leaned forward, running a hand over his head, feeling the smoothness. And then he laughed, the sound far more bright than anything I'd heard come from his mouth yet.

"It seems you have many uses, sister." He stood, an entire foot taller than I was, and grinned. "I am going to meet with the commander of my armies. Would you care to join me?"

I kept my face neutral. I must be so very careful here, in the den of the beast. It would not do to ruin the bond I'd spent six months cultivating. "If you so wish," I said.

He leaned forward, close enough I could smell his breath, that darkness spreading in his gaze again. "Do not think I am blind to your game. I see through you. I know you. Because I am just as brilliant. I will make you want to be here, Etternia. You will be my family."

"Then why ask me to come to your war table?"

"Because you will have insights I do not. And you will give them freely...if you ever want to see your son."

I gnashed my teeth together to stop the retort on the tip of my tongue. This was a constant—him hanging my son over my head. Six months. Six god forsaken months, and I'd learned next to nothing.

I was beginning to wonder if Einarr wasn't leading me by the nose.

But I was just as good at playing his game.

"I will give what I can," I said.

He leaned back, clicking his tongue, eyeing me up and down as if he were looking for the lie. "He won the last tournament, didn't he? Would you have liked to have seen it?"

For months I avoided this topic. Avoided the thought of them entirely, if I could.

I knew Einarr only brought it up now because he wanted to hurt me in some manner; to control me. And of course I knew of Yusuke's victory. Of course I did. I kept an eye on them as much as I could, letting my ravens report back to me in times when Einarr was away.

"What of it?" I asked.

"Well, he'll be king for another three years. Does this not please you?"

If he thought to trap me, he was a fool.

"No," I said honestly. "It does not."

The thought of Yusuke being king once again only made me feel sick. If only he had lost, even if he needed to throw the fight. Being king meant his death was inevitable, no matter the lengths and hoops I jumped through to protect him.

When I asked him to return with me, I fully planned on him saying no. I wanted him to think of me as something evil and corrupt, to fight against me.

And when the time came and I got the answers I needed, I would help him end Einarr.

Blood was not always thicker than water.

But Einarr was not his only enemy. And this man calling himself Aesir was not the one pulling the strings as he would have you believe.

There was something much deeper and far more sinister hiding beneath the surface, waiting to crest the waters and swallow those who opposed it whole. My little brother was only the tip of a much larger iceberg and I was afraid to discover what lied below.

Einarr's corresponding smile was unpleasant and lacking all kindness. "Even if he were not king...I would still kill him. Just because I do not like his face or the look in his eye—so cocky and self assured. He needs to be put in his place."

"And you think the proper place is an early grave? How narrow minded of you, brother."

He laughed, reaching out to grip my arm roughly and pulling me towards him. "And what has he done other then create a more volatile world for demon kind? He is a useless boy with no ambition and no brains even if he did have some inkling of how to be a king. He is undeserving of his crown."

I let my face fall back into a blank mask—let him believe I felt nothing. But in my chest boiled a heat so hot it threatened to overflow, like lava from a volcano's mouth. Yusuke was worthy of his crown, that I knew for certain. There was much growth he must accomplish before he would understand his place in the world—human and demon alike. Once he realized that he would become the greatest king demon world has seen yet.

I would hold onto those feelings, faithfully, for the rest of my life.

Grinning up at my brother, I reached up and grasped his chin between my fingers, squeezing. "You are still so young and naive, aren't you?"

The anger in his eyes excited me. For months I searched and dug for a weakness. Anything to catch him off guard or anger him enough he would show me his true power. The darkness Einarr used was...odd. Not of Elementa origin. Or at least, not while I was young. Perhaps my father took a new spouse. It was not uncommon for Elementa men to have more than one wife. And perhaps this one had some blood in her lineage that was not fully Elementa.

Einarr's unusual gifts worried me. The darkness was tremulous and frightening. Even using his portals made my skin crawl and itch with anxiety.

My brother did not take the bait. The darkness in his eyes faded, until they were just a shining shade of glacial blue. He turned from me, retrieving the clothing he'd abandoned after his shower. He drew on worn leathers and furs, a chain mail vest adorning his chest and leather boots on his feet. The sword at his waist was the twin to the one strapped across my back. A gift fit for siblings, he'd said.

I accepted it with every intention of slicing his head from his neck given the chance.

But I quickly learned that this particular blade could not be used against him. Because he carried its mate. I would need to find a way to steal the other blade before I could even dream of ending my brother's miserable life.

A life that had stolen so many others'.

I would never see him as my kin. May Hel forever hold him within her grasp and never allow him the pleasures of Valhalla.

Leaving the halls of my brother's estate was arduous to say the least. His men resented me, their feelings of inferiority showing on their faces as we passed. They often whispered and cast furtive glances my way, no doubt planning my untimely demise.

But while I was within my brother's care, no one dared approach me. Not since the second day of my arrival.

One man was brave enough—only one.

And Einarr sliced him in half in front of all the others as a warning.

He was just as cold and ruthless as our father. It was no surprise they clashed, having such similar personalities. There was only room for one.

As we walked, our boots crunching in yesterday's snowfall, I asked, "What made you decide to defy father?"

I stared at the back of his broad shoulders, always keeping a couple paces behind him. His arrogance was top notch, for him to show me his back so willingly. Or did he just truly believe that I had no thoughts of gutting him?

It took him several breaths to reply, but when he did I drew silent. Speechless.

"I am the youngest son," he said. "And our older brother is undeserving of the title of Jarl. Yet father promised him his lands...and cast me aside, as if I were some sniveling idiot."

There were more? How many vile spawn had my father created after my banishment? If Einarr was the youngest son...was there only this other brother he spoke of? Did the boy come after me?

So many questions remained trapped at the tip of my tongue, but I did not dare speak them. If I were honest...I did not want to know what answers Einarr would give. If the others were anything like him...goddess protect us all.

I followed Einarr into a building on the outskirts of his little hidden settlement. The sound of the heavy double doors creaking open was almost ominous, but inside I was able to get my first look at his war council. The men and women who were scantly ever there and with who Einarr only met with once a month, unless something pressing arose.

Einarr, not at all concerned by the people in the room, strode past them all and took his rightful place at the head of the war table. There, he began talking in hushed whispers to a tiny man of no real report. I could not tell by how he looked where he hailed from. His appearance was unassuming—glasses graced the bridge of his nose and brown hair laid tousled against his forehead. He was mousy and boring. A bookworm.

Made me wonder why Einarr chose him as the first person he would speak to upon entering this room. Surely he wasn't the leader of his armies...

I stood in the shadows, waiting and observing. I watched a beast of a man pace the room, his footfalls oddly quiet for his size, dressed in the wear of a berserker—lacking any armor, his hair a deep forest green. At the table rested three others besides Einarr and his crony—a dark skinned woman missing an eye, the other the color of rust, with old runes from times long past etched into the skin of her cheeks and forehead. Protection spells and gifts of foresight. The man beside her was her polar opposite—so pale he rivaled the snow outside, his hair nearly white, eyes the color of opals and lacking a pupil. The third lacked a definite sex, androgynous in appearance, black hair long and braided in a crown around their head. All of them wore armor in various states of ferocity, from light to heavy.

I felt eyes on me, the gaze piercing and distrustful.

The brute pacing the room was the first to notice me and I quickly realized I would find no ally among them. He stopped his pacing, dark purple irises seething hatred, as if my mere presence was the crime of the century.

"This is the sister then," he rumbled, voice deep as thunder.

Neither his size nor demeanor frightened me. "Besides my brother and I, you are the only other Elementa I've met here. Has my father managed to rub you the wrong way too?"

He grinned, the quirk of his lips turning his face into something fierce. His eyes narrowed, doing a slow crawl down towards my feet and then flicking back up towards my face. He rested his hand against the hilt of the ax strapped to his waist.

Quick as lightening, he released it and threw it, aiming for my skull.

I froze it in midair and it clattered to the ground, shattering.

"Fast," he murmured.

"Indeed," I replied, casting a pointed look towards his boots.

He looked down and the moment of shock on his face made a rush of satisfaction wash over me. I'd frozen his feet to the floor, a layer so solid he was unable to jerk his boots out of it. The look of shock was fast turning to one of anger.

"When...?" he growled, still trying to free himself with no success.

"The moment your hand gripped your ax," I said, walking up to him and snapping my fingers to shatter the ice holding him in place. "I knew you would throw to kill."

"Have you tested her enough, Gunnar?"

Einarr sat at the head of the table, unconcerned one of his men just attempted to kill me. It seems these people were held at higher standards than the grunts living within his encampment. They were too valuable for him to just kill off, no matter the justification.

Gunnar, his lips turned down into a scowl, nodded and proceeded to seat himself.

There was one last chair available—opposite Einarr, at the end of the table. A seat of power. A seat of rank.

I took it without hesitation, perching on the wood of the chair as if I were sitting on a throne.

I waited for one of them to question it, to start an argument. But all they did was stare, as if waiting for something. I did my best to not allow it to faze me and waited for Einarr to start the meeting.

His smile made a chill run down my spine. "Today we will start with something simple. You should have no trouble telling us, Etternia." Einarr folded his arms across the table, using a hand to prop up his chin. His eyes flickered with triumph. "Tell me a story...of the time father bestowed you that ring."

My hands itched to hide it, but I kept them in plain view, not even allowing a finger to twitch. "Why would you want to hear such an old tale?"

"I want to know what it took for you to receive one—a daughter no less."

"Being a woman means nothing when it comes to battle, so long as you can kill as well as the men."

He knew I was avoiding the question, his lips quirking into a grin, thinking he'd caught me. The story of being given the right to wear the ring was one I would rather forget entirely. Somehow Einarr knew this...perhaps father told him. Or maybe it was because he did not bear one of his own—marking him as lacking a God or Goddess' blessing.

Only a chosen few received one of the family heirlooms.

And my father coveted them. I knew of only one other that he gave away—to his right hand. Not a blood relative, an almost unheard of event, but deserving of his title. The man was his one and only confidant, so it made sense to me for him to receive the earring.

To think my father would not have given one to each of his sons as well. It was almost laughable.

Yet here I was, a daughter our father despised...wearing something Einarr wished for himself.

I knew this was just a test, the question he sought an answer to, he wanted to see if I would retell something I kept locked away for many years. I could not lie and staying silent was out of the question. I was backed into a corner and my only way out was plowing straight forward.

So be it.

I never wanted the damned thing to begin with. The most likely reason father forced it on me in the first place.

I plucked the ring from my finger and set it on the table, pushing it towards the center. "Go ahead, take it. It's yours."

Einarr made a valiant effort to keep his face the same, only his eyes flashed with the briefest hint of rage. Giving him the ring, as if it were nothing—a useless piece of junk I could not have cared less about—was a massive blow to his pride.

I waited for a tantrum, for an act of petty vengeance. But none came.

Einarr merely leaned forward, long arm reaching across the table, and deliberately pushed the ring back towards me. "I have no need for fancy baubles," he said, sitting back in his chair. "All I want is the story. Tell me."

The items were no mere gifts or prizes. The stories with them were often told over campfires and among warriors. Boastful stories of great feats fitting of the Gods' favor. My father was not the only clan head who held items such as these, but by far, ours were the most powerful.

And to get one...

It took more than the blood that ran in your veins. Far, far more.

Gunarr chuckled, clearly believing I would fail this test of my brother's. But after a long moment where I did nothing but stare at Einarr, distaste so clear in my face that it made him smile, I sighed.

"You know exactly what I did, so why bother wasting my time? I am not here to appease your pets. Ask what you really want to know."

The smile fell from his face. The warriors at the table all made noises of outrage. But Einarr held up a hand and silenced them all.

"If you want my men to trust you, you must give something in return for their loyalty, Etternia."

I scoffed, eyes lighting up with flippant disbelief. "I don't care to have their trust, brother. For I will never trust a single one of them."

"Smart," murmured the one-eyed woman. "We would all kill you given the chance."

"We've heard tales of Etternia of the Ice. Ruthless killer. Shieldmaiden. Volva. You have many names and faces, Daughter of Freya," said the mousy bookworm beside Einarr.

"I think introductions are in order," Einarr said with glee. "My dear sister is at such a disadvantage having everyone know so much of her past."

I didn't suppress the eye roll and Einarr caught it, shooting me a look of pure malice.

They went around the table, as if they were disinterested grade schoolers introducing themselves to a new class. The thought made me want to laugh, but I sat back and listened, cataloging their names for future reference.

"They call me Pi," said bookworm.

"I am Orthellion," said opal eyes.

"Silvaria, the seer." The woman missing an eye.

"Erisid." The androgynous demon.

"And," said Einarr, cutting the brute off before he could say something scathing, "You have already had the pleasure of meeting Gunnar."

"Wouldn't say it was pleasant," I mumbled.

Introductions finished, the odd crew settled in their seats, deferring to Einarr to start their meeting. But the look my brother was giving me made my gut twist into knots. Nothing good would come of this.

"You wished to know what I truly wanted to ask, yes?"

I didn't reply, knowing he would continue anyway just to hear himself speak.

"Tell me, sister, about the boy king—Yusuke Urameshi."

I felt the breath leave my lungs. Keeping my face neutral was growing harder by the second. There was no good answer for this question, nothing short of everything I knew of Yusuke would appease Einarr. And if he was asking, it meant there was something in particular he was hoping to hear. My brother had plenty of spies gathering information on Yusuke already, so what was it he needed to know so badly?

Something only I knew.

Something only I could ever know.

But even I wasn't sure what that was.

And that fact alone made a bead of sweat drip down the back of my neck.

If I didn't know...if I couldn't figure it out...

I was going to let it slip. Eventually I would spill some important fact without meaning to. There was no way to avoid the subject of Urameshi Yusuke. Not when my brother's vendetta against him was so all consuming.

He needed Yusuke, specifically, for whatever he planned to do.

It seemed my infiltration into his ranks would be over sooner than I thought.

A resolve cold as hardened steel gripped me. I looked up at Einarr with a smile so wicked I watched the first flash of fear cross his eyes before he could stifle it.

"Of course, brother. What is it you want to know?"

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** My dudes, I'm so so sorry its been so long. I've just been...going through a lot of shit. The stress is finally winding down. But I've been really busy too, so that hasn't helped much. I also apologize for being gone so long and then giving you a chapter without any of the boys in it. But this is all important crap, I promise, lol.

I'm still on a semi-hiatus, because I can't guaranty updates, but I'm going to do my best! Thank you all for sticking with me, I love you guys.


	24. Take Me Home

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 24: Take Me Home**

 **A/N: Long time, no see. Ya'll gonna hate me at the end of this xD**

 **. . .**

Thirty years I hadn't stepped foot in this land of heathens. The bitter biting cold of winter clawed at my cheeks, freezing my eyelashes and the saliva on my lips.

I couldn't feel it.

I often wondered if I was just as numb as this unforgiving place.

"You better have a good reason for dragging me here in the middle of January," I snapped at his back, anger thick on my tongue.

I never wanted to return here, let alone so soon.

But I couldn't disobey Einarr. Not yet. Not until I was able to gather even the smallest shred of hope he knew where my son was.

Anything. Give me anything, you bastard.

Einarr trudged ahead, so arrogant he allowed me to stay at his back. I heard him chuckle deep in his throat and bit back a snarl.

"Did you love him?" He asked suddenly, not bothering to turn and look me in the eye.

For a moment I wondered which he spoke of, but the answer was the same for both.

"Yes."

He laughed fully now, his guffaws being swallowed up by howling wind and snowfall sharp as daggers.

I wanted to scream at him, to run him through with the sword at my waist, but all words failed me when he spoke again: "We are here for your son, as promised."

I sucked in a sharp breath and choked on it.

Einarr huffed out another laugh and trudged on.

 **. . .**

My brother took me far from our family's lands, but it did not give me much relief.

Being here...after so long and with so much at stake...

It made my skin crawl.

This was not home anymore.

It was just miles and miles of treacherous terrain filled with even more treacherous demons. The Elementa were not the only ones who shared this level of their personal hell.

It was weeks later when we finally stopped traveling. Weeks of battles and dirt and snow and grit. I longed for a bath, to peel the gear and armor off my body and sleep completely naked.

The hovel of a hotel Einarr chose was as close to heaven as I would ever find here.

The bath water was lukewarm at best but it was clean. I sunk into it, eyeing Einarr across the short distance of the tub. I kept my feet scrunched close to me, trying to avoid touching him. Einarr did not have similar qualms. He stretched his large body out as far as he was able, swallowing up any remaining space the tub offered.

We spent a long time in silence, just scrubbing the filth off until the water was a murky brown. When Einarr rose from the bath, his skin the color of pale gold glistened and I turned away in disgust.

"Where is my son, Einarr?"

"All in due time, sister. All in due time."

 **. . .**

We traveled another three days before I realized what I got myself into.

Einarr never truly planned to take me to my son. Because my son wasn't here. He wasn't on any demon plain. I would have known, deep in my gut I would have sensed if he was.

I wouldn't have wasted away in the human realm for so many years.

We ended up in a city I recognized from my travels as a Vulva—Berufell. A place full of snobs and demons pretending to be royalty. I covered my face with a heavy fur cowl, the cloak obscuring my body so I would not be noticed by anyone with a good enough memory.

The last time I came through this city Artair was at my side.

Artair whose skilled hands made many of the pieces the nobles wore in this wretched place. Jewels resting in finely made pieces of silver and gold and platinum. Artair's initials would be carved into an inconspicuous spot on the underside of each.

I wanted to rip off and horde every piece I spotted, as if my eyes were magnets drawn to them.

Artair was always so contradictory. A demon hunter who created delicate masterpieces with the same hands he slaughtered with. But he had been mine. And to me, he was brighter and more wonderful than any of the jewels he touched.

The thought of Artair made my skin itch and my mind filled with the buzz of years and years of addiction. I pulled out the leather pouch filled with a mixture of herbs only found in these particular regions. It took a bit of work to obtain them, but they were potent and perfect.

I shook them out in the palm of my hand, froze them to tiny cubes, and swallowed them whole.

My brother, who noticed but never commented on my habits, raised an eyebrow, a smile twisting his lips into a cruel crooked line.

A gave him a hand motion that would have made Yusuke proud.

We spoke in short clipped whispers, slinking through the streets with enough malice seeping off us that no one dared stop to chat. And when we arrived at the lavish house at the end of the biggest street, my nose curled up in distaste.

"I'll wait here," I said, taking a seat on the front stoop, my head foggy but blissfully empty of all thought.

Now wasn't the right time to be consorting with the nobility of Berufell.

"Oh no you don't, you lazy sow," Einarr hissed, pulling me up by my arm and marching us to the large set of double doors.

He threw them open as if he were the house's owner and flung me inside, disappointed when I did not even stumble. I smoothed out my clothes and pulled down the hood of my cloak so I could give him the full brunt of my scathing glare.

"Wait," was all he said, before climbing the grand staircase and disappearing into one of the rooms above.

I shuffled my feet, incensed at being made to wait...and wait...and wait.

Eventually I grew tired of just looking at the furniture, the gilded paintings, and handsome wood work that must have cost obscene amounts of coin.

The nobles of Berufell were disgustingly lavish creatures. Demons who pillaged and raped and joined in the trading of salves. All covered up by gold and silver and lace.

Nothing could shroud the taint. No matter how hard they tried.

I plopped down on the bottom stair, leaning against the bannister, the scent of the wood old and polish alluring. I let my palms run across it, entranced by the smoothness, and drifted.

When I came out of my trance I was no longer in that lavish house in a city full of nobles I wanted to kill and devour for their jewelry alone. The staircase did not exist. The gilded picture frames were no more.

Instead I stood in a desolate forest, burnt to cinders, bright flaring embers floating in the dead air. They landed on my skin, but did not burn, and turned to black ash.

The scent of burnt flesh and the copper tang of blood coated my tongue and the inside of my nose. This smell I knew all too well.

A silhouette stood against the ashen backdrop, tall and resolute.

Instinctually I knew who it was, but I drew closer and closer still, until I could see his face clearly.

It was not Artair who stared back at me.

And suddenly the ground was rumbling, the earth shaking and churning, great roots springing from its depths.

The tree Yggdrasil grew and grew. It's branches spreading towards the grey skies, life energy suffusing through its bark to its very core. It seeped from the ground and to its center until the leaves burst free and then it became too full and crystalline drops formed like dew, just waiting to be drunk.

The man who was not Artair but looked so heartbreakingly like him, stepped towards the lowest branch. He reached up and up, tall as he was, he still stood on the tips of his toes.

He plucked a drop of life from Yggdrasil.

And swallowed it whole.

 **. . .**

I awoke with a throat tight and thick with smog, the scent of burnt earth still so fresh that for a long moment my mind would not adjust to what my eyes were seeing.

I was still no longer at the bottom of that ornate, tacky staircase.

And it was with great trepidation that I realized I wasn't even in the same house. The smells were different, the air stale and stagnant.

I took a deep breath, trying to catch any hint or clue of a location, but other than the smell of mildew and wooden rot, nothing else was noticeable.

The room itself was plain, no furniture besides a desk and small wooden chair pushed off to one side. There were no windows and the only door was carved with so many runes I dared not even touch it. At least one of them would stun, another would burn the flesh from my palms.

I walked near it, studying them each in turn, and they all flared at once. The light crested into a shifting, glowing barrier across the expanse of the door.

Frustrated, I pulled the chair away from the desk and took a seat.

Fucking Einarr.

With nothing to do but wait, I pulled out the drawers in the desk, finding pieces of loose leaf paper and half used pencils. Tiny scraps of erasers and dried out ink wells with broken feather pens.

I made use of the pencils, carefully sketching what I had seen in my drug induced nightmare—the tree, the man so frighteningly similar to Artair but not, the drop of life from Yggdrasil.

It spilled out on the pages, from one corner to another, until I'd drawn the entire scene as if trapped in a fever dream. I pushed the pages together, letting them overlap until you could see it in its entirety. I stared down at them, seeing but unseeing. This man...

A creak outside the door had me gathering up the pages and tearing them to bits until they reminded me of the ash from my vision.

The runes carved into the wood burned, flaring to life again, until they faded to a dull black, their power gone. It opened on creaking hinges, parting to reveal Einarr's rather nerdy advisor.

Pi pushed his glasses up his nose, eyes glinting.

I stood and watched him close the door, biting at the stud in my bottom lip. Once upon a time it was a solid piece of iron hoop, now it was a tiny jeweled stud of demon make and origin.

My last resort, in this situation.

I was weaponless, though still clothed in my leather armor, and I could feel the wards spread amongst the stone walls of the room.

No escape and no way to fight other than hand to hand combat, but the same applied to him. The power wards didn't break when he entered, just the ones on the door.

"Do you know why you're here?" he asked.

His voice was surprisingly deep given his overall look and I frowned at him. Of course I knew why I was here.

"I suppose I've done something Einarr is displeased about. What else is new?" I said, tossing a braid over my shoulder.

How irritating.

He stared me down as I reached up to slowly fiddle with the ball at the end of the stud, making him believe it was out of nervousness.

He thought nothing of it, stepping further into the room, slipping his hands into the pockets of his slacks. "We intercepted a raven carrying a message for you."

I stilled, eyes darting over his face to find a lie that wasn't there.

A message?

My birds were trained not to return unless it was dire. I could see through their eyes, I had no need for messages. Leaving a paper trail was foolish.

I sucked in a deep breath and released it. "Hiei," I growled with a grimace.

It was the only logical explanation. He was the only one fast enough to catch one of my familiars.

"You've been feeding them information." A statement of fact, not a question.

But he was wrong. So very, very wrong.

"Do you truly think they would accept anything from me now? I threw that life away when I chose to join Einarr. They are more likely to kill me on site."

Pi pulled his hands from his pockets slowly and I let the ball at the end of my stud come loose, dropping my hands to my sides as slowly as he lifted his.

In his left hand was a rolled up piece of notebook paper that had seen better days. He held it out to me and I took it with only a little hesitation.

Knowing he was watching, I unraveled it and smoothed it out as best I could.

 _We are on to you._

That was it. One single line of sloppily written text.

"You have been sending ravens to watch them. Why?"

I ripped up the page and let it spill from my fingers to the floor.

I could salvage this. Pi was stupid to ask such a question, he'd shown their hand too easily.

"I was gathering intelligence for Einarr. Why else?"

"You've told us nothing of the sort."

"Why would I waste his time on trivial things? I don't suppose my brother is all that interested in the King brushing his teeth or taking a shit, do you?"

Pi's face burned crimson, his eyes alighting with anger.

"Who's idea was it to to use Valravyn's Powder in the fireplaces? Yours, I'm assuming."

That was how they managed to drag me here without my realizing it. It was also the reason I'd gotten trapped in that hallucination.

Pi's face only grew redder, until I stalked up to him, fingers quickly working to screw the ball of my lip stud back on. "Take me to Einarr. Now."

He paled and gritted his teeth, but eventually chose to concede. He waved me through the door and I walked out with my shoulders squared and face blank.

The note was in Hiei's handwriting.

They were _on_ to me.

A vicious grin spread across my lips as Pi maneuvered his way in front of me, leading the way through the mansion.

"Einarr trusts you, Shield Maiden," he said as we came to a stop in front of a set of ornate double doors. "Don't make him regret it."

He pushed them open with barely a touch, his small body deceptive given his strength, and let me walk inside alone.

The room beyond was a dining hall full of long wooden tables and chairs. Banners bearing Einarr's made up crest stretched from the vaulted ceilings, softly blowing from the drafty walls.

It reminded me sickeningly of home.

But what it lacked was the normal boisterous noise, the scent of fresh game being roasted, pies being baked and bread and butter being served. There were no clink of platters or glasses. No drunken arguments or brawls.

It was quiet. Save for a single diner at the head of the center table.

His face was hung over his plate, obscured by dark hair, as he cut into a chunk of meat with a hunting knife and crude fork.

He ate like a savage.

Not uncommon for the men here.

I made my way across the room, my steps echoing in the hollowness, and stopped beside him.

A dark colored tattoo peaked out of the collar of his shirt, resting just above his spine. My fingers itched to move it, to get a better look, but he stabbed the hunting knife into the table beside me, his hand a white knuckled grip around it.

I did not sit. I had a feeling I wasn't allowed.

"Who are you?" I asked.

He chewed and swallowed his last bite before pushing away his meal, half finished.

I waited as he wiped his face, cleaning the juices from his beard. And for a split second I felt my chest freeze.

I was afraid.

Afraid for him to look up.

This wasn't one of Einarr's men.

He folded his napkin neatly and sat back in his chair, dragging scarred fingers through his hair.

The face that stared up at me stopped my breath.

"...Artair?"

But no. That wasn't right.

Because the eyes were wrong. They were all wrong.

Because those eyes...they're mine.

That same old moss color, behind thick black lashes, that glinted gold in the right lighting.

My jaw clenched painfully and I took two steps back, shaking. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like any second I would black out and wake up back in that tiny room with its single door.

He rose from his chair, his body strong and imposing. Not thin or frail or weak.

Certainly not dead.

Yusuke was right.

He was _right_.

A grown man stood before me. A grown man who could have found me anytime he liked.

And it was with grief stricken dismay that I realized the past thirty years were all in vain. I spent all that time searching, wasting away to a shell of my former self, only for him to be here all along.

He never wanted me.

Not when I was not there for him as a child. And certainly not now that he is a man.

My eyes stared back at me with a hatred so fierce that I wasn't sure if it was a reflection of how I felt for myself, or his true thoughts of me.

I hadn't taken a breath in quite some time.

The one I did manage to pull in burned. My eyes stung and my jaw hurt and my throat felt thick—too thick to swallow.

"What do they call you?" I finally managed to ask, my voice so hoarse I didn't recognize it.

He glared at me and it took all I had not to shrink under that gaze.

"For a time it was just bastard. Sometimes boy," he said. "I have no true name."

He would have been Egil. The edge of a blade. Strong, but sharp enough to cut through stone. As bright as the North Star.

"I like to call him Magni!" shouted a voice from the back of the hall, hidden away in the shadows.

Einarr stepped from behind a pillar, a shit eating grin across his face.

"And you?" I asked. "Do you like to be called that?"

The hatred in his eyes only simmered deeper.

"I do not care what anyone chooses to call me. A name means nothing."

Einarr slunk his way between the tables, leaning over to pick at what was left of Magni's supper. "But there you would be wrong, my magnanimous nephew. A name means everything in this place."

Einarr sucked on the bones from the remains of the fowl from Magni's plate, continuing to speak even with his mouth full. "They wouldn't call you an Aesir if what you say is truth."

I held back a damning gasp. Hoping beyond hope Einarr was lying through his teeth.

"You are the one claiming to be the Aesir?"

Magni turned from me, slapping his uncle's hands away from his plate, before picking up a glass of red wine and draining it.

His back still to me, he spoke with words coated in bitterness. "I call myself nothing. A name is a name is a name. I care little for them. It's actions that matter. Actions."

He even sounded like Artair, minus the darkness in his tone.

Magni placed his palms against the wood of the table, shoulder muscles bunching with tension. He was glaring across the table at Einarr. But Einarr looked anything other than concerned. He merely continued to suck on the bones of the bird, trying his best to look innocent.

"Why did you bring her here?" Magni finally demanded.

"I made a promise, oh holy one. And as you well know, I keep my promises."

Einarr knew all along. He knew where my son was. Knew he wanted nothing to do with me. And brought me to him anyway.

My knees began to tremble and I reached back to steady myself on a chair.

My son.

My son.

My son...

He _hated_ me.

No. _Loathed_ me. _Despised_ me.

Here stood all that remained of Artair and the love we shared. And he was as rotten as all the rest in my kingdom, if not more so.

Einarr knew. And this was exactly what he wanted. He wanted to see me crumble, to fall to my knees and beg for a forgiveness that would never come. To watch me break myself apart to try and salvage anything that remained of Artair in my son.

He loved every second of the drama and I would be damned if I gave him the satisfaction.

My desperate search for my son was over.

He was alive.

That was all I needed.

"And what say you, mother?" The word was spat with vehemence so strong it made me cringe. "Do you also hold such an admirable trait? Will you also keep the promise you gave to your brother?"

Yusuke.

They wanted Yusuke.

I felt the tell-tale itch of need cast pinpricks over my skin—and oh, did it burn so hot I began to sweat. My fingers twitched towards the pouch, my stomach twisted.

But for the first time in over thirty years I choked it back, forcing it to obey me, even just this once.

I reached up and deftly unscrewed the jewel at the end of my lip stud instead.

"I'm so sorry," I said in earnest. "But you'll find I hold no admirable traits at all."

I spat the other end of the stud to the stone floor, the ball rolling from my fingers, long gone beneath one of the tables.

The air around me changed. Shimmered. Heated and cooled and shattered. The earth beneath my feet rumbled, the stone cracking. You could feel it all—the earth, the air, the water...the _fire._

And it was with far too much hard-hearted satisfaction...that I allowed the full strength of my demonic energy unleash.

The building crumbled around us, the glow of my skin the only thing casting any light. Runes burned in my flesh, great lines of pure power and decades of drinking from the tree Yggdrasil did me many favors.

But my training did me far more.

"I wanted to love you so badly," I said over the screaming of my energy, the rumble of the collapsing mansion, the stonework giving way to night sky. "You were everything. _Everything_."

Magni's eyes did not change. He showed no fear, not even in the face of my godlike strength.

Neither had Artair.

I tore open the Aether, hands turned to claws ripping through time and space like they would through silk.

I knew what they needed Yusuke for now.

There was no time to waste.

"If you think I'll allow this to happen, my son or not, you are dead wrong."

Magni's face lit up for the first time, the glow in his eyes so similar to mine that it was no wonder he turned out the way he had. I wasn't there. He was raised by people who were cruel to him and then he rose to such a state. I had no mind to undo decades of set in anger and grief and hatred. I was no saint. I couldn't absolve him or anyone else. And by the look in his eyes, he did not wish me to.

"Good," he growled, pointing a single blackened claw straight at my face. "You are my enemy, Etternia. The day you die will be the day I am finally free of the shackles you placed on me at birth. So do what you do best—run. But next time I see you...be prepared to lay down your miserable life."

The portal closed behind me and I am spat out illegally in the center of Sarayashiki.

I narrowly missed getting hit by a car, dodging out of the way at the last second. A horn and the screech of tires blared in my over sensitive ears, the car veering away and almost causing an accident.

Portal jumping was never easy.

Splitting space and time was even harder.

All my power was drained from me. It took nearly every drop to do something so massively against all things right and normal in the universe. Literally ripping my way through several dimensions.

Koenma would have a field day with this.

Most likely I would be thrown in a Spirit World cell, if not all out executed.

Hopefully the circumstances behind it would sway the King of Reikai somehow. I certainly wouldn't have anyone to vouch for me now, at any rate.

I drug myself up from the asphalt, vision gone blurry and limbs like day old jello, and tried to gauge how accurate my landing was. I noticed street signs and local shops and realized I wasn't far from my apartment building. A block or two, tops.

Everything was exactly the same as when I left. Everything but the blackened remains in the distance, remnants of Sarayshiki's largest shopping district. It was a smudge against the sky, a stark reminder of my failures—of my single mindedness. It took everything I had not to heave up what little was in my stomach at the sight of it.

I told myself again and again that I was a demon. We were bred to be cruel and to use humans as fodder or food. But that was so far from the truth.

The truth was that most demons only hated humans because humans were afraid—afraid of our gifts, of our strength. And with that fear came irrational anger and resentment toward my kind, which eventually led to killing or containing us like some science project.

Humans killed what they didn't understand. That was just the way of things.

Demons were not so different. There would always be some bad apples in the bunch. There just seemed to be more of us than there were of them.

Yusuke wanted to change that though. _Was_ changing that.

I hoped I was around long enough to see it.

I stumbled up the stairs to my apartment, the walk there a long forgotten daydream, and was pleasantly surprised to see my door wasn't broken anymore.

Of course, I didn't have my key at the moment, so it was rather inconvenient.

I picked the lock quickly before a neighbor happened to notice what I was doing, and fell through the door in relief.

Safe. For a second.

I sunk to the floor and just breathed for a good solid minute. Eyes closed. In and out. In and out.

A startled cough made me stiffen but the quietly squeaked, "Ettie?" made me rise from the floor with a drawn out sigh.

So much for a moment of peace.

I opened my eyes to see Kuwabara standing in my living room, a metal watering can that had seen better days clutched in his hand. His eyes were wide and his empty hand was glowing a bright orange—the start of what would quickly become his Spirit Sword.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" he finally barked, coming to his senses, his sword fully manifested now.

"I could ask you the same thing."

I strode by him, unconcerned by his showing of power, and made to put a pot of coffee on the stove.

The apartment was far cleaner than when I'd left it. My plants were healthy, well pruned and fed. There were a few random items in the refrigerator, but nothing that would easily spoil.

I rounded on the veritable giant of a man. "You've been staying here?"

He was still holding his sword and the watering can, which he quickly set down when he noticed me looking, and frowned.

"No, I just come by and...water the plants...sometimes."

He looked almost ashamed, as if he'd told me some dirty secret.

"Thank you," I said and meant it.

The percolator began to whistle, drowning out the sound of the front door being opened but not the voice that rang out a moment later.

"Oi, Kuwabara! I just got a call from Koenma, he's got a job for us."

Yusuke rounded the corner into my kitchen and for a long breathless moment, where I watched his face flash through every range of emotion possible for a human, he said absolutely nothing.

Yusuke had nothing to say to me.

At least not with his mouth.

For the first time I got to witness how truly strong Yusuke was—when he disappeared and didn't reappear until I felt the punch connect with my face...

And knock me out fucking cold.

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** Its only been about, idk, 80 years amiright? Sorry it has taken me so long in between updates for all my stories. I've been dealing with a lot of crap—depressive episodes, anxiety attacks, moving...again (side note, we bought a house, so HELLO stress, but also YAY).

Anyway, lots of excuses, blah, blah, blah who cares xD

I originally didn't intend to introduce Ettie's son this way, but what the heck, the characters do whatever the fuck they want I'm just here for the ride. Also, did ya'll think Ettie's lip ring was just there for the coolness factor? Come on XD

PLEASE SEND ME SOME NICE REVIEWS I MISS YOU GUYS!


	25. You're Blind, Urameshi

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 25: You're Blind, Urameshi**

 **A/N: Yusuke POV chapter my dudes!**

 **. . .**

"You're just torturing yourself now, you know."

Kurama was right. He always was. But that didn't stop me from keeping my ass planted in this uncomfortable chair, eyes trained on the TV screen mounted to the wall.

I couldn't personally go to the Reikai, so this was the best Koenma could do.

His best wasn't good enough, damn it.

"Why isn't she doing anything?" I threw my hands up, slapping them back down against my thighs.

Hours. I'd spent hours watching her now, smoking cigarette after cigarette. She never moved, just sat on the cot in her cell and stared at the wall.

For the first two weeks she was kept in isolation according to Koenma—for withdrawals. They wouldn't let her have the drugs and Koenma had no intentions of letting her go. This wasn't like a Hiei and Kurama situation where they stole some petty shit outta his daddy's vault.

She was being tried for illegal cross dimensional travel, mass murder, and terrorism.

She would be put to death.

I knew that. I should be fine with it.

 _Should_ being the key word there. I was anything but fine. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs how all of this was bullshit, that Ettie wasn't like this—she _saved_ people. She saved fucking lives, for _years._

So why? Why did she do all this now?

For her imaginary fucking son?

The image she had in her head of him was of the baby she lost years ago, didn't she understand that he was long gone? Nothing was going to turn back time, nothing was going to fix what her family did to them both.

I hung my head between my knees and scrubbed irritably at my hair, messing it up even more but not giving a single shit.

I hadn't showered in three days, what did it matter.

"Yusuke..."

"Shut up, Kurama."

"You could go see her, you know. Koenma would allow it without much convincing."

"I need to be here," I snapped.

It wasn't a lie. While I spent days just staring at a TV screen, I should be out helping rebuild the part of the city we'd lost thanks to her.

No, not her. Her goddamned brother.

Kurama dropped it. Instead asking, "Have you heard from Hiei?"

"Normally I would be asking you that question," I said.

"I'll take that as a no then."

"Wish he was around. Could use a fight right about now."

Or a fuck, I added in my head.

The thought crossed my mind now and again...ever since that kiss. The prick.

Something told me that was exactly what Hiei was hoping for. He always did like to rile me up.

A flicker of movement on the screen had me sitting straighter, forgetting about Kurama hovering behind me. Someone was at Ettie's cell door and it was with a small amount of pissed off astonishment that I realized who it was.

"There's our boy," I said, getting up so fast I nearly knocked the chair over. "Time to go, Kurama."

 **. . .**

The guards leading me to the cell block holding Ettie were taking too damn long. I knew Hiei couldn't do anything too crazy here—he would end up thrown in a cell too—but that didn't stop me from worrying.

What the hell was he doing here? How did he convince Koenma to let him see her?

We heard raised voices down one of the many corridors lined with cells and I picked up my pace, running ahead of the guard, Kurama hot on my heels. I was half expecting him to have moved on and was thankful he hadn't. I needed answers and I wasn't gonna wait for the little shit to come to me.

Hiei was near the end of the hall, his entire body pressed against the bars of the cell as if hoping he'd melt through them. I was surprised his white knuckled grip hadn't dented them yet and wondered what the fuck Spirit World used to make them.

"Hiei!"

The snarl he turned on me didn't scare me, but the look in his eyes sure as hell did.

They were wild—not exactly angry...but...there was no real explanation for it other than that.

He turned that look back on Ettie, said something in a language I didn't recognize and then stepped back from the bars. He put his hands into the pockets of his loose black slacks, shoulders hunched, and glared at the cement floor as if it personally offended him.

It was hard not to turn and look. Hard to keep my eyes off her. I swallowed past a lump in my throat, temporarily forgetting why we'd come here in the first place.

Seeing her in shackles in person was so much worse. Her arms, legs, and even neck were wrapped in thick metal, the chains anchored to the floor and walls. They only gave her enough slack to lay down or take a piss. She couldn't even reach the bars.

But that wasn't the worst of it. The worst was the iron muzzle they placed over her mouth and lower face. There were slats so she could breathe and talk, but only barely.

Both her eyes were still black from when I sucker punched her, her broken nose an angry reddish purple with yellow around the edges. The shackles drained her energy and kept her complacent, which meant she couldn't heal her wounds either.

A vindictive part of myself thought she deserved at least that much.

They'd dressed her in the prisoner's equivalent of a burlap sack, with the number _1088_ blazoned across her chest. Her normally vibrant blonde hair was dull and dingy. She looked so goddamned tired.

I shouldn't feel sorry for her.

I tried everything to drag up that anger from months ago, to bring it back to the surface and scream at her just like Hiei, but it wouldn't come.

Seeing her again was like seeing a ghost.

I'd missed her so much.

"Yusuke, come here please."

So lost in thought I never noticed Kurama took Hiei further down the corridor to converse alone. It was hard for me to draw my gaze away from her now that I was looking, but I managed and really wished I hadn't.

Hiei looked ready to strangle the nearest person and Kurama...his face was so carefully composed I immediately felt wary.

"What?"

"Why the secrecy?" Ettie barked from her cell. "It's not like he didn't already tell me."

Even her voice made bitterness claw its way up my throat. She sounded so broken, her voice raspy and used up.

Hiei's jaw tightened as he gnashed down on his teeth, eyes trained on the floor.

"Told you what?" I asked her, still staring at Hiei, completely confused. I hated being kept in the dark.

"Tell him Hiei. It'll mean _so much_ more coming from you."

The biting coldness of her tone made me shiver...my stomach sinking.

"What is it, man?!" Anger. My one and only defense against the tide of emotions I could feel swelling in my chest.

I was gonna be sick any minute, I just knew it.

Hiei squared his shoulders, but he wouldn't look me in the eye. Instead he looked somewhere past my shoulder, the hands in his pockets balling into obvious fists.

"I've petitioned Koenma to allow me to be her executioner."

He said it so bluntly, so nonchalantly...that I just lost it.

There were no powers. Just an all out brawl in the middle of Spirit World's maximum security prison.

By the time the guards managed to pull us apart, a few of them caught in the crossfire, neither of our faces were recognizable. And I still wanted to kick the ever loving shit out of him. I wanted to see him choke on his own blood and spit in his face and wrap my hands around his goddamn throat and choke him within an inch of his miserable fucking life.

"Fuck you, Hiei! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I screamed, tossing one of the guards into a nearby wall and gunning for him again.

I was quickly caught and restrained, energy draining cuffs slapped over my wrists as a group of them wrestled me to the floor.

Hiei was in the same boat, his swollen eyes still managing to cut me with their glare.

"Bastard!" I screamed, spitting blood across the floor, my aching cheek pressed into it so hard I thought my jaw would snap. "I thought you loved her!"

He never said a word. Not even as we were both hauled off and tossed into cells opposite each other.

He just sunk to the floor in the farthest corner...and buried his head in his arms.

 **. . .**

We were released after a night to 'cool down and think of what we'd done.' Koenma's words, not mine.

Hiei of course ran off with his tail between his legs and I wasn't interested in talking to him anyway. He made his choice and he was the kind of man that would stick with it.

No part of me believed he could be that cruel. That's what hurt the most.

He was right to be angry. We all were. But to go that far...?

I couldn't wrap my head around it. My brain was too small for this shit.

There was still a nagging curiosity in the back of my mind, wishing I could have gotten the chance to ask what they'd been yelling about before we showed up. I wasn't so stupid to think it was only about her execution.

Hiei went there specifically to see her. And I didn't think for a second it was just so he could rub his decision in her face.

Then again, that might be per the norm for those two.

I found myself at our usual haunt and the bartender took one look at me before just handing over a whole bottle of sake. I thanked him by holding it up in a wave, before I sat at our booth and chugged straight from the bottle.

Kuwabara showed up half way through my second. He'd been scarce since the day I caught them together at Ettie's apartment.

I didn't think he was hiding anything, but I didn't let him know that either.

He sat across from me, pouring himself a drink like a civilized person, and downing it in one go.

"Do you think she ever gave a shit about us?"

"You wanna know something, Urameshi?" I stared at him, imploring him to tell me something I needed to hear. But what came out wasn't what I expected and it was twice as painful.

"The other day, when you showed up at her place and she got a good look at you for the first time in months, wanna know what I felt from her?"

I always forgot about Kuwabara's creepy emotion reading. Kinda grossed me out.

"Lemme guess?" I slurred. "Her undying devotion to me, right?"

I tried to make a joke of it, I really did, but I was so goddamned miserable.

"For a brief second all I could feel was this—this frantic energy. A mix of fear and excitement and pain, so much pain. But the biggest part? The biggest part, Urameshi, were her feelings of pure resolve."

"Damn, thought you were gonna say love and I would have had to barf on you. You ruined my dastardly plans."

"You can't make a joke when you sound so freakin' depressed, man."

"Doesn't mean I won't try." I poured Kuwabara another drink, taking a long pull off the bottle myself. "So you felt her resolve. Resolve for what? To kill us all?"

"If she wanted to kill us she would have the day we caught her with her brother. This was something else."

"Stop being so fucking cryptic, you're reminding me of Kurama."

"Alright, don't get your panties in a twist."

"I'm gonna twist 'em up real good and shove 'em down your throat in a second."

Kuwabara was quiet for a bit, fiddling with his sake cup and chewing on his bottom lip. It was annoying, waiting, but I just continued to drink while he collected his thoughts—or lack there of, considering.

"I think..." he shook his head, eyes becoming hard with certainty, "I _know_ it was her resolve to save you. She truly believes your life is in some kind of danger and that she's the only one who can stop it."

"You're singing a different tune from just a few months ago," I pointed out, waving the bartender over for another round of drinks.

"Yeah...I know. But, I thought about some things—really sat and tried to remember everything from that day."

He took the drink I offered him, his cheeks getting redder by the second—he'd never change. Damn light weight.

"Oh yeah? And what did that pea brain of yours find?"

"Hey! I'm smarter than you, asshole, and you know it!"

"That's debatable," I mumbled, grinning from behind my own sake cup.

He made a poor attempt at glaring at me and acting offended, before shit got serious again.

"She saved me, ya know, from her brother."

"Sure could have fooled me." I tossed back the cup, seriously contemplating just going back to drinking straight from the bottle. "You were half dead when Hiei and I showed up."

"I would have been dead dead if it wasn't for her."

I cast him a dubious look, lip curling in disgust. "Riiight."

I wasn't sure why I didn't want it to be true. I supposed it was because it would make things so much harder.

Easier to let her go if I could just believe she was evil.

"You don't have to believe me, Urameshi. But it changed how I thought. That's why I started watering her plants and taking care of her place...plus you were there so often I figured you could use food in the fridge and a clean place to sleep."

"How fucking noble of you, my knight in shining tinfoil."

He really did glare at me this time and I had to wonder if he wasn't taking lessons from Hiei. Did everyone have to get so serious on me lately?

For a long moment neither of us said anything. In that time my mind raced and raced—thought of Hiei, Ettie. Stupid shit really.

So, so stupid.

The first sob came out choked and awkward, loud between us and the sudden silence of the bar.

The soft grungy music playing in the background did nothing to mask it. And I couldn't stop it, no matter how many times I told myself I was being a baby—don't be a crybaby Yusuke, don't be that guy—it didn't make a difference.

I sobbed openly into my sake cup, fat tears running down my cheeks and snot from my nose and I hated myself so much in that moment. Hated that I still had so many feelings. Hated that I couldn't be stronger or more capable or smarter.

Hated that I couldn't save her.

And hated that I suddenly understood where Hiei was coming from.

He was angry. Far more angry than I'd ever seen him get before. But when he heard she was going to be tried and ultimately executed—he made the choice to be the one to do it.

And damn if that didn't take some serious resolve.

He would make it quick and painless. She wouldn't suffer at all. I don't know why I didn't see it sooner. He was angry...but he was also really good at hiding everything he felt other than that.

"That bastard," I sobbed like some fucking heartbroken loser who's boyfriend just left him for some trashy whore.

Kuwabara moved around the table and slid in beside me, a hand rubbing soothing circles into my back.

I didn't have the heart to shrug him off and call him a bitch, as would be the norm. And if I wanted to be honest with myself, it felt kind of good—warm, comforting—all those gross things.

"Why don't you call in a favor, King?"

My head jolted up, nearly head butting Kuwabara in the process, "Shit, I didn't even think of that!"

His hand fell away and he looked at me like he'd just met the dumbest person in the universe. "And you call me an idiot?"

I shoved him out of the booth, pulling on my coat with one hand and my cellphone out with the other. I was the only demon to win the Unification Tournament twice in a row. Damn right I had some favors to call in.

"I'm gonna rig that fucking trial so even Koenma doesn't realize what's happening until it's too late," I said, laughing manically. "Just you fucking wait."

 **. . .**

Kurama didn't like my idea, to say the least.

"Have you gone completely insane?"

...Okay, Kurama _hated_ my idea.

"You will do no such thing! The trial will be fair and impartial! She will be convicted—as she should be—and, if she's lucky, Koenma will merely allow her to rot in an isolation container for the rest of her life."

"Kurama—"

"No, Yusuke! You are blinded by your feelings and I will not abide this! She nearly killed us all. She allowed her clearly psychotic brother to kill hundreds of people—over and over. She sided with them!"

"There's more to it—"

"Is there?! Can you honestly say that, with out a single shadow of doubt? Do you truly believe you know her so well?"

I'd never seen Kurama lose his shit like this. He always had this...cold, calculated anger. It was a whole shit ton scarier than even Hiei's absolute rages. But this was scary in a different way—it was like being scolded by your mom times a million.

The guilt was astronomical, but it didn't stop how I felt.

I couldn't explain it—didn't know how.

But I loved her. So fucking much.

Maybe that made me weak or an idiot or...or maybe I was blind. There wasn't a good reason for me to feel this way. Ettie rejected me, over and over. I didn't like giving up, but a man should know when he isn't wanted.

...Except I never really got that vibe.

She pushed me away because of who she was, not because she wasn't interested. I felt it every time we touched, by accident or otherwise—the handful of times I'd gotten to kiss her.

A lot of people would probably call this an obsession and that I was just setting myself up for failure, but I didn't give a shit.

I wasn't the only one that saw something in her—Hiei did too.

"Kurama," my tone made him pause in his rant I'd stopped listening to five minutes ago—voice serious and far too calm, "Can't you trust me, just this once?"

His face went blank as stone...and then he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. I would always be his biggest headache.

"I've always trusted you, Yusuke, since the day I met you. You don't have a dishonest bone in your body...but that doesn't mean I think you're being any less foolish."

I took that as his blessing and spun around to high five Kuwabara. I could practically hear Kurama roll his eyes behind me.

"We are not doing this deviously," he said. "We will gather evidence and facts to use at her trial. I promise to do what I can, but I will not offer any guarantees."

I grinned, holding out my hand for Kurama to shake and when he took it I roped him into a crushing hug. "Thanks, man."

 **. . .**

 **One Month Later: Mid March, 2005**

The day of Ettie's trial arrived on a snowy morning that left the world soft and quiet.

I dressed in the best clothing I owned with Kurama and Kuwabara's help. A portal would open on the roof of my building to take us to Spirit World, with Botan as our guide. It'd been awhile since we last saw her and she spent a good portion of time just talking my ear off.

My heart was in my throat, so I just nodded along and pretended to listen and she was happy to fill in my silences.

Some things never changed and I found my adult self grateful for that.

Hiei was on the roof when the time came. I walked up to him with my arms across my chest; defensive. A different question burned on my tongue but I bit down and ignored it.

"You with us or against us?"

I knew Kurama told him our plan. And I needed to make sure what I thought about him was right.

Did he want to be her executioner out of mercy...or for revenge?

Hiei wasn't a merciful man when I first met him—the exact opposite. And he still had moments where his cruelty and anger overruled his common sense.

I needed to be sure this wasn't one of those times.

A circle of snow was melted around him, the flakes never even made it into his bubble of heat. His hands were clenched in his pockets and he was studying his feet with such a scrutinizing gaze I wondered if his boots wouldn't melt too.

"It would be a...waste," he finally said, "for her to die in such a way."

I tried to hold back the grin, I really did. But it spread until my cheeks hurt and then I was wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him on the cheek with a loud smack.

His face burned a deep crimson and the circle of bare roof at his feet grew a few more inches. He wiped his cheek and looked personally offended, but the flush on his skin spread down his neck and I wondered if his chest was crimson too.

The portal opened behind us, twisting colors sucking in some of the snow and making me nauseous if I stared too long.

Botan pulled out her oar and held out her hand. "Ready?" she chirped.

"Always," I replied.

 **. . .**

I sat in the front row with everyone else, other than Hiei who couldn't stand the crowd and drifted off to some corner. He needed to keep his loner status well established after all.

"How long is this gonna take?" I mumbled to Kurama. We'd already been sitting here forty minutes or better.

Koenma was presiding as the head judge, in his adult form, which caused me to roll my eyes. He sure liked to show off.

But there were four others besides him, making a team of five. They all sat at a long, raised dais, behind an ornate golden table. I didn't bother to memorize their names or faces, this would hopefully be the last time I ever saw them.

"They need time to review all the case materials and to prepare the list of witnesses they will call to talk on her behalf," Kurama said. "It shouldn't be much longer."

Another twenty minutes ticked by and I started to bob my leg up and down the more restless I got.

Just as I thought I'd lose my mind, the double doors at the back of the room opened. I turned with everyone else, half standing out of my seat to get a better look.

Six guards flanked Ettie, carrying the chains attached to her heavy shackles.

Her steps were stunted and they rattled with every movement she made. She'd grown thinner, her skin pale and face gaunt. It looked like she hadn't slept at all in the nearly two months she'd been here.

Without the drugs that was likely the case.

What I could see of her arms were bruised black and so were her ankles. The muzzle on her face was still there and I watched it frost over as she breathed through its slats, a fine cloudy mist trailing behind her in each wake of her breath.

I clenched my hands into fists.

She was a maximum security prisoner. I'd put countless demons in those cells and not once thought about how they would be treated—they deserved it, right? So who cared. Not me.

But this was Ettie—she was a person to me, not just some random criminal off the street.

I choked back the swell of anger, my youki surging under my skin glaringly obvious to everyone in the room. They looked but their eyes didn't linger for too long, not after they took one look at my face.

They got Ettie into her seat in front of the judges. She didn't have anyone there to represent her and I panicked before the trial even began.

"Kurama," I choked out, jerking my head towards where she sat.

He held up a hand to quiet me and then stood, clearing his throat pointedly. "If I may speak a moment, your honors."

They whispered amongst themselves for a moment before Koenma nodded, "Go ahead, Kurama."

"The defendant has no legal counsel. I would like to volunteer my services, if you will allow it."

Ettie stiffened in her seat but didn't turn. The judges went back to their whispering and this time it took so long I wanted to knock all their heads together.

"We will allow it," spoke the one at the end of the table, dressed even more pompously than Koenma, if that was possible.

Kurama gathered the briefcase of shit he'd brought with him and strode up to Ettie's table. He stopped just before pulling out his chair, looking down at her with an unreadable gaze, before addressing the judges again.

"I would also ask that the shackles on her face and arms are removed."

One of the judges waved to a guard, his expression both bored and annoyed.

The guard undid the manacles and they dropped heavy to the floor. The one on her face Kurama took off personally and I watched as some unspoken communication passed between them, the fox's eyes going cold and hard. He nodded to her once and handed the mask to the waiting guard.

Kurama produce a hair tie from the pockets of his dress pants and with deft fingers, gathered up the long spill of red down his back. "Then, shall we begin?"

Ettie's trial didn't go as planned.

But then again, when did anything in my life ever go according to the plan anyway?

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** Lemme remind you my friends that I am known in some circles as "The Cliffhanger Queen." Hate me, love me, but I'll never change xD

Also, if you think the boys are being a little too forgiving...just you wait.

Next chapter: The results of Ettie's trial. Kurama's petty revenge. And Hiei loses his ongoing battle with his "feelings."


	26. Becoming Human

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 26: Becoming Human**

 **A/N:** The continuation of Ettie's trial, back to Ettie's POV.

 **. . .**

I would pay dearly for this. For my crimes and my dubious loyalty and my wasted endeavors.

The fox would not be kind.

The payment he would seek for defending me would surely be high—if I lived.

Part of me hoped they would cast their judgement on me as they should—put me to death. It would be the kindest route for me, the one with the least suffering.

A month ago Hiei came to my cell.

He told me he would be my executioner. But before that he told me something else—that he'd spent months digging up what he could about my past and my family.

He was far more devious and well connected than I ever gave him credit for.

The message he sent me while with Einarr? The ability to convince one of my ravens to even carry it for him was astounding. That Jagan of his was both a gift and a curse.

The note itself meant exactly what I thought it had, which was why I'd risked returning here in the first place. Hiei at least knew, but he chose not to defend me in any capacity. He only chose to take mercy on me and offered to be the one to cut my head from my neck.

That was when the argument started and never stopped until Yusuke's untimely arrival.

Even now, I could feel the king's eyes boring into my back and it took all my willpower not to turn around.

I wanted to see his face.

More than anything I wanted to see that he was alive and whole.

Einarr and Magni could make their move at any time...if I was not there...

I didn't think all four of them—no, even with the other lords in the Makai behind them—could take out the two of them together.

Even having spent so much time around Einarr, I still did not know fully what he was capable of. As for Magni...

He would be far more dangerous.

I was shaking in my seat, the burn in my stomach and lungs and throat lingered with such ferocity I feared it would drive me mad. The drugs—I needed them so badly. I could feel myself aching, rotting from the inside out.

Koenma's plan to detoxify me failed miserably. I kept just enough hidden and was forced to ration it— slowly, carefully—every long day I was imprisoned.

I never slept but for a few minutes here and there when the exhaustion became too much. I couldn't eat, the food of Spirit World was too rich, even the slop they fed their prisoners. And even then, anything I put in my stomach besides water came back up with a vengeance.

I tried to focus on my trial, I knew in the back of my head it was important—life or death. My liberty was of little consequence anymore, I would never be truly free, it didn't matter who held the chains.

My vision grew black around the edges and I felt Kurama dig the heel of his foot into mine, forcing me to grit my teeth.

"Pay attention," he snapped. "This isn't just your life at stake."

Ah. So he understood too.

I was the only one with the information they would need. I held value to them.

Yusuke's life was on the line too. Both Kurama and Hiei must know that. They must understand that I could fix it—I _would_ fix it.

Kurama stood suddenly, frustration clear on his face. "Your honors, may I request a recess so I can converse with my client?"

They all looked irritated by the request but granted it anyway, glad to have a break. The court room started to filter out, hours of sitting making everyone resentful and tired. And it was with some disgusted awareness that I realized I hadn't paid my own trial even a second of attention.

The guards came to place me back in my shackles but Kurama waved them off and hauled me to my feet himself.

I was still chained at the ankles, so when he dragged me from my chair and into a private room off the courtroom, all I could do was stumble behind him.

He slammed the door before we could be followed and rounded on me.

"Have you no sense of self preservation?! You are making a mockery out of this trial!"

I couldn't stand for too long, my legs shook beneath me and my body ached and my tongue felt too thick for my mouth.

Kurama sighed, dragging a hand down his face. He dug around in his pockets and tossed something my way.

I caught it, just barely, and stared down at the medicine bottle like it was a hallucination. "What...is this?"

"Probably not as strong as you prefer, but enough to keep you focused. Take it, quickly."

I didn't ask again. I emptied the few pills in the bottle into my hand and swallowed them all dry.

Kurama shook his head, disgusted.

"Yusuke doesn't want you to die, you are aware of that, aren't you?"

No, I wasn't. And my face must have said as much because Kurama sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Did you at least find your son?"

The drugs didn't stop the pain. It wasn't enough.

The first sob tore through me like I was as thin as tracing paper. It ripped me to shreds and left me shaking on the floor and Kurama stood over me without an ounce of pity in his eyes.

I could not blame him.

"Get up," he snarled. "Get up and face whatever awaits your future. And never forget this trial is a courtesy not granted to most."

The rest of the trial was just as long and arduous, but I paid attention this time. I watched with heartbroken fascination when both Yusuke and Kuwabara rose to speak on my behalf, but they left nothing out. They told them of my failures and my betrayal and the acts I committed all in the name of finding a son that did not want me.

It didn't paint a pretty picture. But at least they understood the reasoning behind my actions to some extent.

They were not committed out of malice or anger or hatred.

They were committed out of a single minded, insanity fueled undertaking with the noblest of ideals—but lacked all nobility in and of itself.

My entire life was a waste.

Most would lay down and die in such a situation, but I just wanted one thing I could take to my grave and actually be proud of.

Just one.

But I couldn't do that if the Spirit World High Counsel chose to execute me. Even if it was the right choice.

And then there was Kurama—devious and undeniably loyal to Yusuke because he put his own feelings aside and defended me professionally. He kept his face a neutral mask as ice cold as my power and used what Hiei dug up to thwart the judges at every turn.

It left a sour taste in my mouth.

I didn't deserve this. I wondered when the other shoe would drop. Surely they sought their own brand of justice—Hiei, Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara—they wouldn't just let this go, would they?

My eyes drifted to a corner of the elaborate court room and I almost shrunk back in my seat at the gaze staring back at me. Hiei looked menacing, eyes such a deep red they reminded me of garnets stained in fresh spilt blood.

He pointed towards the front of the court room and glared—pay attention, that look said.

Feeling like a child being scolded, I dragged my eyes back reluctantly.

But my thoughts strayed, wondering what I'd missed all these months. Did Hiei stay with the crew? Did Yusuke lose his standing with Sarayashiki's citizens? Was Kurama and Kuwabara there to pick up the pieces if he had?

Of course they were.

They weren't like me. They had loyalties and history and friendships I could never even dream of.

Those things were foreign to me. I kept even my crew at a distance—only letting them see just enough of me to trust but not to question.

The thought of my crew made my breath catch and Kurama cast me a look so scathing that I actually dropped my eyes to the floor, ashamed.

No one cowed me as badly as Kurama.

I was ashamed at both my weakness and my lack of attention. The trial was nearing its close and I couldn't tell which way it was going to go. The judges all held sober faces and the gathered crowd murmured amongst themselves; speculating, waiting.

It was when Koenma stood that the room fell silent.

"I would like to hear from one final person," he said. "Etternia, please take the stand."

Years ago, when I first pled my case to live in the human realm, Koenma was supportive and on board with my choice to live and work in Sarayashiki. We met only that once, the application process, interview, and subsequent citizenship all occurred within a day's time.

Now, he eyed me with caution and disappointment, his gaze tinged with a heated anger.

Anxiety roiled in my gut as I rose from my seat, letting one of the guards guide me to the podium.

I settled in the ridge backed chair and took in a heavy, shuddering breath.

"You have one chance," the king of Reikai said. "Don't waste it."

Silence reigned. But all nervousness was gone. A coldness settled in my chest and the breath I released was icy, frosting over the microphone mounted to the stand encompassing me.

Even the shackles Koenma placed me in weren't enough to truly stamp down my Magicks without the limiter.

I thought of what would invoke the most sympathy, the most understanding. But knew I couldn't embellish my tale or lie through my teeth. So when I spoke it was with a voice so monotone and hard that I sounded almost robotic.

I didn't want anyone to know my life—but it was too late for that, wasn't it?

I spoke of my father's kingdom, of the tree that he and generations before him fought to protect. I told them of my birth, the one and only child to a ruthless king and a mother who tried her utmost best to shelter me from the hardships of our peoples' everyday life.

As I was about to begin the story of Artair for what I hoped would be the final time, Koenma held up a hand to stop me.

"This tree...uh, whatchama call-it, Yaggdrayzill. What is it exactly?"

"The tree—Yggdrasil," I said with thinly veiled irritation, "is a tree of life. It holds great power and importance to our people."

They were all staring at me now, doing very little to mask their curiosity—the power lust in their eyes.

"And what does it... _do_ , exactly?" asked the man beside Koenma.

I was hesitant to answer this question. It did many things, none inherently bad, but could become so in the wrong hands.

My jaw tightened. Truth. I must give them just enough of it. "The tree houses the gates to the other realms—the ones below and above my own."

"And how many are there?"

"There are nine in total. The realm I hail from is known as Vanaheim."

A mumbling rose between the judges, each of their voices clamoring for dominance in a slew of questions and replies that made very little sense to the rest of the room's occupants. I kept my gaze steadily trained on the hands I wrung together in my lap—waiting.

"Etternia," Koenma addressed me once more, "Is this how you were able to enter our realm, as well?"

"No," I shook my head. "You must have special permissions to cross realms through the world tree. I made it to the main continent—the place you know of as the Makai—by other means. I came to Spirit World through the portal, the same as any other demon."

"Your choice to reroute the portal to Spirit World was a smart one, Koenma, but it seems there was some negligence along the line—allowing such a creature in our midst."

Creature, I thought with a snear, how befitting.

"Do you also have names for our realm?" Koenma asked, ignoring his fellow counsel member.

"The human realm is known as Midgard. The realm of the gods is Asgard. And the damned go to a realm known as Helheim."

"And demon world? What name do you have for that?"

I couldn't help the bitter laugh that left my mouth. "Well, isn't it just another branch of Helheim, your graces? There are little to no laws in place, the demons kill and pillage and destroy to their pleasure. But I would not say it is the deepest realm of hell, but just the tip of a much larger iceberg."

"The Makai is not part of any hell I am aware of," said one judge. "It isn't an inherently evil place, from the new intelligence we've collected over the years, either. It isn't a land filled with lost souls."

"No, it isn't. Helheim is for the dead, that is for sure. But I have no real name for those lands. It is a realm all its own. Known to my people, yet unknown. It is not part of my world and yet can be traveled to with much hardship as if it is. There is no explanation for it."

I hoped what information I was able to give would direct them away from the subject of Yggdrasil. Telling Koenma the truth was one thing—he was close to Yusuke and I didn't think he would stand in my way if he knew—but I couldn't let the others know. They would send an army of soldiers to scout the tree, to take what it offered for themselves. All gods were power hungry in their own right and Yggdrasil would offer them just that—infinite power.

"And what of the boy king, Urameshi Yusuke? What is your relationship with him?"

Kurama stood at this particular question. "What relevence does this hold to her trial?"

"Considering this all started upon their meeting, I would say it holds plenty of relevence."

Kurama looked cowed, his eyes glinting with a defiant light, but he sunk back into his chair with more grace than a royal.

The judged turned back to me, leaning forward in his seat so he may get a better look. "Answer the question, girl."

I made sure to keep my eyes away from said king, afraid of his reaction. "He is a dear friend."

"A dear friend you and your cohort—now known to be your younger brother—attempted to kidnap and use to further your agenda."

"Yes..."

The court errupted into a cacophony of sound, stunned voices whispering loudly back and forth, a jumbled mess of words even my ears could not pick out.

Against Kurama's wishes, I stood in my chair, the redhead waving violently at me to sit back down.

"Please listen!" I hollered. "The choice I made in following him was a poor one! But I meant no ill will—I didn't wish for so many people to die! I did it to try to save the king's life!"

One of the judges scoffed in disbelief and I whirled around to stare at him with wide, ravenous eyes.

"Meant no ill will? Please." he said. "Whether it was your hand that struck the killing blow, or your brother's, you still did nothing to stop it."

"And how many lives would be lost if I allowed him to kill the king?! You don't understand...!"

"Etternia!"

Kurama's shout held so much authority the entire court clammed up. I sat back down abruptly, my jaw snapping shut, chest heaving.

"Allow me to question the witness?" he asked and the judge waved him off, giving Kurama the floor.

He strode to the podium, green eyes flashing gold in the lamp light. "Etternia," he said, "You say your motive was to save the king, is this true?"

I ground my teeth together, eyes darting around all the faces staring back at me—eyes full of uncertainty and fear, but not an onuce of pity. It was when I came across a stark red that I caught my breath and felt the shake of my hands subside. Anger flared in them—righteous and beautiful and hungry.

Anger I could understand.

Anger I could work with.

"There was another motive, one that I've harbored for a very long time."

"To save your son?" Kurama asked.

"Yes. But I was so trapped in the past I never stopped to think what kind of man he would have grown into. Perhaps I didn't want to believe he was a man at all—but still that babe that was stolen from me on the day of his birth."

Kurama slung question after question at me after that—about my drug addiction, my mental health, the state of my powers, the misuse of them, my family, the loss of Artair. Every one was designed to cut, deeper and deeper, until my facade of cold calm cracked like so much ice.

He wore me down with such brutal efficency that I was left with little time to collect myself between questions. I was left with my mind reeling, blurting out each answer as soon as it came to mind.

My hands were shaking again, palms pooling with sweat and hair clung to the back of my neck. The braids were a mess. I was a mess.

And still he fired question after question, not even giving the judges time to cross examine my replies. Kurama effectively and cruelly ripped every bit of information I'd withheld from me, not caring when tears gathered in my eyes and threatened to spill over. Not caring when those same tears froze to my face mere minutes later.

It was like reliving everything all over again—the hardships, the pain. All of it.

Kurama did an about face at the end, spinning the questioning back around to the orignal topic at hand. "And what are you so adamant about saving the king from?"

I spit fired the answer just as I did all the rest. "The tree creates a dew. It can be used in very small amounts to heal grave wounds or reverse spells and curses. But if the dew is eaten...unrefined, in its entirety, it will either grant great power and knowledge—or destroy whoever ate it from within, taking the surrounding land and anyone on it, with them."

"You mean to save Yusuke from this fate?"

"No...I mean to save him from being eaten."

The room fell silent. Even Kurama looked confused. "How would he end up eaten?"

"My...Magni...he plans to sacrifice Yusuke to the World Tree. The power of both a human and demon such as he will be used as fertilizer. And with it will birth a new type of dew—a dew Magni plans to ingest himself."

"And if he does?"

"One of two things will happen. Either he will ingest it and rise to Godhood...or he will ingest it and implode—the impact of which will collapse our world of Vanaheim...and take any of the surrouding realms with it."

Kurama, for his credit, took my answer better than I thought he would. He kept the same mask of indifference he'd worn the entire time, even as Yusuke's face paled to a stark white. Kuwabara, in the crowd, was just as pale. And Hiei...he had eyes only for the king. Eyes that bored into the man's face until I was sure his entire vision swam with nothing but Yusuke. A look that held both fear and longing in its gaze.

Kurama ended his questioning and gave his closing statement. He spun a tale of an abused, distraught mother who lost both her infant son and lover in one fell swoop. A woman who turned to drugs to ease her pain and fell down a hole so deep and dark she could not climb up from it. The drugs addled her brain, made her choices and actions poor ones, but ones that were not chosen out of evil intent.

He made it all sound quite sympathetic and depressing. Which was apparently perfect for the court, but the judges only half fell for it. Their prejudices ran deep too.

They had me rise for the sentencing, once again shakled and guarded.

"Etternia of the Vanir, born of clan Ylfings, Elementa and patron of the Goddess Freya—we hearby sentence you to a life of exile in the human realm, stripped of all powers and abilities, until a time when all judges present on this day see fit for them to be returned to you."

"But—!"

My voice was drowned out by all the rest—Yusuke, Hiei, even Kurama—all vying for a different sentence.

To have my powers sealed—locked away—was a fate worse than death for a demon. They all knew it. But with this knowledge also came resolve. It was a small price to pay for what I'd done.

I walked to the judges' dias with as much grace as I could in chains. "I accept my punishments and will abide by them."

Being trapped in the human realm would be difficult, but I still had my knowledge of my medicines and plants and healing. I would just be infinitely more— _human._

I would have to save their lives on my own merit, with nothing but my bare hands.

Koenma's pinched, worried face stretched a comforting smile across my own. It was no fault of his.

He sighed and said, "So be it."

With his words the guards removed my shackles, my power rushing back beneath my skin like a long lost friend, before it was cruelly stricken from me. A redhot brand was brought forth, made of godly steal. The guards wrenched my shirt up and pressed that rune into the bare flesh of my back, the skin sizzling, the burn going straight to my core.

I screamed until my voice was raw and broken. The pain was unimaginable, a suffering you would never comprehend even in a million lifetimes.

I fainted halfway through the branding...when I awoke I was in my bed in my apartment. I felt nothing beneath my breast—just a barren emptiness where my core was supposed to be.

"You should have let me kill you," said a quiet voice in the corner of my room.

It was dark, the apartment smelt of Yusuke and very little of me anymore, and I couldn't sense any energy signatures—my mind came up with nothing. A glorious blankness I should not be reveling in.

"Hello, Hiei."

I sat up in bed, allowing the sheets to pool in my lap, the coolness of the room pricking at my bare skin. Cold...I could feel the cold. Just like I could feel the heat rolling off of Hiei from the few scant feet between us.

He rose from his corner and walked over to me, hovering at the edge of the bed like a suffocating cloud. His heat was...marvelous. The first time I'd truly been able to really _feel_ it and god did I want it to burn me, burn me straight to ash.

"This is a deserving fate," I said, as if trying to comfort him. "But if you still feel the need to kill me, then by all means—"

I spread my arms wide, baring my breasts and skin for him to do what he will.

He didn't run me through.

Instead he loomed over me, a hand reaching out and gripping my chin so hard my teeth dug into the insides of my cheeks. He stood there for so long, his eyes wild and bright in the dark. He turned my face from side to side, inspecting me, before he let go and allowed his eyes to rove over the rest of my body. He lifted a boot to kick the sheet off the mattress, eyes darting over my scarred stomach and legs, before he bit out a demanding, "Turn around."

I did as I was told, rolling onto my stomach so he may inspect my back.

When his hot fingers came in contact with the fresh brand I couldn't help the scream that wrenched from my throat. His fingers dug in, dragging across the lines of it, the searing pain making me choke on my own tongue.

When his touch fled so did he...and I was left alone, sweat plastering my hair to my neck and chest heaving, trying to catch my breath after the pain stole it from me.

When I had collected myself, I dressed in loose clothing. Only one thing on my mind now.

My first night back was a night I spent hunting down the nearest drug dealer...and sending myself to a beautiful oblivion.

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** Kurama's petty revenge was finally getting to break her in court. Poor Ettie. She has no powers now. None. So minus her naturally long lifespan and the demon's unusual ability to heal their own wounds quickly, she's essentially human. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

This chapter was a bitch to write, not gonna lie.

Sorry it took so long but I needed to get through the holidays! And thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews I've been receiving lately, ilysm!


	27. Two Steps Back, Zero Forward

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 27: Two Steps Back, Zero Forward**

 **. . .**

 **The End of March 2005**

It was cold this early in Spring, the air still holding onto the bitter bite of winter. The night sky was clear, the moon high and full. Stars dotted the blackness, like holes punctured into a dark canvas, so seldom seen from the city.

I sat in a glade, far away from the bustle of Sarayashiki, the city lights a soft background glow.

The people down in the city would be celebrating Shunbun no Hi—the Vernal Equinox. I knew even Yusuke was choosing to attend a party, which is why I was hidden up here, as far from the joviality as I could get. There was nothing for me to be celebrating.

My fingers dug deep into the earth, churning up dirt and staining the tips of my fingers a deep brown. I felt nothing. No life, no lines. Just a deep emptiness. One I was beginning to hate.

At first, it felt like a blessing, not being tied down by the "gifts" given to me by my father before me. But as days passed...it began to feel like the punishment it was—it hurt when I attempted to use my energy, a searing agony that caused me to bite my own tongue to keep silent several times already. And even now, I sat in the grass only just barely begun to turn green and tried to break through the invisible barrier blocking my powers.

Nothing happened but white-hot pain.

I flopped back, falling on the still tender mark engraved into my skin, and groaned.

A small bottle rolled out from beneath my shirt, attached by a bit of leather and wound around my neck. Inside it was a fine powder—crushed painkillers and a mixture of herbs I'd smuggled in from the Makai years ago. It was more potent than just the pills alone and with it being powdered, I was able to just stick the tip of my small finger into the bottle and spread it across my gums. Faster than swallowing a pill.

I did just that after a moment, spreading the powder across my gums and letting it sink in a bit before I ran my tongue over my teeth.

There was much to think about. Too much. And most of it I wished to avoid—and had been for a week or better now.

I was keeping tabs on Yusuke for my own sanity, but often my ravens were interfered with if not killed outright. I knew it was Hiei's doing...if not Kurama's and it was frustrating, but expected. I should be thankful they weren't actively hunting them and the birds only died when one drew too close to the king.

My hands dug into the earth again, ripping up clumps of grass and tossing them across the field in frustration. All of this was my own fault. I thought them fools to be played to my advantage—as if I were playing a game a game of chess and they were all the tiny pieces; no minds of their own, only to be manipulated into what I needed them to do to win. It was poor judgment on my part. A folly I would not come back from.

And then there was Magni...

No. I couldn't think of Magni right now. Not when the rush of drugs was making a warmth spread through my chest to my head, where a cozy fog like blanket fell over my mind. So nice. Safe.

I wasn't human, lack of powers notwithstanding, I still had demonic strength and biology. That would never change. And the more I used the drugs the more my immunity to them grew. I knew my inevitable—a dishonorable death by overdose. I would welcome it with open arms once my job here was done. It was the least of what I deserved...

I drudged myself up, covered in dirt and half dead grass, and spun around straight into someone's chest.

From the scent, I knew it to be Hiei, but I cringed when I realized. This was only our second meeting since I was released from prison and once again I dreaded the sight of him. Even his open hostility when we first met was better than the look of utter loathing he held in his gaze now.

"You are still a demon, act like one," he snapped when I backed away.

True. While I might not be able to sense energies any longer, I still had my instincts. But of course, those were dulled by the drugs too.

"Why are you here?" I asked, not bothering to brush the dirt off. I merely smeared what remained on my hands across the jeans I was wearing.

I took the time to notice Hiei was dressed in his EMT uniform, complete with the stethoscope I'd given him around his neck. He looked unkempt, perhaps even harried, making it obvious he'd just finished a shift. He still wore a pair of gloves, little bits of dried blood flaking off near the fingers.

When he noticed where I was looking, he was quick to snap them off, balling them up and burning them. The stench of melting latex burnt my nose but I couldn't help laughing. He must have come in a hurry.

"Good to see you can still laugh even after murdering a quarter of the city," he spat.

My jaw clamped shut with that and I cast him as scathing a look as I could muster. "I didn't kill any of those people."

"You did nothing to stop it, which is worse. They didn't die by a merciful hand."

Hiei—a killer himself—harbored a code of honor I sometimes forgot about. His devotion and trust of Yusuke certainly changed the man, shaped him further than the horrors of his past ever could. Now he stood before me, proudly wearing the uniform of a person who saved lives every day of their life. No one would believe it—not unless they saw it with their own eyes.

"Why are you here?" I repeated.

His glare deepened, but he fished something from his pocket and handed it to me. The second it touched my fingertips, he was gone.

I was left to stare at empty air, the buzz of my high gone, fingers pinched around a thin envelope.

The scrawl across the front told me everything I needed to know.

 **. . .**

 **April 4** **th** **, 2005**

Two weeks later the envelope remained unopened, tossed on the top of my dresser to be forgotten about. I assumed it was passed along from its original sender to Kurama...and from Kurama to Hiei. Most likely because Kurama wanted even less to do with me than Yusuke and Hiei combined.

Also because Hiei was the fastest and the most suitable for delivering letters across long distances.

But that was beside the point. I wouldn't be opening it no matter who delivered it.

"I had your bike stored...after you left."

Currently, we were in my kitchen having an awkward chat over fresh coffee. And by we, I meant Shou and I. I wasn't sure who told him of my return and when I opened my door this morning to find him behind it, I almost shut it in his face. There was only one reason why he was here...and I already knew what my answer needed to be.

"It's good to see you, Ettie...you look..." he was at a loss for words when he gave me another once over, saw the pale skin and my eyes sunken in and tired, he trailed off.

"I can't come back to the crew," I said, a preemptive strike to stop anymore pointless small talk. "I have no place there now."

"That's not true! We would all take you back no questions asked! You can even have your old position back, I'm sure Eric—"

"No, Shou. My answer is final." I rose from my seat with all the grace of an ancient old crone and went to rinse my mug in the sink. "Besides, I trained Hiei. He knows everything I know and then some."

I was happy Hiei stayed. Ecstatic even, that my fuck up didn't royally ruin his life as well.

"Hiei has been a great asset," Shou assents, "but he isn't you."

I sighed, growing weary of the conversation already. "Shou...a lot of things happened while I was away. I no longer have the ability to heal as I once did—in fact, I have no Magiks at all anymore. Only my hands and my knowledge."

"Both of those are valuable enough," he said, trying his hardest to keep the obvious anger out of his tone. "Don't sell yourself so short."

"I think it's time you left, Shou. You have overstayed your welcome." The cold finality in my voice made him rise, his face carefully flat.

Shou nodded a sad smile on his lips his only goodbye.

Not long after he left, I found myself standing in front of my dresser, the envelope in hand. Part of me wanted to rip it to shreds and loose the pieces over my balcony.

In the end, I once again tossed it across my dresser and watched as it slid down the backside, pinned against it and the wall. Good enough.

 **. . .**

I wasn't foolish enough to believe he hadn't seen me, the crush of people in the tiny cafe, not even a slight deterrent. I clutched my coffee and tried to wade my way through them so I could disappear like a specter.

The hand that grabbed my shoulder made me spit a curse.

Apparently, he was just going to forego his coffee.

He dragged me to a booth already occupied by a group of college students and menaced his way into stealing their seats. They practically tripped over themselves in their rush to get away from him. I wanted to laugh but knew it would do me no favors, so I bit my tongue and let him shove me into the booth. He crowded in beside me, clearly cutting off my most obvious escape route.

"I know you've been keeping tabs on me. Cut the shit."

He was so close I could feel his body heat. It made goose-flesh prickle across my arms and the back of my neck.

"I won't," was all I said, taking a careful sip of my still hot drink and wishing I still had the ability to quickly cool it. Such minor inconveniences, but annoying nonetheless.

"You won't? That's all you have to say about it, huh?" He made a sound of disgust, snatching the paper coffee cup from my hands and petulantly chugging it like a child.

He released a pained puff of breath after, sticking his tongue out both to cool it and to try and rid his mouth of the bitter taste. I preferred dark roasted coffees and put no sugar and very little cream in them. Yusuke, who drank cappuccinos and other equally sweet beverages, would find what I drank horrid.

"Still don't know how you can stand that stuff," he said, shaking his head vigorously as if that would clear the taste faster.

"By the goddess, Yusuke, that was my first damned cup of the day."

"Sucks to suck," was his reply, before crumpling up the cup and dropping it in my lap. "Stop sending your fucking birds. I mean it."

With that, he was out of the booth and gone before I could get another word in edgewise.

Later that day, I stood on the railing of my balcony, my feet bare and called to the sky. The ravens were the one thing I was happy to have stolen from Einarr. They would only answer to me now because I treated them kindly, fed them, gave them trinkets to bring back to their nests. The birds were intelligent and easy to train.

The ravens were anomaly's, having the ability to seamlessly travel between dimensions without ever disturbing a thing. It was as if they were ghosts sent from Valhalla by the gods.

I loved them. I didn't want anymore to die.

So with Yusuke's warning...I knew I would need to send them back home.

I whispered this message in the raven's ears, running my fingers down the silk of its feathers. With a yell, I threw it in the sky, dislodging its sharp talons from my arm and shooing it away. The bird circled for a long time, just watching me, now seated on the railing, back against the building.

Stubborn old thing, I thought. Just go. Be free.

Only when the sun started to set did the massive bird leave, a great caw its final farewell.

Tomorrow I would finish what they couldn't. If Yusuke thought the birds were a nuisance he was in for a rude awakening.

 **. . .**

As promised, the next morning I tracked down the king and made my presence instantly known. He saw me the second he stepped out his apartment door and he looked less than impressed. It only took him a couple of blocks down the street to realize what I was doing.

"So this is what's happening now?"

When I didn't say anything he spat some insult under his breath and shoved his hands in his pockets, hunching over as he continued on his way.

I kept back a healthy distance, but never let my eyes off him. He was slick and almost managed to slip me a few times. To his utter disappointment, I still managed to keep up and walked right through the door of the mayor's office along with him.

He rolled his eyes but pointed to a seat in the lobby. "Wait here."

Sitting, I put on a good show of obeying, but the second he was out of earshot I was up from my seat and trekking towards the room Yusuke's been ushered into by a harassed-looking secretary.

Said secretary was bustling her way back down the hall and she called after me when I breezed by her, "Miss! Miss, you can't go in there!"

I didn't plan to go in, I just planned to make sure I knew exactly when Yusuke left. I took up a post outside the door, leaning against the wall and raising an eyebrow at the woman gaping at me in the middle of the hall. After a moment of staring she considered it a lost cause and mumbled something about not getting paid enough to be a security guard too before she wandered back to her desk.

The meeting between Yusuke and the mayor was long winded and most of it was spent with Yusuke taking verbal abuse from the lazy bastard who seemed to think he owned the entire city. When it was done, Yusuke banged the doors open and gave them the bird when they closed behind him.

"You're funding the rebuilding of the district Einarr burned down."

He glared at me. "You mean the part of _my goddamn city_ that your brother and you burned to the ground? Yeah, I'm fucking funding it, what does it matter to you?"

"It matters a great deal," I said. "Because from what I've heard, you aren't just funding it, but helping build too. With your own hands."

"Yeah, so's Hiei, Kuwabara, and even Kurama. We live here. It's our fucking home. Maybe you don't understand that, but I'm not about to roll over and let it turn into some dump."

He walked away and I trailed behind him, stopping myself from reaching out a hand and grabbing him. He had every right to be bitter and angry with me. I didn't expect anything less and in fact should be grateful he didn't just downright kill me himself.

After his meeting with the mayor, he went to one of the many construction sights scattered across the city and let off some steam. He helped lift heavy masonry and kept the workers safe and used his own brute strength to pitch in as much as he could.

On the ground, I spent my time watching and patching up small cuts and scrapes incurred by the workers. Some of them recognized me from my work as an EMT and the ones who didn't never questioned my presence, they just assumed I was a friend of Yusuke's and left it at that.

Yusuke stopped working when the crews broke for lunch. He returned home, showered, changed into sweats and a tank and left the building again.

First, he jogged. When he grew tired of that he hit up the first nearby gym.

Yusuke never spoke to me. He spent the entire day ignoring me, even well into the evening when he met up with Kazuma at the bar for drinks. His friend was vexed about me taking up a booth across the room instead of joining them, but neither made an attempt to lure me over.

When they parted ways, Yusuke once again returned to his apartment and I dutifully followed him up the stairs, just wanting to make sure he made it inside unscathed. What greeted me when I crested the final staircase was a sword pointed at my throat. I came up short, taking a single step back down and away from the tip of the blade.

Hiei stood at the end of it, fire and fury in his eyes, and jerked his head at me to leave.

"We do not need help from the likes of you," he said. "Stay away from him."

 **. . .**

I waited around a corner, sucking the remnants of my last dose off my teeth, and took a few deep breaths.

Giving up wasn't an option. Hiei would have to kill me first.

For the past two days, the fire demon never left Yusuke's side. He was trying to deter me from following him but it wasn't working, it was just him disturbing my duty and making me want to wring his neck.

I wasn't afraid to die. I knew what waited for me.

Hiei was out on a run today, his shift the only thing keeping him from Yusuke, and I was shocked at his devotion for the job considering he was once so against it.

Hiding in an alley, I watched him run his team at the scene of a car accident and wondered when he'd usurped Eric's position. It was obvious they deferred to the fire demon now and I felt a swell of pride in my chest at the thought.

Just as the last of the patients were loaded into an ambulance, Hiei rounded the corner and down the alleyway, his gait menacing and face even more so. "You have a death wish," he growled.

Stalking up to me, he backed me into the wall and tried to look imposing.

"Why haven't one of you just killed me yet?" I asked.

His jaw clenched, his teeth gritting together. "The detective wants you alive."

"He could have fooled me." 

"You betrayed us, Etternia. Just like I knew you always would. You gained his trust and devotion and spat on it like it was shit on your boots."

"That isn't true—!"

Hiei stepped back, hand waving in front of him, shaking his head. "No, I'm wrong. You loved him so fiercely that you burnt down the city he calls home and killed its citizens just to show how much you care. You ruined any development he'd made in the community and now people are once again so wary of demons that many have been run out of their homes and jobs."

What started off sarcastic and bitter turned crazed and angry with every further word spat from his mouth.

"You single-handedly destroyed everything we have worked towards for all these years. For what? Your selfish agenda to find a son who wanted _nothing_ to do with you."

Hiei's words bit, sliced, and rent me open. I swallowed thickly and tried to keep the emotion off my face with herculean effort. He was right after all. What was there for me to say?

"Now, because Yusuke and Kurama and that idiot Koenma bought you some mercy, you are still alive and once again disturbing Yusuke. What do you plan to fuck up now? Hmm?"

I couldn't remember a time I'd ever heard Hiei talk so much. His entire body revolted against it, from his standoffish body language to the grimace across his face, but he couldn't stop. His voice and tongue had remained silent in this for too long.

"Are you done?" I asked, though my voice lacked the confidence I desperately searched for.

His chest was heaving with his rage and I expected him to turn and leave. Instead, he grabbed me around the throat and slammed me into the brick wall behind me.

When my Magiks didn't rise to defend myself he let go with a noise of disgust, wiping his hand against his uniform as if I'd left something dirty behind. "Stay away from him," he snarled, before fleeing from the alley.

This was going to be hard. I expected nothing less.

But as I spread a thin layer of powder across my gums, the drugs whispered to me in their ever alluring tongue— _just give up and let the world burn._

Part of me wondered if that's what it needed—to burn...and be reborn anew.

A much bigger part knew he would never let that happen.

My fate would keep its course, until the day I was delivered to the hands of Hel herself.

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** Ettie isn't in for an easy road with the boys. She's two steps back from square one and making very little headway. Also, what's up with that letter, hmm?


	28. A Day in the Life

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 28: A Day in the Life**

 **A/N: This is a Hiei POV chapter!**

 **. . .**

 **May 15** **th** **, 2005—**

"You've been so silent, is something on your mind?"

This wasn't the first time she'd asked and most likely would not be the last. Yet, I still sat, chopsticks flicking at bits of rice left in my bowl and kept my tongue tightly glued to the roof of my mouth.

When she asked me to come for breakfast, I did not think I would be sitting through an interrogation as well.

A cup of tea was placed in front of me, taking up space my near-empty bowl just occupied. The scent of herbs and flora was soothing, but nothing could truly calm the rage festering in my mind. It was constant, a near impossible force. Even the maidens on the ice isle did not invoke such massive anger from me—their betrayal seemed to pale in comparison to this one.

"Hiei...?"

I looked up, trying to shake off the thoughts before they began at least for her sake. "Thank you for the meal," I said.

Yukina sunk into the seat across from me, her own steaming cup of tea clutched tight between her palms. She still lived in the Kuwabara household. In fact, she was due to be married to the older Kuwabara—Shizuru—sometime next year. The ceremony would be held in the Makai, as Japan did not recognize same-sex marriages according to the two women. Both have rallied and argued with officials to try and change it, but their petty reasoning appears to stem from their religion. All of it was foolish to me, marriage and the like.

Why not just pick the person you wished to waste your life on and stick with them. What would a pointless piece of paper prove?

Either way, the idea of it made my sister happy and I would keep my opinions to myself.

And if she must marry a Kuwabara, at least it was the more sensible of the two.

Yukina, looking at me with soft, pitying eyes, looked as if she were about to ask a question I wasn't willing to cough up an answer for—when her phone rang.

I hid a sigh of relief when she got up to answer it and quickly moved to wash my bowl and chopsticks. The sooner I left the better. Dodging her questions was never easy and after years of practice, she knew exactly how to whittle me down until I told her _something_ even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

Just as I was about to make my escape out of her living room window, she came running back into the room waving hysterically at me. "Hiei, wait!"

I paused just long enough for her to breathlessly tell me about the phone call before I jumped from the window. I ran as fast as my feet would carry me, far faster than any human eye could see and most demons would be hard pressed to at this point as well.

The call came to Yukina's simply because it was the last place they thought to check. I figured I should plug in and power up that foolish bit of technology Yusuke insisted I carry around, but I used it so little I often forgot about its existence. I could hear Kurama now, "Haven't I told you to keep your cell phone charged? What if there is an emergency?" Like some paranoid mother hen.

Smashing it never got me out of being forced to carry it either. I tried that more than once already. A new one always miraculously reappeared.

The last time Yukina was the one that begged me to keep it and I haven't been able to discard it since.

My running took me straight to the mayor's offices. I wasn't dressed for a meeting with any of the city officials, but they'd told Yukina it was an emergency so I didn't care much about my appearance. The stuck up humans could lick the soles of my boots for all I cared.

Upon entering the building I was greeted by a troupe of police officers, all dressed in swat gear with big guns in their hands—preparing for a war they couldn't win. I strolled past them, side-eyeing them as I walked by and their gazes followed me. Let them point their weapons at me... they would be cut to pieces before one of them managed to get a finger on their trigger.

When none of them chose to stop me, I marched into the mayor's office without a backward glance. I didn't fear humans—guns or no guns—they wouldn't be a match for even a low-class demon, let alone someone such as Yusuke or me.

As expected the mayor sat behind his desk in a chair that smelt of plastic and not the leather it pretended to be, his fingers steepled and face pinched. An ugly man, inside and out. There wasn't a single thing I respected about him. He used his power to bully and live in luxury and so long as his life wasn't inconvenienced he could not care less about the people of this city.

He was nothing like Yusuke.

"What was so urgent you requested my immediate presence?" I tried to keep the hostility out of my tone. I failed. But trying was the important part, or so Yukina liked to say.

"I received a rather strange letter this morning. The sender merely called himself _Yomi_."

This made me gnash my teeth together, lest I released a long-suffering sigh. This would be the third letter in the past month. The one for its original recipient seemed to have disappeared once it was placed in her hands.

"It's no business of mine. The letter is junk. Shred it and be done with it."

I turned heel to leave, clearly annoyed. Of all things for the lord of Gandara to do, send a letter to the damned mayor, as if the giant shit stain of a man would do anything about it.

"Mr. Jaganshi, I ask that you sit and listen to what the letter has to say."

The mayor's polite tone made my eyes roll towards the ceiling before I turned and swung myself into the first available chair. "Go on then."

He glared at me, but shook the letter open with a flourish and placed a small pair of spectacles over his eyes. Clearing his throat, he read, "To whom it may concern, I am writing you today as one of the leaders of the once great demonic realm—" here the mayor pauses to release a harrumph of annoyed disbelief— "to ask for your utmost cooperation in a grave matter. Living among you is a demon woman who is a well-established healer, she is also the criminal behind the recent destruction of your city. Today, I am inquiring to her whereabouts as well as the hope that you will send a favorable reply. The woman, Etternia, also has crimes to answer for in my country of Gandara. Perhaps a deal may be in order?"

The rest of the letter consisted of several points of contact for the mayor to send his reply to and a long-winded signature by Lord Yomi himself.

I was careful to keep my face blank, raising an eyebrow to convey what I hoped was obvious confusion. "What does this have to do with me?"

"It has everything to do with you," he snarled. "Find this woman immediately and do what you monsters do best—kill her. If she's the one behind the bombings she should answer for her crimes. I certainly won't be handing her over to some... _demon lord_ to harbor her. Punishment my big toe!"

"I don't take orders from the mayor," I snapped. "I answer to no one but the king. You'd do best to remember that."

He spat some furious words as I left my seat and ultimately his office, letting him have his tantrum without giving the smarmy bastard the attention he wanted so badly.

He didn't know who Etternia was. Didn't know our involvement with her. That was good enough. We would just need to make sure it stayed that way.

On my way out, I noticed the group of armed guards was gone and felt my apprehension grow. Who were they...and why were they here of all places? What did the mayor need with a swat team? It was concerning...but not my most pressing matter at hand.

It was short work, crossing the city to the old apartment complex Etternia considered home. I climbed up the side of the building, jumping from each balcony until I landed on the right one, pushing her sliding door open without a single hesitation. I thought I would be the one to surprise her.

Instead, I was grabbed by a pair of rough hands and manhandled into her room. "You shouldn't be here," she barked. "You need to get to Yusuke. Now!"

Her pupils were wide and blown, eyes glassy and unfocused. She was clearly high. Perhaps even crazed, by the looks of her.

She wore very little clothing, a pair of undergarments and a shirt with no sleeves. The start of another tattoo could be seen on her shoulder, traveling down towards her forearm, half finished. The pictures were stunning—clearly her own art—and if I could see the entire thing I was sure it would tell a story.

"Hiei!"

Her voice shook me out my stunned silence. "What are you raving about, woman?"

"Yusuke," she snapped, "he's in trouble."

"Are you sure you aren't just hallucinating?"

"For goddess sake," she mumbled. "Here—" She placed a hand to my forehead and after a moment I was force-fed several images. They were taken from the mind of one of her birds, the birds I thought she stopped using weeks ago.

Her dishonesty would have to wait.

"Damn it," I swore, fleeing the way I came.

I knew that bastard was up to something. I just didn't think he would take it this far.

The scene I came upon was as I expected—a brawl between Yusuke and several swat team members. The rest lay in various states of disorientation on the ground, their guns twisted, broken and useless.

"Yusuke," I called, exasperated, but he ignored me, continuing to beat up the idiot policemen until he knocked out each one.

This wasn't going to look good for him.

"That bastard!" Yusuke yelled, wiping the blood off his knuckles across one of the officer's pants. "Can't believe he tried to fucking arrest me!"

If it wouldn't cause a slew of problems it would be laughable. As it stands, Yusuke would be lucky not to be put on their most wanted list after taking out so many of their best men.

"Detective," I strode up to him, failing to keep the irritation out of my voice. Kurama would be better suited for this. "You realize they aren't going to like this."

"No shit," he said. "Figured they'd throw me a fucking party."

The caw of a raven had us both looking towards the sky. I gripped the hilt of my blade, thinking twice before I just decided to slice it down. Let it return to her. Let her see Yusuke was fully capable of caring for himself.

Except I knew if she were here...she would have asked me why I ran to him so fast if that were true.

Yusuke brushed the dust off his clothing and slapped a hand down onto my shoulder, igniting my body's natural instinct to shove him away. I tramped it down, trying to enjoy the short-lived contact for as long as possible without ruining it.

"Why are you here man?"

"Etternia told me," I said, jerking my head towards the still circling raven.

Yusuke looked up again too, a hand going to his chin. "How's she still using them without her powers anyway?"

"The birds have gifts of their own. Telepathy doesn't require energy."

"Huh," he murmured, shrugging. "Wish she'd leave me the hell alone."

"I've tried." 

"I know," he said, letting his hand fall away. "Well, wanna come in for a beer?"

I nodded, stepping over the fallen bodies of policemen and following Yusuke indoors. We sat in an amicable silence for a while and I made sure to bring up a menacing barrier around his apartment building. The mayor's men, human as they were, could still feel the heat of it even from a distance. None dared try again.

The day grew late and the sky dark, but still I sat in his living room, a pleasant warmth in my stomach from the alcohol. When he suggested I stay the night I didn't say no.

What I didn't expect was to find myself trapped in his bed the next morning, the king curled around me like I was some overgrown pillow for his resting pleasure. His hair, loose and ungelled, tickled my nose and I tried to stretch away from it without moving too far.

How did this happen? _When_ did this happen?

We were clothed, so no sex, much to my disappointment, but how the hell did he lure me into his bed?

"Hiei...?" his tired rumble startled me and I stiffened. "I miss her."

My jaw clenched and I brought a hand up to his back, left it to hover, and then dropped it back to the bed.

"Yes...I know."

 **. . .**

"Are you two finally an item?"

Her words were curious but not bitter. They were also the last thing I wanted to deal with so early in the morning.

"Didn't I tell you to stay away from him?"

She was leaning outside his apartment door, as always. If it wasn't the birds it was her and it was taking most of my willpower not to pick a fight.

Yusuke missed her. Yusuke wanted her. Yusuke would be sad if she died. It all pissed me off. All of it. Her face even invoked such a rage I wished I could rip it off and burn it to ash. The council should have let me kill her.

"I'm not here for him, actually," she said.

"I have no interest in speaking with you."

I left her without a backward glance. She could rot in hell.

 **. . .**

Kuwabara held up two different napkins and swung around to ask my opinion on them. I stared at him with blank eyes and an unimpressed face.

"Come on dude, do you think I want to be here? I feel the same as you."

The wedding was a year away. Yet, Yukina felt the need to begin the planning now, which meant she required the assistance of her wedding party. Said wedding party consisted of me, Kuwabara, the idiot ferry girl Botan, and Yusuke's once fiancee Keiko—who would be flying to Japan to attend.

Somehow, we were the ones that got roped into picking the linens. Because napkins were immensely imperative to get married, apparently.

"This is the most pointless thing I have ever done," I growled as I snatched both napkins out of Kuwabara's hands and tossed them back down. "Here," I shoved another into his hands, "this matches their chosen colors better."

I could tell he wanted to laugh and did an admirable job of only releasing a small snort, before turning around and adding said single napkin to the basket he was carrying. They would order the color and style and be done with it. But that still left tablecloths, glassware, silverware...

The list went on.

"I can't wait to get married," Kuwabara said wistfully, running his fingers down a particularly handsome looking display suit.

I snorted derisively and pushed past him. "If anyone's smart they'll let you die alone with six hundred cats."

 **. . .**

"Six hundred is a bit of a stretch," Yusuke smirked over his beer bottle, "five hundred is more reasonable."

"Shut the hell up, Urameshi, or I'm gonna shove that bottle up your ass."

"Now, now Kuwabara, being a lover of animals is nothing to be ashamed of," Kurama said, a smile of his own giving away his obvious amusement.

"It is if it means I'll die alone!"

Yusuke, about to retort something that would surely get the buffoon riled up, stopped dead. His eyes glued to the door made me turn around to look myself and I sighed; weary.

"She just won't give up," Kuwabara mumbled. "It's making me feel awkward."

"Try having her following your every move day in and day out, then tell me you feel fucking awkward."

"I'll take care of it," I said.

Yusuke eyed me for a moment and I thought he planned to stop me, but after a second he just nodded, resigned. "Yeah, you've handled her better than I could."

The look in his eyes was what steeled my resolve. Sad. Heartbroken. All things I'd seen in his gaze before, but not to this extent. Not for so long and not so destructively. Etternia brought the best out in all of us...and then ripped it away. She made Yusuke—made _me—_ trust her. She made me want to become better, to work harder and she evoked the same in Yusuke, which was why her betrayal could never be forgiven.

She was one of us...

Until she wasn't.

I'd never hated someone more.

Against my better judgment, I'd allowed her in. Told her things. Allowed her to use me as a confidant—as a _friend_.

She used all of us.

I chugged the rest of my drink, slamming the empty glass back on the table and rising up to stare her down. She raised an eyebrow from across the room—a challenge.

I jerked my head towards the door, telling her without words she best follow. I was done messing around. Yusuke didn't want her to die...didn't mean I couldn't put her within an inch of that point, so long as the inch remained.

Stalking outside, the Elementa woman hot on my heels, I lured her to a quieter area—a park not far from our usual bar. It was deserted this time of night, save for the stray drunk or homeless man that took up residence on the benches. At this point, the witnesses didn't matter. Let the world see her humiliation—she deserved far worse.

"You will never be forgiven for your sins, Etternia. If you leave now—move out of the country—I'll let you walk away unscathed. But that will be the last of my mercy should you decide to stay."

She nodded once, humming her agreement. "That is kind of you," she said, "but I will have to refuse your offer."

I clenched my teeth, my lips turning up into a dark grin, fangs bared. "So be it."

She was given little time to react and even with the lack of her powers, she was fast. But not quite fast enough.

My first strike landed in her solar plexus. She coughed and sputtered, but didn't double over like I was hoping for. I put twice as much force behind my second strike. She blocked it with a forearm, returning my blow with a haymaker of her own.

Ducking out of the way, my knee met her stomach...and this garnered me the reaction I was hoping for. She doubled over, clutching her gut, before jumping back to put some distance between us. When I came at her again, I watched with a vicious smile when she tried to use her energy to stop me...and failed. She screamed in agony, falling to her knees.

I took her distraction and used it, smashing my fist into her face, breaking her nose. Blood spurt across my knuckles and she was sent flying across the grass, crashing through one of the empty benches and shattering it in half.

She coughed up blood, staining the ground red, as she struggled back to her feet.

"Do you see now, Etternia?" I growled as I stalked up to her. "You're nothing without your energy. A useless, pathetic waste of air. Why don't you overdose already?" I mocked, laughing.

When she looked up at me, the glow of her eyes so ancient and harrowing, I was stopped dead. My breath caught in my throat and my laughter puttered out with a choked sound. What was that look? Where had it come from?

Those eyes...they were...

 _Frightening._

A true fear I hadn't felt in years swelled in my chest. It stayed my feet and suddenly I wasn't so sure who the true victor would be anymore.

Etternia straightened, her stance proud and stalwart. Short as she was, she packed on lean muscle in every available inch of her body. It showed in the way she stood, in the bulk of her arms as she held out her fists, ready to fight once more. The body of a warrior.

She was thirty plus years my senior. And it had shown the day she chose to leave with her brother.

I would never forget the hit that sent me flying through four cement walls, and would have gone farther if I hadn't somehow managed to stop myself. The ache of broken ribs was still in the back of my mind, the feeling of my breath being torn from me so violently it took my vision. It was something I would never forget. Not even Mukuro ever landed a hit so goddamn brutal.

"Have you changed your mind?" she said, spitting another glob of blood at my feet. "Come, Hiei. Show me how much you truly hate me."

Anger took over. I would not be afraid of her. Refused to allow her to hold any sort of power over me.

Every hit I landed grew increasingly more violent. But Etternia took them all in stride, countering when she was able, landing hits of her own that left me with several fractured bones and busted skin. She fought like a brute, only blocking when I swung at her particularly hard, but otherwise letting me treat her like a punching bag.

A break in my attention gave her enough advantage to dive in and grab me by the shoulders of my shirt. She tossed me, slamming me back down on my back and briefly knocking the wind from my lungs. Thinking she would swing around and pin me, I flickered from the ground before my breath even returned.

She expected that.

I was hit in the back of the head, my jump abruptly canceled, I stumbled forward and nearly fell face first into the dirt.

The brawl didn't end there.

In fact, it didn't end until I had Etternia under me. I sat on her back, my thumb pressed into her brand...and listened to her scream in agony. A dirty trick, but an advantage nonetheless.

She passed out eventually, the pain taking her senses, and I left her there in the park.

If she knew what was good for her, she would leave Japan and never return.

 **. . .**

 **July 2005**

Shou was sitting beside me in the ambulance flapping his asinine mouth about something or another, certainly nothing I cared about when Etternia's name popped up. It always seemed to with him.

"Have you seen her lately?" he asked.

"No," I snapped. "Stop asking."

I hadn't seen Etternia since the day I fought her in the park.

The next day I returned to the sight of blood still drying on the grass, but no woman. When she left and to where I didn't know. Didn't care.

Or so I told myself.

I couldn't stop thinking about that light in her eyes—the danger I felt. Even now, two months later.

Two years ago, when I met Etternia, I never in my wildest imagination would think it could turn out like this. Yusuke told me much the same, the sting of her betrayal never truly fading, just deepening into something else entirely.

"Do you think she ran away again?" Shou asked, his voice so melancholy it made me sick.

"Focus on the road, stop thinking about things that do not matter."

"How can you say that? You were closer to her than the rest of us. I figured you two would end up...together...someday—why are you looking at me like that?" 

The stare I gave him made him pale and he turned back to the windshield with wide eyes, his mouth clamped shut. "Sorry," he murmured.

"Hn," I grunted, rolling my eyes at his weak apology.

Shou drove us down the street of a little cul-de-sac, heading for a house call that came over the scanner not long ago. It was a human housing district, which was why I chose to take along Shou. I never did handle humans well, my care heavy handed and with little sympathy, I was best chosen to work on demon patients.

We pulled up to the house, parking as close as possible, before hopping out to grab our gear from the back.

"What was the call for again?" Shou asked.

"Heart attack," I replied.

"Not something you normally like to take," he pointed out.

No. It wasn't. But today was slow and boring and it left me with too much time to think. And thinking always inevitably turned back to Etternia. I was so sick of thinking about Etternia I wished I could physically cut her from my brain.

And oh, how I'd tried. Tried with the Jagan. With meditation and psychic intervention. I'd tried to drink her away. To fight until my mind should have blissfully gone blank, but she was always there. Someway, somehow she always remained. None of it worked.

Why?

What was so goddamned special about her?

Lost in thought, I never noticed when Shou entered the house before me, the door left ajar.

The blaring noise of a gunshot made me flicker into cover. When I turned around to look for Shou he was on the ground...hand clutching his shoulder as he dragged himself across the cement walkway leading towards the house.

Taking a chance, I sped from my cover and grabbed him, quickly ducking back behind the ambulance.

"What the fuck is going on?" I growled.

"Ah! My fucking shoulder!" Shou moaned. "It fucking hurts!"

"Stop cursing, it doesn't sound right coming out of your mouth," I snapped, pushing him forward so I could look at his back.

The bullet went clean through. If I had time I could stitch him up now and give him an aspirin to shut him the fuck up.

"I've never been shot before!" he hollered. "It hurts!"

"No shit," I said. "Bite it back, be a man."

Shou glared at me, the words extra hurtful in his case, but I didn't care. It worked because his anger made him stop whining.

"I'm guessing this is not really a call about a heart attack," I said.

"No, it's a setup. For you."

"For me, huh?"

The fucking mayor.

Fine.

Two could play that game.

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** I tried really hard to convey Hiei's feelings on the situation as best I could. He isn't into feelings, ya see, so even admitting certain things to himself is nearly impossible. Next chapter will be a continuation of his POV, which I think is a first for this fic. Normally I keep the boys' POVs to one chapter each time.


	29. Hatred Takes Effort

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 29: Hatred Takes Effort**

 **A/N: Continuing Hiei's POV folks!**

 **. . .**

"How the hell are we getting out of this?"

"Human shooters?" I asked.

"The two I saw, I think so. But it's not like I got a great look at them."

"You're useless," I hissed.

Shou made a noise that was half pissed off tiny dog and half pissed off cat and I just laughed in his face.

"Stay here," I said. "I'll take care of it."

I rose to do just that, but Shou's hand shot out and grabbed my arm. "Don't hurt anyone, Hiei. That isn't your job anymore."

I stared at him and then felt myself smirk. "Don't be so naive. You can't save people with goodness alone."

Shaking him off, I flickered from our cover and rushed into the house, ducking behind the first large piece of furniture I spotted. Two shooters within my normal sight, another I could see with the Jagan, hidden away in one of the back rooms.

The first two never saw me enter. Shou was right, they were both human, but the third was far from it.

I took out the two closest to the entrance silently, hitting pressure points to put them to sleep. They would wake up groggy, but otherwise unscathed. The last one only noticed me when I entered the room and he was quick to swing his gun towards me.

He shot off a few rounds that I dodged, allowing them to get lodged into the walls behind me.

When he pulled a shotgun off his back I expected to continue the fun, a game of cat and mouse, where he was meant to be the victim. I didn't expect it to have incendiary rounds.

The first shot blew a hole in the floor I nearly fell through.

The second almost took out my leg.

The third was never given a chance. I tore the demon's hand clean off before he was able to pull the trigger.

Falling to his knees, the man screamed, and I just grabbed him by the throat and growled in his face: "Tell the mayor he's going to need to try a lot harder than this to assassinate any one of us."

I tossed him aside, spitting on his prone body as I stepped over him. "Pathetic."

When I returned to Shou he bombarded me with a million questions. All of which I refused to answer until he got into the goddamned truck and drove the hell out of there. Knowing I would keep my promise, he made quick work of throwing the gear back into the ambulance and getting us as far from that house as possible.

"What happened?" he asked, still breathless as if he were the one that just risked his life.

"Nothing that concerns you."

"Oh come on, Hiei—"

"Shou!" I snapped. "If you're as smart as I know you are, you will stay out of it!"

He paused for a moment. "Did you just...compliment me?"

I felt my face heat up and snapped at him, "Just drive, idiot."

 **. . .**

The late summer heat was sweltering and standing in one of Kurama's many greenhouses wasn't making it any better. The stench of fertilizer burnt my nose and Kurama's quiet murmurings to his numerous killer plants were enough to make me gag.

"Can we get on with it, fox," I snapped.

"Yes, yes," he waved me off. "Don't be so impatient. We can talk while I work."

"I've said my piece, I'm waiting for your opinion."

Kurama watered some plant that bent to actually kiss him on top of his head and I really did have to hold back a gag that time.

"Well, we can't let it continue."

"No, I figured we should allow it to escalate until we have the entirety of Japan's armies coming to wage war on the demons."

"Your sarcasm is not appreciated."

Kurama finished his chores in the greenhouse and ushered me out, back into his tiny home and into a chair at his kitchen table. He went about brewing a pot of tea and making lunch without asking if I was hungry because he wouldn't allow me to refuse it even if I wasn't.

"How is your mother?" I asked suddenly, but hoping for an honest answer.

"She is well, thank you for asking. She's happily retired now. Little Shuichi is going to college, so its been a madhouse over there lately."

"Your mother must be ecstatic to finally have the house to herself again."

"There's still my stepfather, or did you forget?"

"I didn't. But you and I both know she's the head of that household."

Kurama laughed, setting down mugs of hot tea and two hearty sandwiches, before taking his own seat. We ate in silence, as was usual for the both of us, and didn't speak again until the dishes were washed and put away.

"I will go speak to the mayor," Kurama said, drying his hands on a rag, a cold light in his eyes contradicting the domestication.

"I don't know if it will help at this point. I'm assuming this is the backlash from not handing in Etternia."

Kurama's shocked gaze surprised me...then I remembered I never told him. "The mayor knows a woman named Etternia had something to do with the bombings...courtesy of Yomi."

Kurama's fist clenched around the towel, his face angry, energy flaring from the sudden rush of emotion. "Should have guessed," he said.

"He wants her for something. That letter you had me deliver..."

"It doesn't matter. She can't leave the human realm or she forfeits her life. Whatever Yomi wants, he can't have."

"I'll make a visit to Mukuro this week," I said. "Keep an eye on Yusuke while I'm gone."

It didn't need to be said. But it didn't hurt.

 **. . .**

My trip to Mukuro's turned out to be a waste of time. Even more so because the damned woman decided to start a fight.

She couldn't beat me when I was serious anymore.

But I would never rule over Alaric.

This seemed to anger her more over time and even if she did know what Yomi was up to, there was no way I would get the information from her.

I considered going straight to Gandara myself but knew the man wouldn't even hold an audience with me unless he thought I came with Etternia in hand. I was left with few options. There was no time to do a full-scale investigation and Yomi's resources were just as good, if not better than Yusuke's.

A human world meeting then.

I wondered what it would take to unseat the bastard from his throne.

 **. . .**

A week later I had my answer—not much.

Kurama went to see him because Yomi never refused Kurama. And considering the fox got nowhere with the mayor, other than his ass kicked out onto the curb, he picked a battle he knew he could win. Yomi still had his own agenda and I knew he would take Yusuke's crown if ever given the chance, but he still harbored a soft spot for Kurama.

The fox returned with a smug look on his face and I knew he'd won.

Three days later, a mountain of paperwork and Yomi was in Japan for the first time in his life. He rented a penthouse room in the finest hotel Sarayashiki had to offer and immediately sent for Kurama and me.

There was only one problem—Etternia was nowhere to be found.

"You told her to _leave_?!" Kurama said in hushed anger. "What were you thinking?"

"I didn't expect this to come up."

He dragged a hand down his face, exasperated and tired. "Find her," he snarled. "Do whatever it takes. I will stall for time."

I started by scanning the city, pushing my Jagan to its limits and coming up empty-handed. Not in Sarayashiki then. I moved on. Town after town. All of them coming up empty-handed. Tokyo was last. Mostly because the city was so large it would take me several days to scan it.

If she wasn't there...that left the mountain ranges, the islands.

Or perhaps she wasn't in Japan at all, had actually heeded me this time and left. Then we would be royally screwed, as Yusuke would say.

I didn't have much time.

Sending Yomi back with nothing would be an insult he wouldn't stand for. He played his cards, revealed he didn't want her dead and came here to see her. I needed to know why. The only way to do that was with this godforsaken woman who didn't know better than to keep herself out of their lives.

 **. . .**

It was with zero relief that I did eventually find her.

My last day in Tokyo, my patience and time wearing thin, the Jagan picked up her wavelengths. Without energy, she was ten times harder to find, but the paths of her mind were always there no matter how safeguarded, I could still see them. I couldn't access them, however, and it was only good for hunting her down.

I found her in the back of a garish nightclub, giving a man a lap dance.

She was naked from head to toe, minus a skimpy pair of underwear. Watching her dance for the pig of a male beneath her made an unbidden rage crawl its way up from my gut and burn the inside of my throat until I saw red.

The man was roughly tossed from the room, sputtering indignantly the entire time, until I turned and growled at him. He ran with his proverbial tail between his legs. When I turned back to Etternia, she was sitting in the man's hastily vacated seat, not looking at all surprised.

"Did you come on your own behalf, or Yusuke's?"

I said nothing, tearing off my shirt and throwing it at her. She held it in her hands for a long time before she decided to slip it over her head, the hem falling just past her thighs.

I pretended not to notice when she took a deep breath in and held it.

"Get up, you're coming with me."

In the end, I found myself in the passenger seat of a rented car because Etternia refused to run the entire way. "I'm fast, but not that fast," she'd said.

She drove us back to Sarayashiki without hesitation, a blind trust (or perhaps resignation) making her drive without a single stop. The ride was silent and hostile, the air charged and restless, waiting for something to set it off. But Etternia was either too smart, or too fed up to speak to me, and thus the entire ride remained so quiet it pushed us both further towards the edge.

When I directed her towards the hotel, only then did she dare break her silence. "I will not speak with him, Hiei."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I played dumb. I wasn't sure how she knew. But I wasn't about to let her back out.

At the entrance to the hotel, she refused to get out of the car. I argued with her for what felt like hours, our voices getting increasingly louder until we were yelling back and forth. Her from the car's doorway and I, leaning over her like a predator, spittle flying as I hollered insults back.

I didn't even know what we were arguing about anymore. I only knew that it felt good to scream at her, to let her hear my anger if she could not feel it.

I hated her.

Hated everything about her.

She betrayed me.

Betrayed me...even as I leaned in further, the cold light of her eyes swallowing me, the word rang across my mind. It continued on still, when I crowded her back into the car, my knee jamming itself between her legs until I was so close I could smell her hair. She always smelt of cold bitter winters and hot coffee and herbs. The scent was..comforting. Familiar.

I don't know when the anger changed.

Nor did I know when my mind turned blank and that word—betrayed—stopped its infernal mantra.

But if I were to take a guess, I would say it was right at the time I leaned in a little too far and found myself sinking to kiss her.

She stopped arguing abruptly, stunned stiff. It felt like kissing a corpse.

I backed away to snap at her, to tell her to—to what?

But a completely fed up mumbling of, "Jesus Christ," had my face flaming.

Kurama—and _Yomi—_ were behind us. Kurama with his face in his hand and beyond disgusted with what he just witnessed. And Yomi...who just looked pissed off.

"I found her," I said.

Kurama had the gall to give me a look that clearly stated, "no shit."

 **. . .**

The hotel room felt suffocating. The silence that reigned was not helping.

I sat in the sill of the large bay window overlooking the city. Yomi, Kurama, and Etternia were all seated in the center of the room on plush chairs surrounding a low glass table. None of them spoke, but I could see Yomi's sightless eyes glaring a hole into my back from his reflection in the window.

There was no doubt in my mind he knew exactly what transpired outside.

As it was, I was fighting the urge to go wash my mouth with acid. The spell cast on me outside was gone and now I just felt disgusted and disappointed.

She betrayed us all.

She wasn't worth the effort or the time or the air she breathed.

She wasn't.

Kurama, growing tired of the standoff, cleared his throat. "As you can see, she's quite well. If you could call off the mayor, by sending him word that it was your mistake about the perpetrator of the bombing—"

Yomi raised his hand, silencing the fox. "Her energy is sealed and you dare to tell me she is _quite well_?"

Etternia sighed and rose from her seat, just to kneel on one knee before Yomi, her arm held across her chest as she bowed to him. "Lord Yomi, I ask that we speak privately on this matter. That is what you wished, is it not?"

I was on my feet, prepared to argue, but it was the look Kurama cast me that caused me to reconsider. The whole reason I went to retrieve her, spent days searching, was to know why Yomi was so insistent on speaking with her. I knew they held secrets and history, Etternia spent years in his employ, but how close were they—truly?

"Come, Hiei. Let us give Lord Yomi some privacy."

Kurama beckoned me but I stood stalwart. I wouldn't leave without answers. The mayor was hunting us because he felt we knew the whereabouts of the bomber. Every day was a risk, another step further back from the goals Yusuke set the first year he became king. I wasn't about to allow the two of them to conspire further.

"This was your goal all along, wasn't it?" I snarled. "You were working with him to destroy Yusuke's reputation."

Yomi only smiled, the look belying nothing. "It is within your best interest to listen to Kurama, imiko."

The growl I released at that word vibrated straight to my feet. I hadn't been called that in years. It made such a bright, heady rage blossom in my chest it took everything within me not to attack the lord of Gandara. Yomi was a fearsome fighter and one I was never given the pleasure of challenging.

The thought, as tempting as it was, would be an act of folly.

I could not be the cause of further destruction.

Even as I walked from the room with Kurama, I never stopped looking at Etternia—knelt on the ground, her head bowed in reverence.

Betrayer.

Yomi had his own agendas.

She was just another piece in this never-ending puzzle.

The door shut softly behind us and I took up a spot in the hall, in a corner closest to the doorway. Kurama eyed me for a time before sighing and sinking down beside me. "Do you plan to stay here all night?"

"What choice do I have?"

His tiny smile lacking in humor grated on my nerves. "Perhaps give up on her."

I glared at him, seething. "If I had it my way she would be dead. You are the one who defended her so valiantly in court."

"I did that under the orders of my king," he said, but something in his tone irked me. It was almost as if he found it funny. And I didn't understand why.

"Yusuke would not have faulted you if you refused him," I pointed out.

"No, but he would have done something reckless instead. I did what was within his best interests."

"Tch, if anyone should give up on her it is him."

"He was not the one I found attempting to kiss her less than an hour ago."

Admitting to Kurama that I'd lost my mind momentarily was just as degrading as being caught in the act. With nothing to say I just sneered at him and turned to watch the door. Even with my demonic hearing, I couldn't make out what was being said behind it. Attempting to use the Jagan was also fruitless, as Yomi was carefully maintaining a psychic barrier around the room.

"Do you truly think Yomi was the mastermind behind all of this?" Kurama asked.

"I think Yomi plans to use it to his advantage, whether he was behind it or not."

"I thought I was able to garner most of Etternia's secrets that day in court...it appears I did not grill her hard enough."

"She was a convincing actress, I will give her that. But what little I was able to dig up about her wasn't nearly enough."

"You think she lied?"

"No. Not about what you asked and not about what pieces of her past she seemed fit to tell us. She gave up enough to seem genuine...but not enough to seem entirely honest."

Kurama brought his knees up towards his chest, wrapping his arms around them and allowing his hair to spill over his shoulder like a cascade of red. His eyes watched me a little too intently and after a while, I grew uncomfortable. "What are you staring at, fox?"

"You have changed so much in the past few years. Are you aware of that?"

"Don't be stupid."

"It's true." He cocked his head to the side, the inquisitive gaze of a Youko lighting up his face. "You have worked hard to achieve goals I would not have imagined in my wildest dreams. You are an EMT. Yusuke's second in command. You handle human affairs as if you spent years studying up on them. You have made great strides to bring out your utmost potential...and yet...something is still lacking."

"I was either forced or coerced into every single one of those so-called accomplishments. They are nothing to be proud of."

I couldn't look at him any longer. His gaze felt like tiny daggers, rooting deep beneath my skin, pricking and drawing blood. I wanted it to stop, for him to turn away and let go of this idiotic trail of thought, but his final words made me wonder—what was so lacking? Still, after all this time. What was I missing?

The fox was never given the chance to elaborate, because the door was abruptly thrown open, nearly hitting us both.

Etternia came storming out, her hair having grown so much longer billowing behind her in an icy curtain. Yomi was hot on her heels, stopping just before the doorway to call to her. When she did not turn around or respond at all he sighed and turned his sightless gaze onto us.

I watched Etternia leave. Watched those strong shoulders slump just as she was about to turn a corner, and caught a glimpse of her face, hardened into cold stone.

"I appreciate you arranging this meeting," Yomi said. "I will make sure the mayor of this city calls off his manhunt, but I believe the problems do not just stem from my letters."

Kurama spoke with Yomi briefly, giving his thanks and saying farewells, but I was still watching that corner. Watching for her even though I knew she was long gone. What was that look? Why was her gaze so sharp and determined, yet her body was folding in on itself as if she wanted to be swallowed up by the earth?

Everything was a game to her. Not for fun or pleasure. Just pure strategy.

Kurama's hand at my elbow drew me from my reverie and I snatched my arm back with a narrowing of my eyes. No answers. Again. And it was the fox's fault.

Later that evening found me on Yusuke's doorstep where I hesitated. Why was I here again? How many times now have I slept over, in his bed, only to wake up and realize I was being used as a replacement? How many times would I allow it before I finally grew to despise every second of it?

Yusuke used to sleep in Etternia's bed.

Purely platonic on her part. Not quite as much on his.

But this was different.

We often found ourselves in a tangle of limbs, clinging to each other in our sleep like lost children.

It made me sick.

I turned from the door...and ran.

 **. . .**

This was the last place I wanted to be. I let my feet carry me here of their own accord, the sun setting and rain starting to fall as I ran. By the time I stood outside her building I was soaked through, the droplets fat and unrelenting. The rain was cold, a cool comfort against my skin that still burned with heated rage. My mind was malcontent, a constant rush of thoughts I wanted no part of. Of Yusuke, of Etternia...and Yomi and Kurama...and the fact my life was so off-kilter from where it was supposed to be.

Ultimately, it was Yusuke's fault. All of it. If he never dragged me into his life...if I fought it a little harder...

Except...I knew I would still follow him to the ends of the earth...and back again. He gave me a purpose where there was none. Just as Mukuro had years ago when I felt my purpose with Yusuke ran out. Inside me was a fire renewed, a strength I didn't know I harbored. It was thanks to them both.

Then came Etternia.

And she ignited it like gasoline on a bonfire.

What was once a flame was now an inferno. I wanted to be more than I ever was. More than just a fighter and a murderer and a thief.

I wanted to be _someone._ I wanted to make them all see who I really was.

This was thanks to Etternia.

She brought out the worst and the best in me. And I hated her for it.

My hand gripped the sword strapped to my waist, so tight the friction made my hand burn. I should kill her, I thought, put her from her misery. It would be a small mercy.

Revenge was only an added benefit.

I stared up at her building, eyes glued to the balcony I knew was hers, and let the rain sting my eyes and soak my hair. Half of me hoped she would leave again now that her meeting with Yomi was complete. The other half I shoved deep, deep down and tried to burn it within the inferno roaring in my chest.

Hatred was not a strong enough word.

...And neither was love, I thought.

As I watched Etternia exit the building, barefoot and dressed in light colored jeans and a white t-shirt I recognized as Yusuke's, I knew there were no words befitting what I felt for her.

Perhaps there never would be.

My hand left my sword.

I marched up to her with the intent to interrogate her as I always did. To demand answers to the million different questions I still had. But nothing came out. Nothing at all.

The first I did when I reached her was to rip the cord of leather from around her neck. I held up the bottle on the end of it, tearing the cork out with my teeth and spitting it to the ground. The contents were promptly poured to the pavement, streaming with rainwater, before the bottle followed to be smashed beneath my boots.

"If you want to prove yourself," I said, "get clean. Only then will I listen to anything you have to say."

She stared at me with glossed over eyes. Gone was the gaze after her meeting with Yomi. What remained was the same hollow addict's eyes I'd grown to loathe.

"Says the man who told me only two months ago to overdose already."

I grabbed her by her arms and shook her, my lips turning into a snarl so fierce it would frighten a grown man. I wanted to pretend I meant those words two months ago, wished with every piece of me that it was true. But it wasn't. Not in the slightest.

Her hair, soaked as much as mine, was plastered to her face and forehead. The white of her shirt was transparent and her feet were covered in bits of dirt churned up from the falling rain. And I couldn't let her go, couldn't pry my hands off her.

"You stupid woman! Just do as I say!"

Etternia, her eyes clearing finally, shrugged her way out of my hold and wrapped her arms around herself. "Why? So I can feel all the pain I've locked away for so many years? You do not understand."

"I don't need to understand," I snarled. "The past cannot be changed. But your future can. Yet you waste away, day in and out. A demon once so fierce she could have destroyed worlds."

"I am demon no more," she said. "Even without the brand, I left the old life behind me long ago."

"You left behind _nothing_. You spent decades searching for something that didn't exist and allowed yourself to become a shell so worthless it was less than human."

"Yes, I'm worthless and stupid and too _human_ for your liking. I should be cruel and full of hate and rage and death," she said, breathless. "I was all those things once. I killed and ate humans like many of the others. I enjoyed it for a time even. Until I met Artair."

"It always comes back to Artair, doesn't it? The past is what made you. And you will wallow in it until the day you die."

Something changed in her eyes. They were not so hollow and distant anymore, but instead, I felt that same rush as the day we fought. A sudden danger so strong it excited me.

She made no move to attack me, but her gaze never relented. I knew she was confused by my presence here, angry with my words, yet she never refuted me. She didn't deny it and knew it was true herself no matter how many times she wished she could just leave it all behind.

Her gaze dropped to the ground and it took all I had not to curse.

"Someone once told me," she began, "that I should not waste my time looking back, because I was not going that way. I never heeded his words, even when I knew I should of."

"Artair?" I asked with clear disdain.

"No." She looked up, her eyes fierce once again. "The man was my father."

I knew nothing of parents. Fathers especially. But the words that flew from my mouth stemmed a reaction I didn't expect. "He sounds quite wise. Unlike you. What a disappointment you must have been."

I was hoping for the anger. The tears were not supposed to be part of it.

They came unbidden, without sobbing or sniffling. They just spilled over and washed away with the rain. And yet her eyes still burned like the earth set aflame.

Something in my chest shifted then, softened and molded and hardened again. Was it some sort of resolve? A feeling?

Another thing that lacked any words suitable for its true meaning.

No dawning realization came. No warning or blatant sign of the change. It was just there. Maybe it was always there and just now it came to some sort of fruition.

Either way...

The hatred would have been easier.

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** First, I want to say that the line I used for what Ettie's father told her above was borrowed from the show Vikings. It is a quote of Ragnar's I thought was fitting...considering who Ettie is and the culture I am basing her off of.

Second, Hiei is off the goddamn walls. He's jumping into the deep end and doing a good job of drowning himself. Wtf you doing, Hiei? Damn.

It's back to Ettie's POV next chapter!


	30. The Four Elements

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 30: The Four Elements**

 **A/N: Back to Ettie's POV!**

 **. . .**

Anger. Raw, pure, so hot it made my chest feel as if it would crack like pottery left too long in a kiln.

Tears streamed down my face—furious and bitter. I chewed my bottom lip raw, missing the comfort of the ring that used to be there and hating the meaning behind why it wasn't. When I finally looked back up at him, all the emotion pent up inside of me burst out in a violent rage. A rage I knew he was hoping for but one I could not stop.

I shoved him, open palms flat on his chest and a twisted satisfaction bloomed in my stomach when he stumbled back.

I did it again and again until the proud demon was pinned against the brick and mortar of my building, rain soaking us both, but he burned so hotly it steamed when it touched his skin.

"You know nothing!" I screamed, raindrops and tears flying from my lips with my anger. "You know nothing!"

How dare he speak of my father. Of my past. He only knew what I was forced to tell him. He knew nothing about me. _Nothing_.

I pushed him again although there was nowhere for him to go. I didn't feel bad when his head slammed into the brick with a loud smack.

He shook his sopping hair out of his eyes and finally pushed back, forcing me away from him, the rain-slicked pavement making my bare feet slip. The friction cut them open, the soles were raw and painful. But my anger made it fade away like a distant memory.

I stepped out here to allow the rain to cool me, yet here I was, enraged to the point of violence with no way to release it.

"No, it is you who knows nothing, Etternia! You are so wrapped up and embedded in your own suffering you notice nothing around you. All you think about is yourself!" he snarled and then twisted the proverbial blade even deeper. "You play as if you do—becoming a healer, saving people's lives, advocating for demons and humans alike. But you are not a good person, no matter how much you pretend to be."

"You speak as if you have some right! You are a hypocrite!"

"Maybe so," he hissed, "but at least I don't spend my time ruining other's lives over my past."

"Go to hell, Hiei!"

People were staring as they walked passed. Some tarried, their cellphones out, most likely recording or calling the police. Either way, I was too furious to care. Let them watch. I hoped they would enjoy the show.

Hiei took several steps towards me, booted feet splashing rainwater up around his ankles with how hard they hit the ground.

I would not be intimidated. When he was close enough to touch I fully planned to shove him again, preferably to the ground this time. Except I was never given the chance. He grabbed me again, hands hard around my upper arms, his chest heaving with breaths too fast. He swallowed once, I watched as his throat bobbed, and when I flicked my eyes back up he moved.

His lips burned.

The kiss was hard and lacked all softness or experience, but it burned straight down to my toes. It was vastly different from the first one earlier in the evening.

I gasped when his knee wedged between my legs and spread apart my thighs and his hands fisted into my soaked hair, his fingers so hot against my scalp I worried he would burn patches of it off. He slipped his tongue between my lips and swallowed the curse on the top of mine and pressed his entire body against me. I didn't know where he ended and I began and I couldn't breathe but didn't care if it killed me.

Kissing Hiei was nothing like kissing Yusuke.

He swung me around, pinned me to the brick, and I was wildly lost in him. So lost I went against my better judgment and forgot about the people watching or the fight we were in or the bitter words first spat to start it.

Nothing good would come of this. I didn't understand it. But I couldn't help it anymore either. I craved the touch, the feeling of being lost in someone. It would hurt me in the end when he finally realized he let his emotions get the best of him and it caused him to react in such a way. Even still, I ate it up. Let myself forget and just feel.

Maybe that was his plan.

Then again, I doubted this would be his first choice to end a fight. Yusuke's? Definitely. But not Hiei's.

This was an anomaly. A split second in time where he cast his inhibitions aside. He must have warred against it from within...and lost.

His hands roamed from my hair to my waist, fingers pressing in, memorizing curves and imperfections. He pulled the hem of my shirt from my jeans so he could run his burning palms up my stomach, his fingers splaying across my skin and the feeling of it made me moan.

He ate up the sound, a thick growl lodging in his throat, and I swore his body temperature jumped another several degree.

The pit of my stomach burned, the ache familiar but also different. It burned so hotly that it brought me back to my senses and I wrenched myself away, turning my head when he leaned forward to try and continue.

His hands didn't leave. Not even when I took in a harsh shuddering breath and started to sob, the sound broken and bitter.

My high was gone, the rain was cold and my skin felt too hot and my mind was a jumbled mess. I was powerless, stuck in a world where I was hated and yet lacked all ability to change that. I made mistakes and did nothing to rectify them other than to become a nuisance and a waste of potential.

Yet here Hiei was...although his eyes just minutes before spoke of hatred so strong it was blinding.

The feeling of his touch was too much.

His fingers bunched, his nails pressing into my flesh as if he wished to slice me open and fit his hands inside where it was warm and wet and smelt of life. He dipped his head, wet hair falling forward to shield his face and for a long moment, I felt like I could not draw in a full breath.

"You need to leave," I finally managed to say, voice hoarse and abused.

He drew away, the loss of his warmth a startling contrast with the rain, and then he was gone. He vanished into the dark, the wind and rain carrying away his scent too.

I was left with a crowd of people gawping like fools, lips swollen and burning despite the coolness of the rain.

Damn you, Hiei. What sort of game were you playing now?

 **. . .**

 **September 2005—**

The months waned, all bleeding into each other. My temporary stint at the strip club in Tokyo was over, but I still needed some sort of income. My addiction took what little savings I had long ago.

I joined one of the construction crews still working to rebuild parts of the city. The work was slow going and tiring, but it was a job. I proved myself within my first week, showing the men I was just as strong as any other demon. They left me alone after that. I worked without the friendship and camaraderie of the past. It made me miss the station and my crew, but there was no going back there for me.

I hurt people. I did not save them.

I steered clear of both Yusuke and Hiei in fear they would ask me about Yomi. I was certain Yusuke must know by now and I didn't know how much the Lord of Gandara told Kurama after our meeting. It was best to stay away. Let them create their own ideas and scenarios.

All of them would be vastly far from the truth.

I would not heed Yomi either.

Until my brother and Magni played their cards, I would remain where I would be needed. I did not have time for what he wished.

Months past, one after another, yet there was no sign of them.

Still, I waited.

Something was wrong. I could feel the looming darkness in the distance like a suffocating cloud and wondered when it would finally blot out all the light over Sarayashiki.

When would Magni come for Yusuke?

Being vigilant was imperative, but I was so far into the drugs I often forgot my true purpose. What I promised to myself the day of the trial.

I craved the touch of another, to feel grounded and whole for the first time in nearly forty years.

Most of all I wanted to go home. Home to Artair.

The day I died would be at his feet, his frozen grave becoming a tomb for the both of us.

 _Do not look back, you are not going that way. Do not waste your effort on memories and things you cannot change._

The words rang clear as the day they were spoken and I hated him all the more.

He spoke those words the day he gave me the ring. He put me through hell to earn it and I did it with pride. I thought I was something great to finally have my father acknowledge my efforts. But the more I thought about what I did to achieve it, something in the pit of my stomach grew hard and cold. It was wrong, vile.

But it was the way of my people. The way of our kind.

Demons were not built to be soft. Only hard and fierce and ruthless.

Or so my father and many of the others thought. Humans were a scourge. The weaker demons on the other continent, an isle only reachable through the world tree, were tools to be used. Only our people were as close to gods as they came.

There was only one time I asked about the others—the other lands beyond the tree. The ones we did not know about and didn't dare ask because those were lands meant only for the greatest of beings.

My father slapped me hard enough to knock out a tooth.

It was the only time I was thankful Elementa grew six sets. If you saw one of my kind missing their teeth they were either very old or very stupid.

When my workday was finished, my mind hazy and full of smoke, the bitterness still on my tongue from the drugs, I made my way home. My bike still in storage, I walked the distance every morning and every evening. Shou kept the key to the unit and I was doing my best to stay away from him, too. He didn't deserve it.

Shou was too kind. Too soft.

Someone like me would only ruin someone like him.

The feeling of the earth shifting beneath my feet made me pause. The sidewalk wasn't deserted. Sometimes I didn't know if the feeling was real...being high...sometimes felt that way too. A true indicator was a crowd.

Everyone around me was going about their lives, commuting from work just like me, shopping, talking. No one noticed.

Just me then, I thought with intense disappointment.

Perhaps Hiei was right. If I wanted to get serious...I needed to get clean. I just didn't know how anymore. All the things I kept buried...they would eat me alive.

Someone bumped into me, roughly jostling me out of my thoughts, and I remembered I was stopped dead on the sidewalk. I turned to apologize, feeling the words die on my tongue the instant I got a good look at him.

"Hello," he said, a smile lighting up his ruggedly handsome features.

Features that were a dead ringer for my mother. Unmistakable.

He even had the eyes.

"You have to be kidding me," I murmured, eyes darting around the crowd to locate the nearest escape route.

"By your tone, I'll assume you know who I am."

"Don't know you. Do not wish to know you," I said, starting to walk away.

He didn't make a grab for me as I expected, he just took it in stride, flitting between the crowd as if he weren't some giant beast of a man. He was thin, his muscles lean, but he was so tall he could see over the entire herd of people crossing the street.

He walked beside me, a cheerful smile still on his face, and gently took my elbow.

The smile was a guise, however, when he turned on me and said: "It is in your best interests to follow me, sister."

"How many of you are there?" I snapped.

"I'm assuming you mean siblings? Including myself—the oldest brother—you have four."

I choked on my own spit, making a scene in the middle of the street when he pulled us to a stop to slap my back. "There, there. It's quite distressing to me too."

For some insane reason, I highly doubted that.

He (my brother?) pulled us into a nearby diner and picked seats far in a corner, secluded from the rest of the patrons. A waitress came by to introduce herself and give us menus, then let us be for a moment too long.

"I heard tales that you have met with our brother, Einarr?" he said, studying the menu with shining eyes, still smiling.

"I suggest you introduce yourself first, or I will not be answering any questions."

"Of course," he said, setting down his menu. "My name is Erri. I am the second born child of Jarl Vidar of the Ylfing clan."

"Erri, is it?" I mumbled. "What do you want with me Erri?"

"I want to know of our brother, Einarr's, whereabouts."

"I cannot tell you that, I'm afraid."

The waitress came back over and asked for our orders. Erri snapped his order out in a rush and I spoke mine in quiet clipped tones. In the end, the poor girl couldn't wait to flee from our table if only to escape the stifling atmosphere surrounding us both.

"When did you last see him?"

"It's been months. I was hoping you could tell me."

He twirled the straw sticking out from his glass of water and stared at me, blond hair falling over his shoulder in silken waves. He was pretty, in a strange way.

"I heard he caused quite a bit of trouble for you, why would you be looking for him?" Erri asked.

The stunning blue of his eyes showed true curiosity. I was quick to realize he was as far from my father as they came. A second disappointment, I wondered. To have another child be born so much like their mother. It would have come down to his skill on a battlefield...and if he was lucky, our father would find something just good enough to accept him.

I was, for a time. I sat beside father at his throne, was given proper responsibilities. But I had no hope to take the throne myself. None.

"Because I want to kill him, obviously," I said, nonchalant.

Erri, to his credit, chuckled a bit before his face finally turned serious. "Einarr is an idiot. He is in a feud with father because he feels I am not befitting enough to be the next jarl. He will be rightfully punished upon his return."

Ah. I see now.

Einarr was the spoiled child who they allowed to throw tantrums because it was easier than disciplining it out of him. Now, that child has grown into a monster they have no hope of taming.

"I don't think you realize the type of mess Einarr has made this time. Nor his seriousness."

Our food arrived in utter silence. We waited until the waitress put down the plates and left, before leaning over the table to glare at each other. So much for the nice guy act.

"The fact of the matter is," he said, viciously stabbing at his meal with the provided knife, "Einarr is family and I am not in the business of letting my siblings die."

"Is that a threat?" I asked, taking a loud slurp of the soup I ordered.

Erri sighed, putting his utensils down with a frown. "Surely you know you are...still a very sore thorn stuck in father's side. I mean you no harm. I have never wished ill will of you, but neither have I ever wanted to meet you. You, quite frankly, mean nothing to me."

"Then why are you here?"

"Einarr made to use you. He isn't one for giving up easily. He will try again."

I continued to eat until my bowl was empty, ignoring him for the time being. It didn't matter who he was. He was just another obstacle. Another piece on this vast board that was the game of my life.

Another piece I would conquer.

I placed a few bills on the table, paying for my share as well as his, and stood.

"I'm sorry, Erri," I said. "But I will be of no help to you. If I ever see Einarr again, I will kill him on sight."

Erri didn't seem perturbed by my statement, he merely smiled once again and leaned back in his chair. "I would like to see that, given your current state. I'll make sure to scatter your ashes to the four winds once Einarr's through with you."

I gave him the finger as I walked out.

 **. . .**

Another brother. Four siblings in total. Seems father was busy in my absence.

Perhaps I was the bad luck, the blight on the entire family. Once I was gone they were able to conceive without issue.

Strange how the universe worked. Father thought he was cursed with me for so long. Having at least two sons must have been his defining moment, the old bastard. I hoped those sons would ruin him, but it seemed at least one was loyal. The other...the spoiled child surely wasn't.

The wind howled against the glass of my sliding door, rattling it within its hinges. A storm brewed in the dark, blotting out the light of the stars and covering up the moon. Fall was here and soon the earth would enter another slumber.

I sat with my legs curled beneath me and used the Magiks stored in my wand of binding to slowly etch out a new tattoo. It started at the cap of my shoulder and went down and around. So far only a quarter of it was finished. In the end, I would run out of stored Magiks and it would remain unfinished. My story. The story I had always wanted to tell.

Not my family's. Not my ancestors'.

Mine.

I was shocked I was still even able to use the device, but over the years my hand had grown so in tune with it that it was just like picking up a pencil to draw. Only some of the Elementa were born with the skill of binding.

I was an unlucky one.

Many of my clansmen bore my tattoos.

Even more most likely sought to burn them off after my banishment.

The thought of markings made a certain king's smiling face cross my mind and my hand clenched around the wand.

 _If you want to prove yourself, get clean._

Hiei's words still burned their way through me. He wasn't wrong. He wasn't.

So why did that make it so much harder?

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** Ah..ha...ha. What was the beginning of this chapter man? Idk.

I'm also excited to introduce Erri (if you haven't guessed I've got a trend going with the names lol). This is the second oldest kid after Ettie. He was born shortly after her banishment. You'll be seeing more of him soon :)


	31. Now Is the Time

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 31: Now Is the Time**

 **. . .**

I trudged through filth and rain-soaked streets, kicking litter aside in my haste. Cradled in my arms were several parcels—herbs, salves, medicines for sick people who could not afford it. Since the bombings, many hospitals also refused their services to known demons and the masses living in Sarayshiki were without even the most basic of healthcare.

It brought me back to my days working in Gandara.

Today was Sunday, the only day of rest I usually allowed myself, but after hearing of the plights among the demon workers helping rebuild what was ruined thanks to Einarr I chose to spend my weekends tending my herbs and passing out what I could to those in need.

This wasn't anything new; many came to the station specifically to see me. While I worked in emergency medicine, my background was in healing. I knew basic surgical techniques, how to heal and lessen the severity of wounds, and could make medicines of any kind so long as I did not lack the ingredients. My time spent away and my distance from my previous work created a bit of a problem for the others remaining on my abandoned crew.

They were forced to turn people away, and it created a lot of distrust in the demonic community.

I was here to rectify that.

As the cold gray morning turned into a chilly, but sunny, afternoon I made my presence in the slums known. Setting up a pseudo-medical stop in one of the more popular soup kitchens, I spent my entire day treating the sick and elderly who populated this part of the city. Demon or human, I turned no one away. No matter the problem, I worked hard to make sure they left feeling at least a bit of comfort if nothing else.

Some recognized me from my time as an EMT. Others from the medicines I'd made to help them.

This was how I spent every Sunday now.

It was a good distraction, one that left me feeling fulfilled instead of empty.

But it did nothing to curb the desire for the drugs. Between patients, I would spread the powder across my gums or snort it off the back of my hand. It made my mind cloudy but my hands still worked by their own accord, more instinct than actual skill at this point.

People noticed.

The demons didn't care, but many humans took my diagnoses with grains of salt. They whispered among themselves, and part of me wished I could feel some form of shame, but the drugs dulled and diluted everything.

I just didn't care.

That evening, as I packed up my sparse set of medical equipment, my medicines, and tinctures, I heard a loud clearing of someone's throat behind me. My back still turned, I held up a finger asking for the person to wait a moment. I thought I was done for the day.

I busied myself with pulling out what I'd managed to put away, but a hand at my wrist stopped me.

"I'm not here for a check-up, but I'll cough for ya if you want to touch my balls that bad."

Whirling around, I wrenched my wrist out of his hold and stood lost for words. I never thought he would approach me after all this time. Since my encounter with Hiei, I stopped following him. I merely listened and observed the city, waiting to hear any news of a new threat against the king.

There were many false alarms and weeding through them was tireless work. I wondered if it was similar to Hiei and Kurama's daily life as the King's Hands. Yusuke certainly had a propensity for getting himself into trouble without the help of a villain, and even more, people wished him dead these days.

"It's dangerous for you to be here," I snapped. I could see the eyes on us; the glances cast his way secretive and hostile.

"Do you think I'm scared of any of these small fries? Gimme a break."

"That isn't the point—"

He grabbed me again, dragging me away from my little setup and into an abandoned room used to store donations for the soup kitchen.

"I met someone interesting a few days ago," he began. "Calls himself Erri."

"Shit," I hissed, leaning around him to make sure the door was firmly shut. "He didn't hurt you did he?" I glanced him over, reaching out to touch and then thinking better of it. I dropped my hands and my gaze. "Sorry, of course, you're fine."

Yusuke was the only demon to hold the title of king for two consecutive terms. I needed to stop thinking of him as someone who needed to be saved.

He didn't need saving.

He didn't need me at all.

"He looks a lot like you. So what is it this time? Another brother to run off with and plot my demise?"

"I never—" I let out a loud, irritated sigh. Yusuke wouldn't believe me anyway. "Erri is my brother, yes, but I only met him a couple of weeks ago. Before this, I was no more aware than you that there was another besides Einarr."

He stared me down, his gaze hard and searching. After a long moment, he just nodded. "I thought as much. He didn't talk like he knew you very well."

Yusuke took a seat on an upturned five-gallon bucket and ran his hands through his hair. It was getting longer, more unkempt, much like Hiei's. They were spending too much time on containing the crisis in the city and not enough time on themselves.

"What did he want with you?" I asked, kneeling in front of him. My hands itched to touch him, to comfort in some way. I kept them firmly clasped together in my lap and ignored the ache.

Yusuke laughed, the sound small and humorless. "He wanted to take me to your father."

My hands clenched even harder, my nails digging into the undersides of my fingers. It seemed to find Einarr was not the only thing on his agenda.

"You came here to ask why," I said. When Yusuke nodded, I rose to my feet and paced to one of the many shelves, picking up a random jar of what appeared to be pickled beets. I turned it in my hands, watching the watery contents shift and float before sinking again. "This is pure conjecture because I have never been much good at guessing my father's motives or the way his mind works. He merely does whatever he thinks is best for his clan, no matter the means."

"What the hell does he want with me then?"

"I'm assuming for bait."

He did laugh at that. "Bait? God, the drugs have done a number on you."

The barb stung, but I took it without comment. "He wants Einarr back. So does Erri. And Einarr wants you. It is simple math."

"I'd make a terrible hostage," he said, and I turned to find him grinning, a light in his eyes as if the idea intrigued him. "I'm tempted to take him up on his offer."

I felt of a rush of unabashed panic lance straight through me. He couldn't seriously be thinking of going along with Erri?

My lips curled back into a snarl, fangs flashing in the dim lighting provided by the single light-bulb hanging above. "I'll kill him," I growled. "I'll kill him in cold blood without a thought if you choose to go with him."

His eyebrows raised towards his hairline and his face got stuck somewhere between shock and humor, his lips half curled into a grin and his eyes wide. He didn't see the severity. He didn't understand why it would be the worst mistake of his life.

"You can't do much like that, can you," he said, waving his hand down my front with a laugh. "You can hit pretty hard, you gave Hiei a run for his money a few months back, but this guy is on a whole 'nother level."

I couldn't sense energies anymore. There was no reason to doubt the king, but it did nothing to calm my fears or my anger.

"My father will do little more than use and discard you. He will not be kind. He will not find you funny or interesting. Your charm will do nothing to win him over as you have all the others. He is a different type of beast, one you will never be able to comprehend even if you saw him with your own eyes." I stalked up to him, standing over him with imploring eyes and vehement face. "Do not decide to go with Erri for some foolish reason."

Yusuke licked his lips, sensing a challenge, and smiled wide enough to show off his own fangs. It wasn't friendly, but vicious in its quality. A threat. "What are you gonna do about it?"

And that was the problem, wasn't it? I stood there with fists clenched so hard they shook, my teeth gritted tight and painful. What could I do? He would do as he pleased. He came here to antagonize me, I could see that. I just didn't understand it.

"Why are you here?"

Yusuke's grin fell away, and he abruptly stood from the bucket, nearly knocking into me. He crowded me into one of the shelves, not bothering to back off even when I slammed into it and sent several cans tumbling to the floor.

"Why did you do it, Ettie?" His hands moved, fingers brushing against the bare skin of my arms, tracing the newest artwork. He stared for a long moment, seeing the half-finished designs and old lettering and tribal markings.

"I already told you why," I said. It did nothing to break Yusuke from his reverie, his fingers only lingered, soft and dangerous.

"I feel like what you told us at your trial wasn't the whole story. You're really good at spinning things to your advantage, I'll give you that."

I wrenched away from him, slamming into the metal shelving again and creating a racket that was sure to draw attention to the room. I didn't care.

"You're right. I am good at spinning stories, but none of it was a lie."

"I didn't say it was." His eyes turned dark, a deep burgundy, the same shade they turned to when using his demonic abilities. "Why'd ya do it, Ettie? Something tells me it was more than just to find your son...or to save my miserable life."

I stared up at him, dumbfounded. What was I to say? He knew I used him to further my means. I used them all. I knew the exact moment using turned into actually wanting to be near them, and every day I felt guilt eat its way through me. Every single day. I never wanted to betray them. Einarr's appearance wasn't planned. Neither was Magni's.

I couldn't tell Yusuke the reason I wanted to save him so badly was that he reminded me of Artair.

My feelings for Yusuke were different, abstract and painful and difficult to understand. What I felt for Artair was as natural as breathing. He was the closest to a soulmate I would ever come.

Yusuke reminded me so strongly of him in so many ways...but there were so many others that he didn't. He wasn't Artair. Projecting his image onto him wasn't fair to Yusuke in the slightest. I knew that. It didn't quell the part of me that wanted to protect him, however, no matter how many times I tamped it down.

I couldn't save Artair when he needed me the most.

If the same were to happen to Yusuke...

Reaching up, I brushed the tips of my fingers across the markings on his face, the darkened color a beautiful contrast to his tanned skin.

No, Yusuke was not Artair.

Artair was gone. He was never coming back.

So many years I allowed my past to define me, to gnaw its way through me until all my insides were empty. I filled that emptiness with drugs and blood on my hands.

Artair would be ashamed of me.

"I do not expect your forgiveness, Yusuke, no matter how badly I desire to have it. My reasons are my own, but I went with Einarr intending to end his regime of terror from within. I never meant for it to hurt you in so many ways. I never wanted that."

His nose turned up in a sneer, averting his gaze, and he sucked his teeth clearly irritated with my answer. "Not good enough."

He stepped away, letting my hands fall from his face, and shoved his own into his pockets. "Think I will pay a visit to your dear old dad. I want to see first hand why you are the way you are. I mean...if you don't wanna tell me, I guess it's my only option."

He walked to the door, and although I knew he was doing a piss poor job of bating me, I still moved to stand in front of it. "You never told me why you came here. Just to goad me? To once again reaffirm how great of a job I have done making you hate me?"

"You won't answer my questions, why should I do you any favors?"

He pushed me out of the way and fled through the door, stalking through the soup kitchen like he owned the place. I left my things behind, chasing after him as he exited the building and began to weave his way through the many back allies in the slums.

"Yusuke!"

It was dark outside now. My demonic senses were just as sharp as they always were, my high waned a long time ago, and I was desperate for more, but I still managed to lose sight of the king.

I searched for a time, calling out his name and ignoring the angry protests of the people living in the projects. When he didn't return, I knew I'd lost him. I was confused and angry and frantic. It still didn't stop me from sinking down the smooth side of one of the buildings and snorting a line of powder off my hand. I remained after that, sitting in garbage and muck and smelling of all manner of foul things.

Placing my head in my hands, I let the high wash over me and didn't even care when the sky opened up and began to pour. I wanted to drown. Drown in the rain or my sorrows or the drugs, it didn't matter.

Eventually, soaked through, I rose and began my long trek home. I tried several times on the way to call Yusuke but he refused to pick up his phone, and I ended up merely closing mine with an irritated snap, breaking the tiny screen in the process.

Why did he come to me? Just to reconfirm that I hadn't changed? That I was still unworthy of even the most minuscule amount of his forgiveness? Or was it merely to prove how unbelievably stubborn he could be?

No matter the exact reason, it still left me unsatisfied and angry.

Upon returning to my apartment, I stripped out of my soaking clothes and tossed them in a heap to be washed later. I didn't bother to redress, it was a waste of time. Instead, I gathered up a sketchbook and pencils and took to my balcony where the rain poured from the one above it in a watery curtain, safe from prying eyes.

Drawing in a drug haze always brought on a streak of inspiration. I often didn't realize what I was sketching until it was finished, I just continued to shade and outline and smudge until something came of it.

Sometimes it was something straight from a nightmare. Other times it was family, old friends, people I once called my own.

Lately, they were the tree. Always the tree.

The tree with massive drops of solidified dew reeking of power.

I wondered what color it would turn if it should devour Yusuke—would it turn an electrifying blue or perhaps the blood red of his demonic energy? Or maybe it would be a combination of both and become a bruise like purple, viscous and horrifying.

Mindless, I drew the tree over and over, ripping out the used pages and throwing them from the balcony to be turned to mush on the rain-soaked pavement below.

I stayed like that until morning, watched the sun rise over the horizon and spread its light across the buildings one by one.

The final drawing wasn't the tree.

The last page remained in the book, drawn in stark detail and I slammed the cover closed, tossing it back through my sliding door to land in the mess of my bedroom.

Still, the rage simmered.

The more wild side of myself wanted to hunt and kill Erri before he could even think of stealing away with the king. Without my powers, it would be a fool's errand. I knew this and yet still needed to tell my self over and over that I would be of no use the way I am now.

Clenching my fists before me, I stared down at the useless things with a sneer.

No energy did not mean I was weak. It just gave me a handicap that couldn't be overlooked. The drugs didn't help.

 _If you want to prove yourself, get clean._

So many times those words came back to me, over and over. Would it even be enough? Did I even have the strength anymore?

The thought of being clean...

My teeth clenched and I left my perch on my balcony, returning inside to dig through my discarded pockets and pull out the vial of powder.

For several long minutes, I held it up and stared, the mix of herbs and pills a hideous shade of poisonous green. I should throw it away, I thought. Flush it and be done with it. I should...I should...

I didn't.

I never would.

Instead, I spent the day skipping out of work and doing line after line after line...

I would never change.

The reason I stayed so long with Einarr—the _real_ reason, beneath everything else—was because he never cared. He spoke to me just the same when I was on the drugs as he did when I wasn't. He did not judge or question or even bother to ask. I knew it was because he just did not care, not even slightly, about how I chose to ruin myself.

I wanted to find my son. I tried to save Yusuke. Yes, all of that was true. But what I truly needed was acceptance.

Nowhere truly provided me with such a simple thing. Nowhere but Artair.

Even Lord Yomi, who inexplicably trusted me throughout my entire tenure as his personal healer, truly accepted me just how I was. He too tried his hardest to get me to stop using the drugs. He killed or paid off all the dealers. He forced me to have an assistant so they could watch me as I worked, always making sure I was sober as I treated the nobles of Gandara.

But at night, when I was alone, I always turned back to it.

Yomi could not break me.

Neither could any that came before or after him.

It was the only thing that made me forget the hollowness beneath my own breast. It was a sick sort of comfort, but one nonetheless. To give that up would mean to suffer and remember and drown in visceral, never-ending memory.

Nothing else would fill the void, would mask the ache. It was all I had.

Day turned to night...and night into dawn...and still I laid in my bed naked and reeking and high.

The soft knock at my front door didn't make me rise. Neither did it when it opened without permission. The person who stood outside and stared in unseeing pity only made my dead gaze shift to the side to stare at the wall.

He couldn't see me.

But he knew.

Lord Yomi picked his way through the filth of my home and knelt beside my bed as no Lord should ever do for one of his subjects.

Least of all for one like me.

He leaned to prod me with one of his horns, as if he were some sort of forest animal, and took a deep breath of my scent. "You smell like death."

It wasn't an insult, but a statement of fact. It did nothing to change how I felt.

"You should have returned to Gandara weeks ago," I murmured, voice hoarse from disuse and lack of hydration.

"Of anyone, you should understand how truly stubborn I am," was his reply.

I laughed, the sound harsh and hysterical, tears springing to my eyes. Damn him. Damn him.

"I won't do as you ask."

"Return to Gandara with me, then."

"I can't," I said, laughs turning to hysterical sobs. I rolled over, showing Yomi my back and groping for one of his hands. I moved it until his fingertips brushed the brand and snarled in pain when they did.

"I heard all about your sentence from Koenma himself," he said, drawing his hand away. "I gave you away the day you asked to leave Gandara. I could have arranged it so you could not leave."

"Are you saying I am your property?"

"I would call you more of a friend, more so than property, but we believe what we want."

He stood, shooing away his escort when the man stuck his head through my door to check on him. The hand he offered me I chose to ignore, rising on my own and trudging into my kitchen. Coffee. Coffee was a necessity at this point.

Soon enough the smell filled the apartment and Yomi was sitting at my table nursing a chipped mug and openly not giving a single shit about my nudity or the state of my home. He might be blind, but that didn't mean he did not _see._

I sipped at my mug, savoring the taste and the warmth. I was far from sober, but this was the soberest I'd been in two days.

"I cannot return to Gandara with you," I repeated. "The brand prohibits it."

"Yes, I heard as much."

I stared at him blankly, annoyed. Of course, he had. So why was he here? "Then, take your leave and be done with it."

Yomi chuckled, setting down his mug and leaning against my old wooden table. "Do you remember our previous conversation? I told you I would not take no for an answer."

"You let me go," my voice was nearing a whine, and I quickly reigned it back in, swallowing past a thick lump in my throat. "You let me go, my lord, so the choice is no longer yours."

"Let me help you, Ettie."

For him to use the shorthand version of my name caused me to pause. I watched the liquid slosh in the mug as I gently rolled it in my palms, contemplating.

 _If you want to prove yourself, get clean._

I knew I couldn't do it on my own. Years of drug use eroded any willpower I might have had over it. It was ingrained now, more than a habit, but an obsession.

Swallowing hard, I looked back up at him, saw the truth in his face and knew if I did not decide to do it now, I never would.

When I couldn't bring myself to open my mouth, he just sighed and rose from his seat as regal as ever. "I am sorry you feel that way," he said. "But the offer is always open."

As he gathered his coat and replaced his shoes in the doorway, he paused. "Mukuro's boy cares for you. If you will not do it for me...perhaps him."

He left before I could form a reply and I remained stunned, staring at the door for a long while after his footsteps faded down the hall.

He would be back, I was sure. Only it wouldn't be with an offer of help.

Mukuro's boy...surely he didn't mean Hiei?

The thought was laughable.

What even gave him that impression...

The kiss was the most likely of conclusions. The most easily mistaken, too. It wasn't out of any sort of kindness on Hiei's part, let alone caring, but I could understand how Yomi could misconstrue it.

Hiei did not care for me.

He'd kissed me twice with carnal hunger, but not an ounce of it was love.

In many ways, he was exactly who I could have become. Angry, murderous, and aloof. Strong. Driven.

Instead, I chose a life of hard drugs and healing. I saved lives to make myself feel better, to cover up some of the taints on my soul. The added benefit of actually helping people was merely a bonus.

Hiei was right, I was only pretending to be a good person. I was far from an actual one.

As I sat and thought of every possible way I had royally ruined my entire life, I realized at some point it became hard to remember who I was before the drugs...my personality, the things I enjoyed, even some of the techniques and strategies I'd learned as I grew in power. All of it was a blur. All but the bad.

Who was I? I wasn't so sure anymore.

My name was Etternia. I was the first born child of Jarl Vidar of the Ylfing clan. Elementa by birth, Vulva, and healer by choice. I was the chosen of the Goddess Freya, the wife of Ingvar the Stonemason, and daughter of the ice. I was one of the few Elementa who could use all four elements and mix them to create new ones. I was a ranking officer in my father's armies and knew how to kill just as well as any of the men in the clan.

I _was_ all of those things.

At one point, long in my past.

Now, I was nothing more than I washed up addict with nothing to show for her name other than a string of mistakes and burnt bridges.

The moon rose. I showered and spent the time to untangle my hair and properly braid it. I put on fresh clothes and packed a small bag. I did all of this in silence, never noticing the pair of eyes that stared at me through the window of my balcony.

Taking a final look around my apartment, I laid my sketchbook open on my kitchen table, picked up my bag and locked up. I placed the key at the top of the door jamb. One of them would find it quick enough.

I would not take Yomi's help. My belief I could not do it on my own was reason enough to at least try. This was not who I was. This was not the Etternia my father worked, again and again, to beat out of me. Father could not break me. Ingvar, my once husband, could not break me. My mother could not break me.

What gave me such a right to so thoroughly break myself?

The walk was a long one, and I didn't know if they would accept someone in the dead of night, but if I did not go now I would never go, and the cycle would just continue to repeat, over and over. Until the day came where the drugs finally did me in.

Now was the only time. Now, when my powers were gone, and I was less likely to hurt someone.

I stood outside the gates of the rehab center for an hour before he appeared out of the darkness as if he were made of it.

"Giving up?"

I wrapped a hand around one of the bars, staring at the security box with the little buzzer that made my hands shake just at the sight of it. "It could kill me," I said, "the withdrawal."

"Are you afraid of dying?"

"No."

"Then what is stopping you?"

Nothing.

Nothing was stopping me other than my own mind telling me how much better off I would be with it.

I pressed the buzzer.

 **. . .**

 **A/N: Next chapter will be in Yusuke's POV! Any guesses as to who it was Ettie was talking to in the end?**

 **This chapter was a doozy to write. I really tried to get deep into Ettie's head. I know she's mine, but goddamn, haha.**


	32. You'll Pay by Iron

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 32: You'll Pay by Iron**

 **A/N: This is a Yusuke POV chapter!**

 **. . .**

Cigarette smoke curled towards the ceiling, the tip lighting up as I drew in more poison and laughed when I thought about how it didn't matter. Fate sure had a funny way of doing things. Being a demon came with some benefits.

We couldn't get cancer for one. Or die of lung disease.

And forget about fucking heart attacks. Couldn't die from clogged arteries when your heart was non-existent.

The sound of my door opening and closing had me rolling my neck back on the arm of the couch, so I could watch Hiei shuck his shoes upside down. He was here a lot these days. Not that I was complaining.

It was just weird.

Kind of like what I did to Ettie weird.

We slept in the same bed together, ate together, spent time sitting in silence together.

But that was as far as it ever went.

Things got even weirder a couple weeks back after Hiei came home soaked one night and wouldn't say a damn word. Not even a "fuck off" when I started throwing insults at him just to try to rile him up. He ended up ignoring me entirely and going to take a shower, where he spent over an hour while I bitched about him racking up the water bill.

The next day it was like nothing happened.

He ate breakfast with me, sniped at me to get some actual work done, and then went on his way.

I thought maybe he just had a bad night while on duty. But then I remembered the paper print out of his schedule hanging on my fridge (posted for my soul benefit) and the little red boxes blanking out his days off. That night was one of them. Which meant it left me with one conclusion—Ettie.

I knew he loved her, in his own twisted kind of way, and her leaving was just as big a blow to him as it was to me. Really explained why he was around all the time lately. I was the only one that _got_ it. He knew I would understand without him having to say a word and somehow it was always like that with us. We used our fists to do our talking and emotions were for babies.

Most of the time.

But at some point, I grew up a little more than I wanted to. Ignoring shit was unhealthy and counterproductive, or so Keiko was always telling me at any rate.

Asking Hiei if he wanted to talk wouldn't get me anywhere other than an early grave.

So without any of my usual options to fall on—fighting, mostly—I didn't really know how to handle his odd change in attitude. Not to mention him being around all the time...in my bed most nights...

It was really doing a number on me if you caught my drift.

"Hey man, rough day at the office?" I joked when he wandered into my kitchen and came strolling back out with a beer in hand.

"Hn," he grunted, shoving my legs off the couch to make room for himself. "The last call was a drug overdose. They didn't make it."

He wouldn't look at me, and his words hit a little too close to home. From his face, I would say the feeling was mutual.

I cleared my throat and sat up, mumbling out a "that sucks," before we lapsed into an awkward silence. Man, I hated this shit. I was never this uncomfortable around Hiei before and didn't understand why he wasn't feeling the same. He just sat there, drinking his beer, his dirty ass feet propped on my coffee table and said nothing.

The thought of leaving with Ettie's brother Erri once again came to mind.

It would be like running away, but if I learned some shit in the process, I would consider it a win in my book. The only reason I didn't leave with Ettie's dumbass brother right off was because of Hiei's weirdness.

Or, at least that was what I told myself.

"You've been here a lot lately..."

Hiei sipped his beer and cast me a sidelong glance. "Are you saying I have overstayed my welcome?"

"You know I don't give a shit how much you stay here. I've got enough money to wipe my ass with, I'm not concerned about you mooching."

"I'm not here for your money."

I sat up a little straighter, indignant. "That's not what I said."

Hiei drained his beer and leaned forward to set it on the coffee table with a sharp clunk. I noticed the slight indents in the glass where his fingers had gripped, hot enough to melt, leaving near perfect molds of his fingerprints behind.

"Do you want to know why I am here?" he asked, keeping his eyes carefully trained on his empty bottle, his hands folded in his lap.

I wanted to tell him it didn't matter, to forget I said anything, but the way his hands shifted to grip his thighs changed my mind. His gaze never moved, his lips set into a tiny frown and long dark lashes nearly brushing his cheeks. When the hell did I start noticing things like that? Why would I even care?

Hiei was...pretty. No. Not pretty...

"Sexy," I mumbled accidentally.

"What was that?"

I jolted in my seat and stared at him with eyes a little too wide. "Nothing, you're hearing shit man. Better get those ears checked." I chuckled, rubbing the back of my neck.

Hiei sat up finally, and the mood shifted and shattered, whatever he was going to say long gone.

"There's nothing wrong with my ears."

I cleared my throat and rose from the couch as casually as I could. "Think I'll give Kuwabara a call and see if he wants to go to the bar. You interested?"

Hiei eyed me for a long moment before he shook his head. "No."

"Okay, then."

Planning on calling Kuwabara on the way (and going to the bar whether he answered or not), I pulled on a pair of sneakers that'd seen better days and called over my shoulder to Hiei. "Don't wait up."

I left after hearing his grunt for a response and regretted not grabbing my coat on the way out. It was nearing the end of November, and I could smell winter on the air. It reminded me harshly of a certain someone, and now I wanted a stiff drink more than ever.

Pulling out my cellphone to ring Kuwabara, I paused with it halfway to my ear. Keeping my back turned I slowly raised my other arm towards the sky as well.

"Drop the phone," said the voice behind me, more firmly pressing the barrel of his gun into the small of my back.

I licked my lips, grinning, and did as I was told.

The second it hit the ground I spun, kicking his ankles out from beneath him and tearing the gun from his hands. I bent it in half over my knee, tossing it aside where it skidded away down the sidewalk, and punched the man in the face. He went flying into a lamppost and slid down it with a drawn-out groan, blood already flooding his face.

Dumbass shouldn't have used such a long gun. Left the guy with too many openings.

I stalked up to him and kicked him in the ass for good measure. He toppled over, swearing.

"And that was me holding back, asshole."

Spinning, I held out my arms. "Anyone else wanna piece of me?!" I hollered.

The street was strangely deserted this time of night, minus the two of us. If I wasted any more time here, the bar would be closed. Moving away from the loser still whining on the ground, I plucked up my cellphone and cursed when I saw it was broken, tossing the useless metal and plastic into a nearby trashcan.

"The mayor...isn't going to give up...you know."

I turned to cast the guy an unimpressed look. "He sent one guy this time. He doesn't have a fucking clue who he's dealing with."

He struggled to sit up against the pole again, pinching the bridge of his broken nose. It did nothing but make him wince. "The mayor wants you...out of this city."

He was breathing heavy, and I wondered if his impact into the pole broke some ribs. Good.

"I don't give a shit. This was my city long before it was his."

"You don't belong...here."

"You aren't the first to say that and won't be the last. What the fuck do you want?"

The man laughed, his face scrunching up in pain. He slumped back and dug in his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. I was there with a lighter the second he put the cigarette between his lips. For his credit he didn't jerk back or look surprised, he took the light with a confused frown and offered me the cig after he'd taken a drag.

I sunk down on the ground beside him and we passed the cigarette between the two of us until it was gone.

"I don't work for the mayor," the guy said. He coughed a few times, laughing again. "Sorry to mislead you."

"Who the hell are you then?"

If he didn't work for the mayor, then who? Giving him a better look, I didn't notice the first time he wasn't wearing an official police uniform or any other telling piece of clothing. He wore tactical gear as if he were in the military, but no badges or pins or ribbons declared what or who he was. The fact he'd managed to sneak up on me was also something else I couldn't explain. He smelled, looked, and had the energy of a regular human.

So how?

I was quick to wrench down the collar of the guy's shirt.

He jerked away, but not before I caught a glimpse of exactly what I was looking for.

"You're one of them."

"Ay, I am," he said, smirking.

The square lit up in blazing light, red hot flames engulfing the street and creating an impenetrable barrier between me and freedom. Outside the fire, I watched as shadowy figures gathered, ten..twenty...thirty or more. They made a ring around the flames, and it was about this time I realized I was stuck in a trap I never even sensed coming.

This guy was meant to be a distraction.

And here I was smoking a cig with him and having a grand ole' time.

Idiot.

The tip of my finger lit up brighter than the fire, my power drawing the wind towards me and creating a cacophony of sound so loud I could hear it even over the snapping of the flames. I was sure they could too.

I would blow the fire away...and take half of them with it.

But then I remembered where I was. Remembered the little old lady that owned the run-down convenience store across the street. Remembered the kids from the building beside mine and how they liked to play in the stream from the fire hydrants and build snowmen in the winter only to knock them down with baseball bats days later.

I put my arm down...and let the light of my reiki fade.

"Take me to him," I said. "I want to talk to this asshole face to face."

A small split in the flames allowed several of them to enter, chains clutched in their hands all prepared to lock me in and throw away the key. This was probably one of my stupider ideas. But I grinned in their faces and held out my wrists, all mocking.

The sound of screams drew their attention away, and I watched with an extreme lack of surprise when several people were cut down just outside the fire. Soon, chaos erupted, and the men trying to shackle me drew weapons, and I cursed Hiei under my breath because this might have been my best chance to meet Ettie's son for my goddamn self.

I joined the fight anyway, using my fists without energy to minimize the damage to both foes and city. There was enough destruction already...they didn't need my help.

When Hiei's sword stabbed through the chest of the final man standing, I remembered the guy behind me. Whirling around, I was met with a pole smeared in blood and lacking a body. Goddamn it. None of this made any sense and every single day felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff just waiting to be thrown off it. Ettie was the only one who knew what was going on and I couldn't bear the sight of her. Couldn't even take the thought of her most days.

Hiei was on me in an instant, sheathing his still blood covered blade and stalking up to me like a man walking towards the gallows, but not to be hung—to do the hanging.

"What the hell were you thinking?" He barked, reaching to twist a handful of my blood-spattered shirt in his fist.

There was nothing to say. No good explanation.

So I didn't say anything at all.

Pressing my lips to his, the kiss fumbling and inexperienced but _hungry,_ I made damn sure he would have nothing else to say on the matter _._ His hand fell from my shirt like a dropped stone and instead buried itself into the flesh of my hip as he wrenched me closer. Hiei tilted his head to slip his tongue between my lips and lick the inside of my mouth, and I felt fire pool in my stomach and dip lower and lower until I knew there was no hiding what I was feeling.

Hiei chuckled, the sound rumbling through my mouth and down my throat, his other hand reaching up to smear someone else's blood across my cheek as he cupped it in a firm palm, thumb brushing across my jawline, and I melted into him.

Why the hell had I waited so damn long?

All thoughts of Ettie and brothers and secret organizations run by abandoned sons fled my mind. All that was left was Hiei, and I wanted to drown in him. Just like this. Forever.

 **. . .**

"You're tellin' me...you and Hiei...uh..."

"I made out with him. Yeah."

Kuwabara blinked a few times, and I watched as his cheeks literally reddened like ripe tomatoes.

"Cripes, Urameshi, are you fucking with me?"

"No." I sipped my coffee and eyed him, waiting for the explosion or the name calling or the fighting. When Kuwabara just sat there looking like I'd just hit him with a taser, I said, "So, does that gross you out?"

The idiot started guffawing, drawing the attention of everyone else in the coffee shop until I was forced to slap him upside the head to shut him up. "What's so goddamn funny, huh?"

"Never thought the little man would grow a set, is all," Kuwabara said, wiping away the tears from the corners of his eyes.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" I demanded, coffee forgotten.

Kuwabara just shrugged, leaning back in his seat with a shit eating grin still plastered on his face. "Why don't you ask him."

"So you don't think it's weird?"

"Oh, it's weird alright, but not for the reasons you're thinking."

"Weird cause of who it is?"

"Yeah," he agreed, smiling. "And also because I was sure he had a thing for Ettie too."

"He does," I said automatically, spinning the wooden stirrer in my coffee idly and trying not to look at him.

"He told you that?"

"Didn't have to," I mumbled. "It's the way he looks at her."

"Same way he looks at you, I bet," Kuwabara said, and I sputtered on a sip of coffee taken at the worst possible moment.

"Shut up, you sound dumb."

All laughter aside, Kuwabara's face turned somber. "Hiei gonna get in any trouble for killing those humans?"

"Nah." I finished my drink, pushing the empty mug towards the edge of the table. "They're a bunch of fanatics and Koenma isn't gonna fault him on it. He was doing his job as one of my Hands."

Kuwabara nodded, humming. "Good, good. I still don't get why such powerful demons have a bunch of humans doing their dirty work."

"Cannon fodder. They're testing the waters."

"But, why?"

I shrugged, shoving a piece of pastry in my mouth from the plate between us. "Dunno. Why do bad guys do anything they do?"

"Urameshi...do you really think now is the time to be all...willy nilly about this?"

I got up from my seat, tossing a few coins Kuwabara's way to pay for my half of the meal, and patted him on the shoulder. "Awe, good to see you so worried about me, ya big softy."

I swung my coat up over my shoulders and grinned at him as I walked out doing my damnedest to ignore his disapproving eyes as they followed me through the doorway.

 **. . .**

The gate was wrought iron, large and old and easily broken. Dead vines crept up and up and curled around each bar like the skeletons of fingers. My breath misted from my mouth and made me long for a cigarette, but I didn't reach for the pack stuffed into my back pocket. I just stood and watched, looking in all the windows in the vain hope I would catch a glimpse.

She was never there.

I didn't know if she was inside or dead in a ditch somewhere. I just knew she never left the human realm and my spies assured me this was where she was last seen.

This place...it looked like a fortress more so than a type of hospital. Sure, the outside looked sterile and neat and orderly. The building was made of stone and mortar just like all the rest. But something about it made my skin crawl. I knew I shouldn't feel that way, I should be proud of her. She took the toughest step any addict ever needed to take.

I just wished I knew _why._

Why spend months upon months locked up in this place? Would it even do her any good?

I supposed I should just be happy. I knew Ettie was alive and fuck the rest.

Yet even as I thought it, a raven cawed above me to remind me she was still watching...waiting. Maybe she was just biding her time until one of her brothers decided to finally come to kill me. Maybe she wasn't really getting clean at all and just wanted to make it look that way.

I sure as hell didn't know.

And standing out here every few days wasn't doing much to help me.

Staring up at the raven with its many glowing red eyes, I cocked my finger and pointed a shining tip towards the sky. I shot off a weak spirit gun, watching the blue whiz past the bird and startle it. It flew off, cawing indignantly and I hollered back for it to go fuck its mother.

Stuffing my hands into my coat pockets, back hunched and face set in a scowl, I contemplated where I wanted to go. I couldn't stay here and going back home didn't sound all that great either. I was avoiding my apartment like the plague these days, mostly because of...

Well...

Shit.

Hiei. Hiei was the reason.

Mainly Hiei and his kissable lips and tight ass and muscular, compact body that made me hard as a rock in all the right places.

I was in love with Ettie. Even now. I couldn't forget what she did...didn't know if I could forgive her either, but I still loved her. So these new feelings for Hiei...they were confusing the fuck out of me. And I didn't want to use him.

He was my friend. One of the best a guy could ever ask for.

He wasn't a replacement and I sure as hell wasn't gonna be one for him either.

So where did that leave us? Friends with interest? Friends with no benefits? Cuddle buddies? Friends who mutually wanted to fuck but didn't want to destroy whatever the fuck there was between them?

I sure as hell didn't know. Didn't wanna know.

So I avoided. I was always good at avoiding shit—school, work, home—I just turned my back on it and walked the other way. It was simple, less stress and less to deal with. No bitching, moaning, or whining. Just me and my two feet and a cigarette.

I stood outside the rehab center for a long time, across the street and leaned up against the pharmacy across the way. The irony wasn't lost on me, the location of the pharmacy was a poor one, but no one looked twice at me when they walked by. Maybe they thought I was a druggy too and it was always best to ignore things like that less they sully their fucking eyes.

Half a pack of smokes gone, the sun starting to set and a chill in my bones, I finally bit the bullet and began my long trek home. With any luck, Hiei wouldn't be there, and I could just pass out in peace.

When I first slipped silently through my front door, I thought I'd hit a stroke of luck. Hiei's boots were nowhere to be seen, and neither was his coat. His scent still lingered, but he was here so often it was hard to distinguish how old it was. I sighed in relief at the sight of the dark apartment and flipped on the light.

It was towards the bedroom when I finally smelt it.

No indication before, just the overpowering metallic tang of fresh blood as I approached my bedroom door.

I flung it open without thinking, knowing whose scent it belonged to and feeling fear spike through my chest. At first, the scene didn't register, my mind didn't understand the mess my eyes were seeing, and I stood there effectively blindsided for a rock solid thirty seconds. When I forgot to breathe was when I realized I needed to move.

He was slumped on the floor in a heap, laying in a pool of his own blood. My windowsill and bed beneath it were covered as well, hand and footprints and small pools of the stuff covered many of the surfaces in my bedroom. It reeked of metal, and I wondered how the hell I didn't smell it before I got closer to the door.

If it wasn't for the energy I could still feel pulsing weakly from him I would have thought he was dead.

I fell to my knees beside him and rolled him over, eyes skimming over the blood soaking his chest and stomach, seeing it smeared across half his face and arms. His chest was flayed open, a clean cut but a deep one, and he was so pale..so goddamned pale.

"Hiei!" I shook him as gently as I could, pleading. "Wake up! Oi!"

When his eyes didn't so much as flicker, I gathered him up into my arms and ran. I didn't bother with shoes or a coat, I just ran, blindly out into the dark and cold and kept running even as I felt his blood soak through my clothes, wet and warm.

I was outside the rehab center and ringing the buzzer on the gate before my brain even caught up with me. Why the hell did I run here? I should be taking him to a fucking hospital.

What hospital? My mind supplied. Which one would take a demon now after all my colossal fuck ups?

The gate was buzzed open, and I shoved my way through it and rushed up to the front door. An orderly was there to greet me, and he took one look at Hiei in my arms and started hollering for help.

"Etternia," I begged, "I need Etternia! She's a patient here!"

His eyes lit up with recognition and he, along with several other staff members, hustled me inside.

Hiei's blood leaked to the tile floor as I waited. Each second that ticked by felt like a century. And I knew this was a long shot—Ettie had no powers, but she was my best bet. She was the only one I knew who worked almost specifically in combat medicine for years. Ettie was familiar with demon biology, with demonic energies, and Hiei's especially. She would fix him. I knew she would.

The sight of her marching down the hall behind one of the nurses took my breath.

Her hair and face were dull and just as tired looking as she was, she wore a set of the rehab standard issue pajamas, but her eyes were bright and clear and _determined_. She marched up to me without a word and directed us towards a room with an available bed. The nurses retrieved first aid kits and suturing material, and I stood in the corner watching on in some kind of stupor.

Why the hell were they all so eager to help?

Why didn't one of them call the goddamn cops?

But the longer I watched, the more I understood. As Ettie's hands became stained red with Hiei's blood and the nurses and orderlies helped her without question, I knew. She stepped in here an addict like everyone else and somehow managed to make a name for herself. She would always be a healer, to her very core, and that didn't change when she chose to lock herself up in this fucking place.

Hell, she was probably a huge relief to the staff, another helping set of hands working on the inside—able to assist with things as mundane as a few stitches to diagnosing illnesses. It's just what Ettie did, and she did it well.

Hours passed, and I eventually sunk to the floor and fell asleep. I wasn't any use to anyone.

Sometime later a gentle hand shaking my shoulder woke me and I was greeted with hazel eyes and blood tipped fingers. A cloth stained a deep crimson layover Ettie's shoulder, and she was just as pale as the body lying in bed, her natural skin tone gone after months and months of suffering.

I shook the sleep off and went to rise, but Ettie pushed me back down. "He will live," she said, "but he will need much rest to regain the blood he has lost."

I swallowed, throat thick and eyes watery. "Thank you."

She passed her gaze over me, from the top of my head all the way down to my toes, but not a single thing about it was intimate. "Do not thank me. In the morning, take him home. He will not wake for several days. Protect him...as he did for you tonight."

"Excuse me?"

Her eyes turned downwards, lashes brushing her cheeks, but her jaw was set in anger. "Can you not see it? The danger you are in? The people out to get you, day and night? Your men work tirelessly to ensure your safety...and Hiei paid the price of iron tonight."

"The price of iron...? You tellin' me someone used a sword on him, and he lost?"

"A sharp blade of some kind, yes. Nothing else would have made such a clean cut."

"What about energy?"

"No burns," she said. She rose from her crouch and returned to Hiei's bedside. "This was done with a large blade—a sword or an ax, perhaps some type of bladed pole-arm, but a blade nonetheless."

For the life of me, I couldn't think, couldn't pick out a face I could personally beat to hell and back out of the hundreds of enemies who wouldn't think twice about killing me given a chance. Someone in the mayor's arsenal? Someone from the Makai? One of Ettie's numerous family members? One of the fanatics from The New Dawn? The list went on and on. Any number of them could use a bladed weapon, it would be impossible for me to figure out any particular one behind this whole mess.

"He'll live?" Even though she'd already answered this question, I couldn't help but ask again. I needed to be sure. Needed to know I wouldn't fall asleep and wake up tomorrow and find a corpse lying there instead of a man.

"Yes," she said empathically. "He will live."

 **. . .**

Later that night I found myself wandering the visitors' area, a lukewarm paper cup of bitter coffee in my hand. I sipped from it, eyeing the TV that played in the corner with no sound, but subtitles ran across the bottom of the screen, and I was able to read every damning word of it.

A video—an unusually well shot one—was playing behind a newscaster who spoke of it like it was the latest celebrity scandal. I supposed it was in some ways. It wasn't the first time one of us was on television and probably wouldn't be the last. It was what I was seeing that really made me confused.

So confused in fact that I lowered the arm holding up my coffee cup and let it tip mindlessly...the liquid sloshing to the floor. I stood in the puddle, just watching...frowning. My stomach did an odd little flip that wasn't really queasiness or excitement...kinda a mixture of both. This was...interesting. Should I be angry? Should I demand an explanation? Obviously, he was never planning on giving one.

I bet this was the same night he'd come home soaking wet.

Laughing, I turned away, tossing my now empty cup in a nearby trash bin.

I never thought Hiei had it in him.

I should have known. He kissed me too, once. Just for the hell of it.

But he sure as fuck didn't put as much emotion behind that one as the one I saw on the screen. The way he seemed to want to melt into her—to live inside her. Never mind the argument I was sure came beforehand...to push him to that point.

Ettie's got balls of steel.

But Hiei's were made of diamond.

I marched back to Hiei's makeshift hospital room, pausing in the open doorway to stare at Ettie who stood at his bedside like a watchful statue. Her stance and demeanor made some sort of instinct swell in my gut and up to my throat, and I shifted ever so slightly into a more defensive posture.

Ettie noticed, her head cocking and lips twisting into some fake ass smile that had no right to look so goddamn wrong on her face.

She licked dry lips and swallowed, bending to check Hiei's stitches, and the moment was broken.

"How much longer do you need to be here?"

She ignored me, turning to pick up a bowl of clean water and a fresh cloth. Ettie cleansed Hiei's skin, wiping away old blood and gently rubbing some foul smelling salve into the wound.

"Come, help me," she said, gesturing for me to come over and lift him so she could wrap fresh bandages around his torso.

She worked in silence, and I just stared at her the whole time. I hadn't seen her in months. Hell, it might as well have been years. I wanted to reach out and touch her, to take what I wanted just like Hiei did. But I knew she would reject me, she would back away and act like my hands were poison. That was what she always did.

"Yusuke." Her voice startled me, something in the tone making me instantly snap to attention.

She didn't look any different. Hell, she wasn't looking at me at all, but concentrating a little too hard on making sure Hiei's bandages were wrapped just right. Her fingers lingered on the cotton, and I wondered how she would get rid of me this time.

Finished, she covered Hiei with a sheet up to his shoulders and sunk into a chair opposite his bed. She left me to stand on the other side, waiting.

"I don't plan to leave this place," she said, and for a long second, I was lost as to what she was saying.

"You're not leaving?"

She took in a deep breath and kind of lifted herself up like she was preparing to break some bad news.

When wasn't there lousy news?

"I'm sure you've heard about many hospitals turning away demon patients. It was the reason I set up the clinic at the soup kitchen. And it is the reason I've chosen to stay here." She crossed her legs, resting her hands in her lap, the tips of her fingers just a little sharper than was normal for human standards.

She smiled at me, the chipped fang just as endearing as the first time I saw it. "They have come here in droves, for safety, medications, and a bed to sleep in. Many are trying to flee the country or even go straight back to the demon world. And even more show up sick or wounded almost daily."

"That's why the staff here's helping you because they're sympathetic towards demons?"

"Some weren't...I've watched several staff members come and go in the past so many months. But this facility turns no one away, not for any reason. The woman running the center is...very against such prejudice."

"You can't hide out here forever, Ettie, you know that don't you?"

"Why not? You have no need of me. I'm not allowed to leave the human realm, let alone Japan. I might as well be as useful as I can, I'm no good otherwise."

I wanted to tell her that I did need her. That she was a fucking idiot for thinking I didn't. But then I remembered all the burnt bodies lining the streets of Sarayashiki's biggest shopping district, and I felt sick. She might not have been the one to set off the bombs, but she joined the bastard who did. The overpowered piece of shit that used dirty tactics to fight his asinine war and controlled people with weird tattoos and lit off bombs instead of using his fists to fight. A coward. Her brother was a goddamn coward.

"Do you even get why we all fought so hard to save you from execution? Do you even fucking care?"

"As I recall, Hiei was more than willing to be the one to chop off my head. So, not all of you."

"Hiei wanted to give you some fucking mercy, and you know that! If they chose to execute you, do you think it would have been quick and painless? Do think they would have given you that luxury?"

She shook her head, huffing out a quiet, cynical laugh. "You sound like him," she said, waving her hand towards the fire demon who was none the wiser. "You sound just like him right now, do you know that?"

I stopped, snapping my mouth closed and letting my eyes dart over to the man in the bed.

She was right.

When the fuck did I become so serious all the damn time?

When did the fun and the life get sucked out of me?

The day I became king?

The day I was reborn a demon?

The fucking day I was born, period?

I drew closer to the bed, staring at Hiei whose skin was ghostly white and wondering if he rubbed off on me or if I rubbed off on him.

Ettie rose from her chair, only stopping to place an ice cold hand against my shoulder and cast me a look of sympathy that made my blood boil.

"I'm going to sleep," she said. "You should try to get some rest yourself."

The door closed with a soft shick behind her. I ran my hands through my greasy hair, hating the crusty feeling of my shirt now covered in dried blood but not wanting to leave Hiei's side in case there was some chance he would wake up tonight.

I didn't blame him for kissing Ettie.

I would have done it too.

I wouldn't say I wasn't jealous though.

"Must have felt great, you lucky bastard," I mumbled as I sunk into Ettie's abandoned chair. "She actually kissed you back, what the hell was that all about?"

But of course, there was no answer.

Just the sound of our breaths and the reassurance in the air that Hiei would live through the night...

Thanks to Ettie.

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** Long chapter is long. And I'm totally on the fence about this one. I just don't know my dudes...

Also, that's one less life's debt Ettie owes Hiei ;)

I was surprised at the lack of response last chapter. Guess it sucked, lol. My bad.


	33. Rehabilitation

**The Shotgun Approach**

 **Chapter 33: Rehabilitation**

 **A/N: This one jumps back in time a bit, to Ettie's first days at the rehab.**

 **Also, I've updated the playlist for this story, you can find it on Spotify! I'm 1nerdygurl on there, and the playlist is under the same name as the fic.**

 **. . .**

"We won't make you detox cold turkey...we can give you medicines and—"

I held up a hand, silencing the woman giving me the rundown of the rehabilitation center's policies and procedures, how they go about caring for their patients. I wasn't their first demon, they told me. I was just one of the few here for an actual addiction. So many arrived almost daily just for a place to sleep. It made my heart ache. Yusuke wanted so badly for this to work and it was falling around him in pieces.

And I could do nothing to stop it.

I'd tried...and failed.

"I wish to do it the hard way," I said, and the nurse's eyes widened in shock.

She immediately began to protest, and I silenced her again. "I've been an addict well over thirty years. If it kills me now, then that is the way I was meant to go."

She pursed her lips and looked displeased, but decided it was an argument she would not win. She nodded and handed me some paperwork. "We will work with you to tailor a treatment plan fit just to you and your wishes. If you believe doing it without any help is the best way, then that is what we will do."

I signed waivers and form upon form, explaining that I could not leave until my treatment was up, because that was what I chose. I would leave here without a drop of the garbage in my veins or I wouldn't leave at all.

They set me up with a room shared with two others. They took all my possessions and searched me for anything hidden. I was bathed and put into clean, sterile hospital issued clothing. I was warned when my withdrawals became too much, they would place me in isolation so they could monitor me. There was no pretending they wouldn't become _too much._ The pain of it was likely to kill me.

Perhaps that was what I hoped for.

Let the goddess Hel finally put me in my place.

The first night wouldn't be the hardest, though it felt as if it were. I didn't sleep. I sat in my cot and curled my knees to my chest and itched the skin on my arms until it was raw. I longed for a pill, for a powder or a liquid, anything to stop the thoughts slowly encroaching their way into my mind until they were all I could see.

My roommates steered clear of me. They recognized the start of it but were wary because they were human.

I didn't blame them.

The sweating started sometime around three in the morning. I soaked the bed sheets beneath me and tried to hold onto what little I'd eaten the evening before as it rolled around my stomach.

Then came the shakes. Constant nausea finally giving way to vomiting.

When the sun rose was when they came to get me.

I was ushered into a whitewashed room and placed in a hospital bed and hooked up to monitors and IVs so they could give me fluids as quickly as I lost them.

Two days in and I was throwing up until my throat bled. I couldn't breathe through the pain of it, the smell of sweat and vomit was suffocating. My head pounded, and for a long time, I lost all sense of my surroundings. There was just the monster in me clawing its way to the peak and shredding me from the inside out.

I awoke a while later with an oxygen tube in my nose and the nurse standing at my bedside checking the monitors explained I'd had a seizure.

They asked again if I wanted something.

And again I growled out no.

She conceded, worried eyes pinning me to the bed and I figured now was as good a time as any to ask her name.

"My name is Sato Mari," she replied, smiling kindly.

"Sato-san," I repeated, trying to remember it and keep with the ever polite if the overly formal style of the Japanese.

She patted me on the shoulder, and I cringed, her touch painful. "Just call me Mari."

Twenty-four hours later, I awoke once again in a pool of my own sweat, my muscles tense and hands shaky. I reached for a cup of water on the bedside table. It tumbled from my fingers to the floor, and I watched the plastic glass roll away beneath the bed, leaving a trail of liquid in its wake.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Can't even pick up a cup of water.

My throat was dry and tasted of bile and acid, and I stupidly tried to rise from the bed to get a new glass. My feet gave out from under me, and the IV was ripped from the back of my hand with a spurt of blood. I swore and just sunk further to the ground, appreciating the feeling of the cold tile against skin overheated.

How many hours? How many days?

How much longer?

I threw up again, turning just in time to spew it across the floor instead of choking on it.

The door was thrown open, and my nurse came rushing in.

I growled at her like a cornered animal when she drew too close, and she took two quick steps back, her hands held up. Through the haze, I could smell the fear on her, and it made me laugh.

"Scared, girl?" I asked, rising to my hands and knees. "Don't be."

There was nothing left in me to fear.

My hand slipped in the mess, and I fell to my face, the sound of my nose cracking filling my ears and then blood joined the rest of it.

I laid there. I wanted to give up.

Hands on my back that were too gentle made me want to slap them off, but there was no fight left in me. I was dying. Slowly. Painfully.

I deserved so much worse.

When my eyes closed, I thought for sure it would be for the last time. In fact, I prayed for it. Prayed to old gods who'd forsaken me a long time ago.

I should have known they wouldn't grant my wish.

 **. . .**

What usually should have taken about a week...it took me three before the withdrawals wore off enough that I could somewhat function. Every second I spent in that hospital bed was pure torture. I had more than one seizure, and even the doctors who visited the rehab daily were surprised I managed through it with nothing but some hydration.

It wasn't the end of it, however.

When I was deemed healthy enough to withdraw from isolation, I was put back in the same room. A room I didn't leave.

They cajoled and entreated and tried over and over to convince me to join in on activities and therapy and any number of useless things. I ate the bare minimum to stay alive. I showered only once a week and spent the rest of my time curled up in my bed and remembering.

Always remembering.

The psychiatrists called it psychosis. They thought I was hallucinating.

I supposed I was.

But they weren't illusions. They were things that happened. Just a long, long time ago.

A month passed. It came and went and with it heralded a visitor.

"Etternia." The knock at the door was repeated before Mari entered without my permission. "Someone is here to see you."

Her voice sounded excited. She was invested in my care, for whatever reason, because I gave her nothing to hope for. She must have thought it something grand, for me to get a visitor.

"Tell them I've died," I said from beneath the bed sheets.

"You sound quite lively to me."

The voice was surprising, and it almost... _almost_ lured me from my bed. I should have known Mari would just bring them along.

"I'm sorry, but I can't leave you two alone. Perhaps you could convince Etternia to come to the recreation room?"

Sighing, because I knew I wouldn't be able to turn him away now, I threw the sheets off myself and shuffled to the door.

He stood there, hair a little longer than I remembered but just as bright. His smile was fake and misleading, but I followed them both to the rec room where other patients also held their visits.

Mari left us then, allowing the orderlies bordering the room to keep an eye on us. Not to mention the numerous cameras. The place might as well be set up like a fortress. Nothing came in or out without their knowledge. The rehab's head psychiatrist ran a tight ship, and nothing slipped by her unnoticed.

Or so they said.

I'd never actually had the pleasure of meeting the woman.

"Is there something I can help you with?" My tone was cold and withdrawn. I stared at the plastic top of the table and picked at my dirty nails and did anything other than honestly acknowledge his presence.

Behind my eyes swam some memory...one of so, so many. Artair stood in the corner of the room and smiled at me. My hands shook, aching for something I could not have. The man in front of me cleared his throat, and the vision was gone like smoke.

"I came to see how you were progressing."

"Why?" The question came out bitter, and I shook my head. Stop.

"Could be better, I see."

I bared my teeth at him, one chipped fang and the other sharp as a razor.

"Why don't you pull that one out? It will grow back, won't it?" he asked, indicating the chipped fang, which to many demons was a sign of weakness.

The memory of how it became the way it was surfaced, and I laughed. "I wear it with pride."

It was the blade of my father's sword that did it. The same way I got the scar across my lip. It was a dodge I only just managed and if I hadn't the swing would have cut my head in half.

"Yusuke has been asking about you, I was hoping to take back a promising report."

Kurama's voice was kind. Too kind.

"You didn't come here for that. Stop beating around the bush."

He sat back, folding his hands in his lap and frowning. "If you think I came hoping to see you fail, you are very wrong."

Unable to look at him, I continued to pick at my nails until they bled. He reached a hand over to stop me, and I snatched them back as if he were a viper trying to strike. He leaned back in his chair again and chose to keep his distance after that.

"All the hospitals in Sarayashiki have stopped taking demon patients," he said. I realized he was trying to inform me of news going on outside. Live television wasn't allowed within the walls of the rehab, because much of it was triggering. "The man spearheading the campaign is Tadao."

"Yes, well, if Hiei didn't break all of the man's fingers, he might have had a different outlook." I paused, contemplating. "Then again, perhaps not."

My eyes darted beneath the table beside us. It was empty save for the creature crouched under it. It stared at me with golden glowing eyes, its skin and hair as black as obsidian and fingers extended and sharp as ornamental grass. When was the last time I saw one of those? The creatures that lived in the lakes and streams, waiting for unsuspecting animals and men to take a drink. A land spirit, as we called them. They were integral to the state of our world...but they were hazards for any other living creature.

"What are you looking at?"

I blinked, and the spirit was gone.

Turning back to Kurama, with eyes as hollow as my chest, I spoke: "Nothing. Nothing at all."

He finished his visit with haste after that, asking benign easy to answer questions. I gave him single word replies and hurried him on his way.

It wouldn't be the last time I saw him.

 **. . .**

Two months into my stay came the news of the total ban of all demonic patients at any Sarayashiki hospital and of those in neighboring towns. With the prohibition came many other businesses following suit—from restaurants to convenience stores, to colleges.

If they didn't look human they were turned away...if not outright arrested just for being what they are.

The slums would be overrun by now, I thought. They would be their new home.

I thought my chest would hurt, that I would feel like weeping for them. But I felt nothing. Just as I had for the past month. I spent no time with my peers, no matter how many tried to befriend me. I spent most of my time helping the nurses, explaining alternative medicines, and assisting with mundane tasks around the center. Sometimes when a patient came to the infirmary, I was even allowed to treat them, but only if it was something simple—some stitches here and there, a bandage for a small cut or wrap for a sprain.

They even allowed me to start an herb garden...though they dictated what was grown in it and none of the seedlings were of demonic origin. It gave me the barest hint of pleasure...to be surrounded by plants again.

Kurama came for a visit once a week. Always on the same day, without fail.

Every Sunday, I made my way to the rec room and waited for him. And every Sunday it was the same—he would ask how I was doing, tell me news of Yusuke and the others...and then he would leave.

He never explained himself, and I gave up on asking after the first few times.

My roommates came and went. Soon, more demon than human inhabitants started to filter through the place. Many came just for a clean bed and food. I expected them to be turned away, as they were many other places, but not here. They were welcomed just like anyone else, given a clean set of clothes and a bed and a hot meal, even if for a single night.

Some recognized me.

Old patients and new began to show up in the hopes I would treat them.

Soon enough, I might as well have joined the small team of doctors and nurses that ran the place.

News of my exploits soon reached the woman who ran the center...and I was called up to her office one evening after supper. I expected to be put in my place, to be told I was a patient and nothing more and had no right to be treating the demons who suddenly began frequenting the rehab.

I was ushered inside without a word, and the door was quickly closed behind me.

The woman standing behind the desk wasn't Japanese, that much was true. Her natural auburn red hair and eyes a sharp blue was hint enough to that fact. She was tall for a woman, sturdy and rugged looking. She kept her hair tied tight in a bun near the top of her head. Serious in demeanor and stance. I cast my eyes down her body in appreciation.

Not what I was expecting.

She held out a hand for me to shake, and I strode over and took it. She introduced herself as Siobhan Ryan. An Irish name.

"Take a seat, Etternia."

She did not bow or follow any type of tradition, she just allowed me to take my seat before she took her own. A breath of silence followed where she arranged herself neatly in her chair and spent a little too long studying the contours of my face.

"Where are you from, Etternia?"

The sound of my name always made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. It reminded me far too much of how my father spoke it—a guttural utterance of pure disdain. And though her voice lacked such intonations my dislike for my given name would never fade.

"You can call me Ettie if it pleases you."

"So formal," she said with a laugh. "Ettie, then. If you would answer my question?"

"The North," was my simple reply. Siobhan's lips turned up into a secretive smile, and she nodded, conceding.

"And you are a demon?" She picked up a manila folder, a file with my name stamped across it and several numbers. She picked through it, skimming the pages. "Ah, yes, an Elementa. Those are quite rare, aren't they?"

I shrugged, not willing to divulge personal information about my heritage or my people. Least of all to some foreigner I didn't know. I could not sense if she were human or demon, and this alone made me wary. My instincts screamed that this woman wasn't one to be trifled with, but she showed no outward signs of hostility or Magiks. By far, the biggest annoyance of Koenma's brand was the inability to see auras.

She closed my file with a snap and pushed it aside. "That isn't why I called you here today. There's plenty of time for us to get to know each other." She cast her gaze to the tattoos down my arms and pursed her lips, her eyes narrowing. "I wish to commend you on the excellent care you have displayed for the many demon inhabitants of the rehab. We, unfortunately, lack the proper medical staff to assist in such matters, as I'm sure you well know."

"Everywhere does. Most don't care to even bother with it," I said, bitter.

It was the truth. The hospitals would no longer take demons or apparitions as patients, and even when they did, there wasn't a single competent doctor in the entirety of Sarayashiki who could handle the vastness of demonic medicine. There were too many species, too many different biologies and energies. It would take decades of education for even a single person to learn all there is to know.

"Ah, but you bother with it. You have medical training if I'm not mistaken?"

I cast my eyes to the top of her desk, tried to make out the tiny indentations created from years of writing across the same surface, but all the words were jumbled together, some more faded than others. My vision swam, and a voice whispered in my ears, and I tried to drown it out by thinking of anything but what it wished to tell me.

"Etternia?"

Siobhan's voice was soothing, a balm against the constant constricting ache in my skull. It instantly made me distrustful, and my eyes snapped back to her face.

Her eyes shone a different color for a single moment in time.

And then they returned to that same shade of piercing blue.

A mind reader. Just like Hiei.

What a dirty trick to play when she damn well knew my defenses were weak.

"You are an Aos Sí."

"Ah, you are familiar with Ireland's beasts, are you?"

She spoke fluent Japanese, no trace of an accent, and she fell into my own language just as easily. The old tongue rolled from between her lips as if she'd spoken it her entire life.

The Magik gifted to their kind. They only need to hear it once.

Siobhan smiled, not unkindly, and rose from her chair. She extended her hand again, but this time, I refused to take it. All this did was make her laugh.

"I don't mean you any harm. I am merely concerned for my patients and employees."

I stood, keeping my gaze carefully trained on her, watching for any more signs of an attack—internal or otherwise. "Odd choice of occupation for one of your kind," I said.

"I could say the same for you," she replied.

The door opened, and a male orderly waited outside, clearly here to escort me back to the patient areas.

"Until next time, Ettie."

She cast me one final knowing smile before I was ushered out the door. As I was walked back to my room, I contemplated the odd visit...and the bizarre woman who ran this place. What a strange choice for work...why would one of her kind be here of all places? Japan was surprising enough, most of them never left Ireland. Even fewer actually wished to be of any sort of help...they mostly spent their lives tricking and terrorizing the humans.

The meeting itself made little sense, other than the undeniable fact that she wished to size me up.

Did she find me a threat?

Not possible. Not as I am now.

The orderly guiding me back to my room stopped just outside the door and turned to regard me with an odd stare.

I stared right back, a single brow raised and a challenge in my eyes. Go ahead, little boy, say what you like and be done with it. But he just blinked a few times, as if to clear his head, and then opened my door. I walked in without needing to be told, ignoring my roommates who giggled in the corner over some letters they'd received from their lovers and flopped onto my cot. Outside a storm raged and it banged against the barred windows in torrents, lightning flashing across the sky.

The girls yelped at a loud clap of thunder, and I chuckled.

Oh, to be afraid of such simple things.

"Ettie...?" One of them whispered hesitantly, standing at the end of my bed, wringing her hands. The other soon joined her, and I could not recall their names but could see the fear in their tired eyes and sighed.

"Come." I lifted an arm, and the first girl was quick to slide beneath it, the other soon followed, and then we were a mass of huddled bodies on a bed far too small.

They rode out the storm clutched around me, and I took some small comfort in knowing I brought them some peace, if only for a brief time. Tomorrow the rain would end, and the girls' fear would be abated, and they would go back to doing their best to include me and failing.

I did not dislike the girls...or anyone in the rehab, not really.

I just did not need any sort of attachments. I was here for a single reason. A single goal.

Friendships were not necessary. They were a hindrance.

Once, long ago, I had many friends. I slept in big beds with family and loved ones, we danced and drank around fires, celebrated the turning of seasons and the gods together. Always together. Kinship was stressed and essential to my people because we were a dying race.

But as I watched all those I cherished be cut down...one by one...I soon realized I was not meant to love anyone. I was better off with a core cold as the ice I was able to conjure.

I learned it was better to keep enemies closer than friends.

As the night waned and the storm ended, the moon a bright glow through the windows, the girls slept on. I kept my arms around them and prayed to the goddess to keep them safe, even though I knew she would not listen.

And tomorrow...tomorrow I vowed to learn their names.

Change must come in many ways.

So, please, allow this to be one of them.

 **. . .**

 **A/N:** Sorry, it was only a brief visit from Kurama this chapter and not much else to do with the boys. Next chapter will catch back up to the previous one.

Ettie is making some slow progress, but progress all the same.


End file.
